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Late Night Political Humor

“New FBI statistics say that crime in the United States fell 5 percent from last year. You see what happens when we put Lindsay Lohan in jail?” – Jimmy Kimmel

“You know things are bad when even criminals can’t find work in this country.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Experts say the decrease in crime could be due to the aging of the population, increased incarceration, and many criminals finding jobs in the banking industry and on Wall Street.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“The Center for American Progress is using Justin Bieber in their marketing to help get out the vote in November. And really, what better symbol to get out the vote than someone who is way too young to vote and Canadian.” – Jay Leno

“President Obama is going to release a fun, easy-to-read children’s book. It’s for ages Biden and up.” – Jimmy Fallon

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Reach Out and Touch … Yourself

The Bible says that lust in your heart is committing adultery. So you can’t masturbate without lust.

– Christine O’Donnell, Tea Party, and now Republican candidate for the Senate, and founder of an organization opposed to masturbation.

Wouldn’t this Jimmy Kimmel routine be funnier if it were Karl Rove doing the masturbating? Then, when he recants, doing some ass kissing?

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Late Night Political Humor

“President Obama insisted that the U.S. economy is still showing improvement. And he said you can take that to the bank, if you can find any that are still open.” – Jay Leno

“Newt Gingrich said President Obama is out of touch with how the world works. Then Gingrich was like, ‘Hold on, I think someone is faxing me something.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“According to a new report, 41 of President Obama’s staffers now owe the government more than $831,000 in back taxes. When asked if they could just keep avoiding taxes, they said, ‘Yes we can! Yes we can!'” – Jay Leno

“There was a lot of talk about President Obama not wearing his wedding ring during his press conference on Friday. Boy, the guy spends a couple of hours with Tiger Woods and look what happens.” – Jay Leno

“It’s a great day for the leader of the free world. Of course, I’m talking about Oprah.” – Craig Ferguson

“Oprah had a huge surprise for her audience. First, she burned the Koran. Then she announced that she’s taking the audience on a trip.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“The government announced today a $60 billion arms deal with Saudi Arabia, the biggest in our history. We will sell Saudi Arabia F15 fighter jets, Apache and Black Hawk helicopters, and many other weapons that will one day be used against us.” – Jay Leno

“There was no Koran burning on Saturday. Apparently that dopey pastor, Terry Jones, decided not to burn the Koran when he realized the only copy he had was on his Kindle.” – Jay Leno

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Dualing Rally March

Because reason is just one letter away from treason!

UPDATE: More on the march/rally, and the blogosphere’s role in getting it going.

UPDATE 2: Oh the irony! CNN has a quick poll asking “Is the Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert rally on Washington D.C. serious or just a stunt?” Proof that CNN just doesn’t get it? I don’t know how long the poll will be up, but if you scroll to the bottom of this page, you can let them know what you think. Right now, it is running over 2 to 1 for “serious”.

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Ironic News Roundup

Just some quick notes:

First, the only thing comforting about the thought that the Republicans will gain power in the upcoming mid-term elections is that that just means that they will be shooting themselves in the foot again. Just look what they did with 8 years with Bush as president, control of the Supreme Court, and 6 years with control of Congress. Unfortunately, they tend to screw up our country horribly while they are screwing up themselves. But the Republican civil war has already started. Rush Limbaugh and Sarah Palin are attacking Karl Rove for pointing out the obvious: that the Republicans in Delaware just nominated a nutcase to run for Senate, and pretty much handed over that seat to the Democrats.

UPDATE: Rove Recants.

Second, Bill Clinton points out the obvious — the Tea Party is a corporate front:

They’re saying that Barack Obama represents the spearhead of this vast socialist conspiracy to have government swallow up the fabric of American life and he’s going to crush our individualism, and our freedom, and the vitality of small business … They tell us that they they represent America the way it used to be, self-reliant, virtuous individuals and small businesses. And the truth is, what they want to do is dismantle government so corporations, big corporations will control our destiny.

I always thought that Clinton’s presidency was just a little too much in bed with big corporate interests, so it is good to hear him say something like this.

Third, cartoonist Molly Norris, who thought up the idea of “Draw Mohammed Day” and consequently had a fatwa issued against her (putting her on an execution hit list), has been forced into moving, changing her name, and hiding. This, even though her original idea was meant to be tongue-in-cheek. At least now we know that the terrorists have no sense of humor.

