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Pac-king a Super Punch


© Ed Stein

[Commentary by Ed Stein:]

Remember that moment in the State of the Union address two years back when the president chided the Supreme Court justices in attendance about their appalling Citizens United decision, predicting that a tsunami of anonymous cash would flood elections? Justice Alito responded by silently mouthing the words, “not true.” Fast forward to 2012. As predicted by everyone but Alito, superpacs aligned with the candidates now dominate political spending. These beasts are allowed to raise and spend unlimited funds from donors who don’t have to reveal their identities, and they now outspend the actual campaigns by significant and growing margins. Technically, they are supposed to be independent of the candidates, but they are often, as is the case with Romney’s superpac (and one guesses Paul’s, Gingrich’s, and Obam’s, too) managed and staffed by the candidate’s former campaign workers. Thanks to the lack of transparency, we can’t know for certain, but it’s a good guess that most of that money doesn’t come from the elderly pensioner sending five bucks in the hope that Social Security checks will keep coming for a few more years, or from some poor guy who got laid off last year and whose mortgage is under water praying that some kind of foreclosure relief is on the way. If the tiny Iowa caucus is any guide , tens, perhaps hundreds of millions will be spent on the Republican primaries alone. And just wait until the main event is underway. The presidential campaign alone is likely to cost more more than $1 billion, and it’s expected that the entire 2012 election will result in campaign spending of more than $6 billion, the bulk of it doled out by anonymously-funded superpacs All of which raises the suspicion that the real candidates are the superpac donors, whoever they are, and that the entire election is just a vastly entertaining puppet show designed to distract us from what’s really going on behind the curtain. And the strings are invisible.

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Late Night Political Humor

“Last night, Rick Perry said was quitting the race. But then this morning, he said he’s staying in. Hmm. Going back on his word? Maybe he’d make a good president after all.” – Craig Ferguson

“Michele Bachmann pulled out of the presidential race and I just want to take a moment and say that Michele gave us a lot of material over the last eight months.” – Conan O’Brien

“Michele Bachmann is out, but I don’t think her husband is.” – David Letterman

“In her concession speech, Bachmann said, ‘I mean what I say.’ Then she thanked her speech writer, Popeye.” – Conan O’Brien

“So now that Michele O’Bachmann is out, that leaves Mitt Romney with best hairdo.” – David Letterman

“According to new poll done by ’60 minutes,’ 2 percent of voters believe that Mitt Romney’s real name, his real first name, is Mittens. That’s true. If Romney legally changes his name to Mittens, he’s got my vote.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“John McCain has endorsed Mitt Romney for president. … Now, it didn’t help that McCain began his endorsement by saying, ‘From the man who brought you Sarah Palin.'” – Conan O’Brien

“How about that Rick Santorum? He came in second because he is the anti-Romney. Wait a minute. I thought Mitt Romney was the anti-Romney.” – David Letterman

“Mitt Romney won the Iowa caucuses by defeating Rick Santorum by only eight votes. That’s a record. To give you an idea of how close that is, if all of Newt Gingrich’s ex-wives voted for Santorum, he would have won by 15.” – Conan O’Brien

“Rick Santorum lost by 8 votes. He’d have won if he’d just gotten the gay vote.” – Jay Leno

“Rick Santorum lost by 8 votes, like what happened to Jon Gosselin.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“(Rick) Santorum did so well, a restaurant in Boone, Iowa, named its chicken salad after him. They also have the Mitt Romney waffle, the Ron Paul cracker, and the Newt Gingrich chubby hubby ice cream.” – Jay Leno

“Rick Santorum’s campaign is celebrating the Iowa caucuses with a pizza party. Here’s the embarrassing part: It was delivered by Herman Cain.” – Jay Leno

“As I was coming out here, CBS News predicted the winner of the Iowa Republican caucuses: President Obama.” – David Letterman

“In the last election, Mike Huckabee won the Iowa caucus, and John McCain came in fourth. And he became the nominee. So it’s too early to tell anything at this point. It would be like if Wolf Blitzer stayed up all night analyzing the first round of American Idol auditions.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“There’s already controversy with the Iowa caucuses. About a half hour ago, they found eight more votes for Al Gore.” – David Letterman

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Worse


© Ted Rall

One way it could get much, much worse: President Santorum and VP Bachmann. Just sayin’.

