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Continuing the Health Care Hypocrisy

Monday, March 22, 2010

Today I watched a video where RNC chair Michael Steele again claimed that the US people were against the health care reform bill. And that is technically true. Even in today’s poll, only 39% favored the bill that just passed, while 59% were opposed to it (2% had no opinion).

But what Steele isn’t mentioning is why people are opposed to the current bill. If you break that down, it turns out that 13% of the people polled are opposed to the current bill, but because it doesn’t go far enough. In other words, while 43% are opposed to the current bill because it is “too liberal”, 52% are either in favor of the bill or were opposed to it because it was “not liberal enough”.

To put it plainly, a majority of the people polled either are in favor of the current bill, or would have wanted it to be even stronger.

In addition, while many people say they are opposed to the current bill, if you ask them not about the bill in general, but about the specific provisions of the bill, then they are in favor of almost all of those provisions. When faced with actual facts, opposition to the bill crumbles.

In addition, Kaiser Health News printed a summary of the bill that was introduced by the Republicans in 1993 as an alternative to Clinton’s health reform effort, and dang if it isn’t almost the same thing that just got passed by Obama. And they claim that there are no Republican ideas in there. Hah!

UPDATE: after the bill passed and people had a chance to hear what was in it, its approval rating went up 10%. A new Gallup poll shows that 49% say that the bill is a “good thing”, only 40% saying it is a “bad thing” and 11% with no opinion.


© Signe Wilkinson

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Democrats Given Ball Transplant

Monday, March 22, 2010

[I’m reposting this for Centrist Zealot — check them out.]

President Barack Obama, using a surgical technique first performed by Franklin Roosevelt and later perfected by Lyndon Johnson, forcibly attached a pair of testicles to the Democratic Party yesterday. The operation, which took an agonizing 15 months and much of the nation’s patience, was labeled a success by Surgeon General Regina Benjamin.

“Wow, these feel really strange” the patient reportedly uttered upon leaving the operating room.

The patient was later admitted to the intensive care unit. It is currently unclear how long the Party will remain there. Republican physician John Boehner told family members he “hopes to keep the patient sedated and quarantined until at least November of this year.”

Obama was assisted by Vice-President Joe Biden during the surgery. Sources tell the CZ at one point during the operation the patient tried to leave the room declaring, “I’m feeling much better. Really, I am. Thanks anyway. Look behind you. … Big Foot.”

The 218-year-old Party lost their collective balls in 2002 during the months leading up to the second Gulf War. Doctors are still unsure if the patient’s caucus will reject the transplant, which can cause the balls to shrivel up and recede into the Party’s lower chamber.

This is the second attempt at the tricky testicle transplant by the Democratic Party since 2002. The prior attempt was scheduled for November of 2004, but the party cancelled the appointment deciding to go wind surfing instead.

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Late Night Political Humor

Monday, March 22, 2010

“And I’m sure you remembered to turn your clock ahead an hour, unless, of course, you’re a Democrat working on health care. Then you might want to turn it back a year and start all over again.” – Jay Leno

“Congress is getting ready to vote on President Obama’s health care bill. It’s going to be a close vote. The House Democrats say it could be a real tickle fight.” – David Letterman

“You know, I was thinking about this health care problem. If you took all the money the Republicans have spent to stop health care and all the money Democrats have spent trying to get health care, we could afford health care.” – Jay Leno

“Sarah Palin, out in Arizona, is campaigning with John McCain. He’s running for Senate re-election. They’re campaigning together out there. I thought, yeah, I mean, there’s an unbeatable combination.” – David Letterman

“C-SPAN is uploading 23 years of video on the Internet. Or if you want to get the sensation of watching 23 years of C-SPAN, just watch 2 minutes of C-SPAN.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Toyota is starting to fight back. Today, they cast doubt on the story of that guy — remember the guy last week that said his Prius accelerated out of control on the freeway? They said they found significant inconsistencies in his story. And let me tell you something, that’s embarrassing when a car dealer calls you a liar.” – Jay Leno

