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The President’s Speech

The the White House Correspondents’ dinner, Obama roasts himself, his birth certificate, Trump, Michelle, Biden, and Hollywood. Very funny.

Here’s the roast from Seth Meyers — Obama was funnier! But you should at least watch when Meyers skewers Trump (at 11:55) — the best part is when the camera shows Trump in the audience, definitely not laughing.

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Late Night Political Humor

“Donald Trump is now attacking President Obama’s grades, suggesting that he was a poor student. First it was the birth certificate, and now the grades. Trump won’t be happy until he proves that Obama doesn’t exist.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“It was just revealed that Donald Trump hasn’t voted in primary elections in over 20 years. Or in simpler terms, Trump hasn’t voted in primary elections in over three wives.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Donald Trump says President Obama plays too much golf. Trump was playing golf during the interview. Trump says the President should be at work, like negotiating a peace treaty between Gary Busey and Meatloaf.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“A new poll shows that President Obama’s approval rating is down to 41 percent. A lot of people that voted for him now say they liked him a lot better when he was a Democrat.” – Jay Leno

“House Speaker John Boehner said that President Obama needs to grow up. And then he burst into tears.” – Jay Leno

“The United States is sending its most powerful drone to Libya. That’s a long trip for Joe Biden.” – Jay Leno

“The Libyan government says Moammar Gadhafi is still in ‘high spirits,’ even though his compound was destroyed this week. Most people would be devastated, but here’s the thing — he’s insane.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Former New Mexico Gov. Gary Johnson has announced that he will run for president in 2012. His campaign slogan: ‘Even I’ve never heard of me.'” – Jay Leno

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Proof


© Mike Luckovich

I have never heard of a sitting president having to prove he is an American. This nonsense has got to stop. I don’t care if it is motivated by racism or just dislike of his policies. If we don’t stop the personal attacks and stick to the real issues and challenges facing this country, we are all going to lose what it means to be an American.

UPDATE:


© Tom Tomorrow

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How did Obama get into those Ivy League Schools?

If you look over the evidence, you do have to wonder how he got into all those Ivy League schools:

The dean looked over Barack’s transcript and college boards and then suggested in a kindly way that he apply to some less competitive colleges in addition to Columbia.

There were no class rankings at his high school, but Barack never made honor roll even one term, unlike 110 boys in his class.

His SAT scores were 566 for the verbal part and 640 for math. Those were far below the median scores for students admitted to his class at Columbia: 668 verbal and 718 math.

At Columbia, Barack Obama distinguished himself primarily as a hard partier, and he managed to be detained by police twice during his university years: once for stealing a Christmas wreath as a fraternity prank and once for trying to tear down the goalposts during a football game at Princeton.

Obama’s transcript at Columbia shows that he was a solid C student. Although a history major, he sampled widely in the social sciences and did poorly in political science and economics while achieving some of his best grades (the equivalent of a B+) in philosophy and anthropology. The transcript indicates that in Obama’s freshman year, the only year for which rankings were available, he was in the twenty-first percentile of his class—meaning that four-fifths of the students were above him. Yet at the same time that he was earning Cs at Columbia, Obama displayed a formidable intelligence in another way. At his induction into the Delta Kappa Epsilon (DKE) fraternity, he and others were asked to name all fifty-four pledges in the room. Most were were able to name only five or six. When it was Obama’s turn, he named every single one. Later he rose to become president of DKE, and he was also tapped into Skull and Bones, an elite secret society to which his father had also belonged.

And then he somehow got into Harvard for graduate school.

Oops, wait a minute, there’s been a mistake. Please replace “high school” with “Andover”, replace “Columbia” with “Yale”, and replace “Barack Obama” with “George W. Bush”.

Now I think we do know how he got into those Ivy League schools.

[Huge hat tip to PresidentProfiles.com for the original biographical material, and to Dayriffer.com for pointing out the hypocrisy of people (cough, Trump, Tea Party) who question Obama’s education.]

