Political Irony

Late Night Political Humor

Tuesday, October 4, 2016

[Jokes from Sept. 13, 2016]

“Yesterday Hillary tweeted to her supporters that like anyone who’s ever been home sick from work, she’s just anxious to get back out there. Then those people said, ‘Nope, we’re pretty happy just staying home and watching Netflix.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“There’s been a lot in the news about Hillary Clinton’s recent bout of pneumonia. Hillary herself tweeted about it yesterday, saying just like any sick person, she’s ‘just anxious to get back out there.’ That shows how out of touch Hillary is with regular people. People don’t want to go back to work. Nobody’s in bed at 1 p.m. thinking, ‘Oh man, I wish I was watching Linda’s PowerPoint on how to fill out my expense reports.'” – James Corden

“Following an uproar over her hidden pneumonia diagnosis, Hillary Clinton said yesterday that she just didn’t think it was going to be that big a deal to keep the illness from going public. Sure, when has keeping a secret ever hurt a Clinton?” – Seth Meyers

“Hillary Clinton revealed to Anderson Cooper that she has fainted ‘a few times’. Of course, I think we all get that way around Anderson Cooper.” – Conan O’Brien

“Yesterday Joe Biden told some of Hillary’s campaign workers that he’s also had pneumonia before, and that if the doctor tells you to take three days off, you should actually take SIX days off. Of course, that advice only really works if your job is vice president.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Bill Clinton tried to dispel rumors yesterday about Hillary Clinton’s health and said that she’s almost certainly in better health than her opponent. I don’t know, Trump definitely has higher levels of vitamins K, F, and C.” – Seth Meyers

“Newt Gingrich commented on Hillary Clinton’s current health concerns last night, and said he is unlikely to trust her medical reports. Oh, but you’ll trust Donald Trump’s doctor? He looks like he got his medical license from a Dave & Buster’s claw machine.” – Seth Meyers

“It has been a rough week for Hillary Clinton. She has been dropping in the polls, and over the weekend, even her immune system turned against her. No surprise — all the white blood cells are voting for Trump.” – Stephen Colbert

“Most damaging of all may have been a remark she made at a fundraiser on Friday when describing Trump’s voters as a ‘basket of deplorables’. Wow. Hillary should put her insults in ‘the hamper of awkwardness’.” – Stephen Colbert

“Donald Trump will be going on the Dr. Oz show to discuss his health. He will then discuss his immigration plan with Dora the Explorer.” – Conan O’Brien

“A fistfight broke out at a Trump rally yesterday. Or, more accurately, a Trump rally broke out during a fistfight.” – Conan O’Brien

“According to a new poll, neither Hillary Clinton nor Donald Trump is currently projected to have the necessary 270 Electoral College votes to clinch the election. So you know what that means — a dance off!” – Seth Meyers

“Last night was the big season premiere of ‘Dancing With the Stars.’ And at one point, two protesters rushed the stage as Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte got his scores. Security stopped them within about 10 seconds, or as Lochte put it, ‘They kidnapped me, put a gun to my head, and dropped me off at the Grand Canyon!'” – Jimmy Fallon

“During last night’s ‘Dancing With the Stars,’ two protesters rushed the stage during Ryan Lochte’s performance. So finally, an assault on Ryan Lochte that really happened.” – Conan O’Brien

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Billion Dollar Loser!

Monday, October 3, 2016

According to the NY Times, in 1995 Donald Trump declared on his taxes that he lost $918 million. How can someone claim to be a good businessman when they have lost almost a billion dollars in one year? Second, because our tax code is tilted toward the rich, this almost certainly meant that Trump didn’t have to pay any income taxes for 18 years.

Trump and his surrogates immediately tried to claim that this proves that Trump is smart. Trump himself said “I know our complex tax laws better than anyone who has ever run for president and am the only one who can fix them.” But he’s already released his plans to revamp the tax code, and all they contain are more tax breaks for the rich. Tax experts who have reviewed his plans say they would do nothing to stop people like Trump from avoiding all taxes, and in fact would tilt our tax system even more toward the rich.

Besides, Trump has a long history of blasting other people for not paying taxes. So how does not paying any taxes make him smart?

When that tactic didn’t help, Trump (now flailing a bit) tried to suggest (with absolutely no evidence) that Hillary Clinton had cheated on Bill. This from Trump, who very publicly cheated on his first wife.

UPDATE: A tweet puts this insanely large failure and loss that Trump precipitated in 1995 in perspective. In 1995, the total net operating loss (NOL) for every company in the US was $49.331 billion. That means that Trump’s loss of $916 million (which is $1.5 billion in today’s dollars) was 1.9% off all business losses for that year. It is beyond belief that anyone could possibly lose that much money.

