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People in Glass Houses Shouldn’t Promote Abstinence

This video presents a pretty typical right-wing opinion of abstinence education. In it, Representative Mark Souder (R-IN) claims that teaching teens to abstain from sex actually works, opposes teaching them about birth control, and even blames an AIDS victim for catching the disease because he should have abstained.

But what makes this video fun to watch is that the supposed interviewer is Tracy Jackson, Souder’s part-time communications assistant. Hypocritically, Souder had an affair with Jackson and is now resigning from Congress because of it. Both Souder and Jackson are married. Recording an abstinence video with your mistress certainly takes some balls.

UPDATE: Souder tries to blame the atmosphere in Washington for his resignation:

In the poisonous environment of Washington, D.C., any personal failing is seized upon, often twisted, for political gain. I am resigning rather than to put my family through that painful, drawn-out process.

What a saint! In the video, Souder mocks the young man with AIDS, saying “it’s everybody’s fault but his.” Truer words were never spoken.

Obviously, neither Souder nor Jackson received any abstinence education themselves, since if they had, then this tragic affair almost certainly could have been avoided. Perhaps they were just trying to prove the need for more abstinence education?

UPDATE 2: Well, I will give Souder credit for this. He broke the long-standard protocol of having his wife and family present during his resignation announcement. Instead, he said this:

My family is more than willing to stand here with me, we are a committed family. But the error is mine and I should bear the responsibility. And quite frankly I’m sick of politicians who drag their spouses up in front of the cameras, rather than confronting the problem that they have caused.

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Coated Arms


© Ed Stein

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Late Night Political Humor

“How about that oil spill in the gulf? They were going to put down what they called a containment platform, and they were going to lower it into the gulf. But that didn’t work. So now, British Petroleum wants to try something else. It’s a smaller containment device called the top hat. They get the top hat on the well, and then they’re going to get John Wilkes Booth to shoot at it.” – David Letterman

“Well, the latest plan was to cover the leak with another concrete dome, a smaller one called a top hat. Who came up with this idea, Mr. Moneybags, from the Monopoly game? What’s next, the giant thimble?” – Jay Leno

“BP, Transocean and Halliburton are blaming each other for the Gulf of Mexico oil spill. They are all right.” – Jay Leno

“Now, according to The Wall Street Journal, a new study says a parent should not be alarmed if their child tells a lie. They say it’s a natural part of development and there are three phases — adolescent lying, young adult lying, and of course, oil executive lying. That is the biggest.” – Jay Leno

“These people make Goldman Sachs look responsible, don’t they?” – Jay Leno

“BP is going to try to stop the leak by pushing garbage into it. Oh, yeah, they haven’t screwed up the gulf enough, let’s fill it with garbage, too.” – Jay Leno

“Prison inmates in Louisiana are now pitching in to clean up the Gulf Coast oil spill. At this point, the solutions have been dump chemicals in the ocean, shoot a bunch of garbage under water and release prisoners. If none of that works, they’re going to have Al Qaeda come take a look at it.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Good news from the world of publishing. Sarah Palin, former governor of Alaska, has a new book coming out this fall. The warning came from an alert T-shirt vendor.” – David Letterman

“Sarah Palin has a new book coming out called ‘America by Heart: Reflections on Family, Faith and Flag.’ Coincidentally, Faith and Flag are the names Palin picked out if she ever has twins.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Well, the Senate today voted to toughen standards for home loans. Under these new standards, lenders would have to verify that borrowers can repay the loan. Let’s just hope China doesn’t adopt this.” – Jay Leno

“Police in Cairo have detained an American man who arrived on a flight from JFK with two handguns, 250 bullets, swords, daggers and knives in his luggage. When they heard this, JFK screeners were like, ‘Sure he had all these things, but here’s what he didn’t have — bottled water or nail clippers.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Glenn Beck has Nazi Tourette’s.” – Lewis Black

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This time we’re serious!


via Friends of Irony

So when are they going to make it illegal for politicians to take bribes? Oh, that’s right, they just made it legal for corporations to throw as much money as they want at politicians.

