Political Irony

Groping for Irony

Friday, October 14, 2016

Donald Trump takes irony and hypocrisy to a new level:

Trump’s message for most of this week was that women alleging sexual assault — regardless of how many years had passed, whether they filed charges, whether their claims were held up by the courts — deserve to be heard, rather than discredited or attacked. Trump made this clear by holding a news conference with three of Bill Clinton’s accusers, urging the media to tell their stories and speaking about them in his rallies.

Then, four women came forward alleging Trump groped or kissed them without their consent. And Trump’s stance changed. He attacked the women personally, cast doubt on their motives, called them liars and a part of a politically orchestrated attack.

So which is it? You can’t have it both ways!

Even worse, Trump bragged on a live mic about doing these things. Why would we believe he is innocent? And if he thinks sexual assault is so brag-worthy, then why would he be attacking Bill Clinton over the same thing?

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Hitting Bottom?

Friday, October 14, 2016

As someone famously said, “At long last, have you left no sense of decency?”

Although I think I know the answer. And I suspect that Trump has several more bottoms to crash through.

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Late Night Political Humor

Friday, October 14, 2016

[Jokes from Sept. 26, 2016]

“Pundits are noting that this year’s group of debate moderators is the most diverse in history, featuring an African-American, two women, a Filipino, and an openly gay man. Trump was like, “I think I’ve heard this one before, but go ahead.'” – Seth Meyers

“Hillary Clinton has asked “Shark Tank’s” Mark Cuban to attend tonight’s debate. Trump was furious and said, ‘A billionaire reality star has no business being at a presidential debate.'” – Conan O’Brien

“Ahead of tonight’s debate, Hillary Clinton posted an article on Twitter pointing out that no living president has endorsed Donald Trump. Nice try, Hillary, but it just so happens that Vladimir Putin is living.” – Seth Meyers

“We all just watched Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton debate for an hour and a half. Coming into tonight’s debate, Democrats were divided between two strong emotions: panic and pants-crapping. Democrats have not been this nervous since Anthony Weiner asked to borrow their phone.” – Stephen Colbert

“Meanwhile, Donald Trump had to not commit murder — on camera.” – Stephen Colbert

“The experts said in order to win, Hillary Clinton had to project an image of competence, experience, wisdom, health, and vitality, without coming off as angry, bookish, or overbearing. Donald Trump had to not mention his penis.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“In addition to costumes, they also banned balloons and drones. Which explains why Trump uninvited Chris Christie and Ben Carson.” – Jimmy Fallon

“The debate was moderated by NBC’s Lester Holt, which makes sense since he hosted “Dateline” and is used to two rich white people who want to murder each other.” – Stephen Colbert

“There were actually 1,000 people in the audience tonight and they were instructed not to applaud or cheer during the debate. As people watching were like, ‘What about sobbing? Can we quietly sob?'” – Jimmy Fallon

“After tonight’s debate, several Fox News analysts said that Hillary Clinton was the clear winner. So maybe global warming IS a hoax because hell has frozen over.” – Seth Meyers

“Hillary was so prepared, my new nickname for her is Preparation H. Yeah, it’s a compliment. In the primaries, she already proved she could ‘soothe the Bern’.” – Stephen Colbert

“Green Party candidate Jill Stein was escorted off the Hofstra University campus this afternoon after she tried to talk to reporters outside of tonight’s debate without proper credentials. As she was being dragged away by police she shouted, ‘Don’t you know who I am?’ and they said, ‘No. No one does.'” –Seth Meyers

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Disinformation!

Thursday, October 13, 2016

I just want to pass on a Newsweek article that might not get the attention it deserves.

Wednesday at one of his rallies, Trump directly passed on an email from a Russian disinformation campaign designed to manipulate the US election. It is an email that is supposedly from Clinton confidante Sidney Blumenthal (Trump’s favorite whipping boy), and it says that Clinton goofed up on Benghazi. In other words it is a GOP wet dream, and something that Trump would be unable to resist. Finally (conservatives cackle) evidence proving that Clinton is totally responsible for Benghazi!