We sometimes talk about “the 1%” — the 1% richest people in the world. How stupid and incompetent would you have to be to singlehandedly lose almost 2% of all business losses for the entire US? We will never know, unless Trump releases his tax returns. And if you lost that much money, you would be insanely deep in debt. To whom does Trump owe money? Who is pulling his strings? The Russians? Criminals? Worse? Again, we will never know unless Trump releases his tax returns.

UPDATE2: According to one expert on tax avoidance, a likely answer (to how you lose that much money) is that Trump only lost that money “on paper” and didn’t actually lose much of any real money. To do that, he would “park” the debt in some offshore entity which holds the debt but never collects it. That way Trump still has the loss on his books, where it won’t actually cost him anything but he can still use it to offset his taxes. In other words, Trump’s loss was an accounting fiction.

UPDATE3! Donald Trump claims that he “brilliantly” used tax law to pay a minimum of taxes, and his surrogates say that Trump is a “genius” at avoiding paying taxes. But his former accountant (who prepared the tax returns leaked to the NY Times) refuted that, and pointed out that Trump had nothing to do with figuring his taxes other than signing them.

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From Failure to Failure?

Monday, October 3, 2016

It seems pretty clear that the only way Trump knows how to win is to cheat, lie, threaten, and whine. To me, that clearly makes him a loser.

If the only way an athlete could win at a sport was to break the rules, lie, and whine that he was treated unfairly and threaten the judges if they didn’t give him what he wanted, we would naturally call that person a loser.

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Debate, Live from Saturday Night!

Sunday, October 2, 2016

Pretty funny!

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Trump at his Finest?

Sunday, October 2, 2016

Donald Trump walked right into a trap set by Hillary Clinton at the debate, and now that he was caught like a deer in the headlights calling former Miss Universe Alicia Machado “Miss Piggy” and “Miss Housekeeping” (both sexist and racist!), Trump can’t stop himself and is doubling and even tripling down.

Initially, Trump congratulated himself for his restraint in not bringing up Monica Lewinsky, and then of course not only did he bring it up repeatedly, he instructed his surrogates to start pounding that ancient story to death, which is likely to backfire on him.

Then it started getting bizarre. A tweet from Trump accused Machado of appearing in a pornographic video. Except she never did, and ironically Trump himself has appeared in a pornographic Playboy video.

Trump desperately needs the support of more women in order to win the election, but he can’t stop being a sexist pig and insulting them.

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Late Night Political Humor

Sunday, October 2, 2016

[Jokes from Sept. 12, 2016]

“This weekend Hillary Clinton called half of Trump supporters a basket of deplorables. A basket of deplorables is not only an insult, but it’s also the top-selling item at KFC.” – James Corden

“Hillary Clinton upset Republicans this weekend after she accused half of Trump supporters of belonging to a basket of deplorables, which is also Trump’s usual order at KFC. ‘I will have the 12-piece basket of deplorables. Tremendously crispy.'” – Seth Meyers

“RNC Chairman Reince Priebus spoke out against Hillary Clinton’s attack on Donald Trump’s supporters and said, ‘Clinton’s comments show outright contempt for ordinary people.’ Then again, so does the name Reince Priebus.” – Seth Meyers

“Hillary Clinton had to walk back a comment she made about Trump supporters last week. So, if you’re keeping track, Trump supporters are deplorable, and Hillary supporters are deportable.” – Jimmy Fallon

“While in New York Hillary became overheated and had to leave an event to receive medical attention. It turns out that she had been diagnosed with pneumonia on Friday. I mean this was a scary moment for Donald Trump because he was thinking, ‘Oh God, I might actually have to be the president.'” – James Corden

“Hillary Clinton left the Ground Zero memorial service early yesterday because she felt overheated. Said Trump, ‘Hey, if anyone’s too hot it’s my daughter Ivanka.'” – Seth Meyers

“Hillary was just diagnosed with pneumonia. And to everyone’s surprise, Trump has refused to attack her while she’s sick and even said that he hopes she feels better. At which point, people started asking Trump if he was feeling OK.” – Jimmy Fallon

“But today on Fox News Trump actually said, ‘I just hope she gets well and gets back on the trail.’ I mean forget Hillary, is Trump OK?” – James Corden

“I guess Trump really does want her to get better, because today he sent her some flowers in a basket of deplorables.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Donald Trump said he wishes Hillary Clinton a speedy recovery from her pneumonia. He said, ‘Get well soon, you shrill, lying crook.'” – Conan O’Brien

“Some conspiracy theorists are claiming that Hillary Clinton is so sick that she’s been using a body double. When Bill Clinton heard about it, he said, ‘Man, I wish.'” – Conan O’Brien

“Following the news that Hillary Clinton is suffering from pneumonia, Donald Trump has promised to release his own medical records. ‘Wait, you wanted me to save those?’ said his doctor.” – Seth Meyers

“After Hillary Clinton’s health scare yesterday, Donald Trump has said he will release his medical records and he said he’s expecting some ‘very large numbers’.” – Conan O’Brien

“Green Party candidate Jill Stein said on Sunday that she would not have assassinated Osama bin Laden, but instead would have captured him and brought him to trial. I would say that will hurt her poll numbers but she only has one.” – Seth Meyers

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Girl Talk at the Trump Tower

Saturday, October 1, 2016

Maurine Dowd has a hilarious op-ed in the NY Times. Here’s just the start:

LET’S stop being so hard on Donald Trump.

