Political Irony

“The Republican convention was worried that it was going to be postponed or maybe completely canceled because of Hurricane Isaac. This is serious stuff. CNN is on full Blitzer.” – David Letterman

“It looks like Hurricane Isaac has delayed the Republican convention for one day. See, I think the Republicans should use these 60-mile an-hour winds to their advantage. Mitt Romney should walk about there and go, here are my tax returns for the last 10 years… Oh my gosh, what happened?'” – Jay Leno

“The winds in Tampa are so strong today, they blew the dog off the top of Romney’s car.” – David Letterman

“This is a big storm. In fact, Isaac has scared more senior citizens than Paul Ryan.” – Jay Leno

“It seems the GOP has placed 13,000 umbrellas in bins outside the hall for people to use. Delegates can’t bring them inside for security reasons, so after you use the umbrella, you drop it off for the next person to use. That sounds like creeping socialism.” – Jay Leno

“Some of the Republicans, I think, are over-reacting to Hurricane Isaac — like today Rick Santorum was seen gathering up two of every animal.” – Jay Leno

“Herman Cain was in Tampa. When a reporter asked him if Isaac reminded him of Katrina, he said, ‘I never even met the woman.'” – Jay Leno

“This year the theme of the Republican convention is ’50 Shades of White’.” – David Letterman

“This is my favorite statistic so far. According to a new poll, Mitt Romney is at zero percent among African American voters. And I don’t think the GOP slogan at convention is helping any: ‘See what white can do for you’.” – Jay Leno

“Last week President Obama met with the White House press corps for only the second time this year. He said he would have met with them more, but he’s been so busy campaigning, he didn’t have time to write their questions.” – Jay Leno

“President Obama brews his own beer in the White House. In honor of Joe Biden, they put it in a special big mouth bottle.” – Jay Leno

“NASA has actually landed a car on Mars. It’s called the Curiosity. That vehicle, now on Mars, cost two and a half million dollars. But when you drive that thing off the lot, instantly it’s worth less than half that.” – David Letterman

“Tomorrow the Mars rover is going to premier the new Black Eyed Peas song by beaming it back to Earth. In other words, the rover has turned against us. The machines have risen.” – Conan O’Brien

“They test drove the Curiosity over the weekend and it was digging a hole. It got bigger and bigger, digging a huge deep hole. It’s like Todd Akin.” – David Letterman

“A hurricane is scheduled to hit Tampa during the Republican Convention. These winds are so strong they could actually blow some of Mitt Romney’s money back in the United States.” – Jay Leno

“They’re all going down to Tampa where an Evangelical party is going to nominate a Mormon and a Catholic and then get wiped out by a hurricane… leaving Florida to the Jews as God intended.” – Bill Maher

“Everyone is making contingency plans. Paul Ryan went to Florida early, Mitt battened down his hair, and Newt Gingrich says he likes hurricanes and said he looks forward to getting blown behind a dumpster.” – Bill Maher

“Actually Mitt Romney is worried sick about this hurricane. It could ruin everything. Not because of the convention. Because it’s headed straight for the island where he keeps his money.” – Bill Maher

“There was an awkward moment for Mitt Romney today. He was practicing his speech and he took a pregnant pause and they made him carry it to term.” – Bill Maher

“Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan had a campaign event at an apple orchard… There was one awkward moment when they told the granny smiths they were considering cutting their Medicare.” – Jimmy Fallon

“According to a new poll, Mitt Romney is at zero percent among African Americans. Here’s the sad part: That’s up 5 percent from last week.” – Jay Leno

“Mitt Romney went birther today. He was in Michigan, where he was born, and he said, ‘No one has ever asked to see my birth certificate.’ Right, because you weren’t born. You have a warranty card.” – Bill Maher

“Todd Akin is running for Senate in Missouri and he said if it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways of shutting the whole thing down. And then he made it worse by saying the medical term for this is Pussy Riot.” – Bill Maher

“But wait. The female body has ways of shutting this down? Not only is it absurd but it is the worst super power ever.” – Bill Maher

“Todd Akin is getting death threats. They have narrowed it down the list to all women, everywhere.” – Bill Maher

“I’m not surprised there are people in America who believe things like this. But usually they don’t own shoes and they live in an abandoned school bus and they smell like urine. But this guy Akin, he went to college. He can tie a necktie, he doesn’t smell like urine. That’s the problem with America, we have a bunch of crazy people who clean up good.” – Bill Maher

“As much as the Republican establishment wants to denounce Akin and to make him quit, there’s very little difference between what he says and what is in his platform. Their platform says no abortion, no exceptions – not for rape, not for incest, not even for Snooki.” – Bill Maher

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that with the start of the Republican National Convention the nut cases are coming out.

Donald Trump just had to wade into birther conspiracies once again. What I can’t understand is why anyone listens to anything he says any more.

But wait, it gets better. Rush Limbaugh is trying to start a new conspiracy theory. He thinks Obama personally tampered with the Hurricane Center’s prediction for Isaac hoping that it would get the Republicans to delay or cancel the convention.

If you see or hear any more craziness, please leave a comment (along with a link!).

“Todd Akin, the Republican Senate candidate from Missouri, is under fire for his controversial comments that women who are ‘legitimately raped are less likely to get pregnant.’ The good news? Candidates who are legitimately that stupid are less likely to get elected.” – Jay Leno

“Mitt Romney has asked Todd Akin to step down. That’s too bad. Todd Akin was the guy to lead the Republican Party into the 16th century.” – David Letterman

“Fellow Republicans are calling for Todd Akin to step down. But Democrats are going ‘Stay in! Don’t be a quitter. Hang in there.'” – Jay Leno

“Akin announced that he is staying in the race. Is that a surprise? A guy who knows so little about a woman’s body doesn’t know when it’s time to pull out.” – Jay Leno

“A hurricane could threaten next week’s Republican National Convention in Tampa. It could really hurt Republicans — which explains its name, ‘Hurricane Todd Akin.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Mitt looks like a guy who would be the closer at Beverly Hills Mercedes.” – David Letterman

“And Mitt’s running mate Paul Ryan — who has dropped out of nowhere and has energized the Republican ticket — he looks like the guy you see on packages of underwear.” – David Letterman

“Mitt Romney says if he is elected he will create 12 million new jobs in his first year in office – and that’s just for people to do his taxes.” – Jay Leno

“Finding a co-host for Kelly Ripa has been harder than finding Mitt Romney’s tax returns.” – David Letterman

“It’s National Senior Citizen’s Day, which is not to be confused with National Senior Citizen’s Week — the Republican Convention in Florida.” – Jimmy Fallon

“At a campaign stop in Ohio, a group of senior citizens greeted Republican Vice President nominee Paul Ryan and yelled ‘Good luck!’ It’s good to see the cast of ‘The Expendables 2’ is everywhere this week.” – Jay Leno

“Senior Citizens Day was made official by President Reagan in 1988 to recognize the contributions the elderly do for this country. It’s a special holiday to remind them they are indeed old.” – Jimmy Kimmel