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What About Both?

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Late Night Political Humor

“Televangelist Pat Robertson said he wishes Facebook had a ‘vomit button’ he could push whenever someone posts a picture of a gay couple kissing. Of course, the other option would be for Pat Robertson to stop searching online for gay men kissing.” – Conan O’Brien

“Pakistan now says Osama bin Laden was able to avoid being detected by wearing a cowboy hat. A Pakistani authority said, ‘I guess he just got lost in a sea of other Muslims wearing a cowboy hat’.” – Conan O’Brien

“It turns out the Pakistan police pulled Osama bin Laden over for speeding. Pulled him over and wrote the guy a ticket. So listen. I don’t want to hear any more of this nonsense about Pakistan being lenient on Osama bin Laden, OK?” – David Letterman

“Mexico has replaced the U.S. as the world’s fattest nation. The U.S. is now number two. The Mexican government has done a lot of research. It turns out their people eat way too much Mexican food.” – Conan O’Brien

“A new report found that Mexico has passed the U.S. as the most obese country in the world. It doesn’t mean we got skinnier. It just means they’re fatter than we are. But don’t worry – Twinkies are coming back next week, so we should be fine.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Political experts are saying Joe Biden needs to start doing more fundraising if he wants to run for president in 2016. A lot of people are saying they’d definitely donate to a Biden campaign. Most of them are Republicans, but still.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Texas Gov. Rick Perry says he will not run for governor for a fourth term, though he hasn’t ruled out running for president again. The voters have, he just hasn’t.” – Jay Leno

“With Anthony Weiner and Eliot Spitzer running for political office, New York City is changing its nickname to ‘The City That Never Sleeps With Its Wife’.” – Conan O’Brien

“President Obama is getting a new limousine that will have advanced night-vision capabilities. The technology even has a cool name – it’s called headlights.” – Jimmy Fallon

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Racism

So, within 30 seconds of the crash of Asiana flight 214 at SFO, there was a photo of it posted on Twitter.

Almost as quickly, the mainstream media jumped on the theory that the crash occurred because of the Korean tradition of unwillingness to question authority. The theory posited that surely one of the co-pilots noticed that the flight was coming in too low and too slow, but they were reluctant to point this out to the pilot in command.

What they were struggling with was a cultural legacy, that Korean culture is hierarchical. You are obliged to be deferential toward your elders and superiors in a way that would be unimaginable in the U.S. But Boeing and Airbus design modern, complex airplanes to be flown by two equals. That works beautifully in low-power-distance cultures [like the U.S., where hierarchies aren’t as relevant]. But in cultures that have high power distance, it’s very difficult.

But karma works in ironic ways. Earlier today, SF Bay Area TV station KTVU reported that they had learned the names of the pilots on that flight, and then – with a straight face – read the names out loud on the air. Watch it:

So now I’m waiting for all those mainstream media outlets to print stories about how this appalling on-air screwup happened because journalists in America are hierarchical and unwilling to question their superiors. After all, surely somebody noticed that these names are racist jokes, but they must have been reluctant to point this out to their bosses.

Am I the only person who noticed the irony of this situation?

Well, I guess I must be wrong. After all, the Supreme Court recently ruled that racism isn’t a factor in America any more.

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Late Night Political Humor

“Former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer announced he is running for New York City comptroller, and one of his opponents is the madam who supplied him with hookers. There’s a tough choice for the voters. One is involved in the most degrading profession of all time, and the other ran a whore house.” – Jay Leno

“Eliot Spitzer resigned from the governor’s office five years ago after he was crushed by a pile of prostitutes or something. But now he’s back and what makes this news especially interesting is that one of his opponents, a woman named Kristin Davis, is the madam who supplied him with call girls. It’s the classics story of boy meets girl, boy pays for sex with girl, boy resigns in disgrace, and then boy runs against girl he paid for other girls for the office of comptroller. In Africa, they call it Hooker Matata.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“This week at the White House, President Obama will present George Lucas with the National Medal of Arts, while Joe Biden will present him with some fan mail for Yoda.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Republicans are already trying to paint Hillary Clinton as too old to be president. In fact, a new ad claims she’s so old that she could be a Republican.” – Conan O’Brien

“NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden has been offered asylum in Venezuela, Nicaragua, and Bolivia. Or as Snowden put it, ‘Prison it is!'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Last Thursday we celebrated our 237th year of independence from Great Britain. And our 10th year of dependence on the Chinese.” – Jay Leno

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Cognitive Dissonance

Derf
© Derf

What is amazingly ironic is that the Republican Congressman who said that we know that fetuses can feel pain because they masturbate in the womb … is an OB/GYN.

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Fear of the Unknown

Adam Zyglis
© Adam Zyglis

Is the cure worse than the disease? Wake up!

At one point we Americans were demanding that the government protect us from those big bad terrorists. As a result, we got torture, Guantanamo, two wars, body searches at airports, and a surveillance state to rival those of the most oppressive dictatorships in history. By fighting terrorism, we became the terrorists.

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Late Night Political Humor

“The Supreme Court struck down the part of the Voting Rights Act which protected minority voting in areas where it needed to be protected. Their reasoning is that we don’t need it anymore. Racism is basically over in America, so let’s get back to talking about Trayvon Martin and Paula Deen.” – Bill Maher

“The Supreme Court has ruled that the Defense of Marriage Act is unconstitutional. Here in West Hollywood, the gay community was out in the streets kissing each other, they went dancing, they closed up traffic. And then they heard about the ruling.” – Bill Maher

“Not everyone is taking advantage of the new law. John McCain and Lindsay Graham announced today that they’re going to continue living secret lives of quiet desperation.” – Bill Maher

“Christian conservatives are furious about this. This has made them defensive. They say they are not bigots because they’re against gay marriage. Now they say they’re being bullied, demonized, and discriminated against. Yeah, how’s that feel?” – Bill Maher

“The asshole douchebag who runs Chick-Fil-A tweeted his disgust about the ruling. He said it was a sad day for the nation. Because gay sex is just icky. He said if you want something disgusting and unnatural lodged in your colon, it better be one of his sandwiches.” – Bill Maher

“Texas state Senator Wendy Davis singlehandedly stopped a draconian abortion bill from getting passed in the Texas state legislature, stood up there filibustering for 12 hours. So I guess Todd Akin was right – women can shut that whole thing down.” – Bill Maher

“That Edward Snowden dude got out of Hong Kong, flew to Russia, has been in the Russian airport the whole week, but still no one can find him. When Sarah Palin today heard that he may be incognito, she called for a full scale invasion of Cognito.” – Bill Maher

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The News Media on Snowden

Tom Tomorrow
© Tom Tomorrow

Yes, I will admit it. Even I have been somewhat guilty of spending an inordinate amount of time talking about whistleblower Edward Snowden himself, rather than the repercussions of the things he has leaked to the media. Is there no hope for any of us? Is corporate media that adept at controlling the conversation and changing the subject? Or are we as Americans just too willing to stick our heads in the sand when we hear something we don’t like or don’t understand?

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Daniel Ellsberg on Edward Snowden

The Washington Post has published an opinion piece by Daniel Ellsberg. Like Snowden, Ellsberg was charged under the Espionage Act because he released the famous “Pentagon Papers” to the press in 1971. The Pentagon Papers were top-secret documents that exposed that successive presidents had lied about the Vietnam War.

You really should read it, but here are two short quotes:

Snowden believes that he has done nothing wrong. I agree wholeheartedly. More than 40 years after my unauthorized disclosure of the Pentagon Papers, such leaks remain the lifeblood of a free press and our republic. One lesson of the Pentagon Papers and Snowden’s leaks is simple: secrecy corrupts, just as power corrupts.

