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Political Theater

Sunday, April 10, 2011


© Lee Judge

Republicans are trying to defund any organization that tends to favor Democrats: labor unions (except those that support Republicans, like police unions), Planned Parenthood, NPR, teachers, the poor, etc.

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Late Night Political Humor

Sunday, April 10, 2011

“Barack Obama has finally thrown his turban into the ring. So far the Republican field looks like a bunch of guys responding to a Craigslist ad for a free couch.” – Stephen Colbert

“The White House said that President Obama will not focus on full-time campaigning for a long time. Yeah, he wants to wait a year or two before he gets serious about it — just like he did with being president.” – Jimmy Fallon

“President Obama is going to seek reelection. His slogan this time? “Change you can believe in. This time I promise. Really.” – Jay Leno

“President Obama said he doesn’t have time to play games with Republicans on a budget deal. Which is bad news for the new video game ‘Wii Budget Deal.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“It looks like we’re heading for a government shutdown. And you thought Joe Biden had nothing to do before.” – Jay Leno

“There’s a $376 million semi-secret construction project happening at the White House, and it’s rumored that a tunnel is being built underneath. That’s a lot of work for President Obama to get away from his mother-in-law. Let the man have a cigarette.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“There is a lot of speculation as to what the tunnel’s true purpose is, whether it’s for security or transportation. Or, maybe it leads directly to Oprah’s bedroom.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“I think he Obama is building an underground Kenya. A new subterranean land so he can Africanize us from below. I heard that on Fox News.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“While covering the war in Libya Geraldo Rivera was shot at by Gaddafi’s forces. See, you never hear about the good things Gaddafi does.” – Jay Leno

“Fox News is dropping Glenn Beck’s show. He spent the whole day crying his eyes out, and then he heard his show was getting dropped.” – Craig Ferguson

“Half a million women employees are suing Wal-Mart claiming men are better paid. Wal-Mart hired a bunch of female lawyers to defend them because they thought they could get them cheaper.” – Jay Leno

“Scientists are saying that the Ozone Layer over the Arctic has shrunk a record 40%. Now, To give idea how much that is, it’s the biggest hole in sky not on a Southwest plane.” – Craig Ferguson

“Bravo is canceling ‘The Real Housewives of D.C.’ after just one season. That’s when unemployment is bad, when people who don’t even have jobs are losing their jobs.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Medical marijuana users are now lobbying for the right to carry firearms. Because no one is a better shot than a stoned old man with glaucoma.” – Conan O’Brien

“I love Dick Morris. It’s as if cholesterol and bile had a baby.” – Jon Stewart

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For This They Threatened to Shut Down the Government?

Sunday, April 10, 2011

The latest showdown between Obama and the Republicans was over an extremely small amount of funding for Planned Parenthood. The Republicans couldn’t help turning it into a red meat issue, screaming that they didn’t want the government paying for abortions.

This was, of course, complete and utter nonsense. The government is already prohibited from paying for any abortions by the Hyde Amendment. In fact, the funding in question was for cancer screenings and other health services.

But on Friday, Senator Jon Kyl (R-AZ) defended the Republican’ threat to shut down the government by claiming that abortion is “well over 90 percent of what Planned Parenthood does.”

Of course, he just made that number up. In reality, just three percent of what Planned Parenthood does is related to abortions.

But the hypocritical part is that when Kyl’s office was contacted by CNN to ask for clarification, they responded that Kyl’s “remark was not intended to be a factual statement“. Isn’t an intended non-factual statement called a lie?

And the whole charade about reducing the deficit? Pure political theater. Doing cancer screenings saves the government money, since the earlier you catch cancer, the easier and cheaper it is to treat. Not to mention that it saves lives, so it is pro-life. And the contraceptive services provided by Planned Parenthood reduces the need for abortions.

Republicans: Claiming they want to reduce government spending and the budget deficit, but actually increasing them. Claiming to be pro-life, while costing lives and increasing abortions. And more than willing to blatantly lie about it. Pure hypocrisy.