He has done us an enormous public service.

After this down-and-dirty battle of the sexes, we will never look at gender in politics the same way.

For centuries, women were seen as unfit to hold public office. Ambition, power and business were the province of men. Unlike gossipy feminine chatter in the parlor, manly discourse was considered impersonal, unemotional, forthright and reasonable.

Every minute of every day, Trump debunks that old “science” when he shows that the gossipy, backbiting, scolding, mercurial, overly emotional, shrewish, menopausal one in this race is not the woman.

Trump is surrounded by a bitchy sewing circle of overweight men who are overwrought at the prospect of a distaff Clinton presidency.

Newt Gingrich, Chris Christie, Roger Ailes and Rudy Giuliani are the Really Desperate Housewives of Trumpworld. They are so shrill that Trump sometimes needs to remind them that he’s the Queen Bee.

There is plenty more to laugh at. Go read it.

Who knew that Trump is really a 13 year old girl?

UPDATE: Here is a sneak preview of the cover of The New Yorker from next week:

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Escher in the Trump

Saturday, October 1, 2016

“And he’s buying the stairway to heaven”.

Speaking of Trump everywhere, what do you do when someone you love becomes irrationally enamored of Trump? Read “The 7 Stages of Grief When A Loved One Supports Trump“. Remember, you are not alone.

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Medical Reversal

Friday, September 30, 2016

Donald Trump promises that he will repeal Obamacare (as the Republicans have been trying to do for a while) and replace it with a new tax deduction, certain changes to insurance markets including allowing health insurance to be sold across state lines, and converting Medicaid into a federal block grant to the states.

But a new study sponsored by the non-partisan Commonwealth Fund and carried out by the Rand Corporation concludes that Donald Trump’s replacements for Obamacare (like the tax deduction) will only help the rich, and will cause 20.2 million people to lose their health insurance. That reverses the gains made by Obamacare.

Even worse, the number of uninsured people whose health is fair or poor would triple under Trump. Generally, these people end up going to emergency rooms, the cost of which is passed on to other people in the form of higher health costs and consequently higher insurance premiums. That means that health insurance costs will rise even more under Trump’s plan.

The Associated Press had a prominent Republican expert on health care evaluate the study’s results, and he said that the overall conclusions seemed to be on target.

The same study also looked at Hillary Clinton’s proposals, which include a new tax credit for deductibles and copayments not covered by insurance, increased subsidies for people who cannot afford health insurance, and (most importantly) a “public option” health plan. The study concluded that Clinton’s plan would increase the number of people with health insurance by 9.1 million.

So do Trump’s plans save any money? Nope. Another recent non-partisan study concluded that Trump’s proposals would increase the federal debt by $5.3 trillion over the next decade. Clinton’s proposals also increase the federal debt, but by $200 billion (only 3.8% as much as Trump’s proposals).

So with Trump you get less and it costs more. And of course Trump ends up with more campaign contributions from the health insurance industry. He wins, you lose.

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Late Night Political Humor

Friday, September 30, 2016

[Jokes from Sept. 9, 2016]

“Donald Trump said this week that Vladimir Putin has been a leader far more than our president has been a leader, and he’s got a point. I mean, if President Obama was as strong a leader as Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump would be dead by now. That would be the difference.” – Seth Meyers

“Vladimir Putin told Bloomberg Businessweek that Russia never interfered with the U.S. election and doesn’t plan to. Putin was like, ‘Trust me – it was hard enough rigging ‘The Bachelorette.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Last night North Korea conducted what they claim was a successful test of their biggest nuclear warhead yet. So congrats to them. I’m glad they’re finally figuring that out. Will someone please tell Kim Jong Un they like his new glasses and he looks like he lost weight so he doesn’t kill everybody on the West Coast?” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Don’t worry, though. Donald Trump is going to take care of all of this. How do you fight crazy hair? With even crazier hair.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“I don’t know if you saw this but some interesting photos of Donald Trump were released today from the year 2000. There he is [shows photo] at the U.S. Open with his then-girlfriend Melania, former President Bill Clinton and a lady in a Playboy Bunny shirt. How perfect is this photograph? Look at those two bitter enemies sizing each other up. It looks like the first three minutes of a ‘Girls Gone Wild’ video. It represents the United States at its peak. Before 9/11, before ISIS, before ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ — just two horny dudes yukking it up with a couple of swimsuit models. This is probably why Trump hates Hillary. She ruined this for them. She took his wing man away.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Fox News anchor Chris Wallace, who will be moderator for the final presidential debate of election season, said in an interview this week that he doesn’t feel it’s his job to call out the candidates when they lie. ‘Super!’ said Hillary and Donald at the same time.” – Seth Meyers