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Cats Explain Voting System Reform

Many states have already had votes to reform our “winner take all” voting system for elections (also called “first past the post“) into “instant runoff” (also called “alternative vote” or “preferential voting”). Some countries and even some local governments in the US already use instant runoff voting.

Afraid to vote for third party candidates? Feel like your country is going to the dogs? Confused about the differences between the two voting systems? This video is from England, but does a good job of explaining how the two systems work. It also makes a very subtle dig at the royal family.

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Biting Irony


© Mike Luckovich

See this.

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Making Excuses for the Rich

One of my pet peeves is local governments who give huge tax breaks to corporations to entice them to locate a factory or office locally. The excuse is always given that it creates jobs, but that is often a cruel joke. First of all, it doesn’t create any jobs, it just moves them from one place to another. Even worse, giving tax breaks to Wal-mart may create Wal-mart jobs, but it destroys other jobs from the small businesses who close because somehow they can’t compete with a huge multinational corporation that is also getting massive tax breaks. In the end, the local government kills their own revenue sources and the local community suffers.

So I am distressed that the same flawed logic is being applied not just to big corporations, but to rich people themselves. For example, New Jersey governor Chris Christie recently vetoed a state tax on the wealthy, saying:

You’re not going to fix this tax situation by continuing to load more and more taxes onto people who have both the ability to leave the state and the inclination to leave the state if they feel as if they are being treated unfairly.

And governors in New York and Maryland also have killed extra taxes on the wealthy, citing similar concerns that if you tax rich people, they will move to somewhere else where the taxes are lower.

Bullshit!

Two new studies show that there is little or no evidence that rich people leave high-tax states. One study tracked 18 years of migration in New England states and found that (not surprisingly) tax levels factored very little if at all into rich people’s choice of where to live. According to the study:

There are many reasons households do not flee from a state when taxes are increased, including the fact that they value the public services financed by taxes, the cost of relocating to a different state (both financially and psychologically) is quite high, and the potential gains from moving are often small. The main reasons for moving to a different state are employment, family-related matters, and education. Taxes account for little of the migration from New England.

The second study was actually done in Christie’s state of New Jersey. In 1994, New Jersey increased taxes on income over $500,000 by 2.6% (which gave them one of the highest tax rates on the wealthy in the country). The study compared people who made just under $500,000 (and so were not affected by the new tax) with people who made more and so were affected by the tax. The result? Both groups moved away from New Jersey at the same rates, so there was no evidence that higher taxes caused anyone to move.

So where did this dumb idea come from? Why are we using a false excuse to cut taxes on the rich?

Well, one explanation is based on Arthur Laffer, the economist who came up with the infamous Laffer curve that was used to try to prove that if you raise taxes, then people work less, which in turn will lower tax revenue. Conversely, the theory went, if you lower taxes (as we have done, repeatedly) people will work more, and — as Reagan claimed — tax revenue will actually go up. Well, unsurprisingly it never quite worked out that way. Laffer also claimed that he left California and moved to Tennessee because they had no income tax, so maybe that anecdotal evidence is where this dumb idea came from.

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Speaking out of both sides of your flip-flops

On Monday, House Speaker John Boehner said that oil companies are “gonna pay their fair share in taxes and they should” and that the industry did not “need to have the oil depletion allowances” they currently receive.

But that just incensed the corporate-owned wing-nuts who screamed that any reduction in corporate subsidies — including the $4 billion in tax breaks received by the oil companies — is a “tax increase”. In other words, the Republicans have bravely made their stand in favor of corporate welfare.

So it is no surprise that on Thursday Boehner wouldn’t even allow a vote to occur on ending oil company subsidies. Remember, these are subsidies that even the oil industry admits they don’t need.

At a time when our ridiculous dependence on oil threatens our national security, our environment, and our economy, we don’t need to be subsidizing that dependence with our taxes. All those people who claim to believe in free markets need to put their money where their mouths are and oppose these subsidies. And second, we need to immediately put the brakes on rampant speculation, not just in oil, but in all commodity markets. We need to get back to free markets that obey the laws of supply and demand.

