Political Irony

It was the last Republican presidential debate before Super Tuesday. What? You didn’t watch it? No matter. It is much more fun to watch Jon Stewart make fun of it:

If that isn’t interesting enough, read Matt Taibbi explain why he enjoyed watching the Republican candidates stick long knives into each other’s backs at the debate:

This is justice. What we have here are chickens coming home to roost. It’s as if all of the American public’s bad habits and perverse obsessions are all coming back to haunt Republican voters in this race: The lack of attention span, the constant demand for instant gratification, the abject hunger for negativity, the utter lack of backbone or constancy (we change our loyalties at the drop of a hat, all it takes is a clever TV ad): these things are all major factors in the spiraling Republican disaster.

Most importantly, though, the conservative passion for divisive, partisan, bomb-tossing politics is threatening to permanently cripple the Republican party. They long ago became more about pointing fingers than about ideology, and it’s finally ruining them.

Go read the whole article, it is excellent.

“Rick Santorum released his tax returns this week, and under withholding he wrote ‘oral sex’.” – Bill Maher

“Rick Santorum’s tax returns show that last year, he paid doubled the tax rate that Mitt Romney paid. Romney is much more clever with the deductions. He writes off poor people.” – Jay Leno

“Rick Santorum doesn’t like sex. He doesn’t like the pill. He really doesn’t like condoms. He said if men are going to pull something on to prevent procreation, nothing works better that a sweater vest.” – Bill Maher

“Rick Santorum is conservative; he’s so conservative he won’t even use weed whacker. That’s how conservative.” – Jay Leno

“Rick Santorum is so conservative that after his last colonoscopy he went to confession. That’s how bad.” – Jay Leno

“He is so conservative he thinks male bankers should only screw over female customers. That’s how bad.” – Jay Leno

“He’s so conservative he won’t even go to Home Depot to get wood. That’s how bad.” – Jay Leno

“He is so conservative he won’t even acknowledge the planet Uranus. That’s how bad…” – Jay Leno

“Here’s the good news for liberals. A new poll shows that Santorum and Romney are beating each other up so bad that Obama is now ahead of both of them – another tragic result of white-on-white crime.” – Bill Maher

“Mitt Romney could lose his home state of Michigan. He keeps shooting himself in the foot. He wrote an Op-Ed in the Detroit newspaper reminding them that he opposed the automobile bailout. And then he kicked off his Wisconsin ‘fuck cheese’ tour.” – Bill Maher

“The FDA came out with a study. They discovered lead in 400 different types of lipstick. And that’s just from samples taken from Newt Gingrich’s penis.” – Bill Maher

© Matt Bors

Wow, this makes more sense than most of what Santorum actually says.

Or if you want to see more silly quotes from the candidates, try this political quote generator.

“President Obama’s approval rating is up to 50 percent. Only half the country dislikes him. Apparently his strategy of not being any of the Republican candidates is paying off.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Here’s how he stacks up against others. Obama is at 50 percent positive. Mitt Romney is at 42 percent positive. Ice cream is ahead of both of them at 97 percent.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Rick Santorum’s approval rating is 33 percent. His sweater vest comes in at 17 percent.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“The band Megadeth has endorsed Rick Santorum. I think I’m going to wait and see who Metallica likes.” – David Letterman

“There are 8 million dead people who are still registered to vote. As a matter of fact, they’re the group that’s most passionate about Mitt Romney.” – Conan O’Brien

“Mitt Romney is sinking in the polls. That is the magic of a Donald Trump endorsement right there.” – David Letterman

“Candidates must have a slogan. Ron Paul’s slogan is ‘Fear the Poligrip.’” – David Letterman

“CNN is letting viewers ask the candidates questions at its next Republican debate. It’ll be awkward when they’re like, ‘This question’s from Mark in Texas.’ Mark asks: ‘What else is on?’” – Jimmy Fallon

“China’s vice president was in Los Angeles today. When he got off the plane, he apologized for his problem with the language. Apparently, his interpreter doesn’t speak Spanish.” – Jay Leno

“Kim Jong Il would have been 70 years old today if he hadn’t died a couple of months ago. But don’t worry. Osama bin Laden threw him a surprise party in hell.” – David Letterman

“Iran and its nukes. They’ve got the rods all ready to go into the reactor. They’re waiting on the installer. He’s supposed to come out Friday between 10 and 2.” – David Letterman