“Now, if you’re on the freeway, you know how to tell if a Prius next to you is out of control? Here’s how you tell. If you look over and the driver’s face goes from that smug, ‘I’m saving the environment’ look, to the frightened, ‘get me the hell out of here’ look, that’s kind of how you know.” – Jay Leno

“In an interview in GQ magazine, John Edwards’s mistress said she slept with him on the first day they met, but she wasn’t his mistress, she was just playing the role. And, apparently, the audition went so well, she got the job!” – Jay Leno

“Rielle Hunter told GQ that she will love John Edwards until death do us part, to which Elizabeth Edwards said, ‘You know, I can arrange that.'” – Jay Leno

“You guys see the ‘GQ’ pictures of John Edwards’ mistress, Rielle Hunter? Today, she called them ‘repulsive’, and says she trusted ‘GQ”s photographer to take classy photos. Yeah, because anytime I’m on a bed in nothing but dress shirt and underwear next to a Dora the Explorer doll, I think, ‘This is gonna look classy.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“She also said in the interview she did not consider the money she got every month from the Edwards campaign as hush money. Well, duh. Once you give an interview, it’s no longer hush money. It’s now considered down-the-drain money.” – Jay Leno

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Health Care Reform Friendly Fire

Monday, March 22, 2010

The Republicans fought against health care reform as if it were all out war, so it is no surprise that even with the bill (finally!) passing last night, they are trying to claim they will get their revenge in the November elections.

A piece in the Washington Post goes so far as to claim that the Dems are hurting themselves:

The lengthy and rancorous debate has inflicted considerable damage on the president and his party. It helped spark the grass-roots “tea party” movement and generated angry town hall meetings last summer that led to some opponents painting Obama as a socialist and a communist for advocating a greater government role in the health-care industry.

You have to be kidding me. So, we should never make any progress as a nation if it angers some bigoted, small-minded, or obnoxious people at town hall meetings? If so, we are doomed as a nation.

Newt Gingrich says that the Obama Democrats “have destroyed their party much as Lyndon Johnson shattered the Democratic Party for 40 years” with the enactment of civil rights legislation in the 1960s.

Ironically, a much better analysis comes from conservative David Frum. He starts out by calling this a “crushing defeat” for the conservatives and Republicans, and arguing that conservatives are being “over-optimistic” about their purported victories come November. But the main point of his excellent article is this:

A huge part of the blame for today’s disaster attaches to conservatives and Republicans ourselves.

By deciding to fight this as an all-or-nothing war, the Republicans set themselves up to get nothing. Once they made this decision, they had to fight every Democratic proposal — even if that proposal is similar to past Republican proposals. Although “Obamacare” has “broad family resemblance to Mitt Romney’s Massachusetts plan” and to Republican proposals that were offered in opposition to Clinton’s health care reform efforts in the 90’s, there was no possibility for compromise.

Worse, the Republican party is finding that alignment with people like Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck is turning into a deal with the devil. Frum calls this them the “conservative entertainment industry” and ironically they benefit mightily from the Republican’s defeat. Now they have one more thing to be angry about, and to use to whip their listeners into a frenzy. They win, the Republicans lose.

Make no mistake about it, the Republicans understand this deeply. How else can you explain why — even when they had control of Congress, the presidency, and the Supreme Court — conservatives somehow forgot to make abortion illegal. Anger needs a cause, and an enemy on which to place blame.

But personally, I see a silver lining for the Republicans. The era of the politics of Karl Rove suffered a (hopefully) mortal blow last night. To Rove, every issue is political — a game to be played against your enemy — and your enemy is the opposing party, not your country’s true enemies. Republicans pulled out all the stops in their fight against the Democrats, using every dirty trick and lie (e.g., “death panels”, even calling it “fascism” and “socialism” simultaneously, and worse). They spent untold millions of corporate dollars, created fake grass roots movements, and were willing to do anything to win.

