Political Irony

“General McChrystal was relieved of his duties because of derogatory comments he made about President Obama and other White House staffers. In fact, when he heard that, Joe Biden was shocked and said, ‘What? You can get fired for saying something stupid? What? When’d they start that? Is that new?'” – Jay Leno

“You know about the big change in Afghanistan? General McChrystal did an interview in Rolling Stone and he was talking about how much he didn’t like Joe Biden. He was talking about the Administration. He was trashing everybody. So President Obama calls the guy home from Afghanistan, and they had, like, a sit-down in the White House, in the Oval Office, today. It was very, very intimate. It was the President, it was General McChrystal, the Salahis, and that’s it.” – David Letterman

“But the general, when he showed up, got a very chilly reception, kind of like I did when I came out here.” – David Letterman

“President Obama said today, although he admires McChrystal’s service and dedication to his country, he said, ‘You don’t criticize your bosses.’ Okay, that’s the same reason President Obama never says anything bad about the Chinese.” – Jay Leno

“But the general is in trouble for shooting off his mouth. Once again, another hole Obama can’t plug.” – David Letterman

“So, the bad news for McChrystal is he got fired for insulting the President. But the good news is, Fox said, ‘We’ll hire him.'” – Jay Leno

“Today, President Obama fired General Stanley McChrystal, saying McChrystal showed poor judgment in his Rolling Stone interview. It turns out when it comes to criticizing the White House, the general’s policy is ‘just ask, and I’ll tell.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Actually, McChrystal now saying it was all a misunderstanding. He said he did make the comments in Rolling Stone but they forgot to add the ‘LOL.'” – Jay Leno

“He’s being replaced by General David Petraeus. And when Petraeus got news, he was so excited, he fainted again.” – David Letterman

“On the ‘Today’ show this morning, BP executive Bob Dudley said that CEO Tony Hayward is committed to BP, and BP is committed to Tony Hayward. Oh, good. Because our number one concern here is, how are you guys doing?” – Jimmy Fallon

“The city of Los Angeles now rethinking its boycott of Arizona because the city’s red light cameras are all owned by an Arizona-based company. See, red lights and speed cameras are a big source of revenue for the city. And the boycott of Arizona could mean no more red lights, no more cameras, no more tickets. I’m willing to make that sacrifice.” –Jay Leno

“Starting today, there is a huge rock festival in England. It is called Glastonbury. These days, every country has its own music festival. England has Glastonbury. Here, we have Lollapalooza and Coachella. In North Korea, they have the Kim Jong Ill-ith Fair.” – Craig Ferguson

“In Afghanistan, they have the al Qaeda Palooza. ‘Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for — Kenny G-had!'” – Craig Ferguson

“President Obama is being criticized now. Here’s the problem. The British Petroleum guy, Tony Hayward, was on his yacht recently. Everybody thought, whoa, this idiot. I mean, the Gulf of Mexico is turning to asphalt and the British Petroleum guy is relaxing on his yacht. When he heard about that, President Obama was so angry, he missed a putt.” – David Letterman

“Now, in Obama’s defense, people are saying, ‘Wait a minute, the president has always had his own particular way of relaxing.’ For example, George W. Bush had his way of relaxing. He was president. That’s how he relaxed.” – David Letterman

“Larry King’s oil spill telethon last night raised $1.8 million. Usually, to get that much money from Larry King, you have to divorce him.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Tough times for relationships. Al and Tipper Gore splitting up. The bachelor couple, Jake and Vienna, they’re done. Now, President Obama and General McChrystal — they’re on the rocks.” – Jay Leno

“Due to an explosive interview in Rolling Stone magazine, our top commander in Afghanistan, Gen. Stanley McChrystal, has been ordered home to explain why he criticized the president, made fun of Joe Biden, and called the White House staff a bunch of clowns. He should be called home. That’s not the general’s job. That is my job.” – Jay Leno

“McChrystal’s clearly been hitting that sweet Afghani heroin. Because you would have to be higher than Keith Richards to criticize your commander-in-chief at a time of war in front of a reporter from Rolling Stone.” – Stephen Colbert

“In 2011, China will end America’s 110-year run as the No. 1 manufacturing country in the world. That gives me a great idea. We should start making the one thing we know the world will always need — made in China labels.” – Jimmy Fallon

“And economists predict by this time next year, China will overtake the United States as the No. 1 country in manufacturing. But you know something, we have only ourselves to blame for this. I mean, what were we thinking — making our kids go to school? What idiots we are! Child labor, that’s the key!” – Jay Leno

“Well, folks, Sarah Palin has admitted she tried marijuana several years ago, but she did not like it. She said it distorted her perceptions, impaired her thinking, and she’s hoping that the effects will eventually wear off.” – Jay Leno

“It’s two days since Father’s Day, so John Edwards, you can come out now! It’s safe!” – Jay Leno

“Researchers found that most parents don’t know if their preschool-aged child is overweight or obese. I think the real news here is that those are the only two options.” – Jimmy Fallon

When Icelandic comedian Jon Gnarr founded The Best Party last December, people thought it was a joke. Indeed, Gnarr satirized Iceland’s corrupt and incompetent political parties, promising free towels at public swimming pools and that he would build a Disneyland at the Reykjavik airport. The idea for the new party came after Iceland’s traumatic banking collapse, and it quickly attracted members from Iceland’s punk rock scene.

