“The President of China is in Washington. It’s a bit like when you’re into your bookie for more than you can afford, and he stops by the house to say hello.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“China’s President Hu is visiting the United States. If he likes what he sees, he may put down a deposit.” – David Letterman
“President Hu’s advance team came a week earlier to make sure that wherever he’s staying has no Chinese drywall.” – Jay Leno
“A woman fainted during a welcoming ceremony for Chinese President Hu Jintao. President Obama said, ‘Who knows CPR?’ President Hu said, ‘No, I don’t.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“President Obama held a state dinner for Chinese President Hu Jintao. The world leader with the funny name, who grew up in Asia, said he enjoyed meeting President Hu.” – Conan O’Brien
“The White House held a state dinner for Chinese President Hu Jintao. President Obama wore a traditional Chinese-made garment: a pair of Nikes.” – Jay Leno
“There was a big dinner for President Hu. General Tso brought his famous chicken.” – David Letterman
“The state dinner went really well, until the after dinner speeches were hosted by Ricky Gervais.” – Jay Leno
“New Speaker of the House John Boehner chose not to attend the dinner for Chinese President Hu. In China, they’re calling him an orange chicken.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Senate majority leader Harry Reid refused to attend the state dinner for Chinese President because he considers Hu Jintao a dictator. In response Jintao said, ‘You’re coming. You’ll have the fish, and you’ll like it.'” – Conan O’Brien
“Obama and Hu had a private dinner the night before. When Obama tried to pick up the check, Hu said, ‘Your money is no good here.’ Obama laughed, and Hu said, ‘No, really, your money is no good.'” – Jay Leno
“The Republican-controlled House voted to repeal the healthcare bill. If that goes well, they’ll see what they can do about this whole ‘women voting’ thing.” – Conan O’Brien
“Republicans voted today to repeal health reform. Democrats warned this could make it harder for older Americans to get health care. Hugh Hefner’s new fiance said, ‘Good!'” – Jay Leno
“Dick Cheney says he may need a heart transplant. The doctors discovered the problem during Cheney’s annual autopsy.” – David Letterman
“On the other hand, George W. Bush is still waiting on his brain transplant.” – David Letterman
“Arnold Schwarzenegger says he’s considering doing a movie in which he would play a Nazi. He says that after being governor of California, he’s looking for a job that will make people hate him less.” – Conan O’Brien
“President Obama says he’ll go to the Super Bowl if the Chicago Bears are playing in it. Sarah Palin says she’ll go to the Super Bowl if actual bears are playing in it.” – Jimmy Fallon