Except, that email wasn’t written by Blumenthal at all. How do we know? Because the words were taken from an article (in Newsweek) written by Kurt Eichenwald, who recognized his own writing when Trump read it out loud. Not only that, but the article by Eichenwald was not blaming Clinton, it was actually slamming the Republicans for trying to blame Clinton. The Russians had created a false email and leaked it.

Donald Trump quoted the email at a rally in Pennsylvania, announcing it was an email from Blumenthal (it wasn’t), whom he called “sleazy Sidney”. “This just came out a little while ago. I have to tell you this.” And he read the words taken from the Eichenwald article and delivered his money shot: “He’s now admitting they could have done something about Benghazi.” Trump then dramatically dropped the document on the floor, while the crowd chanted “Lock her up!”

So, either Trump is participating in a Russian disinformation campaign against our election, or he is so stupid he is being manipulated by that Russian disinformation campaign. Unfortunately for us, the speed with which Trump came out with this points to the former. Sad.

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Make America Hated Again

Thursday, October 13, 2016

The Brits need our help to make them look good again. You can do your part by not registering to vote, or just not voting. That way, America can regain its status as idiots. “C’mon America, be the bigger moron!”

Indeed, Brexit passed because many Brits voted for it as a protest vote, assuming that it would not pass. Oops.

People think their vote doesn’t matter, but they are wrong.

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Trump’s Biggest Coalition

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

An interesting post in Electoral Vote points out that Donald Trump has built an unprecedented coalition — of people who can’t stand the thought of him becoming president.

There’s Paul Ryan, of course, and John McCain, and a host of other high-ranking Republicans in Congress. Barack Obama has been anti-Trump from the outset, and is now actively working to persuade Republicans to abandon him. The progressive wing of the Democratic Party is on board, including Sens. Bernie Sanders (I-VT) and Elizabeth Warren (D-MA), as is much of the right-wing commentariat, among them Erick Erickson and Glenn Beck. There are Republican lions, like George H.W. Bush and Democratic lions, like Al Gore and Jimmy Carter. In short, though he presumably did not mean to do so, Trump has built a remarkable coalition.

What’s more, this #NeverTrump coalition is growing. Yesterday, Trump lashed out at Republicans in an epic hissy fit, causing even more leaders from his own party to disown him.

At the same time, his angry base ate it up, creating an even bigger gulf between Trump supporters and mainstream Republicans. If Trump supporters turn against other Republicans, it could cost the GOP not just control of the Senate, but maybe even the House. And with the House possibly in play, even more Democrats will rally against Trump.

Yesterday, for the first time Al Gore made a joint campaign appearance with Hillary Clinton in Florida. Gore wasted no time in pointing out that voting does count — Gore lost Florida by 537 votes out of 6 million cast. If the Florida Democrats had been able to increase their turnout in Florida by 0.009%, Gore would have become president instead of Dubya.

But whatever happens, you can bet that if you think Trump is being ugly now, he and his supporters are only going to get worse.

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Bizarro World

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Is it sad to realize that if Hillary Clinton had done even one-tenth of the bizarre things that Donald Trump has done, she would have been laughed out of the presidential race long ago.

The same thing is true of the other two candidates. Heck, Gary Johnson was derided because he misunderstood a question about Aleppo, and Jill Stein is just laughed at for no particular reason. I’m not saying people should vote for Johnson or Stein — there are very good reasons not to vote for them — but it is unfortunate that the main things being used against them have nothing to do with their policy positions or experience.

Now that Trump has announced that he is going nuclear on everyone, including his own party, I’m really hoping that the same thing happens at the national level that happened in California. After Governor Schwarzenegger, the Democrats swept into power and really cleaned up the mess that was California, fixed the economy, solved the budget crisis, and generally put California back on track.