But in what appears to be a massive protest vote, The Best Party won the most votes of any party in the recent elections in Reykjavik, propelling Gnarr into the mayor’s office and winning 6 seats on the 15 member city council. But now that they have won the election, will they take their jobs seriously?

You’ll have to be the judge, as Gnarr tries to calm fears about his new party with what has to be one of the best political quotes of the year:

No one has to be afraid of the Best Party, because it is the best party. If it wasn’t, it would be called the Worst Party or the Bad Party. We would never work with a party like that.

Indeed, one of his first actions was to give free admission to city swimming pools for anyone under the age of 18. Who says humor doesn’t have a proper place in real politics?

© Ruben Bolling

What is it with the current swarm of corporate CEOs who are running for political office? Didn’t we learn our lesson after Dubya promised during his campaign to run the government like a business? If Tony Hayward weren’t British, I’m sure the Republicans would be trying to nominate him for the presidency.

For another great comic about Nate, see “If you can’t be right, be neo-right“.

“Last night, President Barack Obama spoke from the Oval Office about his plan to clean up the oil spill. Did you folks get a chance to see it? Yeah. Well, I’m glad that problem’s behind us.” – David Letterman

“Last night, President Obama delivered a prime time address on the oil spill. He said his administration ‘has been on top of the situation since Day 51.’ I mean, ‘Day 1 .’ I’m sorry.” – Jay Leno

“President Obama made a lot of promises that he can’t possibly keep. I mean, it’s like he’s campaigning again, really.” – David Letterman

“President Obama told the residents of the Florida coastal area that he is with them for the long haul, or at least until 2012.” – Jay Leno

“Obama said we need a new energy strategy, one with more alternatives, like solar power. I agree. But let’s not forget about lunar power. Remember, the moon is what gives power to werewolves.” – Craig Ferguson

“Now, I know Obama was trying to take the long view, but talking about solar energy in the middle of the oil spill is like watching your house engulfed in flames and saying, ‘We really should change the curtains.'” – Craig Ferguson

“He assured the nation that the gulf will be cleaned up and restored to even greater beauty and prosperity. Well, you know what that means. He’s started drinking. That’s the only possible explanation.” – David Letterman

“President Obama also declared that seafood in the gulf was safe to eat, although he said if you ‘really want to be safe, eat at Long John Silver’s.’ Luckily, batter has not been affected by the spill.” – Jay Leno

“And then today, the president met with BP CEO Tony Hayward, and Obama was demanding that BP clean up the gulf. And I’m thinking, good luck. They can’t even clean up their gas station restrooms.” – David Letterman

“Today, President Obama finally met with BP’s CEO, Tony Hayward, but the meeting was only scheduled 20 minutes. Call me crazy, but I think it should take more time to discuss an oil spill than it does to get your oil checked.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Well, today, President Obama met with that Tony Hayward guy and a couple of other BP executives. The meeting only lasted about 20 minutes, or, in BP terms, 10,000 barrels of oil.” – Jay Leno

“Obama’s not the only one on the hot seat right now. The CEO of BP is taking a lot of flak. His name is Tony Hayward. Today, President Obama had a meeting with Hayward at the White House. It got off to the wrong start. Hayward arrived in a Hummer limo powered by baby seals.” – Craig Ferguson

“I wonder how Obama began that meeting. ‘Thanks for wrecking my presidency, Tony. Want a water or something?'” – Craig Ferguson

“Hayward didn’t take any questions after his White House meeting today. Probably a good thing. He’s great at destroying ecosystems, but not so great at talking. Hayward has said: ‘No one wants this thing over more than I do. I’d like my life back.’ Tony, I’m so sorry you had your summer disrupted. I’d buy you a drink, but you’d probably spill that, too. And make me clean it up.” – Craig Ferguson

“BP had to stop collecting oil for a few hours yesterday after a bolt of lightning struck its ship in the gulf, causing a fire. When asked for a comment, a spokesman for BP was like, ‘So that’s how things could possibly get any worse.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“And then, right after the president’s speech, Sarah Palin, former governor of Alaska, said that we should not demonize the oil companies. Well, I’m glad somebody’s looking out for the little guy.” – David Letterman

“By this point, it’s not even an ‘oil spill’ anymore. Spill is a little accident that can easily be cleaned up. Calling this a ‘spill’ is like calling World War II a ‘tiff.'” – Craig Ferguson

“Now, listen. I’m not naïve about large faceless corporations who destroy everything that’s beautiful. I work here at CBS.” – Craig Ferguson

“A new poll found that Hillary Clinton is now more popular than President Obama. Hillary was like, ‘Look, I don’t pay attention to the silly polls like that — what were the numbers exactly?'” – Jimmy Fallon

“That’s right, Hillary is more popular than Barack. They’re separated by about 10 points, or roughly one billion gallons of crude oil.” – Jimmy Fallon

“You guys, ‘Top Chef D.C.’ premieres tonight on Bravo. I love that show. But since it’s in D.C., the contestants don’t actually cook; they just talk about what they’re going to cook in the future.” – Jimmy Fallon

“China has bought more U.S. debt. They know hold over $900 billion of U.S. debt. A lot of Americans concerned about this because it’s so much. Why are you concerned? It is not like we’re going to pay them back.” – Jay Leno