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Arab-American wins Miss USA Contest, Right goes Ballistic

Lebanese-born Arab-American (and Muslim) Miss Michigan Rima Fakih won Donald Trump’s Miss USA competition, and the right-wing is going absolutely bat-shit crazy.

Debbie Schlussel calls her “Miss Hezbollah” and says that she won because the contest is fixed and “Clearly, there is affirmative action for Muslim women in beauty pagaents”.

Well, except that Rima’s family contains both Muslims and Christians, and she attended a Catholic school in NY City when she was growing up. In fact, Fakih’s parents celebrate Christmas and have a painting of Jesus in their home. But that doesn’t stop Schlussel from saying that she has a “devout Muslim family”. Of course, sending her to Catholic school was probably just part of their sinister plot.

Personally, the only sinister plot I can imagine here is the Miss USA pageant trying to get some added publicity … and if so, it worked.

As for affirmative action, Daniel Pipes claims that there has been a “surprising frequency of Muslims winning beauty pageants” recently. His proof? Five (count ’em) other Muslim women have won beauty pageants in the last five years, around the world, including such world-famous competitions as “Miss Nottingham”, “Miss Picardie” (a region in northern France), and “Miss A&T at North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University”. Wow.

UPDATE: Conservative blogger Michelle Malkin harps on how Fakih “nearly tripped over her gown“. Huh? Nearly? So she didn’t trip, she only nearly tripped. I guess that’s a good enough reason to hate her.

And the Centrist Zealot has it right: “a hot chick won a beauty contest”. Who cares? “Some people will argue of anything, apparently.”

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Late Night Political Humor

“Hey, here’s some good news. The price of oil has dropped by $12 a barrel. I mean, why buy it when you can just scoop it out of the water, huh?” – Jay Leno

“Oh, speaking of that. If anybody needs a 100-ton concrete containment dome, there’s one on eBay for 75 bucks.” – Jay Leno

“Actually, you know, that stupid idea about using a giant concrete dome and putting it over the leak, well, that didn’t work. In fact, experts are calling this the worst use of a concrete dome since they built that stadium for the Detroit Lions.” – Jay Leno

“Now they’re talking about trying to clog the leak up with garbage, like tires and golf balls. You know, where are the OxiClean people? Why don’t we bring them down? Why not use the miracle cleaning power of oranges? Where are those people? Let’s get the experts in here.” – Jay Leno

“The three companies involved in the oil spill are Transocean, BP, and Halliburton. They’re all blaming the other guy. I was stunned. Oil company executives passing the buck. It was just shocking.” – Jay Leno

“Earlier today, the British Petroleum oil executives — the guys responsible for the big oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico — they testified before Congress. This was great. They were criticized by the same guys who approved drilling in the gulf.” – David Letterman

“Congress told BP they can’t label this catastrophic failure as an unpredictable and unforeseeable occurrence. See, Congress used that excuse for not catching the financial meltdown, so now they have to come up with their own excuse.” – Jay Leno

“But these British Petroleum executives are trying to spin this a little bit. I heard one guy say today that it’s a good thing, actually, because now when you open a clam, the hinge doesn’t squeak.” – David Letterman

“Greece has a huge economic crisis. Tourism’s down there. Government spending is up. And Greece hasn’t done anything in 2,000 years, really. I mean, other than that little to-go coffee cup in New York, there’s not a lot they’ve made.” – Jay Leno

“Greece is a relatively small country. It would be like a state over here. But it overspends, it over borrows, it promises expensive pension plans, it over-taxes, it over-regulates business. So, the state it would be here would be California.” – Jay Leno

“Google’s new Android phone is outselling Apple’s iPhone. I don’t know what an Android can do, besides dance the robot or become the governor of California.” – Craig Ferguson

“Last weekend, President Obama gave an impassioned speech against technology. And then he had to stop when the teleprompter broke.” – Craig Ferguson

