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Late Night Political Humor

“Vice President Joe Biden made a surprise visit to Iraq on July 4. It was a surprise because Biden thought he was going to Des Moines for a fund-raiser.” – Jay Leno

“While Vice President Biden was away, Republican Chairman Michael Steele was forced to take over the job of saying embarrassing things you have to apologize for later.” – Jay Leno

“You hear about this? Michael Steele said that — well, he’s in trouble, actually — for saying the war in Afghanistan was Obama’s war, and it was unwinnable. In fact, Steele felt so sorry for it, he said today he went to his favorite bondage nightclub, demanded to be spanked.” – Jay Leno

“Well, there was talk the Democrats are going to try and pass an immigration bill this year, but it looks like that’s not going to happen. It’s kind of ironic. The only place that has an immigration plan is Mexico, and their plan is to immigrate here.” – Jay Leno

“You people are so lucky you live in California. This heat wave back east is just unbelievable. … It was so hot in Washington, Nancy Pelosi skipped the Botox, had her face injected with frozen yogurt.” – Jay Leno

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More Republican Logic

Yes, the Republicans do have a plan for reducing unemployment:


© Ed Stein

One of the things I really like about Ed Stein’s comics is that he has a blog where he comments on them. His comments on this one are better than anything I could add:

I’ve been accused of blindly blaming the Republican Party for too many things. But this is one even my most conservative friends agree on. Both parties have always agreed to extend unemployment benefits during recessions. It makes economic sense, and it’s the most humane thing government can do when its citizens are economically stressed. First of all, the money goes immediately into circulation–it gets spent, both alleviating the pain of the unemployed, and acting as an economic stimulus to the broader economy. This Republican Party, though, either can’t understand the benefits, or more likely, is quite willing to inflict untold pain on the people of this country if it sees an electoral benefit. The economy will get worse, Obama will be blamed, and the Republicans will reap the gains in November. Never mind the suffering. The cynicism is staggering, and shameful.

Some of the rhetoric is beyond belief. The new talking point is that extending unemployment benefits will only discourage people rom looking for jobs. Oh, we lazy Americans. Fifteen million of us thrown out of work since the recession began, and we just don’t want to go back on the job because of those cushy benefits. Unemployment is our fault. And there are all those high-paying jobs out there just going begging because Obama is too generous with our tax money. Give me a break!

I too hope that you will remember when you go to vote.

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Don’t Take Our Jobs!

Even though I think the Arizona immigration law is stupid and racist, I can’t help but enjoy this comic, which makes fun of people (like me) who point out that illegal immigrants are only taking jobs that we don’t want anyway.


© John Trever

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Tanning Tax is Racist?

Maybe the Glenn Beck show is trying to tell us that if we get rid of Beck himself, it might just get worse. Because while Beck was on vacation, his fill-in host, Doc Thompson, said this gem:

For years I’ve suggested that racism was in decline and yeah, there are some, you know, incidents that still happen with regards to racism, but most of the claims I’ve said for years, well, they’re not really real. But I realize now that I was wrong. For I now too feel the pain of racism. Racism has been dropped at my front door and the front door of all lighter-skinned Americans. The health care bill the president just signed into law includes a 10 percent tax on all indoor tanning sessions starting July first, and I say, who uses tanning? Is it dark-skinned people? I don’t think so. I would guess that most tanning sessions are from light-skinned Americans. Why would the President of the United States of America — a man who says he understands racism, a man who has been confronted with racism — why would he sign such a racist law? Why would he agree to do that? Well now I feel the pain of racism.

Of course, if you want to run with his premise, then you should really call it a tax on stupid white people, since artificial tanning as little as once a month can increase your risk of deadly skin cancer by 55%.

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Smackdown: Obama v. Reagan – Which one is more conservative?

To me, the point that this video actually makes is that the term “conservative” has lost its meaning.

[Hat tip to Cliff Schecter at The Political Carnival]

UPDATE: Newsweek has an excellent article about Reagan, the man and the myth, that tries to answer the question: What would Reagan really do?

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Encouraging Republican Logic


© Rob Rogers

Not to mention that bailing out the investment banks will only encourage them to rape and pillage the economy again. And electing Republicans in November will only encourage them to repeat the mess they got us into during the Bush administration.

Learn from Republican logic. Don’t encourage them.

