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Trump Humor

“Donald Trump is so privileged that the first job he ever had to apply for was president of the United States.” — Stephen Colbert

“You don’t argue with a toddler if you want to win; don’t amplify the toddler’s voice, because you’ll just get trapped in the toddler’s world. Rather, just keep asking the toddler to elaborate, because logic is the downfall of every toddler.” — “Daily Show” host Trevor Noah on handling Donald Trump

“But, you know, Trump voters—really? Not even the guy who says he wants to fuck his daughter? This is not a deal-breaker for you? I mean, what does it take? A racist, a liar, a tax cheat, a draft-dodger, a deadbeat, a Russian agent, and a rapist. You know we’re a nuclear power, right? These are red flags.” — Bill Maher

“A 12-year-old boy is actually running one of Trump’s
campaign offices in Colorado. When asked how an inexperienced child could be running things, the boy said, ‘Look, he’s the nominee and we’re stuck with him.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“So enjoy your victory, Trump voters! Because when you’re dying because you don’t have health insurance to treat the infection you got from a back alley abortion you had to get because of fetal lead poisoning, you can say to yourself, ‘At least I didn’t vote for someone with a private email server.'” — Bill Maher

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This is what “spine” looks like

Will Wilkinson has written a devastatingly fantastic opinion piece in the New York Times titled “Trump Has Disqualified Himself From Running in 2020“. It is short, to the point, and incredibly well written. I’m going to quote the first few paragraphs, but it gets even better after that. Go read it!

“I think the American people are going to have a chance to decide this at the ballot box in November 2020,” Beto O’Rourke said in March, neatly expressing prevailing Democratic opinion on the question of impeaching President Trump, “and perhaps that’s the best way for us to resolve these outstanding questions.”

This is no longer a tenable position. The president’s bungled bid to coerce Ukraine’s leader into helping the Trump 2020 re-election campaign smear a rival struck “decide it at the ballot box” off the menu of reasonable opinion forever. Mr. Trump’s brazen attempt to cheat his way into a second term stands so scandalously exposed that there can be no assurance of a fair election if he’s allowed to stay in office. Resolving the question of the president’s fitness at the ballot box isn’t really an option, much less the best option, when the question boils down to whether the ballot box will be stuffed.

Impeachment is therefore imperative, not only to protect the integrity of next year’s elections but to secure America’s continued democratic existence. If the House does its job, it will fall to Senate Republicans to reveal, in their decision to convict (or not), their preferred flavor of republic: constitutional or banana.

On a related note, I want to point out that if impeachment is going to succeed the Democrats are going to have to educate and inform the American public so that they know what is going on. As one pointed example, a new poll done by Monmouth shows that only 40% of Republicans believe that Donald Trump asked the Ukrainian president to investigate Trump’s political rival Joe Biden. This is astounding considering that Trump publicly admitted that he did just that, and the transcript released by the White House quotes Trump doing it.

Republicans seem to have taken the phrase “Who are you going to believe, Trump or your own lying ears?” one step further. They don’t believe Trump himself when admits doing something.

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Traitor Trump

When Donald Trump feels threatened, he attacks. And if he doesn’t have anything real to attack about, he just makes shit up.

Last Thursday, Trump compared the whistleblower and anyone in the White House who might have given information to that person to spies and that what they had done was treason, and suggested that they be punished the old fashioned way (by which he means executed).

However, whistleblowers are protected by law, so there is no way this is treason. But that doesn’t stop Trump from making threats that endanger the whistleblower’s safety.

Next, Trump demanded that he be able to meet the whistleblower in person, tweeting “Like every American, I deserve to meet my accuser, especially when this accuser, the so-called ‘Whistleblower,’ represented a perfect conversation with a foreign leader in a totally inaccurate and fraudulent way.” Trump (and other Republicans) have also complained that the complaint contained only second-hand information, so it is “fake news”. First of all, the White House has verified every major point in the whistleblower’s complaint, so Trump is lying (big surprise!).

Second of all, an impeachment is specifically not a criminal investigation. The Constitution says “in all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right…to be confronted with the witnesses against him.” This right only applies to criminal prosecutions, not civil cases or other proceedings. But if Trump wants to admit that what he is accused of is a crime, so be it.

Not satisfied with threatening the whistleblower and other potential witnesses, Trump then threatened … everybody. He tweeted the following quote from an evangelical pastor (and contributor to Fox News):

If the Democrats are successful in removing the President from office (which they will never be), it will cause a Civil War like fracture in this Nation from which our Country will never heal.” Pastor Robert Jeffress, @FoxNews

I believe he got it backwards. The thing from which we may never recover is if we don’t remove the President from office as soon as possible.