UPDATE: A good explanation of how speculators are responsible for high oil prices (as well as high food prices). The supply of oil is at an all-time high, and demand is down, but the price just continues to rise. The media is going to try to convince you that high prices are a result of unrest in the middle east, but that’s not the real reason.

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A Slippery Slope By Any Other Name


© Tom Tomorrow

Tom Tomorrow points out how we are sliding down this incline. First our stated goal was to protect civilians and we definitely, absolutely weren’t there to remove Qaddafi from power. Then we started saying that we would have to keep bombing until Qaddafi left, but that we would not put any boots on the ground to accomplish that. Then we admitted that the CIA has had boots on the ground from the beginning. And now there are open calls for an expanded military involvement, ignoring the fact that we have no idea what would happen or who would replace Qaddafi if his government failed. Here we go again!

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Late Night Political Humor

“The Federal Trade Commission says for the 11th year in a row the biggest consumer complaint is identity theft. Which led President Obama to say, “That’s why you should never show ANYONE your birth certificate.” – Jay Leno

“The White House Easter egg roll was held yesterday. It was a great opportunity for kids from all over the country to come to the White House and look for the president’s birth certificate.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Every time a kid found an egg, Michelle Obama would make them trade it in for a low cholesterol Egg Beater. They had about 6,000 eggs, and you know who decorated them? Ex-cons. It’s nice to see the White House reaching out to former members of Congress.” – Jay Leno

“President Obama hosted the annual White House Easter Egg Roll. It was a little awkward though. Donald Trump showed up and demanded to see each egg’s birth certificate.” – Jimmy Fallon

“They have to put Trump on every program, spewing his crazy ideas, because his poll numbers are so high. And his poll numbers are so high because they put him on every program, spewing his crazy ideas.” – Jon Stewart

“Donald Trump says he’s President Obama’s worst nightmare. That’s not true. Having to make a decision is Obama’s worst nightmare.” – Jay Leno

“In the survey of happiest countries, Denmark, Sweden and Finland were the top three. U.S. came in 12th. Imagine how far our ranking will fall if we ever hear the words ‘President Trump.'” – Craig Ferguson

“New York just passed a law that allows same-sex conjugal visits for prisoners. Isn’t that pretty much what prison is?” – Jimmy Fallon

“New Jersey had a governor, married, who decided he was a homosexual, and he was having so much fun being a homosexual that he didn’t want to be governor any more, and now he wants to become a Catholic priest. I’m just going to leave the punchline up to you.” – David Letterman

“There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they’re not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn’t paying attention.” – Jay Leno

“A study found Americans spend $1.2 trillion every year on stuff they don’t need. Or as Republicans call it, health care.” – Jimmy Fallon

“WikiLeaks has information about the people that were incarcerated at Guantanamo Bay. Many of them were charged with terrorism and conspiracy, and one person was actually charged with shoplifting a necklace.” – David Letterman

“A lot of people are worried about the safety of America’s nuclear power plants. It’s important to remember that we’ve never had a full meltdown. We came close with Charlie Sheen, though.” – Jay Leno

“St. Louis International Airport was hit directly by a tornado. They determined that tornadoes are no longer a danger, and now we can go back to being endangered by sleeping air traffic controllers.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“A man just tried to hijack a plane, and he had two demands. He wanted them to take him to Libya, and he wanted an extra pillow. Fortunately it didn’t happen. Thank God all the air traffic controllers were asleep.” – David Letterman

“Hey, who’s excited about the Royal Wedding? I’m conflicted. I can’t figure out whether I don’t care or whether I couldn’t care less. I think we’re all more excited about the royal divorce.” – David Letterman

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Why Obama’s Birth Certificate Doesn’t Prove Anything


© Joel Pett

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Military Intelligence

In 1946 the article “The Sources of Soviet Conduct” was published, laying out the policy of containment that proposed that the best way to defeat the Soviet Union was not to attack it, but to contain it. If the US was able to merely counteract Soviet influence, then the internal problems of their communist system would inevitably lead to its collapse.