“Fashion Week is in full swing here in New York City. During one interview, Kendall Jenner made the comment that Hillary Clinton might look good in a jumpsuit. Then Hillary said, ‘Well, hopefully they never find those emails or it’ll be an orange jumpsuit.'” – Jimmy Fallon

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Debates for Dummies

Thursday, September 29, 2016

Didn’t want to watch the debate? Didn’t have time? Here’s all you need to know.

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Trump Takes D Bait

Thursday, September 29, 2016

(Get it?)

Trump claims that he won all but one of the post debate polls. Including CBS. Except, CBS didn’t do a post debate poll.

You know, sometimes I think Trump lies just to see if we are paying attention.

By the way, even if you are sick of news about the debate, this Colbert video is hilarious. Force yourself to watch it!

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Even Politico is Fed Up with Trump’s Lies

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Politico has always been a right-leaning news organization, but even they have had enough of Donald Trump:

After he lied on Sept. 16 that he was not the person responsible for the birtherism campaign to delegitimize Barack Obama’s presidency, POLITICO chose to spend a week fact-checking Trump. We fact-checked Hillary Clinton over the same time. We subjected every statement made by both the Republican and Democratic candidates — in speeches, in interviews and on Twitter — to our magazine’s rigorous fact-checking process.

The result?

The conclusion is inescapable: Trump’s mishandling of facts and propensity for exaggeration so greatly exceed Clinton’s as to make the comparison almost ludicrous.

Over five days, Trump lied 87 times. During the same time, Clinton lied 8 times — more than an order of magnitude less. According to Politico, Clinton’s lies were mainly about herself (for example, her handling of emails), while Trump lies about almost everything (himself, Clinton, even easily verifiable facts like the political party of debate moderator Lester Holt). Trump even contradicts himself with impunity. On average, Trump lied every 3 minutes and 15 seconds when his mouth (or Twitter account) was open in public.

Here’s just Trump’s Top Ten lies from the five days:

Clinton plans a $1.3 trillion tax hike
Clinton’s war on energy will cost our economy $5 trillion
[ISIL is] very strong…They were started by Hillary Clinton
Right now, the world has no respect for our country
I was against going into the war in Iraq
Our local police are afraid of going after terrorists for fear of being accused of profiling
Clinton would bring in 650,000 refugees
We’re going to build the wall. Mexico’s going to pay for the wall.
Hillary Clinton is taking the day off again, she needs the rest
I won 42 states in the primaries
My foundation gives money to vets
Lester Holt is a Democrat

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Parade of Trump Kids

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

After Donald Trump Jr. put his foot in it with his Skittles tweet, next we got a howler from his brother Eric Trump. Last week on Fox News, Eric claimed that his father built the Trump Organization from virtually nothing. “He’s built an amazing company. He’s become the epitome of the American dream. He’s gone from just about nothing into, you know, a man who …”

This was too much even for Fox News. The co-host interrupted. “Nothing? He got a million bucks. Wait, come on.”

I think she grossly understated the magnitude of the lie. Even more than the early million dollar loan or the later inheritance, the most important thing Trump received was his father’s connections, which made the son’s deals possible. According to the Washington Post fact checker, Trump’s father Fred Trump “paved the way for his success” though “numerous loans and loan guarantees” and though “lucrative trusts” that provided steady income. His father also bailed him out when the son got into trouble, like when the father illegally bought $3.5 million in gaming chips so his son’s casino would have enough cash to make payments on its mortgage.

Trump also received $885 million in tax breaks, subsidies, and grants from New York city alone. In other words, Trump is a welfare queen who was bankrolled by the taxpayers through deals often made possible through his father’s connections (at one point, Fred Trump was one of the richest men in America).

At least Donald Trump’s children are following in his footsteps, like Trump did with his father.

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Trump Sniffs

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Here it is, the full compilation of every sniff from Donald Trump during the debate last night.

Who’s not healthy?

Trump Sniffs

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Late Night Political Humor

Billion Dollar Loser!

From Failure to Failure?

Debate, Live from Saturday Night!

Trump at his Finest?

Late Night Political Humor

Girl Talk at the Trump Tower

Escher in the Trump

Medical Reversal

Late Night Political Humor

Debates for Dummies

Trump Takes D Bait

Even Politico is Fed Up with Trump’s Lies

Parade of Trump Kids

Trump Sniffs

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