Finally, Grey Path has a good rant about the fact that even though the economy is the number one issue to American voters, and Americans blame the Republicans for the current economic problems by a ten percent margin, they still plan on voting for Republicans in the fall election (by a ten percent margin). Are we nuts? But he has an explanation:

We’re mad at the President and the Democrats for not getting enough done to turn the economy around, but we also seem to understand that the Government is currently run by the minority party in the Senate. Republicans are on pace to triple the greatest number of filibusters by a Democratic minority. (ABC News, Mar 1, 2010). Filibusters have stalled critical appointments, only to be followed an almost unanimous vote in favor of each appointment. The Republican Party is using a tactic of stalling and stopping to make the Democrats look ineffectual. Are we really dumb enough to fall for this?

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Stephen Strangelove

This is awesome:

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Relax, he’s just the President

Tina Dupuy has an excellent article entitled “The Enthusiasm Gap or He’s Just a President” that speaks to one of my pet peeves. It is bad enough that the right-wing is (semi-successfully) painting Obama as a socialist, fascist, foreign-born, Muslim sleeper agent. But it doesn’t help that the left-wing is depressed and disillusioned. So disillusioned that they will probably stay home this November rather than vote, even if that means that rabid tea party candidates take over Congress. It is ironic that the right wants the left to be disillusioned, since it seems to be their only chance to take back Congress. That’s why they keep tossing out crazy attacks against Obama, even if the accusations don’t have any basis in truth.

Dupuy points out that in order to be disillusioned, at some point you had to be illusioned — you had to believe in an illusion, a falsehood. Maybe you believed that Obama was a radical progressive liberal who was going to fix everything immediately, instead of the moderate centrist he always said he was. Maybe you are blaming the slow pace of change inherent to our form of government on him. After eight long years of Bush, people were hungry for someone who could change everything in his first few weeks in office, as if by magic.

PolitiFact is keeping track of Obama’s campaign promises, and by their reckoning Obama is doing pretty good. He has already kept 121 of his campaign promises, compromised on 39, and broken 22 of them. There is still time to do even better, as 240 promises are “In the Works”, although there are an additional 81 that are stalled.

Some of the promises broken are not a big surprise, like his inability to introduce comprehensive immigration reform into Congress in his first year of office. But he did remove all combat brigades from Iraq, established a credit card bill of rights, reformed the financial sector, closed the “doughnut hole” in the Medicare prescription drug plan and required insurance companies to cover pre-existing conditions, fully funded the Veterans Administration, made US aid to Pakistan conditional on anti-terror efforts there, changed Homeland security funding from a pork-laden boondoggle to being based on risk, reduced nuclear weapons, promoted democracy in Cuba, made presidential records more accessible, reformed student loans and expanded Pell grants, increased funding for national parks and forests, promoted arts education in schools and increased funding for the NEA, expanded AmeriCorps, reduced pay discrimination, banned gifts from lobbyists to executive employees, raised fuel economy standards, invested in alternative energy, and invested in public transportation, increased funding for the EPA, and reversed restrictions on stem cell research. Not shabby at all!

But somehow, people are too busy screaming about some inconsequential mosque at ground zero to hear about that important stuff.

UPDATE: Obama just appointed Elizabeth Warren to start the new federal Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. This is excellent news, and should make the left very happy. It has already pissed off at least one Republican Senator.

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GOP Platform


© Bill Schorr

The only thing the GOP seems to unequivocally support is the military, so it makes sense!

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Ban the Burqa?

Today, France banned the burqa. To be precise, they made it illegal to wear clothing that covers the face, which includes the burqa, a solid covering over the body with a semi-transparent mesh over the eyes, and the niqab, which covers everything but leaves a small opening for the eyes. The hajab, which covers the hair and neck but not the face, and the chador, which covers the body but not the face, are not illegal. Forcing a woman to wear a burqa or niqab is also illegal.

I’m not sure how I feel about this. On one hand, the ban is clearly aimed at Muslims, so it is religiously intolerant. On the other hand, there are precedents for banning certain types of clothing. For example, in the US, it is illegal for women to go topless, but not men. Is that sexual discrimination? We also have laws against marijuana, even though members of the Rastafarian religion claim that this discriminates against their religion.