“Not looking good around the world, folks. A top investment analyst says China’s economy will slow down and crash within the year. You know, they already have signs of trouble over there, too. Do you know the unemployment rate is a staggering 12 percent among 3-year-olds in China?” – Jay Leno

“Well, in announcing this Elena Kagan as his nominee for the Supreme Court, President Barack Obama characterized Kagan as a ‘trailblazing leader.’ The other Democrats said she was a wise choice because she had no paper trail.” – Jay Leno

“Well, in Colorado one of the gubernatorial candidates has taken out a Craigslist ad to find a running mate. Is that a good idea? Hey, it didn’t work when John McCain tried it.” – Jay Leno

“And our transportation secretary, a man named Ray LaHood, announced that we are going to reopen the U.S. border to Mexican trucks. Apparently they couldn’t squeeze enough people into vans anymore, so they’re going to trucks now.” – Jay Leno

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The Irony of America


© Lloyd Dangle

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Judge-Mental


© Ben Sargent

The idea that Supreme Court justices have to be judges is actually quite new.

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Late Night Political Humor

“It looks like the next Supreme Court justice could be a New Yorker. Her name is Elena Kagan. She has never argued before a judge before. But living in New York City, you know, she’s argued in cabs, she’s argued in subways, she’s argued in delis, she’s argued in her apartment, she’s yelled at her super, she’s argued in line.” – David Letterman

“It is a great day for America’s Supreme Court. President Obama just nominated Elena Kagan to be the next Supreme Court justice. He went against the advice of Joe Biden. Biden wanted Iron Man.” – Craig Ferguson

“President Obama has picked Solicitor General Elena Kagan as his Supreme Court nominee. America does not know a whole lot about her. All we know at this point is during the last ‘Twilight’ movie, she was ‘Team Jacob.'” – Jay Leno

“The British elections were last Thursday, but they still don’t know who’s running the country. The whole country is topsy-turvy. People are skipping afternoon tea. Some have even taken to brushing their teeth.” – Craig Ferguson

“Britain’s current prime minister, Gordon Brown, announced that he is stepping down and his replacement might be the education secretary, a gentleman named Ed Balls. I would like to make a plea on behalf of late night talk show hosts and bad comedians everywhere — I implore the voters of Britain to make sure that happens. ” – Craig Ferguson

“I’m glad here in the U.S. we always know who’s running things. Oprah.” – Craig Ferguson

“Hey, the government announced today they’re making big changes to the do-not-fly list. Apparently, asking terrorists to be on the honor system has not been working. So now they’re going to start cracking down.” – Jay Leno

“It’s interesting: U.S. investigators are trying to understand how the Times Square bomber took numerous trips back and forth to Pakistan even though the guy’s name was on the no-fly list. Know what I think happened? I think the government confused the no-fly list with the ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ list.” – Jay Leno

“Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood said today the Obama administration will soon reopen the U.S. border to Mexican trucks. Of course, this came a huge shock to Mexican truck drivers. They didn’t even know it was closed.” – Jay Leno

“The Obama administration has revealed the size of America’s nuclear arsenal. The U.S. has 5,113 warheads, approximately 1,000 of them aimed at China, 1,000 aimed at Russia, and the rest, of course, aimed at Fox News.” – Jay Leno

“The State Department now has warned against travel to the tribal regions of Pakistan. There goes my summer vacation.” – David Letterman

“British Petroleum said today that if this spill gets worse, they may soon have to start drilling for water.” – Jay Leno

“Well, in China, the one child limit may be on its way out because Chinese experts say there aren’t enough babies in the country anymore. To give you an idea how bad it’s getting, some factories over there are now being forced to hire adults.” – Jay Leno

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Do Deficits Matter?

Dick Cheney famously said “Reagan proved deficits don’t matter.” Cheney was presumably talking about the political implications of deficits, because Reagan won reelection even though he blew up the deficit more than all of his predecessors combined (while continuing to claim to be a fiscal conservative).

But now, economist James Galbraith claims that deficits don’t matter financially, that “the danger posted by the long-term deficit … is zero”.