Worst of all, the president of the US proposed that Adam Schiff should be arrested for treason. At a congressional hearing last week, Schiff paraphrased the phone call between Trump and the president of Ukraine, Volodymyr Zelensky. The point was to make it clear how Zelensky would naturally have interpreted the conversation. Schiff even specifically said “In not so many words, this is the essence of what the President communicates.”

Trump responded with an angry tweet:

Rep. Adam Schiff illegally made up a FAKE & terrible statement, pretended it to be mine as the most important part of my call to the Ukrainian President, and read it aloud to Congress and the American people. It bore NO relationship to what I said on the call. Arrest for Treason?

Schiff never pretended that he was speaking Trump’s exact words. He specifically said that this was the essence of what Trump was communicating to Zelensky. Let’s put what Trump said (according to the transcript memo provided by the White house) side-by-side with what Schiff said in his version:

Trump
Schiff
“I will say that we do a lot for Ukraine. We spend a lot of effort and a lot of time. Much more than the European countries are doing and they should be helping you more than they are.”“We have been very good to your country, very good. No other country has done as much as we have.”
“I wouldn’t say that it’s reciprocal necessarily because things are happening that are not good but the United States has been very, very good to Ukraine.”“But you know what? I don’t see much reciprocity here.”
“I would like you to do us a favor though because our country has been through a lot and Ukraine knows a lot about it.”“I have a favor I want from you though.”
“There’s a lot of talk about Biden’s son, that Biden stopped the prosecution and a lot of people want to find out about that so whatever you can do with the attorney general would be great.”“I want you to make up dirt on my political opponent. Lots of it. … I’m going to put you in touch with people, not just any people, I am going to put you in touch with the attorney general, my attorney general Bill Barr.”
“I will have Mr. Giuliani give you a call, and I am also going to have Attorney General Barr call and we will get to the bottom of it.”“I’m going to put you in touch with Rudy. You are going to love him. Trust me. You know what I’m asking. So I’m only going to say this a few more times. In a few more ways.”

Remember that Trump said that Schiff’s version “bore NO relationship to what I said on the call.” In fact, Schiff didn’t need to embellish that much to make his point — which was that Donald Trump acts like a mobster. And two Ukrainians — who are both named in the whistleblower report — verified that Rudy Giuliani made it very clear to them that he wanted Ukraine to dig up dirt on Joe Biden and his son. There is no evidence of wrongdoing on the part of Joe or Hunter Biden.

Furthermore, even if Schiff had completely misquoted Trump, that is not treason. If it was, Trump would likely have been convicted of treason long ago for all the nasty (and false) things he has said about lots of people. In fact, what Schiff did isn’t even slander, because the Constitution specifically exempts things that congresspeople say in Congress.

Bottom line? Just in the way that Trump is acting now proves that he is dangerously unfit to be president, and should be removed from office. He is abusing the presidency for craven political purposes. And this is on top of how he has sold out our country for his own gain over and over again.

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The Narcissist King

© Jack Ohman

Louis XIV of France supposedly said “L’État, c’est moi” (“The state, it is I” or “I am the state”). That is likely apocryphal, but it certainly seems to be the motivating sentiment of Donald Trump. Or as the Washington Post put it:

As Trump tells it, he is a hard-working and honorable president whose conduct has been ‘perfect’ but who is being harassed and tormented by ‘Do Nothing Democrat Savages’ and a corrupt intelligence community resolved to perpetuate a hoax, defraud the public and, ultimately, undo the 2016 election.

“There has been no President in the history of our Country who has been treated so badly as I have,” Trump tweeted Wednesday, some 13 hours after Pelosi’s announcement.

Victimization always has been core to Trump’s identity, both as a politician and as a real estate promoter and reality-television star. It is the emotional glue that yokes Trump to the grievance politics of the right. Many of Trump’s grass-roots followers have said they feel protective of the president in part because they also feel oppressed and ostracized by elites.

Trump feels that anytime someone says something negative about him, they are being a traitor to the US. In this context, saying “Make America Great Again” means “Make Trump Great”.

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The Crime and the Coverup

Direct quotes from the whistleblower memo:

I have received information from multiple U.S. Government officials that the President of the United States is using the power of his office to solicit interference from a foreign country in the 2020 U.S. election. The interference includes, among other things, pressuring a foreign country to investigate one of the President’s main domestic political rivals. The President’s personal lawyer, Mr. Rudolph Giuliani, is a central figure in this effort. Attorney General Barr appears to be involved as well.