Interestingly, a Pew survey in several countries found that many Europeans favor banning the burqa. The ban is supported by 82% of the French. and majorities in Germany, Britain, and Spain. However, a majority of Americans (67%) oppose banning the burqa here.

The French parliament approved the ban by 246 to 1, with 100 abstentions. When the measure was introduced, the French government declared:

Given the damage it produces on those rules which allow the life in community, ensure the dignity of the person and equality between sexes, this practice, even if it is voluntary, cannot be tolerated in any public place.

How do you feel about this? Would it be ok to pass a law against wearing clothing that obscures most of the face? Is forcing women to wear the burqa itself sex discrimination? Is this a discrimination issue or a religion issue? How would the law deal with people wearing masks as part of a costume?

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Rights of the Unborn


© Ruben Bolling

Defeated by our own lofty principles, indeed. This comic is ironic on so many different levels, but if the right-wing can scream about anchor babies and terror babies, why not?

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Late Night Political Humor

“Florida Pastor Terry Jones originally planned to burn the Koran tomorrow, then yesterday he called it off because he believed he made a deal with an Imam to stop the plan to build a Mosque near Ground Zero. The Imam said that wasn’t true, he agreed to no such thing. Then Pastor Jones said he was lied to and the burning was back on. This guy is unbelievable. He’s like the Brett Favre of burning books.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Here’s a weather update from Florida. This week’s Koran smoke advisory has been lifted. That crazy pastor, remember he was going to burn the Koran, he’s now suspended it. … He said he’s now looking for directions from God on where to go. You know, I can’t speak for God, but I think if he grabs a shovel and starts digging, he’s heading in the right direction.” – Jay Leno

“On his way to Asia, Gov. Schwarzenegger posted a picture of himself saying that he was flying over Alaska but couldn’t see Russia anywhere. Not only is Schwarzenegger a fellow Republican, but Sarah Palin had a ‘Conan the Barbarian’ poster on the wall of her igloo.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Merriam-Webster says that Sarah Palin’s made-up word ‘refudiate’ was the most searched word of the summer. But no matter how hard they tried, Palin’s supporters couldn’t find the word in the Definitionary or the Wordasaurus.” – Jimmy Fallon

“According to a new poll, Levi Johnston now has lower approval ratings than John Edwards. Levy said he is disappointed with his low approval ratings and will do everything he can to knock them up.” – Jimmy Fallon

“This whole thing with Iran, it’s amazing how different our cultures are. In Iran a woman can get stoned for committing adultery. See, here in America, women commit adultery while getting stoned.” – Jay Leno

“According to government auditors, the stimulus money is being held up because there aren’t enough government workers to oversee the spending. So follow me, in other words, government workers who aren’t there are needed to spend money we don’t have to create jobs that don’t exist.” – Jay Leno

“It was reported that President Obama wasn’t wearing his wedding ring at a press conference. I guess that makes the press conference the second-most difficult speech he’ll give this week.” – Jimmy Fallon

“The Atlantic had a big article on the inevitability of Israel going to war with Iran over building nuclear weapons. But he White House thinks that strong economic sanctions will bring them to their knees, raise unemployment, and cause their factories to close – the same way those economic sanctions worked right here.” – Jay Leno

“Have you [MSNBC] learned nothing from Fox? You pick your narrative and you stick with it — and if the news doesn’t fit your narrative, change your f*cking news.” – Jon Stewart

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Whose course should we chart?

The stimulus bill (not to be confused with TARP, which was passed by Bush) was Obama’s first major act to improve the ailing economy. Republicans opposed it vehemently. So how did it perform? If you divide jobs into those lost before the stimulus, to those lost after the stimulus, it looks like this:


from Robert Shapiro, via Ezra Klein.

Not bad, but it could be better. In order to keep up with population growth, our economy needs to add around 150,000 jobs every month.

I posted a chart of jobs lost under Bush and Obama back in February, but there were some complaints that temporary government jobs (like the census, or stimulus funded jobs) were distorting the graph, so here’s a graph that not only includes more recent data, but only counts private sector jobs:


from Steve Benen.

Note that you can see the same graph, but with all jobs (private and public) here.

The Stimulus Bill did a lot of good, but there is more to be done, so Obama introduced a new bill that is targeted at small businesses (the majority of new jobs are created by small businesses). Not surprisingly, Republicans blocked the bill at the end of July, just before the summer Congressional break. Congress is starting up again this week so Democrats will have another chance to pass the bill.