I hope that he finds a haven, as safe as possible from kidnapping or assassination by U.S. Special Operations forces, preferably where he can speak freely.

What he has given us is our best chance — if we respond to his information and his challenge — to rescue ourselves from out-of-control surveillance that shifts all practical power to the executive branch and its intelligence agencies: a United Stasi of America.

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Late Night Political Humor

“It is a great day, of course, for supporters of gay marriage. Congratulations to same-sex couples. You can now be as miserable as everybody else.” – Craig Ferguson

“Yesterday, the Supreme Court opened the door for same-sex marriage to resume in California. Apparently, the judges were really swayed by that Liberace movie.” – Jay Leno

“If you really don’t want gay people to get married, you shouldn’t ban gay marriage. You should ban gay divorce.” – Craig Ferguson

“Now that the Supreme Court has overturned the Defense of Marriage Act, this ruling means California gay guys can finally marry someone other than Liza Minnelli.” – Jay Leno

“It’s gay pride week here in New York City. Here’s how you can tell. The construction workers are hooting at EACH OTHER.” – David Letterman

“It’s been a bit of a week for the Supreme Court. Yesterday they ruled that it’s okay for gay people to get married. Today, they ruled it’s okay for straight people to rollerblade.” – Craig Ferguson

“And then of course they have the big gay pride parade. I’m going as Cindi Lauper. The gay pride parade starts on West 12th Street and ends in Sarah Jessica Parker’s walk-in shoe closet.” – David Letterman

“President Obama is currently on a week-long trip to Africa, where he will promote freedom, democracy, and economic opportunity. I guess he figured it hasn’t worked here – so try it somewhere else.” – Jay Leno

“The Girl Scouts announced that their pension plan has a $347 million deficit. The Girl Scouts are $347 million in debt so in addition to teaching girls about camping it also is preparing them for careers in government.” – Jay Leno

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Snowden Snow Job?

Here’s an interesting twist to the Edward Snowden saga: “Have We All Been Fooled By Edward Snowden?

Some people have been looking into postings done by Snowden on various internet chat rooms and forums, such as Ars Technica. For example, in 2009, Snowden ripped into leakers and whistleblowers, saying they “should be shot in the balls”, and attacked the NY Times for printing the leaked information. During the Bush administration, he defended the warrantless wiretapping program.

But once Obama was elected, his tune changed and he started complaining about the president with increasing frequency. He was particularly upset at gun restrictions, social security, cuts in defense spending, and Obama’s appointment of Leon Panetta to head the CIA, saying “Obama just appointed a fucking POLITICIAN to run the CIA! … I am so angry now. This is completely unbelievable.”

People who remember Snowden back from his days posting on Ars Technica are not so kind about him. One said “He was kind of a dick”. Another says “He was a total cockmonger”.

The question is, did Snowden somehow change his mind, his beliefs, and his life, and become a whistleblower. Or is there something more nefarious going on? And by “nefarious”, I could go either way. Like, are we seeing a smear campaign against Snowden in order to discredit him? Or alternatively, is Snowden part of an attempt to smear Obama?

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Happy Fourth!

Derf
© Derf

I had a lovely 4th of July. I hope you did too.

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Late Night Political Humor

“The Supreme Court has overturned the Defense of Marriage Act. How about that? We don’t need a Defense of Marriage Act. What we need in this country is a marriage cap. You’re allowed three, and after that, you’re done.” – Jay Leno

“The Supreme Court has ruled the Defense of Marriage Act is unconstitutional. Once someone explains this to me I’m sure I’ll be thrilled about it. Listen to what happened. Earlier today, Rush Limbaugh’s head exploded.” – David Letterman

“If DOMA is unconstitutional that means the Constitution is gay. Of course, no real shocker. It was written by a bunch of dudes in wigs in the City of Brotherly Love, and it calls for a legislature that’s bicameral. It’s a bit curious. Plus, look at that aged parchment and fancy calligraphy. It looks like a gay wedding invitation.” – Stephen Colbert