The White House officials who told me this information were deeply disturbed by what had transpired in the phone call. They told me that there was already a ‘discussion ongoing’ with White House lawyers about how to treat the call because of the likelihood, in the officials’ retelling, that they had witnessed the President abuse his office for personal gain. In the days following the phone call, I learned from multiple U.S. officials that senior White House officials had intervened to ‘lock down’ all records of the phone call, especially the official word-for-word transcript of the call that was produced—as is customary—by the White House Situation Room. This set of actions underscored to me that White House officials understood the gravity of what had transpired in the call.

White House officials told me that they were ‘directed’ by White House lawyers to remove the electronic transcript from the computer system in which such transcripts are typically stored for coordination, finalization, and distribution to Cabinet-level officials. Instead, the transcript was loaded into a separate electronic system that is otherwise used to store and handle classified information of an especially sensitive nature. One White House official described this act as an abuse of this electronic system because the call did not contain anything remotely sensitive from a national security perspective.

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The Cookie Crumbles

© Ruben Bolling

This comic is spot on. As detailed in this article published by NPR, Donald Trump first claimed that the reason he blocked critical aid to Ukraine was because of concerns over corruption in that country. However, the Department of Defense back in May (before Trump blocked the aid in July) “certified that the Government of Ukraine has taken substantial actions to make defense institutional reforms for the purposes of decreasing corruption [and] increasing accountability.”

Trump then changed his tune, and claimed that he was concerned that the US was the only country contributing aid to Ukraine, saying “Europe and other nations [must] contribute to Ukraine. Because they’re not doing it. Just the United States. We’re putting up the bulk of the money.” This (of course) is a pure fabrication.

Trump has never asked European countries to increase their aid to Ukraine. And you know why? Because Europe is already contributing more money to the Ukraine than the US is.

So why did Trump withhold the critical aid to Ukraine? Remember that Trump asked the new president of Ukraine eight times to investigate Biden and his son Hunter. After initially denying this, Trump later admitted that he had asked them to investigate the Bidens, but said that there was nothing wrong with doing that. When then led to the string of excuses that Trump has made up about this.

Also remember that the Bidens had already been investigated about their activities in Ukraine, and cleared of any wrongdoing. And Trump (or anyone else) has never presented any evidence to the contrary. So this was purely political. Trump was asking a foreign government to interfere in a US election. That is against the law. At least one Republican is calling it treason.

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Impeachment on the Table

First of all, if you want (or need) a good summary of the current state of the Trump-Ukraine situation, Electoral Vote has a good one today that can bring you up to speed.

Of course, things are moving quickly so that article is already out of date. In particular, Nancy Pelosi is about to announce a formal impeachment inquiry into Donald Trump.

And you know what? I totally agree. I think it is time to impeach. What convinced me was this article by Zack Beauchamp in Vox. It is a good article and you should read it, but the main point is this:

Impeaching Trump over Robert Mueller’s findings in the Russia investigation would have been an attempt to address past offenses; impeaching Trump over these calls would be an attempt to halt what sure looks like an ongoing attempt to hijack American foreign policy in service of the president’s reelection. Democrats have an obligation to try to stop this before it gets any further.

Trump believes he can get away with anything (including shooting someone in downtown NYC). If we don’t stand up to him when we catch him doing something, (as David Frum points out) he will just get worse and worse. He thinks he can sweep this scandal under the table like he has before, but most of those scandals were in the past. He is doing this one now, and we have an obligation to stop him.

Even if the Senate doesn’t convict him. At the very least, it will put all the spineless Republican enablers of Trump into the awkward position of saying that the president of the US is above the law.

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Reddit /r/PoliticalHumor

A few things from Reddit’s political humor channel:

Of course, now even Trump admits that he talked to the president of the Ukraine about investigating Biden. But the White House continues to claim that a sitting president not only cannot be prosecuted, they cannot even be investigated.

If the president is completely above the law, how is that different from being a dictator? If he can pressure a foreign country to interfere in a US election, why can’t he just throw his political opponents in jail like other dictators do?

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Convict the Don

Clearly, Trump is now looking for kompromat to discredit his opponent Biden, to take revenge for his friend Paul Manafort, who is serving seven years in prison. We do not investigate Biden in Ukraine, since we have not received a single official request to do so.

Anton Geraschenko, the Ukrainian government official who would oversee such an investigation.

President Trump in a July phone call repeatedly pressured the president of Ukraine to investigate Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden’s son, urging Volodymyr Zelensky about eight times to work with Rudy Giuliani, his personal lawyer, on a probe.

The Wall Street Journal

Much as he did three years ago — when he asked Russia to hack the emails of his Democratic rival — President Trump on Friday seemed to make a similar request of Ukraine, all but urging the Eastern European nation to investigate Joe Biden, his potential Democratic opponent.

