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Late Night Political Humor

“Daniel Day-Lewis won a Golden Globe for playing Abraham Lincoln and Julianne Moore won for playing Sarah Palin. The foreign press realized that the greatest challenge for an actor in Hollywood is pretending to be a Republican.” – Jay Leno

“The Golden Globes last night had a lot of great moments. During Jodie Foster’s emotional speech she said she was gay, 50, and friends with Mel Gibson. Afterwards, her publicist told Jodie, ‘I’m going to need a raise.'” – Conan O’Brien

“Republicans and Democrats are working on a new bill to streamline the healthcare system. It will reduce the cost of mammograms and prostate exams. But don’t worry. They’ll still be free at the airport.” – Jimmy Fallon

“President Obama’s half-brother is running for political office in Kenya. Donald Trump has already accused him of being born in the United States.” – Conan O’Brien

“President Obama held the final press conference of his first term in office this morning, talking mostly about the debt ceiling. He announced if Congress doesn’t raise the debt ceiling America will go into default on its loans and we might have to say goodbye to Florida.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“President Obama is coming under criticism that his new administration has less diversity than his first one. Which is why this morning Obama said, ‘All right, fine, I am a Muslim.” – Conan O’Brien

“An economist is suggesting that the U.S. Treasury mint a trillion-dollar coin and deposit it in the federal reserve – which is how ‘The Lord of the Rings’ starts, isn’t it?” – Jimmy Kimmel

“The Treasury will not mint a trillion-dollar coin. That is a shame. Wouldn’t it be nice to mint up nine or 10 and say we’re even?” – Jimmy Kimmel

“The mayor of Los Angeles, Antonio Villaraigosa, was seen partying in Mexico with Charlie Sheen. When will Charlie learn that people judge you by the company you keep?” – Jay Leno

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Get the Lead Out!

Wouldn’t it be ironic if, after spending billions of dollars on prisons, police, and the war on drugs, the real answer to reducing crime was as simple as getting rid of lead in our environment?

That’s the conclusion of new research that strongly indicates that the hidden villain behind violent crime, lowered intelligence, and even attention deficit disorder is the use of lead in fuels (and to a lesser extent, in paint).

What? You think we already stopped using lead? Not really. We still use it in aviation fuel, spewing lead into the atmosphere. And for no good reason.

But the real irony is why this research isn’t getting more attention. Could it be that the prison industry doesn’t want you to know that our prison-building frenzy wasn’t really necessary? Or that vastly expanding the number of police and creating paramilitary swat teams didn’t actually do all that much to reduce crime? Or that the war on drugs was a complete waste of money?

And just because we banned lead in automobile gasoline doesn’t mean it isn’t still around, saturating the soil in American cities where car traffic was the most dense during the time that all gasoline was leaded. And every time the wind kicks up some dust, we are breathing it again. We have the technology to remove this lead and potentially bring down crime rates significantly, but we do nothing.

Why?

We should be screaming about this. We are poisoning our children. And the cost of the clean-up is small compared to the cost of doing nothing, paid in lower IQs, increased crime, and health problems.

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Both Sides

Tom Toles
© Tom Toles

Who is going to win this debate, or do we lose either way?

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Gun Appreciation?

Because of recent shooting tragedies, the Obama administration is attempting to increase gun safety with new regulations. In response to that, a number of right-wing organizations declared Saturday to be “Gun Appreciation Day”, with activities across the nation.

With predictable results:

  • Three people injured and sent to hospital at a gun show in Raleigh, NC when a shotgun went off while the owner was removing it from a case. The show was closed for the rest of the day.
  • An accidental shooting at a gun show near Cleveland, OH, sent another person to the hospital with injuries to his leg and arm.
  • A person loading a gun outside a gun show in Indianapolis, IN shot himself in the hand when his gun went off accidentally.

You would think that people who presumably have some training in gun safety would not do this poorly.