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Late Night Political Humor

“Back in 1776, Americans were fighting to escape British rule, these days we’re fighting to escape British oil.” – Jay Leno

“The East Coast is suffering from a terrible heat wave. Wall Street bankers are jumping out of windows just for the cool breeze on the way down.” – Jay Leno

“Queen Elizabeth is visiting New York City for the first time since 1976. I understand she’s trying to help them recruit LeBron James.” – Jay Leno

“Iran has banned the mullet. Today, the state of Kentucky broke off all diplomatic relations with Iran.” – Jay Leno

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Steele Second Base


© Jim Morin

Well, it looks like Michael Steele might get to keep his job as RNC Chairman. Apparently, Republicans are afraid of a drawn-out fight over their most prominent African-American leader during the build-up to the November elections. Instead, they are going to try to marginalize him. After all, his term as chairman is up in six months.

One blessing coming from all this is that Steele’s tenure — starting right at the same time that Barack Obama became president — strongly demonstrates that politics is not about race. It is about competence. Obama and Steele may be the same race, but in terms of competence they are miles apart. Steele has been dogged by allegations of questionable spending, anemic fundraising, staff shake-ups, and worrisome gaffes. Obama has been dogged by questionable allegations, coming from the same people who appointed Steele their chairman.

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The New Greene Economy

The story of Alvin Greene just keeps getting weirder. As you (might) recall, Greene won the Democratic primary for senator in South Carolina, despite running the stealthiest stealth mode campaign in history, and having no money, no political experience, and an outstanding felony charge.

But the newest twist comes from an interview in The Guardian (yes, the British newspaper), where Greene explains one of his ideas for creating jobs in South Carolina:

Another thing we can do for jobs is make toys of me, especially for the holidays. Little dolls. Me. Like maybe little action dolls. Me in an army uniform, air force uniform, and me in my suit. They can make toys of me and my vehicle, especially for the holidays and Christmas for the kids. That’s something that would create jobs. So you see I think out of the box like that. It’s not something a typical person would bring up. That’s something that could happen, that makes sense. It’s not a joke.

The entire interview is worth a read, perhaps because it is always refreshing to read something that has not been mangled by the US mainstream media. I have to admit that after reading their article, Greene’s candidacy almost makes sense.

Almost.

Well, at least Greene makes far more sense than someone who wasn’t named Joe, was not quite a plumber, and who was upset at Obama for lowering his taxes but raising them on rich people because, you know, someday he might get rich and when he does he sure won’t want to pay any taxes.

Besides, anything that scares the political establishment and freaks out the media can’t be all bad.

UPDATE: It turns out that Greene did pay for his own $10,440 filing fee. There is still the possibility that his victory was the result of faulty voting machines, but I have to admit that I’m starting to enjoy his candidacy and hope he isn’t crushed ignominiously in the election against Jim DeMint.

UPDATE 2: Greene gets his wish. We now have Alvin Greene action figures.

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Palin for RNC Chair: National Review About to be Cheered on by Democrats

From the National Review Online:

An Idea for the RNC: Dump Steele, Hire Palin [Kevin D. Williamson]
Re: Steele and the RNC: Allow me to chime in with my usual observation on this subject: This is a job for Sarah Palin. Palin would be a much better RNC chairman than presidential candidate or freelance kingmaker. She’d raise tons of money and help recruit good candidates, i.e., she’d excel at doing the things Steele should have been doing instead of appointing himself Republican pundit-at-large.

A Chairman Palin would help set the right tone for the Republican party without having to get herself entangled in the minutiae of policy-development, which has not been her forte. Sure, she’d be polarizing, but so is Barack Obama, and these are polarized times. And it’s one thing to have a polarizing party chairman, another to have a polarizing candidate.

Anybody disagree?

Political comedians everywhere will scream their delight. As one comment put it: “Oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please oh please”.

UPDATE: NPR has a longer article about Michael Steele’s troubles, and other supporters wanting to replace him with Sarah Palin. Here’s another right-wing blog that likes the idea:

There is no other Republican today that the progressives hate or fear more than Palin. The GOP desperately needs her leadership, star power, and fund raising abilities to accomplish the political victories in November that the party is hoping for to regain either the House or Senate. After the latest foot in mouth incident by RNC leader Michael Steele, the time for Palin may be near if she is up to the challenge.

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Umpire Kagan


© Tom Toles

I don’t know if you are following the confirmation hearings, but Kagan seems to be doing a good job of slyly pointing out the hypocrisy of her interrogators.