© Joel Pett

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Do we need a 20% Tax Cut?

Saturday, April 9, 2011

To anyone who still believes the nonsense that cutting taxes for the rich will stimulate job creation or the economy, Politico points out that between the year 2000 and 2009, the real amount that people pay in taxes went down by 20%. That’s right, we cut taxes significantly, and what happened?

Are we now awash in jobs? Is our economy booming? Hardly. During that time period, we didn’t create a single net job.

In fact, our country pays less of its GDP than most countries in the world. We pay 24% of our GDP in taxes, compared to countries like Germany, which pays 37%, or Canada with 31%. Even countries like Norway, which pays 41% of their income in taxes, is doing better economically than we are.

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Late Night Political Humor

Saturday, April 9, 2011

“President Obama will run for reelection in 2012. He’s not breaking up with us! He wants to work things out! He’s forgiving our poor record on post-recession job creation, our incessant demands to be talked to every time we go to war.” – Jon Stewart

“President Obama announced his re-election campaign, though it’s not really a surprise. He did all the things that make it official: He filed the paperwork, redesigned his website, and printed another fake birth certificate.” – Craig Ferguson

“President Obama said he plans on running for re-election against the Republicans. After the tax cuts for the rich, the bailouts for Wall Street, and the bombing in Libya, I already thought he was the Republican candidate.” – Jay Leno

“Experts say this Presidential campaign will be the most expensive in history. A far cry from the very first re-election campaign back in 1792. When George Washington ran against a young Senator named John McCain.” – Craig Ferguson

“As far as I’m concerned, the election starts with the first attack ad, which should appear in about 20 minutes.” – Craig Ferguson

“I think elections should be quick. If I have an election that lasts longer than four hours, I call the doctor.” – Craig Ferguson

“President Obama announced that he will run for re-election in 2012. Unfortunately, his popularity is so low that he’s running on the slogan, ‘I’m Michelle Obama’s husband.'” – Conan O’Brien

“It’s being reported that Katie Couric will be leaving CBS before the presidential campaigns. Who will be brave enough to ask Sarah Palin questions that should be incredibly easy to answer now?” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Former first lady Laura Bush said in an interview that she and George W. Bush do everything together. Then she said she had to go because ‘SpongeBob’ was on.” – Conan O’Brien

“If Donald Trump loves America so much, why does he keep outsourcing the job of his wife?” – Seth Meyers

“Fox News’ Geraldo Rivera was caught in the middle of a firefight between pro- and anti-government forces in Libya. He was lucky to get out alive because both sides were trying to shoot him.” – Jay Leno

“We are just four days away from the government shutdown, which will cripple the VA, Social Security and Medicare. So I get to snuff out one more candle on my Government Shutdown Menorah. Shutdownica celebrates the miracle of telling veterans and the elderly that they can suck it.” – Stephen Colbert

“Officials at BP have filed for permits to drill for oil again in the Gulf of Mexico. They say the oil is easier to find than ever because it’s mostly on top of the water.” – Conan O’Brien

“Southwest Airlines said that the hole that ripped through the fuselage of one of their airplanes was not terrorism-related. Thank goodness! It was just maintenance neglect.” – Jay Leno

“Southwest Airlines canceled 600 flights because of a plane that suddenly got a 5-foot hole in the roof. You know American wouldn’t have canceled all those flights. They’d have just started charging a $50 sunroof fee.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Charlie Sheen’s live show bombed so badly in Detroit that President Obama gave him a $4 billion bailout.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“No one turns lemons into lemonphetamines like Charlie Sheen.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“People who saw the show said it was disjointed, confusing, and largely nonsensical, which may have something to do with the fact that Charlie Sheen hosted it.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“The people at Charlie Sheen’s show were all mad, which I don’t understand. You paid to see a train wreck. The train wrecked. And now you’re mad about it? People walked out and wanted their money back. It reminded me a little bit of when I lost my virginity.” – Jimmy Kimmel

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Give him enough rope?