And these weren’t the only moments of crazy. At a demonstration in Davenport, IA, a state representative told the crowd that “serving overseas in the Navy taught him the importance of allowing average citizens to defend themselves against dictators”. At a rally in Frankfort, KY, a Tea Party leader told the crowd “Your government is out of control.” And Senator Rand Paul announced that he wants to introduce legislation to overturn Obama’s recent executive orders on firearms, and also said that teachers should be armed at school.

I totally support the right of people to own guns, but I’d like to close the loopholes that allow violent felons and the mentally ill to easily obtain guns, and to require gun owners to receive gun safety training (just like drivers are required to have car safety training). But these nut jobs somehow think that the second amendment is the only part of the constitution that is exempt from any limits. And if you pass even the most benign regulations increasing gun safety, they start making vague and not-so-vague threats of violence.

Not to mention that these idiots are claiming that Martin Luther King Jr. — a man shot and killed by a gun — would be in favor of gun rights.

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Late Night Political Humor

“Ten days from now Barack Obama will be inaugurated. I’m telling you, it is really starting to look bad for Mitt Romney.” – David Letterman

“President Obama will be sworn in with his hand resting on two Bibles. Is that how screwed up Washington is now? One Bible can’t get the job done anymore?” – Jay Leno

“The inauguration will have a lot of corporate sponsors, big money, and corporations sponsoring the inauguration. It will be the same with the Kardashian baby.” – David Letterman

“Our huge state budget deficit is gone. Governor Jerry Brown announced the state budget for next year is projected to net an $851 million surplus and this year we’ll have a surplus of $785 million. You hear that, meter maids? Maybe you can stop giving us tickets for a couple of months.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“It’s a huge achievement for Governor Jerry Brown. Apparently you can get a lot done when you’re not walking around saying ‘I’ll be back’ all the time.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“A new survey found that 77 percent of Americans think politicians do serious harm to the country. Politicians are like, ‘Cool, at least they think we do something’.” – Jimmy Fallon

“This year nobody was elected to baseball’s hall of fame. No player has ever gotten into the hall of fame without winning Ohio.” – David Letterman

“U.S. customs officials recently discovered 310 pounds of marijuana hidden in some frozen carrots. That’s one way to keep kids away from drugs – put them in vegetables.” – Jay Leno

“Carrots and marijuana – how good will your vision be after THIS combination?” – Jay Leno

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Fountainhead Shrugged

David Sirota has a really good column in Salon today: “Ayn Rand is for children” that explores the mystery of why some people think the fiction of Ayn Rand actually describes a reasonable political ideology. And his argument of why it does not can also serve as a 12-step guide to how to grow out of an immature belief in her ideological sham.

One of Sirota’s arguments rings particularly true with me — that part of the problem with Americans is that we don’t travel. We don’t ever see those parts of the world that are living in the Randian world of rampant, unregulated capitalism, with “no obvious environmental, public health, or workplace safety laws”, where there is no social safety net, and the poor don’t look like the “takers” or “moochers” that American politicians accuse them of being.

According to government data, only 30 percent of Americans even possess a passport (which is a very low rate compared to citizens in other industrialized English-speaking countries). Additionally, of those who do, only a fraction use their travel papers to visit parts of the developing world that perfectly spotlight the failures of the Rand vision.

Sirota also experienced the same thing as I did, when on visiting China realized that it is communist in name only, and “as some American CEOs will openly admit, if you want to see a more purely Randian version of a socially darwinist free market than exists in America, head straight across the Pacific Ocean to China.” Where hopefully you won’t get sick from the massive pollution problems they are having.

Sirota’s bottom line?

To be a Rand groupie is to flaunt your immaturity, your ignorance, your desperation to justify greed or your lack of international travel. It is, in other words, to admit your blindness to how so much of the world already lives, and to ignore what America would look like if “Fountainhead Shrugged” was seen as a public policy manual rather than what it really is: a dangerous farce.

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Between a Rock and a Hard Place

It is almost enough to feel sorry for Republican politicians. Americans increasingly view the GOP as the party of obstruction, while the percentage of Americans who want politicians to compromise with people with whom they disagree has increased from 40 to 50% in the last two years.