And I even think that this would be the best thing for Republicans. Their party created the monster that is Donald Trump through the “Tea Party”, demonizing their opponents, and stirring up hatred and resentment. Unfortunately, that strategy worked for a while for them (at least getting them elected), but it has to stop. And I’m still hoping that the majority of Americans are aware enough to realize that they have been (and are still being) manipulated and lied to.

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Late Night Political Humor

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

[Jokes from Sept. 21, 2016]

“It was announced that you’ll be able to watch next week’s debate on Twitter. So, finally a way to see Trump say something really crazy on Twitter.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Donald Trump falsely claimed that NBC News anchor Lester Holt is a Democrat, when he’s actually a registered Republican. In other words, Trump just alienated the one black guy who might have voted for him.” – Conan O’Brien

“Today, Donald Trump told an African-American audience, ‘Black churches are the conscience of our country.’ In response, the crowd said, ‘Yes, that’s why we’re not voting for you.'” – Conan O’Brien

“Tomorrow is the first day of fall. I am so excited to watch Donald Trump change colors.” – Seth Meyers

“I saw that on Monday Donald Trump met with the Egyptian president in New York City while he’s in town for the U.N. General assembly. Trump said he’s always felt connected to Egypt, mostly because Trump University was a huge pyramid scheme.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Donald Trump said at a campaign rally yesterday that he would put Syrian refugees in safe zones, and make Middle Eastern countries pay for them, adding, ‘There’s nothing like doing things with other people’s money.’ ‘You said it, baby,’ said Melania.” – Seth Meyers

“Fox News has forbidden Sean Hannity from appearing in any more campaign ads for Donald Trump. Fox said, ‘We want to appear neutral while covering the race between Mr. Trump and that Sickly Lying Witch.'” – Conan O’Brien

“Two days ago, Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton were tied in Florida, but today she is up by five points. Of course, there’s a margin of error… of Florida.” – Conan O’Brien

“President Barack Obama appeared before the U.N. General Assembly for the final time in his presidency to announce that the U.S. would be admitting 110,000 refugees in the coming year. Now the refugees will include people fleeing dangerous places like Syria, Libya, Florida…” – James Corden

“This might sound like a lot of people, 110,000 people are coming in, but you’ve got to remember millions will be fleeing if Trump is elected.” – James Corden

“Obama announced this today, the day after a tweet by the Trump campaign comparing refugees to poisoned Skittles. Obama was basically like, ‘It was going to be 100,000, but after your little Skittles tweet, it’s now 110,000.'” – James Corden

“President Obama’s half-brother, who lives in Kenya, told reporters this week that he will be voting for Donald Trump in the country’s mock U.S. election. Oh, that’s got to sting for Trump — an Obama wants to vote for him, but it’s the one with the Kenyan birth certificate.” – Seth Meyers

“House Speaker Paul Ryan was at the airport and didn’t recognize a three-year congresswoman from Massachusetts. And even asked her, ‘So what do you do?’ Ryan realized she was a congresswoman when she answered, ‘Nothing’.” – Jimmy Fallon

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Late Night on Pussygate

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Here’s a quick sampling of all the late shows:

Easily the best of the bunch was Trevor Noah of the Daily Show, who totally takes Trump to task:

Extra bonus footage from the same show, about how Trump is frighteningly channeling his inner dictator:

And as the only female on late night, Samantha Bee throws her heart into the fray:

Seth Meyers also blasts Trump:

And finally, Stephen Colbert:

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Zip It

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

After the “Fury in Missouri” debate it is clear that Trump cannot control his own mouth. Threatening to throw Clinton in jail may play well with his angry supporters, but it makes him look more like a tin-pot dictator than an actual presidential candidate. And it has legal experts, including Republican prosecutors and former Justice Department attorneys, appalled.

Trump excused his bragging about sexually assaulting women as “locker room talk”, scores of professional athletes disagreed. For example, Oakland A’s pitcher Sean Doolittle said “As an athlete, I’ve been in locker rooms my entire adult life and uh, that’s not locker room talk.”