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The Mitt-bot and Santorum

Stephen Colbert takes on the winners of the Iowa caucuses:

And satirist Andy Borowitz gets in some funny cracks:

Former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney was overjoyed today after finishing the Iowa caucuses in a virtual tie with a walking joke who wears sweater vests.

“The eight people have spoken!” exclaimed Mr. Romney, who was joined by supporters celebrating his .0006% margin of victory.

Historians noted that the last time so few people decided a Presidential race they were all on the Supreme Court.

As for the other candidates, runner-up Rick Santorum said that he had received a phone call from President Obama: “He stopped laughing just long enough to say congratulations.”

Speaking of Colbert, there is a really interesting article in the New York Times Magazine on how Colbert has grown a new personality by taking his existing fictional idiot conservative personality — the one who stars on the Colbert Report — and moving it out into the real world and dangerously close to reality. Colbert briefly ran for president in 2008, and testified (in character) before Congress. But that was just a warm-up for what he is doing now, which is destroying the line between reality and parody.

In addition to starting his own (real) Super PAC “Americans For A Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow”, he ran political commercials in Iowa urging people to write in Rick Perry’s name, but to misspell it with an “a” (for America). He also started a 501(c)(4) “Colbert Super PAC SHH Institute” to “launder” political donations (the SHH is like “hush”). And in October, Colbert almost succeeded in paying the Republican Party in South Carolina for naming rights for the presidential primary, rebranding it “The Stephen Colbert Super PAC South Carolina Primary” (even on the ballots).

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Late Night Political Humor

“Political analysts are saying that Mitt Romney is having trouble generating enthusiasm among Iowa voters. Now, ladies and gentlemen, you know you have a problem when people in Iowa find you dull.” – Conan O’Brien

“Forty percent of the people of Iowa are undecided about who to select as a Republican candidate for president. Thank goodness we have three dozen debates.” – David Letterman

“Iowa is a state in the Midwest that manufactures pigs, corn and old people.” – Conan O’Brien

“Today are the Republican Iowa caucuses. Or, as it’s also known, ‘old white guy Mardi Gras.'” – Conan O’Brien

“They say the Iowa caucuses are very important because they are predictors of the Academy Awards.” – David Letterman

“President Obama’s campaign has released a highlight reel of his top moments from 2011. The video’s a little weird. Halfway through, it’s taped over by Joe Biden’s recording of ‘Yo Gabba Gabba.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“I hope you all had a good holiday. I was in Scotland. I enjoy going back to the country where I was born. That must be what it feels like when Barack Obama visits Kenya.” – Craig Ferguson

“There’s a plan for the Pentagon to cut almost half a trillion dollars from the military. The Pentagon plans to pay for future wars by divorcing Kobe Bryant.” – Conan O’Brien

“The new ruler of North Korea is Kim Jong Il’s son. That’s an amazing coincidence. The elections must have gone very quickly.” – Craig Ferguson

“The U.S. government is selling $30 billion worth of fighter jets to Saudi Arabia. Yeah, it’s part of a new initiative called, ‘Operation Regret This In Five Years.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“2012 is supposed to be the year the world ends. Have you seen the national debt? If the world doesn’t end, we are so screwed.” – Jay Leno

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The Official Iowa Results


© Kevin Siers

As usual, the mainstream media is concentrating on the horse race aspects of the primary, and ignoring the real issues. But even the media is having trouble finding drama in this. I guess Romney has become inevitable, despite the fact that Republicans are willing to grasp at any straw that isn’t him.


© Joel Pett

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Dope Saves Lives

That’s right. A new study shows that states that have legalized medical marijuana averaged a 9% decrease in traffic fatalities. Probably because they also saw a 5% decrease in beer sales. The study analyzed 13 states that have passed laws allowing marijuana for medical use.

I’ve never understood why of all drugs, marijuana was banned for medical use, when opiates like morphine (and worse) are routinely prescribed by doctors.

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How Far Out of the Mainstream Can You Get?

In the Iowa Caucuses on Tuesday, Rick Santorum came within 8 votes of winning. 8 votes.

Why is this amazing? Because it shows how completely and totally out of the mainstream the Republican party has become. Either that, or the state of Iowa just went insane.

Santorum is about as extreme as you can get as a religious conservative. He isn’t against just run-of-the-mill things like gay marriage or abortion, Santorum wants to make contraception illegal. He has repeatedly spoken out against the 1965 Supreme Court decision that struck down bans on discussing or providing contraception to married couples. He is against the right to privacy, the right that keeps police from searching your bedroom looking for condoms.

