Skip to content

Political Chicken


© Dan Wasserman

Are they playing chicken or are they just determined to drive us off a cliff?

Share

Late Night Political Humor

“Democrats warned that if the debt ceiling isn’t raised, the government would cease to function. How would you be able to tell?” – Jay Leno

“You know what the scary part is? Not that the government will cease to function, that they think this is actually the government functioning. They think it is working well.” – Jay Leno

“The government is warning that terrorists may try to blow up airplanes by implanting bombs under their skin. The airlines responded by saying they’ll charge any terrorists that do this a $50 carry-on fee.” – Jay Leno

“Lady Gaga complained that the U.S. is allowing Iran and North Korea to get nukes and we have to stop them. Before the White House makes any decision, they’re waiting to hear from Britney Spears.” – Jay Leno

“According to the New York Times, a cell phone found in Osama bin Laden’s compound had phone numbers belonging to Pakistan’s intelligence agencies. But authorities say it’s unlikely they ever spoke because apparently bin laden had AT&T.” – Jay Leno

“Vice President Joe Biden has a new Twitter account. He said he will not rest until he can embarrass the president on every media platform ever invented.” – Jay Leno

“Sarah Palin spoke out about Independence Day, saying that if the British had won the war, we’d all be speaking English today.” – Jay Leno

“Casey Anthony was found not guilty. This means that President Obama’s economic team is only the second-most clueless group in America.” – Jay Leno

“You know Casey Anthony is not the only one that is going to go free. Lawyers for Dominique Strauss-Kahn now say that the maid in the ritzy hotel also worked as a hooker. So he could walk too. A maid who is also a hooker. That’s like Arnold Schwarzenegger’s dream date.” – Jay Leno

“A new study shows that home births are up 20% in the united states. More and more moms are giving birth at home. Or as in Arnold Schwarzenegger’s case, giving birth in the home they’re cleaning.” – Jay Leno

“It was so hot in California today that Arnold Schwarzenegger’s clothes were out on the lawn setting themselves on fire.” – Jay Leno

“I think the jury from the O.J. Simpson trial retired and moved to Florida.” – Jay Leno

Share

Vending Machine Jobs


© Matt Wuerker

We’re doing everything the Republicans said we should do to create jobs. We cut taxes on the rich to the lowest they have been in 60 years, we reduced government spending, corporate profits are up. So where are the jobs?

Share

Rugged Socialist Individualists

Remember “Keep your government hands off my Medicare“? Well, the craziness is much more common than even that. According to a paper from Cornell University, around half the people who have benefitted from government social programs believe that they “have not used a government social program”.

Do you think you’ve never gotten money from a government social program? Really? Did you ever get a student loan, a Pell grant, or set up an Education Savings Account to help pay for college? How about used the mortgage interest deduction to help you buy a home? Child care tax credit? Social security? Unemployment insurance? Veteran’s benefits? Somehow, we’ve convinced ourselves that tax breaks for housing or subsidized loans for education are not social programs, but that’s exactly what they are. That’s right tea partiers, you too might be one of the socialist parasites you are trying to rip from the suckling teat of the taxpayers.

Even beneficiaries of our most well-known social programs are significantly delusional. 44% of recipients of Social Security benefits and 40% of Medicare beneficiaries claim that they haven’t used a government social program. Even more amazing, 27% of welfare recipients and 25% of people who receive food stamps don’t think they are the recipient of government assistance.

Share

America Held Hostage


© Keith Tucker

Even business groups are asking the government to raise the debt ceiling.

Share

Being Homeless is Expensive

Want to save money — lots of money — on homeless people? Give them free housing!

The United Way of Los Angeles studied four people who had been living on the streets, then they put them into free apartments and got them access to free support services. Interestingly, it cost the government less money than it did when they were homeless. How could that be?

Living on the street can be rough. If you get sick, you go to the emergency room. During the time they were on the streets, the four people together used the emergency room 19 times. There were also the costs of shelters, which require people to run them. In addition, homeless people tend to get arrested, and the cost for police and jails is substantial.

In total, when the four were living on the streets, it cost the government $187,288. Afterwards, the same four people, including their free housing costs and all the free services, cost the government $107,032. The biggest savings was in medical costs, which went from $26,060 to $830, and in criminal justice costs, which went from $23,361 to zero.

