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Sabre Rattling

I know it is fashionable to make fun of Kim Jong-Un of North Korea as a crazy spoiled brat, but just think for a moment what is driving him.

We are pressuring North Korea to give up their nuclear weapons program. However, we don’t have a very good track record of how we treat foreign leaders we don’t like, especially when they bend to our will.

In 2003, Muammar Qaddafi of Libya (at our insistence) agreed to get rid of his nuclear weapons. Eight short years later, NATO helped overthrow and murder him. And that wasn’t the first time. We supported Saddam Hussein of Iraq for a while, then we didn’t. Dead. We supported Manuel Noriega of Panama for a while, then we toppled him. And the list isn’t limited to brutal dictators. We supported the democratically elected Mohammad Mossadegh in Iran, until 1953 when we got rid of him and installed the despised Shah of Iran in order to increase our profits on Iran’s oil. And there are others.

Kim Jong-Un would have to be beyond stupid to not see the writing on the wall. As long as he holds his nuclear trump card (brandishing it noisily) we are less likely to quietly get rid of him.

Every experienced observer in the world notes that North Korea’s erratic behavior is mainly an attempt to be heard, acknowledged, and respected. As Kim Jong-un told basketball star Dennis Rodman, he simply wants Obama to call him, “because if we can talk, we can work this out.”

But we continue to insist that we will not talk to him until he surrenders the one thing that is likely keeping him alive and in power. So why are we surprised when he acts like a cornered animal?

Do you know who said this?

And above all, while defending our own vital interests, nuclear powers must avert those confrontations which bring an adversary to a choice of either a humiliating retreat or a nuclear war. To adopt that kind of course in the nuclear age would be evidence only of the bankruptcy of our policy — or of a collective death-wish for the world.

It was JFK, back in the days of the Cuban Missile Crisis and the heat of the cold war. It is time to listen to our own advice.

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Late Night Political Humor

Kamala Harris“President Obama is in trouble for saying that California Attorney General Kamala Harris is good looking. When asked for comment, Bill Clinton said, ‘That guy is out of control’.” – Conan O’Brien

“Because Obama said California Attorney General Kamala Harris was attractive, people are calling his remark sexist. Now the President is overcompensating and trying to balance it out. Today he said Attorney General Eric Holder has a great ass.” – Jay Leno

“Little is known about North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un other than the fact that he is ruthless, he supports torture, and he is a huge basketball fan. I’m sorry, that’s not Kim Jong Un. That’s Rutgers basketball coach Mike Rice. I had them confused.” – Jay Leno

“Dennis Rodman is on the show tonight, fresh off his trip to North Korea and his appearance on ‘Celebrity Apprentice.’ I’m gonna ask him what it was like to spend time with a crazy power-hungry madman – and then we’ll talk about Kim Jong Un.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Here’s something I didn’t know. When Vice President Biden and President Obama meet for lunch at the White House, the chef goes out of his way to personalize their meals. For example, Biden’s lunch always comes with a toy.” – Jay Leno

“There’s this trend now of politicians cutting their salaries by 5 percent because of budget cuts – except for Vice President Joe Biden. He won’t do it. Though in fairness, it’ll take Biden at least a month to figure out what 5 percent of his salary is.” – Jimmy Fallon

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The Slippery Slope of Socialism

Ruben Bolling
© Ruben Bolling

I love this comic. Even though I believe in the right to bear arms, I also believe that we really need some laws that promote gun safety. But gun fanatics oppose pretty much any regulation of guns. I think in the long run, this radical stance will backfire on them.

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Noah’s Arc

This week, Texas Republican Joe Barton gave irrefutable evidence at a Congressional hearing that climate change is not man made:

I would point out that if you are a believer in the Bible, one would have to say the great flood was an example of climate change. That certainly wasn’t because mankind had overdeveloped hydrocarbon energy.

Yes, this is the same congressman Barton who apologized profusely to BP after their Gulf oil spill.