And they lost.

My hope is that true conservatives wake up and realize that their leaders are not Karl Rove, Glenn Beck, or even Sarah Palin. That the best policy is not always the one that will whip up your base. That your position can’t be solely opposition to the other party, and that conservatism used to mean more than greed and righteous self interest. I would — and I suspect many other moderates would also — gladly vote for a Republican like that.

Unfortunately, it is unclear that you can teach an old dog new tricks. Today John (the Maverick) McCain said “There will be no cooperation for the rest of the year. They have poisoned the well in what they’ve done and how they’ve done it.”

Sigh.


© Bruce Beattie

UPDATE: Republicans scoff at Frum and double down on being the party of NO! Frum responds with some very concrete and sensible ideas. Is anyone listening?

UPDATE: Frum is fired by the conservative American Enterprise Institute. Must maintain ideological purity, after all!

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problems with comments

Sunday, March 21, 2010

I have to apologize. Something has gone wonky with my commenting system and ALL comments are being labeled as spam. I’m trying to fix the problem, but meanwhile my only option is to manually go through my spam queue and save non-spam comments. But this means that your comments will not appear immediately.

Unfortunately, turning off spam protection is not an option. I’ve been called crazy because I run a reasonably popular political blog, and I don’t require people to register before posting a comment, and there is no captcha to make sure you are not a robot. Heck, I even allow anonymous comments. As a result, I get TONS of spam (about 200 a day). But I think it is important to make it easy for people to comment on posts here, even anonymously.  Hopefully, I’ll be able to fix the problem soon.

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Ironically, this is what I love about Obama

Sunday, March 21, 2010

We love to complain about how Washington is broken, that it is too tied up in partisan politics and has forgotten how to actually govern. And ironically, we also complain about Obama and the Democrats not standing up to the Republicans. Or, in plainer words, we attack them for not being partisan enough.

And yet, governing is exactly what Obama is trying to do. You can hear it in his announcement last week of an overhaul of the failed “No Child Left Behind” act in response to the report that the US is falling even further behind other countries in education.

You can also see it in the health care reform bill, which is likely to pass later today. Yes, it isn’t the bill that some people on the left wanted, and goes way further than some people on the right wanted. But it is reform, and it is at least a step in the right direction, which is a big step more than any president before him has been able to take.

I don’t agree with everything that Obama does. I don’t like the bailouts of banks and auto companies. I’d prefer a single-payer health care system, modeled on the one in New Zealand, or at the very least a public option like in the bill sponsored by Alan Grayson. And, occasionally, I want the Dems to be more partisan; for example, I’d love to see Dick Cheney rot in jail for war crimes.

But instead, Obama is trying to get this country back on track. He’s governing. I may not like every little thing he does, but the important thing is that it is clear that he is working hard to do what he thinks is best for the country, not what is best for him getting reelected or for enriching his friends. The process of governing might not get the headlines, but it is just what this country needs right now.

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The Slow Death of the Birthers

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Things have been looking pretty grim for birther-in-chief Orly Taitz. Every lawsuit she has filed to try to prove that Obama was not born in the USA (and is thus ineligible to be president) has been thrown out of court, she was fined $20,000 for making frivolous filings, Hawaii is considering a law that will allow them to ignore the 10 to 20 requests they get each week from birthers for copies of Obama’s birth certificate, and the California Bar Association is investigating her and may disbar her. But the California dentist turned lawyer, turned darling of the wing-nut birther movement has decided to make lemonade out of all this.

Taitz has filed as a Republican to run for Secretary of State so that she can continue “to clean up the fraud we all have seen in the 2008 election.”

There are only a few obstacles in her way. One is fellow Republican Damon Dunn, a former NFL star who is already running for the position. So what does Taitz do? She files a lawsuit against him alleging voter and elections fraud. She also claims on her website that:

The only reason he was endorsed so far, is because he is an African American, and Republicans want to have an African American to show diversity. He admits to having no knowledge or experience with law, elections or election law.