That’s a savings of over $20,000 per person! Los Angeles is estimated to have 100,000 homeless people, so that could mean a savings of $2 billion in just one city.

Of course, our government is cutting services for the poor, and the mortage crisis is increasing the number of homeless people. We’re spending increasing amounts on medical costs and jails. No wonder our governments (especially state governments) are going broke. And the Republicans are calling for even more cuts to services for the poor, which will likely make the situation even worse.

Unintended consequences can be a bitch.

Share

So much for trying to reduce the deficit

The House today overwhelmingly (336-87) passed a new defense spending bill, actually increasing military spending by $17 billion to $649 billion.

Remember that we already spend more on our military than most of the rest of the world put together, and I sure as hell don’t feel like it is making us safer than those countries who spend a teeny fraction of what we do.

Any Congressman who voted for this and then complains about the deficit is a total hypocrite and does not deserve to be reelected.

Share

Cliffhanger


© Jim Morin

The Republicans say that raising taxes is not allowed. Nancy Pelosi has declared that Democrats will not support cuts to Medicare or Social Security benefits. So who is going to blink first?

Warren Buffett has one solution: “I could end the deficit in 5 minutes. You just pass a law that says that anytime there is a deficit of more than 3% of GDP all sitting members of congress are ineligible for reelection.”

Share

What Happened to our Democracy?

Juan Cole has a thoughtful piece on his blog entitled “10 Ways Arab Democracies Can Avoid American Mistakes“. In it, he encourages the new democracies emerging in the Middle East to avoid making the same mistakes that are causing so much trouble in the US.

What I find ironic is that his article is really not about the new Arab democracies at all. It is a prescription for fixing what is wrong with the US (even though he acknowledges that it is probably too late for us).

But it makes a good list of what we should be trying to accomplish if we want to save our ailing US democracy:

  • Ban all television advertising for political campaigns (other countries have already done this, so it isn’t a crazy idea).
  • Hold your elections on non-work days or make them a holiday.
  • Make voter registration automatic and compulsory.
  • Maybe even make voting compulsory. After all, military service is compulsory, so why not voting?
  • Have a comprehensive bill of rights in your constitution, including electronic rights to privacy. Limit or abolish “secret police”.
  • Restrict military spending to defending your borders.
  • Keep your judiciary out of politics. And never, ever allow corporations to be declared persons.
  • Protect worker’s rights, including the right to unionize.
  • Strongly prohibit monopolies.

I know the “No Labels” organization is fighting for some of these. Do they have a chance? Or is it really too late for us?

Share

Inhofe Reality Disconnect

I’ve often thought that our elected representatives are disconnected from reality, but I didn’t know it was this bad.

Last October, Senator James Inhofe (R-OK) was piloting his Cessna to Cameron County Airport in South Texas, when he decided to land on a closed runway. The closure was reported in NOTAM (Notices to Airmen) but Inhofe didn’t bother to check that. The runway was also marked with a big X across it, which Inhofe saw but decided to ignore, even though there were construction workers and vehicles on the runway. According to one worker Inhofe’s plane touched down and then “sky hopped” over six vehicles and personnel working on the runway. One vehicle driver reportedly “wet his britches”. The airport manager, who has been a pilot for 50 years and did three tours of Vietnam, said he had “never seen such a reckless disregard for human life”.

Of course, Inhofe managed to wiggle out of any legal action against him, and amazingly still has his pilots license. But then he took it one step beyond. He introduced a bill to go after the FAA for “agency overreach”. Inhofe still claims he is innocent, complaining “I did nothing wrong, but at any time I could have suffered the revocation of a license.”

As Washington Monthly put it “Inhofe is probably about as good a pilot as he is a senator. That’s not a compliment.”

Share

It’s Unanimous


© Matt Wuerker

So when will we learn to not get into any more wars? Libya I can almost understand, but we never should have taken on either Iraq or Afghanistan.

Share

Republican Candidate Rundown

[Reprinted from The Serum Magazine.]