Friday, April 8, 2011


© Tom Toles

Apparently Beck was too crazy for even Fox News. Or maybe they weren’t paying him enough.

A few tweets:

Richard Roeper: “Glenn Beck to leave Fox News. Announcement causes immediate, drastic fall in stock price of chalkboards, Hitler graphics and bottled crazy.”

Roger Ebert: “Fox drops Glenn Beck. One small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind.”

UPDATE: Jon Stewart reacts to the news, by doing his amazing Glenn Beck imitation:

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Late Night Political Humor

Friday, April 8, 2011

“The rebel army in Libya is just like 1,000 guys in Toyota trucks. The world is asking the question; can 1000 anti-government guys in pick-up trucks with small arms, take over a country of millions? To which I say, ask the Teabaggers.” – Bill Maher

“TLC will start airing new episodes of ‘Kate Plus 8’ starting this Monday. And they’re going to keep airing them until Gaddafi agrees to step down.” – Jimmy Fallon

“President Obama called Vice President Joe Biden into the Oval Office to get his advice about Libya. Then he said, ‘April Fools’!'” – Jay Leno

“I’ve made a lot of jokes about Donald Trump running for president, but in all honesty, I’ll be making a lot more.” – David Letterman

“Donald Trump announced he got his own segment every Monday morning on Fox News. Just what Fox News needs – another blonde airhead.” – Bill Maher

“Donald Trump is saying President Obama doesn’t have a birth certificate. Let’s just say he doesn’t. What are we going to do now? Make him go get one?” – David Letterman

“According to a poll, 55 percent of college students approve of the job President Obama is doing. That may change once they graduate and try to find a job.” – Jay Leno

“They finally maybe struck a deal to avert a government shutdown. Of course, all on the Republican terms. You can always tell when Obama’s negotiations with the Republicans are winding down, because he’s missing his watch and his lunch money.” – Bill Maher

“If the government shutdown occurs, there may be a freeze to all new wars in the Middle East.” – Jay Leno

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The Power of Prayer

Friday, April 8, 2011

A parable (koan?) on the separation of church and state:

In the small town of Mt. Vernon, Texas, the local bar started to build a new building to increase business. The town’s Baptist church was strongly opposed, and attempted to block the opening of the new bar with petitions and prayer. Just before the bar opened their prayers were answered — lightning struck and the new bar burned to the ground.

The bar owner sued the church, claiming that they were responsible for the loss of his business. At the end of the hearing, the judge commented “I don’t know how I’m going to decide this, but it appears from the paperwork that we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that does not.”

[From an email sent to a small town paper.]

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Open Secrecy?

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Obama receives an award for openness, behind closed doors:

[From the Daily Show]

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Real Immigration Reform!

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Believe it or not, real immigration reform has been achieved in America. The bill includes a liberal guest worker program that grants legal status to undocumented workers, so they can live relatively normal lives. Some people have called that “amnesty”.

But what is truly amazing is that this bill is set to become law in Utah, one of the reddest and most conservative states in the union. The state legislature, which passed the bill, is overwhelmingly Republican, and the Republican governor is expected to sign the bill. The bill’s chief sponsor is Bill Wright, a Republican who is as hard core conservative as they get. What happened?

A milestone in setting the stage for Wright’s legislation was the “Utah Compact,” a pithy declaration of reform principles drafted last fall by business leaders and conservative elites, who feared Utah would follow in Arizona’s footsteps and risk losing tens of millions of dollars in tourism and convention business, as Arizona did. The compact helped swing public opinion in Utah away from the illegal-immigrant bashers who admired Arizona’s law.

“They’ve had their 15 minutes in the media and now the adults are going to start talking about how to handle matters,” said Paul Mero, executive director of Utah’s most prominent conservative think tank, the Sutherland Institute, who helped draft the compact. “We’ve been able to break through that political barrier put up by the wing nuts who see every brown person as a criminal.”