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Late Night Political Humor

“During a fundraiser, President Obama raised some eyebrows when he called California’s Kamala Harris, quote, ‘the best-looking attorney general in the country’. Of course he said it was just a joke. Then Michelle was like, ‘Well, here’s another one: What’s black and white and sleeps on the couch?'” – Jimmy Fallon

“While at a fundraiser, President Obama called California’s attorney general, Kamala Harris, ‘the best-looking attorney general ever’. After the comment, the Secret Service added extra security to protect the president from first lady Michelle.” – Jay Leno

“President Obama said that Kamala Harris is the best-looking attorney general while at a fundraiser. So hopefully, that fundraiser was to buy a really nice necklace for Michelle.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Today the president apologized for those remarks. And of course he had to apologize to Vice President Joe Biden because it’s Joe’s job to say stupid stuff that embarrasses the White House.” – Jay Leno

“We have a guy here in New York City who wanted to be mayor so he’s trying to bribe his way on to the ballot, laying out big, big money. And the scandal involves three Republicans and two Democrats. Finally, some bipartisanship!” – David Letterman

“North Korea has the same ability to launch a nuclear strike against America as I do. It’s like walking through a parking lot and getting barked at by a chihuahua locked in a car.” – Bill Maher

“Everybody’s excited about college basketball’s tournament. You know who is a big fan of the Syracuse Orangemen? John Boehner.” – David Letterman

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Another Conservative Icon

David Fitzsimmons
© David Fitzsimmons

Margaret Thatcher is probably second only to Ronald Reagan as a conservative icon, but like Reagan, her views are considered socialist by today’s far-right Republican party. In fact, many of her views are similar to those of Obama. She supported and voted for abortion rights, was an advocate for Britain’s nationalized medical system (which is far more socialist than Obamacare — the doctors all work for the government), appointed gay men to her cabinet, and had a spokesman who was a professed atheist.

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Late Night Political Humor

“Tensions continue to mount in this North Korea situation. The U.S. has moved a Navy warship off the coast of the Korean Peninsula. Is that going to scare the North Koreans? If you really want to scare them, don’t send a warship. Send a Carnival cruise ship.” – Jay Leno

“Right now there are two Kims in the news. There’s Kim Jong-Un, who’s the leader of North Korea, and then there’s Kim Kardaishian, the reality star who’s having a baby with Kanye West. It can be kind of tough to keep track of who’s who. Kim Kardashian’s life is like a roller coaster; Kim Jong-Un isn’t tall enough to ride one. Kim Kardashian’s favorite movie is called Failure to Launch; Kim Jong-Un’s nuclear program is called Failure to Launch.” – Jimmy Fallon

“This week, President Obama announced a $100 million initiative to map the human brain. Joe Biden said, ‘You can map mine for a lot less’.” – Jimmy Fallon

“It seems like every single day, President Obama finds a new way to waste our tax dollars. I mean, two daughters? Seems a little redundant.” – Stephen Colbert

“Last night Jimmy Fallon — on his program, which used to be our program, which used to be Conan’s program — announced that he was taking over for Jay Leno. When I heard this I said to myself, ‘It’s amazing that this information didn’t leak out earlier.'” – David Letterman

“Jay, for leaving ‘The Tonight Show’ for the second time, gets $15 million. It’s the same deal that the Kardashian husband gets. It’s the same deal the old Pope got.” – David Letterman

“Yesterday NBC announced Jay’s retirement. And today they officially began regretting it. But you don’t have to worry. Jay always bounces back and that’s what Fallon ought to be worried about.” – David Letterman

“They give Jay $15 million NOT to host to ‘The Tonight Show’. They gave Conan $30 million NOT to host ‘The Tonight Show’. I have not hosted ‘The Tonight Show’ longer than both of them put together. WHERE IS MY MONEY?” – David Letterman

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Birth Right?

Matt Bors
© Matt Bors

Yes, North Dakota purposely passed anti-abortion laws that they knew were unconstitutional.

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Why Gay Marriage is Threatening

Here is an excellent essay on why some people are threatened by gay marriage. Not because gays marrying threaten the institution of marriage, but because they threaten traditional gender roles.

I’ll include one quote, not because this captures the entire (relatively short) essay, but just to get you to go read it.

Same-sex marriage makes a lie of the very foundation of traditional gender roles. Same-sex marriages say that a woman can run a household, or that a man can raise a child. This does not square with those whose lives and beliefs and relationships depend on upholding and living their lives based on differences between the sexes. Over and over on C-SPAN I hear people in 2013 arguing that both a mother and a father are needed in order to raise children – indeed, that children have a RIGHT to both a mother and a father. (And so, you see, proponents of same-sex marriage are not actually supporting the granting of rights, but rather the taking away of rights… of children. The twists in logic are mind-boggling.)