Candidate What’s gone right What’s gone wrong Would definitely win nomination if…
Mitt Romney Still zero bad hair days, lifetime Despite Romney’s tough rhetoric, Obama has not yet conceded office to him …elections were hosted by AmIHotOrNot.com
Rick Perry Everybody hates all the actual candidates He will eventually have to become a real candidate …he takes credit for derailing Newt Gingrich’s campaign
Newt Gingrich Everything has been great for Newt, if you believe that there’s no such thing as bad press Even members of his own staff were unable to kid themselves …he wasn’t held up to the same standard as other candidates, or really anyone in the public life whatsoever
Donald Trump Celebrity Apprentice picked up for next season Fucking Osama got shot …his campaign was a task for John Rich to complete
Ron Paul Hasn’t died of old age Still aging …he convinced the Supreme Court that non-votes are clearly a vote for him, libertarian hero Ron Paul
Michele Bachmann World went crazy; media portraying her as serious, viable, and reasonable Sarah Palin still a household name; world not big enough for two prominent women in politics …her crazy eyes are just a hypnotism tool and their powers take hold by primary season
Sarah Palin Recently released Governor’s office emails are too long to actually read, successfully burying her racist rants Learned the hard way that media fact checks made up statements …half the country preemptively moves to Canada
Herman Cain Avoided having to re-pay all donations by successfully keeping all of his speeches 30 minutes of less Running out of crazy shit to say …a series of tragic events befall all other candidates
Jon Huntsman Is occasionally remembered by people who follow 2012 politics People keep criticizing his campaign logo, because that’d the only thing anyone knows about him …people fear getting on his bad side when he convinces voters “Huntsman” isn’t his last name, it’s an accurate nickname
Rick Santorum His name is not yet bleeped out on network television His face is now considered a trigger on suicide-prevention websites …hipsters decided to be reallyironic
Tim Pawlenty Has not suffered a bad headline Has not actually had a headline …eh, probably has a good chance

They also did a similar rundown at the end of March, and everything has changed since then. As everyone knows, even 24 hours is a very long time in politics, let alone a few months. So don’t take what any pundit says about who is going to win the Republican nomination very seriously.

Share

Backus Backs Single Payer?

Democratic Senator Max Backus is a hypocrite:

Back when he presided over the Senate’s health care reform debate, Max Baucus, chairman of the all-powerful Senate Finance Committee, had said everything was on the table — except for single-payer universal health care. When doctors, nurses, and others rose in his hearing to insist that single payer be included in the debate, the Montana Democrat had them arrested. As more stood up, Baucus could be heard on his open microphone saying, “We need more police.”

And yet, Backus himself instituted a single payer health insurance system for an entire county in his state of Montana. Why? To cover the ass of a mining company that has managed to evade responsibility for hundreds of deaths and thousands of illnesses caused by deadly airborne asbestos around a vermiculite mine near the town of Libby in Northwest Montana.

What’s really striking about this is that it was so simple. Backus merely extended Medicare to everyone affected by the asbestos, regardless of age, regardless of ability to pay (like Medicare it is free). And there is no gradual ten year rollout like with the current health care reform bill.

Backus, why can’t the rest of us have Medicare for all? Why did you keep it off the table?

Share

Slippery Slope of Gay Love


© Matt Bors

Share

Late Night Political Humor

“A lot of people are taking time off for the holidays. For instance, Rod Blagojevich is going away for a while.” – David Letterman

“Blagojevich could do 300 years — unless he’s pardoned by Oprah.” – David Letterman

“Glenn Beck gave his last show. After Oprah and Beck, the only emotional woman on TV is me.” – Craig Ferguson

“Supposedly, they let Beck go because he alienated the sponsors. I would never do that. In fact, I hang out on the weekend with the ShamWow guy.” – Carig Ferguson

“Rev. Pat Robertson says that if more states legalize gay marriage, God will destroy America. He did say that afterwards, gays will come in and do a beautiful renovation.” – Conan O’Brien

“Anthony Weiner is no longer a congressman, but he wants to pick his replacement. That would be a great endorsement.” – David Letterman

“California officials say that the census failed to count over a million residents of the state? How did Schwarzenegger manage to cover up all those children?” – Conan O’Brien

“North Korea has shut down all of its universities for 10 months so students can work in factories. Or, as they call it in North Korea, ‘spring break.'” – Conan O’Brien

“The Senate canceled their vacation to work on the budget. Either they really can’t agree or they’re looking for an excuse to not go on vacation with their families.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“We’re celebrating our independence from the British. I hope that in a couple years, we’ll be able to celebrate our independence from the Chinese.” – David Letterman

Share