This, coming from someone from a mail-order law degree. She also requests:

Please, let me know if any of you talked to Damon Dunn, and if he is willing to drop out of the Secretary of State race? I don’t have his phone and address. I only know that he lives in Irvine, CA.

But if she bothered to go to his campaign website, she might see the “Contact Damon” button at the top of the page. But why would she begin to pay any attention to reality now?

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Late Night Political Humor

Sunday, March 21, 2010

“Thank you for coming on the Ides of March. You know, this is March 15. It was on this day in 44 B.C., Julius Caesar met his end. He was stabbed in the back by members of the Senate, ironically, while pleading for health care.” – Jay Leno

“President Obama talked about health care reform at a senior center in Strongsville, Ohio, today. The most common question he got: ‘When’s bingo?'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Well, President Obama, turning up the pressure on Congress to pass this health care reform. In fact, he’s telling Democrats, if they don’t vote for this bill, he will go out and campaign for them in November.” – Jay Leno

“I don’t know if you saw this yesterday on ‘Meet the Press.’ Tom Brokaw referred to health care reform as a ‘kerfuffle.’ You thought passing health care was hard; 10 times harder for Brokaw to pronounce ‘kerfuffle.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“It seems The Journal of Neurology reports that the longer you smoke, the less likely you are to develop Parkinson’s disease. So what are they telling us? Follow me guys. Remember, a couple of months ago, doctors said drinking a glass of alcohol every day was good for your heart. Smoking prevents Parkinson’s disease. Marijuana is good for glaucoma. Sex is good for your prostate. You know, screw health care. Let’s party!” – Jay Leno

“And in his speech to the Export-Import Bank’s annual gathering, President Obama announced that he will establish two brain trusts to double U.S. exports over the next five years. You know what our leading export is right now? Jobs.” – Jay Leno

“And in World News, the tension between the White House and Israel is at its highest level in 30 years. Israel wants to build more houses in its territory, and the Obama administration wants them torn down. Here’s the solution: You build the houses, but let Countrywide give everybody an adjustable rate mortgage. They’ll be foreclosed on and out of there by July.” – Jay Leno

“Well here’s something interesting. And I guess this goes with the job. President Obama announced over the weekend that he gets 20,000 letters a day calling him an idiot. And I said, ‘Hey, welcome to the club.’ … I said to myself, ‘Well hey, maybe I am presidential material.’ … But in all fairness, a lot of those letters come from Dick Cheney.” – David Letterman

“In his weekly radio and Internet address, President Obama called for an overhaul of the ‘No Child Left Behind’ law. It will now be called ‘The World Needs Janitors, Too.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Hey, learning more and more about that homegrown terrorist, that woman, Colleen LaRose, also known as Jihad Jane. They’re calling her the most dangerous person to come out of Pennsylvania since Ben Roethlisberger.” – Jay Leno

“Everybody changed their clocks this weekend for daylight savings. So you move it ahead. And even the Taliban move their clocks ahead. They moved it up to the 11th century. So that’s good.” – David Letterman

“And as part of an art project, 31 life-sized nude male statues will be set up all around Manhattan. They’re so lifelike, former Congressman Eric Massa tried to tickle three of them.” – Jay Leno

“Well, in Toyota’s defense, there are allegations that the driver of that runaway Prius in San Diego may have faked it. The guy claims he couldn’t stop a runaway Prius? Come on. Tiger Woods’s wife stopped a runaway Cadillac Escalade with a 9-iron, O.K.?” – Jay Leno

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Late Night Political Humor

Saturday, March 20, 2010

“This week was dominated by Congressman Eric Massa, the amazing groping, tickling, snorkeling congressman. America was shocked to learn there is another closeted gay congressman and he’s not a Republican.” – Bill Maher

“He went on Glenn Beck and told about his 50th birthday party, with all men, and they got into a big tickle fight. You know, like guys do. Don’t you hate that, when you’re in a big, giggling pig-pile of dudes and people try to make it into something gay?” – Bill Maher