How out of the mainstream is this? Virtually all women of childbearing age (more than 99%) have used some kind of contraception, which Santorum wants to make illegal. That would make criminals out of half of America.

That’s crazy. Even worse, if contraception were illegal, abortions would increase dramatically, as would teen pregnancies and other unintended pregnancies. In fact, according to a survey done last year, 82% of Americans want to increase access to contraception for women who cannot afford it. Santorum wants to ban all government funding of contraception.

Less than 3 months ago in an interview talking about contraception, Santorum promised that “all those issues are going to be front and center with me. I know most presidents don’t talk about these things and maybe people don’t want us to talk about these things. But … these are important public policy issues.” Not jobs. Not the economy. Not terrorism. This is what the person who came within 8 votes of winning the Iowa caucuses wants the government to focus on.

Some people may say that those people in Iowa voted for Santorum only because he was the flavor of the week, and he wasn’t Mitt Romney. And now that attention is being focused on the new kid on the block he will quickly burn out, just like Gingrich, Cain, Perry, Trump, Bachmann, and others before him did. If that’s true that people voted for Santorum even though they had little idea what he stands for, then we need to rethink the whole nominating process.


© Bill Day

UPDATE: In this post I focused on Santorum’s position on contraception, but he has plenty of other issues that put him outside the mainstream. He also wants to ban all pornography.

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Three Wise Men With Extra Cheese Please

[reprinted from Margaret and Helen]

Margaret, isn’t this an amazing country we live in? Anyone can grow up and run for President no matter how many animals they slept with. Who saw Rick Santorum making that big of a comeback? I guess the same people who championed Michele Bachman, then Rick Perry, then Herman Cain, then Newton Leroy Gingrich… Gosh it’s hard to swallow that Romney pill. Taking Santorum to avoid Romney. Iowa, are you crazy?

I guess you can’t be all that crazy because you saw through Rick Perry. I can only hope that Texans will finally realize what Iowans figured out in a few short months – Rick Perry is all hat and no cattle. I only wish Rick would stay in Iowa rather than come back to Texas and “assess” the ass-whipping he just took. The big man from Texas edged out Michele “Jesus Said I Could” Bachmann and Jon “The Other Mormon” Huntsman. How do Republicans in Texas face themselves in the morning?

But really you do have to like that Michele Bachmann. What a loveable little loon she is. Totally clueless and still heading on to New Hampshire. I like her spunk, but she’s no Sarah Palin. ( I miss putting lipstick on that pig. ) At least you could laugh at Sarah’s stupidity. With Michele, I just feel sorry for her. She takes those voices in her head seriously. And those voices are telling her that people in New Hampshire are stupid enough to vote for her. She really should give it up and join Cain on the sidelines for some pizza. I’m pretty sure Perry already placed his order for a large, thin curst with extra crow – oops I meant sausage.

And Newt, honey, politics is a messy business. It doesn’t matter how many negative ads were run about you. They didn’t change a thing. People have thought you were an ass for a long time now. Go home, honey. You’ve sold a ton of books. Go home and give that current wife some new jewelry from Tiffany’s and order yourself a meat lovers to go.

Huntsman who?

So that leaves us with Romney, Paul and Santorum. Three wise men who couldn’t find a star on a moonless night much less a family of three in a manger. And even if they could, Romney wouldn’t be able to decide on which star to follow; Paul would want to argue about the price of gold, frankincense and myrrh; and Santorum would be too busy molesting the cattle lowing in the stable.

Folks, let’s get serious. Since 2008 we’ve reduced our wars by 50%, avoided another Great Depression, advanced women’s rights in the workplace, ended Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell and passed a law intended to provide healthcare for the sick and the poor. Not bad for a Muslim born in Kenya. Republicans not wanting to re-elect Obama isn’t exactly newsworthy. They like war and they hate gays, women and those damn government-cheese-sucking poor people. But wanting to put Rick Santorum in the White House? He thinks birth control should be outlawed. Without birth control you’re going to have more government-cheese-sucking poor people.

This is how the Republican Party recovers from nominating Sarah Palin as VP? Honey, that man-on-dog just don’t hunt. If this pack is truly the best your party has to offer, maybe you should consider a new party – one where they don’t serve tea.