For Trump, controversial public disclosures have became almost routine, with the president saying the potentially scandalous part aloud. It is a form of shamelessness worn as a badge of protection — on the implicit theory that the president’s alleged offenses can’t be that serious if he commits them in full public view.

The Washington Post

The president asked a foreign power to help him win an election. Again.

Hillary Clinton

The disclosure comes amid new details about the White House’s role in preventing Director of National Intelligence Joseph Maguire from complying with Congressional demands for the material in the complaint.

White House Counsel Pat Cipollone has been engaged in the matter since shortly after the whistleblower action surfaced, officials said, helping to identify legal obstacles to the sharing of information that could be politically damaging to Trump.

The Washington Post

I do think that we will have to pass some laws that will have clarity for future presidents. A president should be indicted, if he’s committed a wrongdoing — any president. There is nothing anyplace that says the president should not be indicted. That’s something cooked up by the president’s lawyers. That’s what that is. But so that people will feel “OK, well, if he — if he does something wrong, he should be able to be indicted.”

Nancy Pelosi

A president is sitting in the Oval Office, right now, who continues to commit crimes. He continues because he knows his Justice Department won’t act and believes Congress won’t either. Today’s news confirmed he thinks he’s above the law. If we do nothing, he’ll be right.

Elizabeth Warren

It is high time for Congress to do its duty, in the manner the framers intended. Given how Trump seems ever bent on putting himself above the law, something like what might have happened between him and Ukraine — abusing presidential authority for personal benefit — was almost inevitable. Yet if that is what occurred, part of the responsibility lies with Congress, which has failed to act on the blatant obstruction that Mueller detailed months ago.

Congressional procrastination has probably emboldened Trump, and it risks emboldening future presidents who might turn out to be of his sorry ilk. To borrow John Dean’s haunting Watergate-era metaphor once again, there is a cancer on the presidency, and cancers, if not removed, only grow. Congress bears the duty to use the tools provided by the Constitution to remove that cancer now, before it’s too late. As Elbridge Gerry put it at the 1787 Constitutional Convention in Philadelphia, “A good magistrate will not fear [impeachments]. A bad one ought to be kept in fear of them.” By now, Congress should know which one Trump is.

George Conway and Neil Katyal

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Vote for the Guy!

© Keith Knight

I’m really happy to see “E. Warren” moving up in the polls. Even though she might not be my first choice (I’m not sure, I haven’t decided yet) I would really love to see a woman president in my lifetime. Heck, if that doesn’t happen, I’d even like to see a woman vice president (as long as her name doesn’t rhyme with “jailin”).

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9/11 GOP NC

On Tuesday, North Carolina held a special Congressional election. They had to do this because actual election fraud on the part of Republicans caused state officials to nullify the previous regular election. The Republican party pulled out all the stops, spending lots of money and having both Donald Trump and Mike Pence campaign for the Republican candidate, who won by around 2 points.

That may sound good for the Republicans, but this district elected Donald Trump by 12 percentage points, so the Republicans underperformed by 10 points. The Republicans will not be able to spend so much money nor campaign as aggressively during a general election. Also note that the NC Republicans have had their redistricting maps thrown out not once but twice because of blatant partisan gerrymandering.

Consequently, it should be no surprise that the Republicans honored the memory of 9/11 yesterday by pulling more dirty tricks. That morning many NC legislators attended the North Carolina National Guard September 11 Commemoration. The Republican legislators had promised that they would not do any business that morning because of the event, but they lied. Instead, they made sure that enough Republicans did not attend so that they could override a veto by the governor.

The governor had vetoed the budget because he wanted a Medicaid expansion that would insure an additional half a million people in NC. The Republicans wanted to override the veto, but ironically, they didn’t have enough votes because they lost their supermajority in the state assembly after the first time their gerrymandered maps were thrown out. Note that there are roughly the same number of Democratic and Republican voters in the state.

So with only 53% of the legislators (just enough for a quorum) in attendance— and only nine Democrats — the override passed. Hopefully it will not make it through the State Senate.

And incidentally, Donald Trump gave a speech on 9/11, but he spent almost all of it attacking the Democrats and praising himself. As usual.

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Lunacy of the Week

©Tom Tomorrow

I have been watching with mixed laughter and horror at Donald Trump trying to convince everyone that he was not mistaken when he claimed that Hurricane Dorian was going to hit Alabama.

This got started on Sunday morning when Trump tweeted:

In addition to Florida — South Carolina, North Carolina, Georgia, and Alabama, will most likely be hit (much) harder than anticipated.