So which is it? Are record deficits threatening to destroy the value of our money, like they did in post World War I Germany? Or was the economic collapse in Germany that led to the rise of the Nazis caused by other problems?

Indeed, the collapse of the economy in Germany helped the Fascists rise to power. If I were susceptible to conspiracy theories, I might even believe that the sudden, completely unforeseen collapse of our economy in 2008 might have been engineered to help (fascist-like) elements of our society gain power.

And then there are the Chinese. Will our deficits make us the equivalent of serfs to our Chinese landlords, or is the fact that China is so heavily invested in America the only thing that is saving our collective asses? Does economic chaos in America help or hurt the Chinese?

Of course, that doesn’t explain the tea partiers, who don’t seem to notice the deficit when the Republicans are in power, but scream bloody murder about it when the Democrats are in power. Or are they just pawns in that conspiracy theory that I really don’t believe in (honest!).

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Supreme Hypocrisy

In 2005, President Bush nominated his White House lawyer Harriet Miers to the Supreme Court. Five years later, President Obama nominated Solicitor General Elena Kagan. Neither has ever been a judge, however there is no question that Kagan has the more impressive credentials.

However, some Republicans see it differently. Here are some quotes, from then and now:

John Cornyn (R-TX) NRSC Chairman.

One reason I felt so strongly about Harriet Miers’s qualifications is I thought she would fill some very important gaps in the Supreme Court. Because right now you have people who’ve been federal judges, circuit judges most of their lives, or academicians. And what you see is a lack of grounding in reality and common sense that I think would be very beneficial.

Ms. Kagan is likewise a surprising choice because she lacks judicial experience. Most Americans believe that prior judicial experience is a necessary credential for a Supreme Court Justice.

Mitch McConnell (R-KY) Senate Minority Leader.

Ms. Miers has an exemplary record of service to our country. She will bring to the Court a lifetime of experience in various levels of government, and at the highest levels of the legal profession. She is a woman of tremendous ability and very sound judgment. … Ms. Miers has great experience in government as well, at the local, state, and federal levels. …She is well qualified to join the nation’s highest court. … She will make a fine addition to the Supreme Court, and I look forward to her confirmation.

[Kagan is] the least qualified in terms of judicial experience in 38 years. Now some would argue that maybe we need to have people who don’t have judicial experience. I saw a survey indicating that about 70 percent of the American people think that judicial experience is a good idea for somebody who is going to be on the Supreme Court.

Jeff Sessions (R-AL) Senate Judiciary Committee ranking member.

My conversations with Harriet Miers indicate that she is a first-rate lawyer and a fine person. Her legal skills are proven and her reputation throughout the legal community is excellent. It is not necessary that she have previous experience as a judge in order to serve on the Supreme Court. It’s perfectly acceptable to nominate outstanding lawyers to that position.

Ms. Kagan’s lack of judicial experience and short time as Solicitor General, arguing just six cases before the Court, is troubling. The public expects Supreme Court nominees to possess a mastery of the law, a sound judicial philosophy, and a demonstrated dedication to the impartial application of the law and the Constitution. With no judicial opinions to consider, it will be especially important that other aspects of her record exhibit these characteristics.

Historically, quite a few Supreme Court Justices have not had any prior judicial experience.

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Does McCain flip-flop, or can he just not remember his positions?

John McCain is running a campaign ad in Arizona, saying that Arizona should “Complete the Danged Fence” and increase border security:

But McCain himself voted against the fence, and voted against increasing funding for border security several times. Did he just forget?

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Oh Yeah?


© Stuart Carlson

Is turnabout fair play?

UPDATE: This post hit the front page of social news site Reddit, and some pretty ironic flaming is going on over there.

What I find amazingly ironic is that most of the arguments are over whether government is good or government is bad, like it could be purely one or the other. In a representative democracy, the government is us. We voted for these clowns. As Pogo famously said, we have met the enemy, and he is us.