And what was it with the sniffles again? That’s twice now. Someone asked Carrie Fisher, known for her former drug addictions, and she responded that Trump is “absolutely” a coke head. That could explain a lot.

Meanwhile, Republican politicians are running away from Trump in droves and the GOP cut off funding for Trump. Even his vice presidential running mate Mike Pence cancelled a fundraiser scheduled for the day after the debate, while some Republicans are pressuring him to quit the ticket entirely.

But maybe the stupidest thing Trump said was to challenge the media to find more video dirt on him. The last person who did that was Gary Hart, who was quickly taken out of the presidential race.

May the same thing happen to Trump.

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Late Night Political Humor

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

[Jokes from Sept. 19, 2016]

“It’s come out that Hillary Clinton is having a hard time connecting with millennial voters. So now she’s saying that last week’s coughing spell was actually due to a massive bong hit.” – Conan O’Brien

“Hillary Clinton is here and today is my birthday! Later we’re going to bring out a cake and let Hillary cough out the candles.” – Jimmy Fallon

“This weekend, Martha Stewart said Donald Trump should not be president because he is ‘totally unprepared’. Though to be fair, by Martha Stewart’s standards, we’re ALL unprepared.” – Conan O’Brien

“Last week Trump revealed his child care proposals, including a plan to guarantee six weeks of paid maternity leave. Mothers will get six weeks off, as long as their babies can produce their long-form birth certificates.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Donald Trump held a press conference Friday where he announced that he believes President Obama was born in the U.S. Said Trump, ‘I hope that settles the issue. That Muslim was born here.'” – Seth Meyers

“The U.N. General Assembly began today, and Donald Trump was scheduled to meet with the president of Egypt. Said Trump, ‘Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Tut.'” – Seth Meyers

“Donald Trump accused media outlets this morning of deliberately editing his words to make him come across in a bad light. Also making Trump come across in a bad light – light.” – Seth Meyers

“Donald Trump’s running mate Mike Pence said that his role model for the vice presidency is Dick Cheney. To prove it, this weekend Pence had six heart attacks and shot his friend in the face.” – Conan O’Brien

“Only 50 more days until the election. That’s according to my calendar, The Book of Revelation.” – Conan O’Brien

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Defensive Posture?

Monday, October 10, 2016

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Trump’s Real Debate Pivot?

Monday, October 10, 2016

Taegan Goddard has a very interesting reaction to Sunday night’s second debate. Trump didn’t try to act presidential — saying that Clinton should be thrown in jail and generally attacking her constantly. That may endear him with his base, but won’t gain him any new votes, which he desperately needs to actually win.

Why is he doing that? Goddard’s theory is that Trump has given up on winning the presidency. Instead, he is laying the foundation for a media venture targeted at his angry supporters. “He’s now speaking only to the audience for a speculated media venture. It’s not a mistake that his top advisers are former Fox News chief Roger Ailes and Breitbart’s Stephen Bannon.”

In addition, this debate marks the official divorce of Donald Trump from the Republican Party. Trump even dismissed his own running mate’s comments on Russia. It is only a matter of time before the GOP returns the favor.

Clinton might call Trump’s supporters “deplorables”, but Trump sees them as a cash cow willing to throw money at Trump. As usual, he is figuring out how to make money off this whole thing. Especially since his days as a real estate developer are almost certainly over. He’s comfortable with media through “The Apprentice”, so why not start the Trump News Network? He probably even needs the money.

I keep seeing a meme going around that someday in the near future, Donald Trump will claim that he never actually ran for president. I now believe it.