“They used to call him a ‘Navy Seal’—not because he was in special forces, because he was always balancing balls on his nose.” – Bill Maher

“Daylight Savings begins this weekend. Everyone will have to set their clocks forward an hour. If you’re Eric Massa, you’ll probably want to set your clock back a week.” – Jimmy Fallon

“We lose an hour of sleep this week. Of course, if you’re roommates with Eric Massa, you may not want to fall asleep at all.” – Jimmy Fallon

“New Rule: Glenn Beck has to stop being so hard on himself. After his Eric Massa interview, Beck said, ‘I think this is the first time I have wasted an hour of your time.’ Oh Glenn, that’s so not true. First of all, we never make it through the hour. But when we flip by your show and you’re standing on your desk, dressed in lederhosen and holding back tears, etching something about Woodrow Wilson on your crazy board, believe me those two minutes aren’t wasted. They’re the funniest part of our day.” – Bill Maher

“President Obama has announced this week that he has donated all of his Nobel Prize money to a charity that deals with those that have no hope: the Democratic Party.” – Jay Leno

“President Obama would like the House to vote on his healthcare plan on either St. Patrick’s Day or the day after. That means Congress will be voting on healthcare either when they’re drunk, or when they’re hung over.” – Jay Leno

“New Rule: President Obama must not bail out Greece. Besides democracy, philosophy, geometry, poetry, architecture and drama what have they ever given us? Greek President Papandreau came to Washington this week, begging for money. To which I say: Screw you, Zorba, and the horse you came hidden inside of. You want our hard earned dollars? Come back when you’re an insurance company.” – Bill Maher

“According to a survey, 67 percent of pet owners say they can understand what their pets say when they bark or meow. It doesn’t sound impressive until you realize that only 5 percent of Californians can understand Gov. Schwarzenegger.” – Jay Leno

“New York City has filled 2,000,000 potholes. The bad news is, they were the only things slowing down the Toyotas.” – David Letterman

“Federal officials just revealed that a member of al-Qaida worked at three nuclear power plants in New Jersey over six years. Wait, there are three nuclear power plants in New Jersey? I guess that explains Snooki.” – Jimmy Fallon

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Making Political Sausage

Friday, March 19, 2010


© Walt Handelsman

It has often been said that making laws is like making sausage: You’ll be much happier if you don’t see it happen. But the current health care bill has been exposed to unprecedented scrutiny from both sides and from the media. As Ezra Klein notes in the Washington Post:

So far in the health-care debate, Republicans have attacked the legitimacy of private negotiations, parochial dealmaking, the budget reconciliation process, self-executing rules, the Congressional Budget Office’s analyses, and even the constitutionality of the legislation. It’s a good theory: Make people hate Washington and mistrust the legislative process and you’ll make people hate and mistrust what emerges from that process.

But it’s also dangerous. As Republicans well know, private negotiations between lawmakers, deals that advantage a state or a district, and a base level of respect for the CBO’s scores have long been central to the lawmaking progress. As the parties have polarized, reconciliation and self-executing rules (like deem and pass) have become more common — and the GOP’s own record, which includes dozens of reconciliation bills and self-executing rules, proves it.

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Patriotism is the last refuge of Sean Hannity

Friday, March 19, 2010

If patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel, then Sean Hannity seems to qualify. For the last few years, Hannity has been promoting “Freedom Concerts” that promise to give college scholarships to the children of killed soldiers and payments to wounded and disabled troops. Musicians who perform at the concerts volunteer their services — as one performer put it “We paid our own way and for all of our costs and expenses to perform because we thought we were helping the troops and their families and that all the money was going to them.” Not to mention the concert-goers, who are spending their hard-earned cash thinking it is going to a good cause.

But if you look at the tax returns of the organization that puts on the concerts, less than 4% (yes, four percent) of the money collected actually went to scholarships or veterans. In order to be considered a reputable charity, over 75% of money collected is supposed to go to the intended recipients, and in fact Hannity himself promised in fundraising letters that 100% of the money donated would go directly to scholarships and wounded soldiers.