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Ironic Blog Roundup: Jon Stewart v. Fox News, The Right to Remain Silent, and Those Crazy Mormons

Three interesting articles in blogs today, all worth a read:

Over at Politicususa they analyze the recent Pew Research Center’s survey of where people get their news, and conclude that the biggest competition to Fox News is not MSNBC or even CNN, but comedians Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert on Comedy Central. I love reading things like that, since Political Irony is based on a healthy mix of humor and politics. An interesting factoid is that the overwhelming majority (64%) of Fox News watchers are older, while an even larger majority (77%) of Stewart and Colbert’s audiences are younger. Maybe there is hope for the future!

There is a fascinating discussion going on about your right to silence when returning to the US after a foreign trip. The whole thing started with a blog post by Paul Karl Lukacs, who travels frequently. On a recent trip, when returning to the US he was asked by a passport control officer “Why were you in China?” to which he replied “None of your business”. He fully complied with the law, which requires him to present a valid passport and to fill out a customs declaration form, but beyond that he is not required by law to answer any questions. After hassling him for a while, they finally let him in.

The original post led to many comments, which then spilled over to other blogs, including postings on Boing Boing, The Consumerist, Reason, and Ycombinator, which have amassed over a thousand comments, some in support, and some against his actions. So he responded with a followup post answering some of the questions people asked.

When a US citizen is reentering the US (as opposed to entering a foreign country) they cannot be denied reentry, and they have the right to remain silent. Unfortunately, hardly anyone exercises that right. And as we all know, if you don’t exercise your rights, you are likely to lose them.

If you are one of the people who think you should always answer questions asked of you by authorities, watch this video. It will open your eyes.

Finally, a bit of wonderfully ironic news. Chuck Cooper, the lead attorney defending Proposition 8 (which made gay marriage unconstitutional in California) gave a talk to 200 students at Brigham Young University law school. You would think that students at a Mormon university would be sympathetic, since the Mormon church was one of the most vigorous promoters of Proposition 8. But no, they tore his arguments to pieces. “Chuck Cooper failed miserably in attempting to defend Prop 8 to possibly the friendliest crowd he will even encounter. … If Chuck Cooper can’t defend Prop 8 in front of a group of BYU students, then how is he going to defend it in front of the Supreme Court?”

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Late Night Political Humor

“President Obama is trying to back the Republicans into a corner by paying for tax cuts for small businesses with tax hikes on big business. It’s like that old trick when you take two balls and throw one in the air to distract your opponent and throw the other one right at his chest. That’s right, I can explain abstract fiscal policy using analogies about balls. Tomorrow night we will discuss trickle-down economics.” – Craig Ferguson

“President Obama has introduced a $50 billion plan to rebuild the nation’s infrastructure. Now, let’s think back, remember the first $187 billion stimulus package, wasn’t that what that was supposed to do? Remember when we were told about what were called shovel-ready jobs? Whenever Washington talks about shovel-ready jobs, get your shovel ready.” – Jay Leno

“I’m not a political expert, but I think going after the rich is a good idea in an election year, or any other year for that matter. Because let’s face it, rich people are bastards. Even rich people would agree with that. They’re like, ‘It’s true, now hand me another golden sausage.'” – Craig Ferguson

“So far rich people have been very quiet about the possibility of getting taxes raised on them, but that doesn’t mean they won’t get mad about it, it just means they don’t know about it. Because it takes a while for bad news to reach a rich person. First their accountant has to tell the butler, who has to tell the servant, who wouldn’t dare interrupt their game of croquet.” – Craig Ferguson

“The new taxes are going to put rich people in a very tough spot. Paris Hilton may have to carry her own cocaine. Trump may have to fire the guy who trims that thing on his head. Warren Buffet may have to move in with his cousin Jimmy Buffet.” – Craig Ferguson

“President Obama was in Cleveland pitching his latest economic plan. He picked Cleveland because those are the Browns fans, and in September, they’ll believe anything.” – Jay Leno

“There was one awkward moment when the speech ended at lunch time. 9.6 percent of the people had no job to go back to.” – Jay Leno

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If MLK were alive today…


© Tom Tomorrow

Yes, conservatives really are trying to lay claim to the legacy of Martin Luther King, Jr. It boggles the mind.

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