Within a few minutes, local weather forecasters responded that Dorian would not have any impact on Alabama, including the Birmingham, Alabama branch of the National Weather Service. This was important, because if there was any chance that a hurricane could “hit” an area, it is important for people there to prepare, including possibly evacuating. Trump’s mistake could have caused costly and potentially dangerous results.

But Trump could not accept this, as he cannot tolerate being wrong, even when he is. So he repeats his assertion that Alabama will be hit, twice. He triples down!

And when the news media picks this up, Trump calls it “fake news”. And he keeps insisting that Alabama was in the original forecast. Trump also gets his son Eric involved.

The irony here is that if Trump had merely let this all quietly blow over, nobody would have noticed. But that’s not Trump. His need to be right (and damn the consequences) combined with his need for attention was his downfall. It is almost as if he is competing with the hurricane.

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Mass Politeness

@GiffordsCourage

A tweet from Gabby Giffords and Mark Kelly points out that gun advocates claim that the solution to mass shootings is to arm everyone. They claim that “an armed society is a polite society”.

But if more guns make us safer, then Texas should be one of the safest and most polite places in the US. So how come 4 of the 10 deadliest shootings in modern US history happened in Texas?

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Universal Health Care

Sometimes I think we fail to realize how absolutely insane our health care system truly is. This comic by Sarah Mirk imagines what it would be like if all public services in the US worked like our healthcare system.

I am perfectly happy to not insist on “Medicare for All” immediately, as long as we start to offer a “public option” where people have a choice between our current system and and a Medicare-like system. But our goal should be to move toward single-payer health insurance, the only question is how we get there.

The main objection I hear against going to a Medicare-like system with universal coverage is that it would raise our taxes. But as this article in the NY Times points out, we are looking at this the wrong way. We should think of the premiums that we (and our employers) pay for health insurance as taxes. After all, it is all just money out of our pocket.

Most Americans who have health insurance get it through their employer. I have started several companies and served as a CEO, and I can assure you that if a company didn’t have to spend the time or money providing health insurance — something that is a huge distraction and money sink from the company’s core business — then that company could easily afford to pay their employees a significantly higher salary. In fact, typically enough to more than offset the extra taxes that people would have to pay to support universal single-payer health insurance.

And there are other benefits that most people don’t even realize. For example, I have lived in three countries that have single payer systems, and in those countries insurance for your car is a small fraction of what it is in the US. Why? Because the biggest cost of car insurance is liability insurance to cover health care costs for you, your passengers, and other parties when you are involved in an accident. But if everyone’s health costs are covered by a single payer system, then there is no need for that insurance.

In addition to saving companies time and money, and saving us the premiums that are automatically deducted from our paychecks, a universal single payer system would save all the time that individual employees spend dealing with their health insurance companies and filling out paperwork. Every time I have lived in a country with public health insurance, the paperwork I had to deal with to get health care was far far less than it is in the US.

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Why Don’t Jews Vote for Trump?

Donald Trump recently claimed that Jews who vote for Democrats have “a total lack of knowledge” or “great disloyalty” to Jewish people and Israel.

An opinion piece by David Schanzer in The Hill has a good response to this. First he points out that most minorities, including Jews, don’t like being treated as if they all think the same. People are smarter and more diverse than that.

However, it is true that 79% of American Jews voted Democratic in the 2018 midterms. Here is why he believes this is so:

First of all, most American Jews have a close connection to immigrants. Many of us are second, third or fourth generation immigrants. We feel strongly that refugees escaping persecution should be able to seek safety and shelter in America because throughout our history we have been persecuted and forced to flee to save our lives.

We have been on many refugee caravans. Ferdinand and Isabella evicted us from Spain, the tsars used pogroms to chase us out of Russia and we fled on boats and trains and by foot from the Nazis. We support today’s refugees because we know they could have been us. 

We also support civil rights and diversity. We know what it’s like to be an oppressed minority for we “were strangers in the land of Egypt.” 

We may feel very comfortable and secure in America, but we recoil when any American is targeted as “the other” — whether it be the Mexican you accuse of being a rapist or the Muslim you stereotype as being a terrorist — because so often we have been “otherized.”

The Jew with horns, the Jewish moneylender, the Jew with dual “loyalties.” We know that a frenzied mob calling for an American citizen of color to be kicked out of the country might be chanting to kick us out too one day soon. For there is one thing we know for sure: Those folks who don’t like people because they are black, brown or Muslims  don’t like Jews much either

I am half Jewish, so his arguments resonate with me, but my other half also understands that these are things that should be important to all Americans. It is always extremely dangerous to support a strongman who divides people for personal gain.

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