So where did the rest of the $48 million go? Hannity himself demands — and gets — a private Gulfstream jet to fly him, his family, and his entourage to the concerts, plus a fleet of Cadillac or Lincoln SUVs, and multiple suites at expensive hotels — all paid for out of the donations. Even more is spent on “consultants” and “expenses”. In other words, these events are big ego parties for Hannity, his family and friends, spending millions of dollars on who knows what, with a few scraps tossed to actual veterans. It is repulsive.

On his radio program last May, Hannity told his listeners “Our new sponsor, Boca Java, just pledged $30,000 to the Freedom Concerts. That will provide a full one-year college scholarship for a kid of a fallen soldier.” But in reality, the charity has never given a full scholarship to anyone. The most it has given out to any student is less than $6,000, and is typically much less. Even Boca Java stopped being a sponsor after last year.

Why does anyone believe these people?

UPDATE: The charity responds.

UPDATE 2: Schlussel responds to the charity’s response, saying their response doesn’t actually answer any of the questions and merely attempts to “cover up” the fraud.

UPDATE 3: Here’s a good summary of the whole thing.

UPDATE 4: The charity behind the “freedom concerts” used to brag on their front page about their four star rating from the charity watchdog group “Charity Navigator” but no longer. Charity Navigator has suddenly downgraded them from four stars to two. The other major charity watchdog group has long given them a low rating.

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Another day in the health care debate

Thursday, March 18, 2010

It seems like I could almost just repeat the same article every day to describe happenings in the debate around health care reform:

As usual, today the Dems announced a new procedural tactic to get health care reform passed. The GOP immediately attacked it as unconstitutional, unprecedented, unclean, unholy, and the end of civilization as we know it, while ignoring that they used the same or worse tactics when they were in power.

And the Tea Party threw a protest. Organizers estimated the crowd at 5000, while everyone else estimated it at 300. Meanwhile, Republicans had a larger turnout for a fundraiser with insurance company lobbyists.

Yet another person who thought they had bought and paid for a health insurance policy that would, you know, actually pay for their medical bills had their policy canceled for no particular reason other than to make more money for the insurance company. But in an ironic twist, the victim of this all-too-commmon scam managed to stay alive long enough to sue the company and win a judgement against them.

Fox News again shows why Obama doesn’t like to appear on their shows. Obama is interviewed on Fox by Bret Baier, who mostly just repeats Republican talking points and interrupts Obama repeatedly, talks over the president, and even interrupts him to apologize for interrupting him. Watch the video:

I can safely predict that we could fast-forward to 2012 and the debate will still be running along the same lines, probably something like this:


© Tom Toles

I just want to remind people that any time the Republican Party comes out with an argument against the current health care reform bill, a perfectly good response is to remind them about Medicare Part D, which was crammed down the throat of Congress through outright bribery, was entirely funded through deficit spending, included “death panels”, expanded entitlements and big government, and was a huge giveaway to the drug companies.

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GOP to the Rescue

Thursday, March 18, 2010


© Lee Judge

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Catholic Nuns v. Bishops Smack Down

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Things are getting curiouser and curiouser in the world of the people who are opposed to health care reform (or at least claim they are) because they are pro-life. It was strange enough that Congressman Bart Stupak continues to be opposed to the current health care reform bill because he claims it will fund abortions, when it definitely does nothing of the kind.

You kind of expect misinformation like that from politicians, but how do you explain that the US Conference of Catholic Bishops came out against health care reform, stating that the bill’s prohibition against federal funding for abortion is a “legal fiction”.

Well, in a new twist, a group of religious orders representing 59,000 Catholic nuns has sent out a letter basically saying the Bishops are wrong. The letter says that “despire false claims to the contrary, the Senate bill will not provide taxpayer funding for elective abortions.” They also point out that health care reform will save many lives, and is “the real pro-life stance”.

