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Late Night Political Humor

“A new poll found that Mitt Romney is behind in Florida by 1 percent. Which is weird because if there’s one group that loves Romney, it’s definitely the 1 percent.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Mitt Romney’s campaign is $11 million in debt. This is the guy that’s going to fix our economy?” – David Letterman

“I lost the Emmy. Speaking of losing – Mitt Romney.” – Stephen Colbert

“Mitt is out now riding on a bus. I think it’s his first time riding on a bus. He’s trying to show the world that he’s s regular guy, and he’s taking a bus tour. It’s just like the Willie Nelson bus, except on Mitt’s bus, the brownies are brownies.” – David Letterman

“Republican parties don’t last long once the black guy shows up.” – Stephen Colbert

“At a concert the other night, Madonna promised fans that she will strip naked if President Obama is reelected. Is it just me, or does that sound like an endorsement for Mitt Romney?” – Jay Leno

“Well, last week in Vermont, the guy from the Dos Equis beer commercials — you know “the most interesting man in the world” — he hosted a fundraiser for President Obama. See, that shows you how things have changed. Four years ago the slogan was hope and change. Now it’s ‘stay thirsty my friends.'” – Jay Leno

“Clint Eastwood’s new movie, “Trouble with the Curve,” opened in third place this weekend after making only $12 million. Of course, when he saw a movie theater had so many empty seats, Eastwood was like, ‘Look at these crowds!'” – Jimmy Fallon

“The U.N. has opened up. Leaders of countries from all over the world have come here. They have diplomatic immunity so they can do stuff and get away with it. It’s like Lindsay Lohan.” – David Letterman

“The president of Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, is here. He hates Jewish people, he hates gay people. And I thought, well, he’s come to the right place.” – David Letterman

“Ahmadinejad is always shooting his mouth off, ranting about this, ranting about that. I said to myself, ‘I bet this guy’s always in a bad mah-mood.'” – David Letterman

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Job One

Romney and the Republicans claim that they would be better at creating jobs, even though they recently blocked another jobs bill from Obama. Remember, their solution to creating jobs is to cut taxes on the rich job creators (well, that and outlaw abortion and gay marriage). And we know how well that worked when they were in power.

They left the economy in a shambles.

Indeed, in the first month of Obama’s presidency the economy lost a stunning 800,000 jobs, and in the following year — before Obama’s stimulus started turning things around — had lost a total of 4.3 million jobs.

Well, the new annual jobs report has some more bad news, but this time it is bad news for the Republican narrative that Obama hasn’t created jobs. Because Obama just became a net job creator. Not only has the US economy replaced all the jobs that were lost, but it has actually added around 125,000 jobs.

According to Forbes magazine:

As if to pile on to what may be the worst two week period a presidential campaign has ever suffered, Governor Mitt Romney has now lost one of the campaign’s key narratives.

Romney can no longer claim that President Obama’s first term in office has resulted in a loss of jobs.

Of course, this doesn’t necessarily mean that Romney will stop making that claim.

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Foreign Policy


© Jeff Danziger

It’s always Florida!

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Late Night Political Humor

“Congratulations to both Mitt Romney and President Obama. They both won Emmys for their performance on “60 Minutes” last night. Obama won for acting as if everything has gotten better over the last four years, and Romney won for pretending to care about that other 47 percent.” – Jay Leno

“The president’s re-election campaign slogan is “Forward,” which is also his policy on paying for stuff.” – Jay Leno

“A woman in Tampa, Florida, who is in danger of being foreclosed on, put a giant sign on her roof reading, “Obama, please save my home.” To which Obama said, “Hey lady, I’m trying not to get thrown out of my own house, OK?” – Jay Leno

“A civil rights group said that up to ten million Hispanics could be blocked from voting in the upcoming election because of these changes to the voting laws. Ten million. And that’s just here in LA.” – Jay Leno

“Monica Lewinsky is writing a memoir about her affair with Bill Clinton. Not a moment too soon. According to reports, she will reveal that he wanted to have a threesome. So despite being a Rhodes Scholar, despite being president of the United states, it turns out he’s just a regular guy like you and me.” – Jay Leno

“A new book claims the reason Texas Gov. Rick Perry did so terrible in the debates and forgot everything was due to a sleep disorder. Apparently the disorder was he slept through grade school, high school and college.” – Jay Leno

“The president of Iran is in New York today. President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is visiting the U.N. He’s been in America one day and he’s already surged past Mitt Romney in the polls.” – Craig Ferguson

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With What Politician Do You Most Agree?

