Political Irony

© Marshall Ramsey

[I’m reposting this from the ever-brilliant Margaret and Helen.]

Margaret, the problem with Populism is that the population includes asses like Sarah Palin and her Tea Party. Someone needs to remind them that this is America. The government is elected by the people. Questioning your government is patriotic. Hating your government, one the other hand, is simply a form of self loathing.

And let’s talk about that hatred. It seems so at odds with the supposed Christian morals they so proudly espouse. They hate big government but instead of taking issue with the largest part of that government – the military – they take issue with healthcare. They hate big government in healthcare but they have no issue with government being big enough to intervene in the private health decisions of a woman seeking to end a pregnancy or the private decisions of a husband wanting to end the decade long sufferings of his wife. They hate big government but they don’t seem to hate using government to legislate hate against homosexuals. And they hate big government, but they don’t seem to hate it when they can use it to fuel their hatred. Gosh I hate that…

And now those morons in Washington with the “R” after their names have made another pledge to America. I guess it’s just one more thing they can do today and then ignore tomorrow . A Contract With America. A Pledge to America. Mission Accomplished. For goodness sakes how many times are we going to fall for this prank? They spend years screwing everything up and then eventually pledge to not do it again. How about not doing it the first time… or the second time for that matter?

Here is my pledge to you Margaret. I hope you like it.

I pledge that I will actually read the Constitution before pledging to uphold it. And I pledge that if I am too stupid to understand its intent, I won’t become a politician.

I pledge not to start two wars, give tax breaks to millionaires, ruin the economy and then get mad when someone shows me the bill.

I pledge not to be a hypocrite or a Tea Party Republican – whichever comes first.

I pledge to remember that religious freedoms apply to all religions including the lack of a religion. And I pledge to remember that no matter how much I believe in my religion, I will remember that my neighbor believes in his religion just as much. And finally, I pledge that if I believe in my religion too much I will keep it to myself.

I pledge to stop calling Sarah Palin a stupid bitch when she finally admits that she is too stupid to run this country. At that point I will simply call her a bitch and let the stupid speak for itself.

I pledge that I won’t hate gay people in public and then sleep with them in private.

I pledge to accept the fact that John McCain really can’t pull his head out of his ass at this point. It’s in too deep.

I pledge not to be shocked when Rick Sanchez announces his new show on Fox News.

I pledge to remember that there are 6 billion people in the world and only 300 million of them live in the United States . And with 300 million Americans to choose from, we can’t do better than John Boehner? Really?

And Margaret, my dear, I pledge that I will vote on November 2. I meant it. Really.

Here is my pledge to you dear.

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

That about sums it up, dear. That and Endust is as good if not better than Pledge.

“Sarah Palin and Rush Limbaugh are President Obama’s 10th cousins. Which means they are secret Muslims.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Did you watch the debate with Christine O’Donnell, you know, the anti-self pleasuring, witchy candidate in Delaware? She wasn’t that good though. She’s not really a master debater.'” – Craig Ferguson

“Christine O’Donnell is trailing in the polls by 20 percent. She’ll need a miracle to win. Or a very good spell.” – Craig Ferguson

“The debate was moderated by Wolf Blitzer. It got very intense. At one point, O’Donnell turned him into an actual wolf.” – Craig Ferguson

“The midterm elections are in a few weeks, and the Democrats are at a huge disadvantage, and I’ll tell you why. They don’t have a witch running.” – David Letterman

“People are saying that everything is Obama’s fault – he hasn’t dug us out of Bush’s recession and two wars fast enough. That’s the problem.” – David Letterman

“North Korea is getting a new evil dictator. Kim Jong Il is appointing his dim-witted son, Kim Jong W. Il.” – David Letterman

“The Nobel Prize for economics was awarded to three economists. Should we have even given one out this year? If there’s one thing we’ve learned over the past two years, it’s that there’s no such thing as an expert in economics.” – Jay Leno

“The Obama administration had lifted the six-month ban on deepwater drilling in the Gulf of Mexico, provided that the oil companies follow the new safety regulations. For example, there has to be at least one sober person on the rig at all times.” – Jay Leno

“In three weeks Californians will vote on whether to legalize marijuana. Which means that three weeks and one day from now thousands of stoners will say, “Oh crap, that was yesterday?” – Jimmy Fallon

“California gubernatorial candidate Meg Whitman has released a new TV ad in both Mandarin and Cantonese. This is part of her effort to reach out to the Asian community. That’s how California works, where a white woman from back East, trying to replace an Austrian governor, runs an ad in Chinese to explain to people why she hired a Mexican maid.” – Jay Leno