Personally, I don’t see how anyone can read the health care bill and think it will fund abortions in any way, shape, or form. I applaud the Nuns for standing up to the Bishops.

Not surprisingly, Representative Stupak dismissed the letter from the nuns, saying “When I’m drafting right to life language, I don’t call up the nuns.” I guess he believes that “nun” would support him.

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Late Night Political Humor

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

“We had a lousy audience last night. You couldn’t tell if they were laughing at the jokes or if they were being tickled by New York Congressman Massa.” – David Letterman

“He admits to groping, fondling, and tickling. And I’m thinking, well, why isn’t this guy governor of New York?” – David Letterman

“Massa goes on the Glenn Beck show and he says that he was having a birthday party tickling his staff. And he said one guy couldn’t breathe, he was tickling him so hard. And then Dick Cheney said, ‘Well, we should have done that at Gitmo.'” – David Letterman

“Massa just keeps getting into more and more trouble. One of Massa’s former shipmates in the Navy says that he used to give his subordinates massages. And he called them ‘Massa massages’, which is why the Navy’s policy toward Massa was ‘don’t ask because it’s pretty obvious, isn’t it?'” – Jimmy Fallon

“So now this Congressman Eric Massa is claiming that he was bullied in a gym by Rahm Emanuel. The President’s guy is bullying him in a gym, naked. And I know you are thinking to yourselves, ‘Well gee, thanks a lot, Dave, for searing that image into our brains because that’s something we’ll carry for a long time right there.'” – David Letterman

“It turns out Eric Massa was living in a house in D.C. with a bunch of young single male staffers. Massa described the house as ‘just a bunch of guys doing guy stuff’, while the male staffers described it as a ‘den of awkwardness.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“He admits to groping, fondling, and tickling. And I’m thinking, well, why isn’t this guy governor of New York?” – David Letterman

“The big rumor is Tiger Woods is getting ready to return to golf. Tiger has hired Ari Fleischer, George Bush’s former press secretary, to handle the press for him. I guess Ari Fleischer figures after years of trying to explain George W. Bush, this should be a piece of cake.” – Jay Leno

“Tiger Woods is reportedly ready to return to golf, possibly in two weeks in Orlando. According to The New York Post, Tiger’s hired former President Bush’s press secretary, Ari Fleischer to help with his PR campaign. Is that the guy you want in charge of your approval rating? I’d hire Clinton’s guy. That’s the one with some experience in that particular area.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Former President Bush, George W. Bush, is now writing a book about his eight years in the White House. And it’s green. It’s entirely made out of old Al Gore ballots. So that will be a keepsake for you there.” – David Letterman

“A lot of anticipation about the new book that George Bush is writing. But don’t worry, it’ll also be available in English.” – David Letterman

“Karl Rove’s memoir, ‘Courage and Consequence’, is the best-selling book on Amazon.com. The book costs $19.99, and comes with free shipping and mishandling.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Barbie’s birthday. Did you know that? And if you don’t know Barbie let me just tell you. She is the pretty, plastic doll who didn’t run with John McCain.” – David Letterman

“A new poll out today shows that 22 percent of voters strongly approve of the job President Obama is doing, 43 percent strongly disapprove of the job he’s doing, and the other 35 percent are holding off judgment until he actually does something.” – Jay Leno

“I’m sure you heard the First Lady talk about this. Childhood obesity at an all-time high here in America. Give you an idea how bad it is, when children are filling out a form now, next to hometown, 83 percent of the kids write ‘buffet.'” – Jay Leno

“Yesterday, Michelle Obama and Hillary Clinton were at an event and Michelle said that she almost referred to Hillary as ‘President Clinton’ by mistake. And then Hillary was like, ‘Ha-ha-ha. Seriously, though, would you?'” – Jimmy Fallon

“According to USA Today, corruption among government officials in China is running rampant. Yet another idea they stole from us.” – Jay Leno

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