Interesting quiz. You answer questions about a few issues, and it shows you the presidential candidate with whom you most agree:

http://www.isidewith.com/presidential-election-quiz

No big surprise is that I most agree with Barack Obama, but Jill Stein (the Green candidate) was a close second. I agreed with Romney on almost nothing (although how they decided what his position was is beyond me!).

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The Closer We Get To The Election, The Dumber Mitt Romney Appears To Be Getting

Jon Stewart is devastatingly brilliant:

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The Middle


© Joe Heller

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If you Complain, you’re Lame!

Republicans are complaining that the mainstream media is using skewed polls that show that Obama is winning. Their argument? That these polls are counting more Democrats than Republicans.

This may be the ultimate in false equivalences. The reasons why polls include more Democrats than Republicans is because there are more Democrats than Republicans. Right now, 35% of Americans identify as Democrats, and 28% as Republicans, with the remaining 33% Independents. So it only stands to reason that if you do a proper poll you will find that there are more Democrats.

But reason apparently has nothing to do with it. Conservatives are even calling it a conspiracy:

They’re trying to wrap this up before the debates even start. I think they’re trying to get this election finished and in the can by suppressing your vote and depressing you so that you just don’t think there’s any reason to vote, that it’s hopeless.

Either that, or Republicans think that only they have the right to vote.

But there are some conservatives who don’t buy into this conspiracy. Erick Erickson, the editor of the RedState blog wrote this week:

I’ve been in politics long enough to know that the louder one side gets complaining about the polls, the more likely it is that this is the side that, in reality, actually is losing.

Amen.


© Mike Luckovich

UPDATE: Nate Silver explains why the Republican complaints are nonsense.

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Are Republicans Really Fighting Voter Fraud? No, They Are Committing It.

The Republican Party has been waging a loud and destructive war against voter fraud for years. They defunded ACORN, and more recently Republicans have passed voter ID laws that will make it more difficult for 10% of the US population to vote. All in the name of fighting voter fraud.

Meanwhile, some people have noted that there aren’t very many documented cases of actual voter fraud, and that the Republican war on voter fraud is actually a craven attempt to disenfranchise people who tend to vote Democratic.

Well, the Republican Party has been vindicated. We how have positive evidence of real fraud. And it comes from the Republican Party itself. The Republican National Committee paid at least $3.1 million to Strategic Allied Consulting to register voters and run get-out-the-vote operations in a number of swing states, a company accused of committing fraud.

For example, in Florida, election officials have filed an election fraud complaint against the company after finding fraudulent voter registration forms containing fake signatures and other false information. One election supervisor said “Anyone with any sense would have known there was something wrong. It was that flagrant. In no way did they look genuine.”

The company tried to blame the fraud on a single employee in one county, until election officials produced evidence of similar problem in eight counties. In one county alone, one quarter of the voter registration applications turned in by the state Republican Party had problems.

So who is Strategic Allied Consulting? It is run by Nathan Sproul, who is a former Arizona Republican Party director. In 2004, employees of his firms in several states admitted that they destroyed registration forms signed by Democrats, so that when the unsuspecting voter showed up at the polling place they would not be able to cast a vote. Workers even said that they were fired if they brought in any registration forms signed by Democrats. There were other antics too, like gathering signatures to put Nader on the ballot to siphon off Democratic voters. Sproul’s company had even impersonated the left-leaning America Votes! to organize voter registration drives at libraries.

The RNC knew about Sproul’s problems. According to Sproul himself, when the Republicans hired him they asked that he set up a new firm so they could avoid being publicly linked to his past problems. In fact, the paperwork of the new company doesn’t even mention Sproul.

But it gets worse. Despite calls in 2004 from Democratic senators for an investigation into the activities of Sproul’s companies, the Department of Justice did nothing. Instead, the Bush administration invited Sproul and his wife to the White House Christmas party.