Forget 2012 and nominate a serious candidate in 2016. I mean it. Really.

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Dust


© Ed Stein

The Republican campaigns spent more than $12 million in Iowa. For what? How much did Mitt Romney spend in order win by 8 votes? Even worse, he got less than 25% of the vote, which means that 75% of the voters did not want him.

As Ed Stein put it, “the Republican candidates for president seem to live on a different planet than the rest of us, one where the only problem this country has is named Obama.” And what are the solutions offered by the candidates? The same greed-based “solutions” that got us into this terrible mess in the first place.

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Fool Me Thrice


© Tom Tomorrow

Why are we so willing to go to war? Is it because the US media keeps us in a state of constant fear? Is it because corporations with strong government connections make lots of money off of war? Or because politicians get a boost in their approval rating during times of war?

Why do we still think of ourselves as the world’s policeman? I think isolationism is a mistake, but we seem to err in the other direction too much. And this comic doesn’t even mention Viet Nam.

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Going Even More Negative

Joe Klein in Time Magazine argues that negative campaign ads will be much more common during this presidential election, based on what we are already seeing in the Iowa primary:

Negative ads have been more effective and brutal this time because no one has to get up there at the end and say, “I’m Mitt Romney and I approved this message.”

That line came in for a fair amount of mockery when the federal government began to require it a few cycles ago. But it worked. It became harder to for a candidate to have an ad accusing an opponent of being a mother-raper if he or she had to appear at the end and say, “I approve this message.” In fact, in 2004, “I approve this message” just about killed Dick Gephardt in Iowa, as he set to work filleting Howard Dean. Iowans are nice. They don’t like candidates who aren’t.

This time, however, the vast majority of Iowans don’t know that friends of Mitt Romney have put several bajillion dollars worth of ads up eviscerating Newt Gingrich. And I don’t know who put up that anti-Paul ad last night. It’s a coarsening of a system that is already too coarse. And we can thank the Supreme Court for that. It certainly doesn’t bode well for the general election next fall.

So with Super PACs active for the first time in a presidential election, we can certainly expect not just to be inundated with negative ads, but ads with lots of dirty tricks too.

I worry that those people who think Obama is going to win this one easily are thinking in terms of 2008 politics, not 2012. Yes, the Republican candidates are currently a mess, but they have been against each other while Obama gets to be presidential and avoid a primary fight like he had in 2008. I can only imagine what will happen during the real election, because of all this anonymous money being thrown around, and I’m sure it will be far nastier than the 2008 election.

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The Fat Lady Sings


© Jim Morin

But unfortunately, I don’t think it is over. The Citizens United decision has opened the floodgates for corporate political spending. How big is the flood? In the month of December alone, just in Iowa, more than $10 million was spent just on television and radio political ads. And that’s just for the presidential primary. How many billions of dollars will be spent before the elections in November?

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Flavor of the ?


© Jack Ohman

The Iowa caucuses happen Tuesday (yes, tomorrow), and it seems like nobody knows who the winner will be. Some polls show Ron Paul in front. Some show Mitt Romney winning. Some show Rick Santorum surging from behind (sorry).

The bottom line (sorry again) is … who cares? If you look at the six contested GOP primaries since 1976, the winner of the Iowa caucuses has gone on to be elected president just once. And that lone accurate prediction was George W. Bush in 2000. Big whoop.

As far as I can tell, the only real winner of the Iowa caucuses is the media, which loves a horse race like this.

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What Juries Need to Know About Saying No

I just wanted to take a minute at the start of a new year to remind everyone about Jury Nullification. If you are ever on a jury, no court, judge, or even defense lawyer will ever tell you about your constitutional right to Just Say No.

That’s right. If you are a juror for someone who is accused of smoking marijuana, even if you are sure they are guilty you have the right to vote not guilty. Maybe because you think drug laws are stupid and that nobody should be thrown in jail and have their life ruined for smoking pot. That’s called jury nullification, because you are in effect nullifying the law.

The judge may even tell you that you have to vote purely on whether the defendant is guilty as charged. If so, the judge is lying, and he almost certainly knows he is lying.

What makes this an even more important issue is that there seems to be a campaign against jury nullification. Earlier this year a retired professor was charged with a crime for providing information about jury nullification outside a courthouse. If that is a crime, then I am probably breaking the same law by writing this post.

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