Political Irony

“The Republicans released their ‘Pledge to America.’ It’s 21 pages of phony charts and bad ideas. Sarah Palin got a copy, and she said, ‘How am I supposed to fit all this crap on my hand?'” – Bill Maher

“Sarah Palin was considering running for president, until she heard it was a four-year deal.” – David Letterman

“Bristol Palin has denied rumors that she’s dating The Situation from ‘Jersey Shore.’ If The Situation becomes Sarah Palin’s son-in-law, he’d still have the most normal name of any boy in the family.” – Jimmy Fallon

“House Minority Leader John Boehner says he has never been in a tanning bed and that he gets his dark complexion from his mother. Either he’s lying or Snooki’s a lot older than she’s telling us. ” – Jimmy Fallon

“The Democrats, these pussies, are unbelievable. They are giving up on their tax cut for the middle class until after the election. They have the worst salesmen in the world. They could not talk Lindsay Lohan into a rum and coke.” – Bill Maher

“It was a very good week for getting absolutely nothing done in Congress. They blocked, the Republicans did, the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. We thought this was going to be a done deal. I don’t know what their problem is with Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Even if it is repealed, there will still be a major American institution where gays are still forced to hide in shame and secrecy: The Republican party.” – Bill Maher

“They’re giving up on their tax cuts for the middle class until after the election. … Have they seen the polls? Planning to do this after the election. This is like a condemned man asking for a doggie bag at the last meal.” – Bill Maher

“President Obama’s approval rating dropped again. Things are so bad, Muslims are accusing him of being Christian. ” – Jay Leno

“There’s a new opera about Bill Clinton. I don’t know how it ends, but I bet it isn’t with the fat lady singing.” – Craig Ferguson

“The Republicans announced their Pledge to America, and here’s what it is: Less taxes, smaller government and act now and they’ll throw in the Dean Martin roast of Frank Sinatra.” – David Letterman

“So two years ago America broke up with you, because you had badly mistreated her. … And you come back rapping on our door, hat in hand, and you say, ‘Baby, I know you love me. But if we get back together, I pledge to you, I promise you, I will still try to f*ck your sister every chance I get.'” – Jon Stewart

“Boy, you got to like the Republicans. First they claim that Obama is not an American. ‘Where is the birth certificate?’ They claim he’s not an American, that’s the Republicans. Then they run a witch.” – David Letterman

“You know Delaware is running a witch, her name is Christine O’Donnell, and she wants to be the Senator from Delaware and today she promised if she’s elected she’ll cast a spell on health care.” – David Letterman

“Earlier today, President Obama was speaking at the UN and no one could tell if it was a calm measured address or an angry tirade.” – David Letterman

“President Obama discussed international relations, global economy, and also admitted that he dabbled in witchcraft. ” – David Letterman

“Last night on Fox News, Sarah Palin said she would run for President, if nobody else steps up. Which explains why today, nearly every person in the country announced they were running for President.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Larry Summers, President Obama’s top economic adviser, is stepping down. So finally some good economic news, I’ll tell ya, Summers didn’t want to leave, but apparently he was out of bad ideas.” – Jay Leno

“Actually, Summers is actually the third Obama economic adviser to leave the White House since July. In face, the only jobs opening up these days are for White House economic advisers.” – Jay Leno

“Vice President Biden held a conference call with senior citizens to talk about health care. Seniors started the conference call confused about how health care works, and ended up more confused about how conference calls work. They’re like, ‘Wait, can you hear me? Saul you’re talking to the VCR.'” – Jimmy Fallon

© Tom Tomorrow

Wait a minute, I can’t seem to tell the difference between the Parallel Earth’s Tea-and-Crumpets Party and our very own Tea Party. Is Tom Tomorrow being ironic?

Oh, and the article he mentions in the first panel is here.

“There are 37 Republican candidates for the Senate. Not one believes global warming is real and man made. Except the one, Mike Castle, the guy [O’Donnell] defeated in Delaware.” – Bill Maher

“I saw that new movie ‘Devil’ or as Delaware Tea Party candidate Christine O’Donnell calls it, ‘Roots'” – Jay Leno

“There’s a clip going around of this Christine O’Donnell discussing how she once dabbled in witchcraft. Have you heard about this? Although she says she never joined a coven. Never joined a coven? Hey, what do you think Congress is?” – Jay Leno

“This is going to be exciting. We haven’t had a witch in Washington since, oh, Condoleezza Rice, I think.” – David Letterman

“Well, you know what’s interesting, O’Donnell said she dabbled in witchcraft, and her opponent, Democratic candidate Chris Coons, he had no comment. He wanted to comment, but he lost his voice, went blind and came down with boils. It was horrible.” – Jay Leno

“Delaware Senate candidate Christine O’Donnell is taking criticism because she once said she dabbled in witchcraft. Yeah, everyone is talking about this. O’Donnell was like, ‘If one more person claims I’m a witch, I will take legal action against them and their little dog, too!'” – Jimmy Fallon

“This Christine O’Donnell is a very conservative woman. Not only is she against premarital sex, she is against masturbation. She even wants to outlaw beef jerky.” – Jay Leno

“The state of Delaware has nominated and they’re going to probably elect a witch as Senator from Delaware. Listen to this. One day Delaware elects a witch. The next day the recession is over. I don’t know. Is that a coincidence?” – David Letterman

“The National Bureau of Economic Research announced the recession actually ended in 2009. What idiots we were! So that recession you think you’re in, that’s as imaginary as the job you used to have.” – Jay Leno

“Economic experts say the recession is over. Earlier today, they were popping champagne at the unemployment office.” – David Letterman

“What they don’t tell you, the next recession started in July of last year.” – Jay Leno

“Sarah Palin’s daughter, Bristol Palin is on ‘Dancing With The Stars.’ And I’m telling you something, you can’t get any bigger star than the daughter of a vice presidential loser. That’s as good as it gets there.” – David Letterman

“Bristol Palin made her debut on the show and after a lot of speculation, Sarah Palin was not there to see it in person. However, she could see it from her house.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Bristol Palin is one of the dancers on the show. She got an 18. The judges were pretty nice to her. Her mother, Sarah Palin, said she was going to be in the audience for the first show, but she wasn’t. It’s not like her to commit to something and back out. But it’s otter hunting season.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Yesterday, President Obama’s aide had to step in and pay more money after Obama only gave a fruit vendor a dollar for four apples. The aide said it was awkward having pay Obama’s bill. Then China was like, ‘Eh, you get used to it.'” – Jimmy Fallon