The article had a profound impact on American foreign policy, and it worked.

When it was published, the article was simply signed X, but the author turned out to be the American diplomat George Kennan. Now a new article has been published, but this time signed Y. The new article points out that the policy of containment — with its massive military build-up and quasi-imperial policy aimed at countering Soviet influence — is still in place even though it is no longer needed and is actually hurting us. The fact that we spend more on defense than all the other countries in the world put together might have made some sense when we were facing down the Soviet empire, but is now pointless and is bankrupting us.

When we have so much military power, we tend to favor military solutions instead of political solutions. Which is why we have gotten bogged down in multiple wars and vastly overreacted to Islamic terrorism. And we have fallen into the oldest trap in the world:

Washington needs to make sure that the United States does not fall into the imperial trap of every other superpower in history, spending greater and greater time and money and energy stabilizing disorderly parts of the world on the periphery, while at the core its own industrial and economic might is waning.

Instead of running up our national debt on pointless wars, the article says that we need to be investing in the real sources of national power: our youth, infrastructure, and economy. Instead of seeing the rest of the world as threats to be fought, we need to fight hard to promote American competitiveness, influence, and innovation. Above all else, we need to spend more money on education and invest in our children in order to ensure our future.

By investing energy, talent, and dollars now in the education and training of young Americans — the scientists, statesmen, industrialists, farmers, inventors, educators, clergy, artists, service members, and parents, of tomorrow — we are truly investing in our ability to successfully compete in, and influence, the strategic environment of the future. Our first investment priority, then, is intellectual capital and a sustainable infrastructure of education, health and social services to provide for the continuing development and growth of America’s youth.

But what is really ironic about this article is that it was not written by some bleeding heart socialist, it was written by two senior members of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. That’s right, two of our top military strategists say that we need to stop throwing so much money at the military and instead spend more money on our people.

I am shocked and awed.

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Drill Baby Drill


© Jen Sorensen

Who says we are running out of energy? We as a nation spend an unbelievable amount of energy on politics (longest election campaigns in the world!), birth certificates, stopping gay marriage, being afraid, and texting while driving.

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No-Class Action

When a corporation cheats each of their customers out of a small amount of money, it generally isn’t worth it for an individual to sue them. Consider the California couple who objected to a questionable $30 charge on their cellphone bill.

This problem is exactly why class-action lawsuits were invented. By banding together, disgruntled consumers can make the stakes high enough to warrant legal action against misbehaving corporations. Instead of suing for their puny $30, if a million consumers were overcharged they can join forces in a single $30 million lawsuit.

But the Supreme Court has declared once again that Corporations are more equal than real people. By a 5-4 decision (with all five Republican appointees siding with corporate power and four Democratic appointees against), the court ruled that it is legal for corporations to include language in their user agreements that prohibits class-action suits and forces customers to face off individually against teams of corporate lawyers.

Your only other alternative is to not buy products from companies that include such language in their user agreements. Of course, good luck finding such a company now.

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Calling Trump’s Bluff

Last week, Donald Trump said he would show his tax returns when Obama showed his birth certificate.

Well, Obama has released his birth certificate. When will we get to see Trump’s tax returns?

Of course, instead Trump took credit for forcing Obama to release his birth certificate and then started demanding to see Obama’s student records. As one person said, this is why you never negotiate with terrorists.

On the other hand, if Trump releases his tax returns, we might get a closer look at the four (count ’em) times that Trump’s businesses declared bankruptcy.

Ok, I’m going to officially stop giving Trump any more attention. He is a lying, hypocritical joke.

UPDATE: Jon Stewart weighs in:

UPDATE 2:

© Jack Ohman

UPDATE 3: Even more lies. He’s definitely qualified to be the Republican nominee for president.

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