The Utah conservatives managed to reframe immigration as an economic issue, pointing out that deporting all the illegal aliens would destroy their economy. Not only that, but it would break up families, and conservatives are supposed to be pro-family.

Ironically, at the national level, the Republicans are still the Party of No. None of Utah’s congressional delegation (including the senators) support the bill. They are still too busy using immigration reform as a wedge issue — playing politics instead of solving our national problems. In a stunning hypocritical flip flop, John McCain even turned against an immigration reform bill he helped write in 2007.

But I applaud the conservatives and Republicans in Utah who courageously got this sensible bill passed.

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Ship of State

Wednesday, April 6, 2011


© Ed Stein

Stein’s commentary:

We may yet get a budget deal without a government shutdown, but it won’t be any credit to the Tea Party absolutists who see ANY compromise as a betrayal of their core principles. It will be because feckless Democrats caved on theirs. The last I heard, the Dems were so desperate for a deal they were considering selling out the EPA. They’ve already given way too much on so-called discretionary spending. The cuts will be painful to the poor, to schools, to women, to the unemployed, but not, of course, to the wealthy or to big corporations, who will not be asked to sacrifice in any way. Right now, a handful of Tea Party freshmen appear to be driving the entire GOP agenda, which must be driving Speaker Boehner nuts. He’s been around long enough to understand that compromise is how things get done, and that the Tea Party radicals will destroy his party’s advantage in short order if they insist on getting their way at all costs. I only hope the Democrats don’t bail him out by caving even more.

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Gridlock Enlightenment

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Joseph Stiglitz has a must-read article in Vanity Fair “Of the 1%, by the 1%, for the 1%“. The article systematically deconstructs and debunks the many myths of inequality.

For example, you probably won’t find any politicians promoting the theory of “trickle-down economics” any more, and yet we are still furiously cutting taxes for the rich in order to “stimulate the economy”. It just doesn’t work. In fact, quite the opposite is true — as the rich have gotten richer, the economy is sinking faster. And America is quickly becoming like the third-world countries that we used to deride, with the richest 1% taking in a quarter of the nation’s income and controlling 40% of the nation’s wealth, the poor getting poorer, and the middle class all but dying out.

Ironically, as the economy gets worse, the bankers and rich investors who caused the Great Recession do not have to suffer the consequences. Instead, they give themselves large bonuses and get their taxes cut, while instead we punish teachers, cops, firemen, and the working classes.

But what is even more ironic is that the underlying argument for trickle-down economics — “a rising tide raises all boats” — is actually true, but in the opposite way that its proponents meant. Instead, a lowering tide lowers all boats, even those of the rich and privileged. A relative of mine is a social scientist, and her research shows that as income inequality increases it hurts everyone, even the rich whose income has gone up. By every measure — health, life expectancy, happiness, except for wealth — the rich do worse as the poor and middle class do worse.

In fact, there is a good argument that the rich even do worse economically. As inequality increases, the economy will get worse for everyone. Stiglitz argues it like this:

First, growing inequality is the flip side of something else: shrinking opportunity. Whenever we diminish equality of opportunity, it means that we are not using some of our most valuable assets—our people—in the most productive way possible. Second, many of the distortions that lead to inequality—such as those associated with monopoly power and preferential tax treatment for special interests—undermine the efficiency of the economy. This new inequality goes on to create new distortions, undermining efficiency even further. To give just one example, far too many of our most talented young people, seeing the astronomical rewards, have gone into finance rather than into fields that would lead to a more productive and healthy economy.

Third, and perhaps most important, a modern economy requires “collective action”—it needs government to invest in infrastructure, education, and technology. The United States and the world have benefited greatly from government-sponsored research that led to the Internet, to advances in public health, and so on. But America has long suffered from an under-investment in infrastructure (look at the condition of our highways and bridges, our railroads and airports), in basic research, and in education at all levels. Further cutbacks in these areas lie ahead.