Would you argue about whether the American people are good or bad? Obviously, some are good and some are bad (sometimes, the same people are both good and bad, occasionally at the same time). The same thing is true for government — some is good and some is bad. Which we get is up to us. As much as I love to bash Fox News, the problem is not Fox News, the problem is all the people who believe their bald-faced propaganda.

If you claim that government is purely bad, does that mean you want no government at all? No police, no fire department, no military, no laws, and all transactions done by barter? If you claim that government is purely good, does that mean you want government to do everything? Own all property, decide what you read? I’m sure there are nut-jobs at both ends of this spectrum, but most people understand that we need some government. The issue is not, for example, whether or not to have regulations at all, but what regulations actually work and what regulations don’t work.

The real message of Obama (as he frequently said himself) was that we shouldn’t trust him, that he can’t fix everything. If we want to have a good government, we have to be involved, we have to make sure the government works for us, not the other way around. When did we become a nation of victims, bleating on and on while not actually doing anything constructive?

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Late Night Political Humor

“This oil spill in the Gulf is affecting everybody. In fact, when I went to lunch this weekend and ordered the sea bass, they asked if I wanted it regular or unleaded.” – David Letterman

“This is going to be the biggest environmental disaster ever. You know what that means? More bonuses.” – David Letterman

“Although it seems like nothing is getting accomplished in the Gulf, and the situation is getting worse every day, the government has been involved in the clean-up effort since the beginning. They said that, as proof of their involvement, nothing has really been accomplished and the situation is getting worse every day.” – Jay Leno

“George Rekers, the co-founder of a far-Right Christian group called the Family Research Council, sounds very scientific. It’s not. This man devoted his life to curing homosexuality. And you know, people have to stop saying that just because someone is an anti-gay activist they might be gay. They’re definitely gay! They are 100% sausage-smoking, Barbara Streisand-loving, Project Runway-ready gay.” – Bill Maher

“Mr. George Rekers was caught this week on a European vacation with a 20 year-old male hooker. And his excuse, the first excuse, was that he needed someone to carry his luggage. … Rekers said he could have just bought one of those rolling suitcases, but they look so gay.” – Bill Maher

“There’s speculation that the 1,000-point drop in the Dow may have been sparked by a typo, where someone entered ‘billion’ instead of ‘million’ on a trading order. Economists are saying a single letter hasn’t caused this many problems since the letter ‘Dubya.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“One guy can do a billion dollar transaction and a manager doesn’t have to approve it? If I try to pay with a fifty at Starbucks, it turns into a four man operation.” – Amy Poehler

“The stock market crisis is so bad that Wall Street is starting to look like Wal-Mart Street.” – Jay Leno

“Why is it that whenever something happens to the people that should’ve seen it coming didn’t see coming, it’s blamed on one of these rare, once in a century, perfect storms that for some reason take place every f*cking two weeks. I’m beginning to think these are not perfect storms. I’m beginning to think these are regular storms and we have a sh*tty boat.” – Jon Stewart

“Greece has a national debt that is so large, they can never pay it back. Well, thank God that can never happen here.” – Jay Leno

“The crisis in Greece is being blamed on overspending, but the government claims that the spending is necessary to stimulate the economy, according to Greek President Barack Obama-opolous.” – Jay Leno

“I love you Greece, but your retirement age is 54. Really? Greek people in America work the register at the diner til they die.” – Tina Fey

“New Rule: If President Obama is going to keep saying, ‘We will not be terrorized,’ he has to show he means it by letting us take our gels and liquids back on the plane. Hey, we’re Americans, of course we’re terrified—being afraid is what we do best. The stars and stripes should be replaced by Shaggy and Scooby-Doo, running for their lives.” – Bill Maher

“The Arizona government is very defensive about its new immigration law. They are being accused of just looking for Mexicans. The Arizona government says, ‘No, earlier today we were rounding up Germans.'” – David Letterman

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Glenn Beck has Nazi Tourettes

Lewis Black is brilliant:

UPDATE: I can’t stop laughing every time I watch this.

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