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Late Night Political Humor

Monday, October 10, 2016

[Jokes from Sept. 15, 2016]

“We have Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump on the show tonight, which means security is very tight. On their way in, everyone in the audience had to put their keys into a tray and their deplorables into a basket.” – Jimmy Fallon

“It’s been a busy week for Trump. Earlier today, he appeared on ‘Dr. Oz’ and said that he wants to lose about 15 pounds. And his barber said, ‘Hey, come by any time you like!'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Donald Trump admitted to Dr. Oz that he is overweight, loves fast food, and doesn’t exercise. In a related story, Trump just won Wisconsin.” – Conan O’Brien

“The White House has announced that America will accept 110,000 refugees next year. Meanwhile, Canada announced if Donald Trump wins, they’ll accept 110 million refugees.” – Conan O’Brien

“During a campaign rally yesterday, Donald Trump said, ‘You think Hillary Clinton could stand up here for an hour?’ Then he debuted his new campaign slogan, ‘I Can Stand Up for an Hour.'” – Conan O’Brien

“Hillary Clinton is featured in the upcoming issue of Women’s Health magazine. While next month she’ll be featured in ‘Bad Timing’ magazine.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Recent polling has shown that Hillary Clinton’s lead over Donald Trump has almost totally disappeared and the candidates are basically tied. They’re neck and neck. Well, for Hillary it’s the neck. For Trump it’s more like a gizzard thing.” – James Corden

“Everybody’s talking about these leaked emails from former Secretary of State Colin Powell. In one, he actually called Dick Cheney an idiot. Cheney was very hurt. In fact, he said the comments broke his latest heart.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Ivanka Trump abruptly ended an interview with Cosmopolitan magazine because she felt the questions were ‘unfair’. Of course it’s understandable, most of us wither under the intense political grilling of Cosmopolitan magazine.” – Conan O’Brien

“Ivanka Trump cut short an interview with Cosmo because of what she said was all the ‘negativity’. Which is weird because all the interviewer said was, ‘So, your dad is Donald Trump, right?'” – Conan O’Brien

“We’ve been hearing a lot recently about Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton. But there is finally another politician in the news, because former President George W. Bush announced today that he is releasing a book of his paintings.” – James Corden

“This week a study was released by the World Health Organization showing that the United States is the third most depressing country in the world after India and China. When Americans heard the news they were like, ‘Oh, we only got third?'” – James Corden

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His Own Lawyers Testified that Trump Lies

Sunday, October 9, 2016

In early 1990s, Donald Trump had 3 major bankruptcies: The Trump Taj Mahal Casino, Trump Plaza, and The Trump Castle. As reported by the Washington Post, these failures were largely self inflicted.

Trump’s bankruptcy lawyers were Patrick McGahn and George Miller. In a 1993 bankruptcy deposition of McGahn comes the following curious exchange:

Q. Did Mr. Miller always do everything together with you when he was active in this case?
A. Not everything, but we — it’s always been our practice to make sure that two people are present, and we don’t have a problem of people lying.
Q. You are meeting with your client?
A. That’s right, your client. Hey, Trump is a leader in the field of expert — he’s an expert at interpreting things. Let’s put it that way.
Q. That’s interestingly put. As I recall in your letter to Mr. DeSanctis, which we marked yesterday, you indicated the policy of your office was to have two attorneys present for meeting with public officials?
A. Correct.
Q. Here, you are meeting with your client?
A. That’s right.
Q. Was it necessary for both you and Mr. Miller to always attend the meeting —
A. We always do that.
Q. Always?
A. We tried to do it with Donald always if we could because Donald says certain things and then has a lack of memory.

In plain English, Trump’s own lawyers say he lies so much they had to meet with him in pairs so they would have a witness to what he said.

What we see is that Trump is not only a pretty piss-poor businessman, he isn’t even a very good liar.

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Groping for Irony

Hitting Bottom?

Late Night Political Humor

Disinformation!

Make America Hated Again

Trump’s Biggest Coalition

Bizarro World

Late Night Political Humor

Late Night on Pussygate

Zip It

Late Night Political Humor

Defensive Posture?

Trump’s Real Debate Pivot?

Late Night Political Humor

His Own Lawyers Testified that Trump Lies

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