Unfortunately, the Republican base still wants their candidates to stick to their positions and avoid compromise by an almost two-to-one margin. The percentage of Republicans who want their candidates to compromise is 36%. However, this is still much smaller than for Democrats (59%) and Independents (53%).

This means that in a general election, a majority of voters wants a candidate to compromise, but in a Republican primary an even larger percentage of voters doesn’t wants their candidate to stick to their guns (at least figuratively) no matter what. So if fewer and fewer moderate, willing-to-compromise Republicans can get nominated to run for office, and in order to do so they have to take a position that makes them less popular with the general electorate, what is the future of the Republican party?

Hopefully, the Republican base will wake up and realize that compromise is the nature of politics. Indeed, the percentage of Republicans who want their candidates to compromise has gone up 4% in the last two years, but this lags behind Democrats, where the percentage has gone up 13%, and Independents, where the percentage has gone up 12%, almost as much as Democrats. Will the Republicans ever catch up?

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Fox News Can’t Keep A Straight Face During This One

[from Media Matters]

Even Fox News hosts can’t keep from laughing at their own latest over-the-top Obama conspiracy lie — their lead line for the Obama inauguration “Does Obama believe in the Constitution he’ll swear to defend?”

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Two Problems, One Solution!

There’s one important thing missing from Obama’s proposal to curb gun violence — ending the “war on drugs”. A significant amount of gun violence (more than from school gun rampages, which get all the headlines) is a direct result of illegal drug trafficking, and the drug trade is a major contributor to the Nation’s homicide rate. Indeed, the peak in homicides during the mid-1980s corresponded directly to a peak in the drug trade, as drug dealers are among the people most likely to carry weapons.

Decriminalizing drugs would not only save lives, it would save the taxpayers lots of money. In fact, if the drug trade is legalized and taxed, it could even be a healthy source of government revenue, instead of funding illegal activities, guns, and gangs.

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Late Night Political Humor

“Today was a big day in Hollywood. The Oscar nominations were announced. ‘Lincoln’ leads the list with 12 nominations. This is a first – not the most nominations, but the first time Hollywood has ever voted for a Republican president. That is amazing.” – Jay Leno

“The 2013 Oscar nominations were announced today. ‘Lincoln’ earned the most nominations of any movie. 12 nominations for ‘Lincoln.’ I have a feeling that if he were alive today, Lincoln would say, ‘What is a movie?'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Abraham Lincoln, our 16th president, has never been hotter. ‘Lincoln’ received 12 Oscar nominations. ‘Lincoln’ also received a nomination for best hat.” – David Letterman

“President Obama’s inauguration is coming up. During next week’s inauguration, he will be sworn in with not one, but two Bibles. Relax, Mr. President. We get it. You’re not a Muslim. You’re overcompensating.” – Conan O’Brien

“The White House announced today that the theme for President Obama’s second inauguration will be ‘Faith in America’s Future.’ The idea is to get our minds off of America’s present.” – Jay Leno

“President Obama recently came under fire over the lack of diversity in his cabinet. Then Obama said, ‘You guys know I’ll be there, too, right?'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Prostitutes in Brazil have started learning English so they can communicate with out-of-town clients during the World Cup. They are learning key phrases like, ‘You are very handsome’ and ‘Nice to meet you, Mr. Sheen’.” – Jimmy Fallon

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The View from the Right

Jack Ohman
© Jack Ohman

Is this how some right-wing conservatives view the rest of us?

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Late Night Political Humor

“The White House announced that the theme for President Obama’s inauguration will be ‘Faith in America’s Future.’ Which is proof that no one in the White House has ever seen ‘Here Comes Honey Boo Boo’.” – Jimmy Fallon

“President Obama’s team is promising special perks for donors who give at least a million dollars to the inauguration. Which is cool, but you know what else can get you a lot of perks? Keeping that million dollars.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Today, the president hosted a screening of NBC’s White House comedy, ‘1600 Penn,’ which centers on a goofy guy who keeps embarrassing the White House. Or as Joe Biden put it, ‘Why’s everyone looking at me?'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Make no mistake — they’re coming for our guns. And we freedom-loving gun lovers are totally defenseless! Other than, you know, the guns.” – Stephen Colbert