When Republican Senator Tom Coburn ask what she would do if Congress pass a law requiring Americans “to eat three vegetables and three fruits every day”, Kagan pointed out that legislation is the job of our elected representatives (like Coburn himself) and that the Supreme Court shouldn’t strike down laws just because they are dumb. She repeatedly said that the Supreme Court should show “great deference to Congress” since the constitution makes it their job to legislate. But although conservatives frequently decry “activist judges” they didn’t seem to like her answer. As the NY Times put it, “They appeared to want the Supreme Court to save them from themselves.”

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Conservative Tin Foil Hat Time

Two articles caught my eye today that epitomize what’s wrong with today’s conservative movement in America — all they have left is rage. What else could explain this completely bizarre editorial in the Chicago Sun-Times by Terry Savage. While driving through an upscale neighborhood on a hot day she noticed three little girls had set up a lemonade stand. But what has her fuming is that these three little communists were giving their lemonade away for free. According to her:

Three girls giving away free lemonade isn’t cute, it’s indicative of the lack of economic responsibility we’re passing on to future generations. … If we can’t teach our kids the basics of running a lemonade stand, how can we ever teach Congress the basics of economics?

Seriously. Go read the article if you don’t believe me.

Money may be the same as free speech now, but free lemonade is socialism. Greed is enshrined as righteousness.

But that isn’t the only thing that conservatives are raging about. This summer is heating up to be an even crazier version of last year’s conservative assault on our country. Remember when the Texas governor suggested that Texas secede from the US? Well, now they are drumming for a new civil war. Glenn Beck says “I think we’re headed for a civil war“. Bob Owens says you should “Go to your Congressman’s office and scream at him in the most colorful language possible. Hang him in effigy at protests. If you’re willing to do the time for the crime, have a swing at him.” Limbaugh says “This is the kind of stuff that starts civil wars folks; this is not coincidental.” And Pamela Geller warns “If the king decrees that all illegals will be granted amnesty, I can assure you that America will not go quietly. … It is increasingly clear that the most divisive President in history is itching for a civil war. And at the rate he is going, he is going to get one”.

That’s bad enough, but conservative pundits are going absolutely ape-shit about Obama. Among the accusations tossed out are that he is a Russian spy, a thug, a terrorist, that he is deliberately prolonging the Gulf oil spill crisis, that he is working toward one world government, and even that he wants to control “your toilet”.

It’s tin foil hat time.

UPDATE: Gin and Tacos has created a hilarious annotated version of this story. Read it if you want a good laugh.

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Late Night Political Humor

“Sunday is July 4, when America combines our two favorite pastimes: alcohol and explosives.” – David Letterman

“July 4 is my favorite holiday. No presents, no church, just a lighter and a trunk full of explosives.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“The fireworks are beautiful to look at, but more importantly, they drown out the gunfire.” – David Letterman

“Here’s a fireworks safety tip. Don’t get drunk and leave bottle rockets on the grill unless you want to see your hot dogs fly, which is fun too.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“You know what is in the theaters right now is another movie in the ‘Twilight’ saga. Everybody has got ‘Twilight’ fever. Sarah Palin, former governor of Alaska, was in a helicopter, shooting werewolves.” – David Letterman

“For the second day, there were no World Cup games. I missed the sound of vuvuzelas so much that I taped a beehive to my head.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“But all across the country, it was iPhone mania. Thousands and thousands of people lined up for the new iPhone. Meanwhile, out in Arizona, John McCain was in line for a pay phone.” – David Letterman

“Larry King is leaving ‘Larry King Live’ this fall and the truth is, no one can really fill his shoes — if he even wears shoes. I’ve never seen his feet, I don’t know.” – Jimmy Kimmel

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Framing The Framers of the Constitution


© Matt Wuerker

Considering that the Boston Tea Party was actually against the East India Tea Company (the then equivalent of a multinational corporation) it is difficult to believe that the founders of this country really intended for corporations to have the same rights as people and for money to be considered protected speech.

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Backtracking Steele

Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC), currently touring Afghanistan, when asked about Michael Steele’s recent comments about this being “Obama’s War”:

This is not President Obama’s war. This is America’s war. … I want to separate myself from that statement. And the good news is Michael Steele is backtracking so fast, he’s going to be in Kabul fighting here pretty soon.

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