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Late Night Political Humor

“Public Policy Polling asked a group of 1,200 registered voters, and 13 percent said they believe Obama is the Antichrist and another 13 percent were not sure. I feel if he were the Antichrist, he would be getting more legislation passed.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Yesterday President Obama shot baskets at the White House and made only two shots out of 22. Even Dick Cheney was like, ‘That guy needs to learn how to shoot’.” – Jimmy Fallon

“President Obama went only two for 22. It’s tough times for Obama – one minute, he’s asking Congress to raise the debt ceiling; the next, he’s asking them to lower the hoop.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Today President Obama asked Congress for $100 million to map the human brain. And believe me, if anybody needs a map to find their brain, it’s Congress.” – Jay Leno

“President Obama will attend the dedication of George W. Bush’s library this month. Apparently there’s still a lot of debris around the new building, or as Obama put it, ‘Don’t look at me, I’m still cleaning up your last mess’.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Former President George Bush has invited President Obama to the opening of his presidential library later this month. President Obama said he’s looking forward to going through the library to see if there was anything else he could blame Bush for.” – Jay Leno

“The White House has now put together a website for kids. It’s a website to teach kids how to manage a budget responsibly. The website is called ‘Irony.gov’.” – David Letterman

“The Associated Press, the largest newsgathering outlet in the world, will no longer use the term ‘illegal immigrant.’ That is out. They will now use the phrase ‘Undocumented Democrat’.” – Jay Leno

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The Force Will Be With You

Ted Rall
© Ted Rall

We now have two Republican Senators who are in favor of gay marriage. While only one of them has a gay son, it took a near-death experience to change the mind of the second one.

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Late Night Political Humor

“The White House held its 135th annual Easter Egg Roll. President Obama and Mrs. Obama were there. The theme was ‘Be healthy, be active, be you.’ They had a yoga garden, which sounds like a place you threaten kids with when they are bad. ‘I will send you straight to the yoga garden, little mister’.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Obamacare takes effect in less than eight months. Do you realize what this means? If you go to the emergency room now, you’ll be covered by the time you finally see a doctor.” – Stephen Colbert

“Now, Obamacare raises eligibility for Medicaid to 133% of the poverty line, allowing it to cover 30 million more Americans by 2022. Thirty million medical moochers. To put that in perspective, if you laid them all end to end, they would stretch to Canada, which is where they should move if they want free healthcare!” – Stephen Colbert

“President Obama is getting ready to unveil his new budget nine weeks after its original due date. Or as his dog Bo put it, ‘Yeah, yeah. I ate the first draft. I know the drill’.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Folks, every day more and more freeloaders are sucking at the government teat. Which is especially troubling since Uncle Sam is a dude.” – Stephen Colbert

“Happy birthday to former Vice President Al Gore, 65 years old today. But sadly, he could not enjoy his party because he was so obsessed with how fast the ice cream was melting.” – Jay Leno

“I’ve never been a fan of Earth Day and it’s hippie dippy Kumbaya orgy of drum-circle-jerks.” – Stephen Colbert

“North Korea is now threatening the United States with all-out war. You can see they’re stepping it up. In fact, they released 10 more photos of Kim Jong Un looking through binoculars.” – Jay Leno

“According to the United Nations, more people have working cellphones than have working toilets. Hey, so do most Carnival cruise ships. That’s not unusual.” – Jay Leno

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GOP Talking Point Decoder

Keegan Fife VerBurg
© Keegan Fife VerBurg

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Late Night Political Humor

“North Korea is now threatening the United States with all-out war. What did Dennis Rodman say to these people? What did he do?” – Jay Leno

“North Korea is warning the U.S. that war with South Korea may break out at any minute. Or as Obama put it, ‘Can’t believe I’m doing this. Get me Dennis Rodman’.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Yesterday President Obama told reporters that his NCAA tournament bracket is busted. Obama said they were the worst picks he’s ever made – then he looked at his economic advisers and said, ‘Ehh, maybe not.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano – the person in charge of our national security – recently said she doesn’t email, text, or tweet. So remember: If you see something, say something – because there’s literally no other way she’ll get the message.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Ashley Judd announced she will not be running for Senate in Kentucky against Mitch McConnell. And Mitch McConnell announced he will not be co-starring in any romantic comedies with Matthew McConaughey.” – Jay Leno

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Freedom to Complain

Jen Sorensen
© Jen Sorensen

Who knew Scalia was such a vanguard, protecting our freedom to complain and our freedom to be offended.

The actual quote from Scalia is from this article, which also contains other anti-gay statements by him.

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