Another of Sproul’s companies was hired by Mitt Romney to do “field consulting” during the Republican primary.

So, how serious are the Republicans about fighting voter fraud, when they hypocritically hire someone who has been repeatedly accused of fraudulent activities? They hounded ACORN to death, but invited Sproul to their Christmas party. Will James O’Keefe do a sting video against Sproul?

Do elephants have wings?

UPDATE: More information about the widening scandal.

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Late Night Political Humor

“Mitt Romney on Friday released his 2011 tax returns, which showed he paid 14 percent rate, so just a little less than what restaurants add on for parties of six or more.” – Seth Meyers

“The 14 percent tax rate Romney paid is less than the 20 percent paid by the average American. How does he pay such a low rate? He claims 47 percent of Americans as dependents.” – Seth Meyers

“In an interview Thursday, Ann Romney responded to criticism of her husband’s presidential campaign, saying, ‘Stop it. This is hard. You want to try it? Get in the ring.’ In response, the interviewer entered the race, and is leading Mitt Romney by five points.” – Seth Meyers

“Obama came out and said, ‘Hey, I can’t change Washington from the inside.’ I’m not saying what you said isn’t true. I’m saying, why are you saying anything during this Romney tailspin? … Don’t make this hard on yourself – you’re like the criminal that gets away with murder and then starts sending the cops puzzles to figure it out. Also, on a pure entertainment level, don’t do anything to take the focus off the Romney follies – their campaign is getting crazier than the last season of ‘Lost’.” – Seth Meyers

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Fox Shoots the Messenger — Themselves

In the face of overwhelming polling data that shows Obama with strong leads in both the popular vote and in the electoral college, Fox News naturally goes on the offensive, claiming that all those polls that show Obama ahead are insidious propaganda from the obviously liberal media.

The only problem? Fox News’ own polls show the same thing.

Yes, finally we have a solution to the ironic conundrum of Fox News claiming that the mainstream media are biased, while simultaneously bragging that they are the most popular outlet of the mainstream media. Conclusion? Even Fox News thinks that Fox News is biased!

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How do you Satirize Satire?


© Ruben Bolling

Cartoonist Ruben Bolling has been drawing Hollingsworth Hound for nine years, but since Romney’s 47% video was released people have been telling him that Mitt Romney had become his fictional character. Hollingsworth was meant to represent “a privileged plutocrat comically clueless about the struggles of ordinary Americans, let alone the poor.” Bolling says he was satirically exaggerating the contempt a certain brand of conservative had for the less fortunate, and even received complaints that it was too heavy handed.

But Bolling admits that the real Mitt Romney exceeded even his imagination. So the only thing left to do was to put Romney’s real words into the mouth of fictional Hollingsworth Hound.

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Strike for Comedy Gold

The Daily Show correspondents go on strike, in sympathy with the NFL referees. Who did they get as scabs?

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Wake The Fuck Up!

You gotta love Samuel L Jackson.

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Bribery by Any Other Name

Some of us have been guessing that the reason Sheldon Adelson is giving so much money (around $100 million) to Romney’s campaign is to buy his way out of criminal charges that he might face under an Obama administration.

Well, we don’t have to guess any more. In a new interview with Politico, Adelson candidly verifies that his money is meant to prevent further investigations into his shady casino dealings in Macau, including money laundering and bribery. Or as the Huffington Post put it:

Adelson is spending millions of dollars to curry political favor in the United States, hoping to fend off charges that he spent millions of dollars to curry political favor in Asia.

That makes the estimated $100 million he is giving to the Romney campaign look like a pretty good bet. Adelson by himself has given around one-third of what John McCain’s entire presidential campaign spent in 2008. But to someone worth tens of billions, it isn’t that much for a get out of jail free card. Not to mention the $2 billion tax cut he would probably get under a Romney presidency.

And it is working. At the Republican convention, Adelson got plenty of quality time with people like Karl Rove, Rudy Giuliani, George Pataki, John Boehner, and Eric Cantor. Four days after being named the VP candidate, Paul Ryan made a pilgrimage to Vegas for a private meeting with Adelson. Not to mention all the attention he has received from Romney himself.

And as Adelson puts it, he’ll do “whatever it takes” to defeat Obama.

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