None of this should come as a surprise—it is simply what happens when a society’s wealth distribution becomes lopsided. The more divided a society becomes in terms of wealth, the more reluctant the wealthy become to spend money on common needs. The rich don’t need to rely on government for parks or education or medical care or personal security—they can buy all these things for themselves. In the process, they become more distant from ordinary people, losing whatever empathy they may once have had. They also worry about strong government—one that could use its powers to adjust the balance, take some of their wealth, and invest it for the common good. The top 1 percent may complain about the kind of government we have in America, but in truth they like it just fine: too gridlocked to re-distribute, too divided to do anything but lower taxes.

Gridlock is a excellent metaphor for more than just our current government. Everyone has experienced actual gridlock in traffic — where people entering an intersection in order to get through it before the light turns red get caught in the intersection, and end up blocking the traffic coming from the cross street. As long as you take the greedy view and try to more forward as much as possible, all traffic will get blocked and nobody will get anywhere.

But if you think about it for a moment, you realize that if you just hold back a bit and let that cross-traffic get through, then everyone — including you — will benefit. Some people, like Warren Buffett and Bill Gates, have already figured this out. When the rich pay their fair share and we have good schools and good infrastructure, then everyone does better. The economy improves for all, even the rich. When will the rest of us become enlightened?

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Late Night Political Humor

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

“Republican Congressman Tom Marino, who is on the Foreign Affairs Committee, said: ‘If we go into Libya, where does it stop? Do we go into Africa next?’ So, you see why he’s not on the Intelligence Committee.” – Jay Leno

“Sarah Palin said on Fox News that we are in a ‘squirmish’ with Libya. When she was corrected, she said, ‘Listen, I shouldn’t be expected to get everything 100 percent Accura.'” – Conan O’Brien

“It’s now being reported that CIA agents have entered Libya. We’re not sure how long they’ll be staying, but some of them just left Vietnam.” – Jay Leno

“The CIA is now arming the Libyan rebels, which means that in 10 years, we’ll be fighting them.” – David Letterman

“President Obama is getting criticized from both sides for having no clear exit strategy to get out of Libya. But neither does Gaddafi. So I think it balances out a little bit.” – Jay Leno

“If Moammar Gadhafi goes into exile, there are only three places that would tolerate a raving madman like that: Venezuela, Saudi Arabia, and Fox News.” – Jay Leno

“Uganda said Gaddafi could come live there in exile, which is amazing, because to Charlie Sheen they said no.” – David Letterman

“President Obama’s approval ratings are so low now, Kenyans are accusing him of being born in the United States.” – Jay Leno

“Obama’s bracket — busted. None of his picks are going to the Final Four. I mean, the one time he takes quick, decisive action, and look what happened.” – Jay Leno

“President Obama was offered the first pitch for opening day, but he declined because he’s a Muslim that hates our national pastime. Either that or he’s busy with Libya.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“President Obama didn’t throw any first pitches for opening day. Of course, he did throw us that curveball on Libya.” – Jay Leno

“The IRS is auditing more millionaires than ever before. Especially real estate millionaires with funny hair who are questioning where the President was born.” – Jay Leno

“On Fox News, Donald Trump said Obama’s birth certificate could indicate that he’s a Muslim. Trump said he doesn’t trust anyone with a foreign-sounding name, and neither does his daughter Ivanka.” – Conan O’Brien

“Al-Qaida has a magazine, and the spring issue features a profile of Moammar Gadhafi. It also features a women’s section called ‘Death to Cottage Cheese Thighs.'” – Conan O’Brien

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Scapegoating

Tuesday, April 5, 2011


© Joel Pett

At least someone is defending teachers — Students.

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Palin-Bachmann Overdrive!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

“Bachmann is the female Ann Coulter” — I love it.

As the creator of this video, D.C. Douglas puts it:

You might say that I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. … After all that America has been through recently — the recession, Wall Street, God’s natural disaster punishments — we truly need Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann in the race. Laughter is the best medicine, and their candidacy would be such a healing experience for our country.

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