“Nothing reassures parents more than surrounding their kids with the kind of guys who have a lot of weapons and nothing to do on weekdays.” – Stephen Colbert (on putting armed guards in schools)

“The Consumer Electronics Show is happening in Las Vegas and the most amazing gadgets are being talked about. One of the gadgets this year is a fork that tells you when you’re eating too fast. In a related story today, Chris Christie was spotted yelling at his fork to mind its own business.” – Conan O’Brien

“Chris Christie said to his fork, ‘Shut up or I’m going to switch to my friend — spoon.'” – Conan O’Brien

“The mayor of Los Angeles, Antonio Villaraigosa, was seen partying in Mexico with Charlie Sheen. I believe that celebration is called ‘Cinco de Career-o.'” – Jay Leno

“The mayor is denying it. He said he only saw Charlie for a minute, but Charlie said he and the mayor had a wild time in Mexico partying with a number of hot women. Who are you going to believe — a party boy who has never done anything in his life or Charlie Sheen?” – Jay Leno

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Changes?

I would like to make some changes to Political Irony, and I really need some feedback and suggestions.

When I started PI in early 2008, I only expected to run it until that election, but I had so much fun and learned so much that I kept doing it for a few years. Then there was the 2012 election, so I decided to keep running it until then. Thankfully, that turned out well. So now I’m deciding what to do.

I don’t have as much time to do this as I once did. I’m working full time again, and some of you know about the medical problems I’ve had (don’t worry, I’m fine, but it is ongoing). Because of that, I’ve cut back a bit — I used to try to have at least three posts a day, but now I’m happy if I just have one or two.

And just maintaining the site has become a lot of work. I recently rebuilt the site (again), and it is still running slow and has problems. If I’m going to keep running it, I need to either do a lot of work to get it running well, or find a new platform.

One possibility is to just stop doing it. But I hate to do that. I don’t think there is any other forum like this on the web (with rational, supportive, somewhat non-partisan discussions) and I love the discussions we have. If there was some other site where we could have these discussions, I’d be happy to move to that.

Another possibility is to move PI to some other platform. For example, I already have facebook, twitter, and google groups accounts for PI. I could just post links to interesting stories. But neither facebook nor (especially) twitter support the kinds of (often in-depth) discussions we have had in here. And I’m not sure if a discussion list would work either. I created the google group because people wanted to be able to post things there and discuss them, but that never happened. Maybe somebody knows of a different platform that would work.

Or I could go totally gonzo and try some strange new platform. How about my friend Ward (‘wiki’) Cunningham’s new federated wiki? I’ve also looked at node.js-based blogging platforms, but they are not really ready yet. Any other crazy ideas?

Currently, PI uses a popular blogging platform (WordPress), but that really only supports time-limited discussions (I post something, and people discuss it for a few days), not discussions that evolve over time. I’d like to post a story about some topic (say, copyrights), and add further posts in the future that show up on the front page but still retain the context of the original article (and original discussion, which could continue). But I haven’t seen anything like this.

A wiki is the opposite, it supports posts that evolve over time, but doesn’t really support discussions (with opposing viewpoints) well. There are threaded discussion lists (like Google Groups), but as I said I’m not sure that would work for PI either.

I’ve tried to get other people to submit articles, but haven’t received many of those. My friend Iron Filing took over for a month when I was traveling in late 2011, but seemed to be overwhelmed by the amount of work it took (it does take a lot more work than it seems!).

Anyway, I’m looking for ideas, suggestions, criticism, offers to help, offers to take over, sympathy, pity, whatever. 🙂

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Ingrateful Bastards

One hopes that this segment by Jon Stewart was the reason AIG decided to not sue the US Government for $25 billion:

Well, I guess unbridled greed does have at least one limit — public embarrassment.

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The Limits of Government

Matt Bors
© Matt Bors

How is it that the people who say they want to “starve the beast” are the same people who want to let the government spy on everyone, insist that we increase military spending, and also want to invade Iran?

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