“Until this morning, marriage in the united states was defined as a contract between one man, one woman and the producers of The Bachelor.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Same-sex married couples are now entitled to the same benefits as other married couples. That’s great news for the Lone Ranger and Tonto, Batman and Robin, Abercrombie and Fitch, Ben and Jerry, me and Paul.” – David Letterman

“Bill Clinton hailed the court’s decision today, even though he signed the Defense of Marriage Act into law. But in fairness to Clinton, he didn’t totally understand the law. When he signed the bill, he thought the Defense of Marriage Act was defending marriage as though it was really just an act.” – Jay Leno

“The next issue for the Supreme Court is defense of a Kardashian marriage.” – David Letterman

“In New York, the new front-runner in the New York City mayor’s race is Anthony Weiner. Some analysts say it’s due to name recognition. Actually, I think a few people recognize more than just his name.” – Conan O’Brien

“According to the polls, Anthony Weiner is the favorite to become the next mayor of New York City. How many of you have seen the Weiner poll? Anthony Weiner is out front. Isn’t that what got him into trouble in the first place? It’ll be a long campaign. All the guy has to do is stick it out. I hope the guy doesn’t get cocky. Weiner has a firm lead and his popularity is swelling.” – David Letterman

“The term ‘Big Brother’ is from George Orwell’s book ‘1984’ – where everyone’s watched over by a network of cameras called Big Brother. I’ve never understood why Orwell chose that phrase for somebody watching you all the time. Isn’t that more like ‘Creepy Uncle’?” – Craig Ferguson

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The Irony of Democracy

I have to admit, I’m not really sure what to think about what is going on in Egypt right now. Some of you may remember that I visited Egypt less than two years ago, just after the revolution but before the elections. But if I learned one thing from talking to people there, it is that what gets reported in the US media about Egypt has very little to do with what’s actually going on there.

A little over a year ago, Egypt was one of the prime movers of the “Arab Spring”. A popular, and relatively blood-less uprising deposed dictator-for-life Hosni Mubarak. As it has done in the past, the military took over, but the popular uprising continued, insisting that the country should become a democracy and hold elections.

And so they did. But a curious thing happened on the way to the ballot box. The political party of the Muslim Brotherhood won, controlling both the parliament and electing president Mohammed Morsi. Now, a year later, after more massive protests, the Army has stepped in and removed Morsi from office.

Now here is where it gets ironic. The same people who insisted that Egypt hold democratic elections are now celebrating that Morsi was removed from office by the military. They claim that once elected, the Muslim brotherhood spent most of their time entrenching themselves and consolidating power, rather than trying to fix the problems Egypt was facing. About the only thing that is clear is that the Egyptian economy got worse after the election, instead of better like everyone expected.

You might think that the US would have been worried by having Islamists in power in Egypt. After all, Egypt is the only Arab nation that has a peace treaty with Israel, one of our closest allies, and the Islamists have threatened to throw that treaty away. But ironically, the Egyptians are mad at the US government for supporting the democratically elected president of Egypt, and are accusing Obama and Secretary of State Clinton of meddling to keep Morsi in power.

It just doesn’t add up. Either everything has gone bizarre in Egypt, or there is something going on that our news media isn’t telling us.

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Late Night Political Humor

“NSA leaker Edward Snowden somehow managed to get out of the U.S. with all their information. Now where is he? He’s in Russia now, going to be in Ecuador or wherever. He remains at large. Now what are the odds out of 350 million Americans, the only one the government wasn’t watching was him?” – Jay Leno

“No one knows exactly where NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden is hiding at the moment. He released a statement that says, ‘No one will find me unless some big-mouth jerk starts blabbing’.” – Conan O’Brien

“The NSA says they have developed a robotic bird that looks and flies like a bird to use for surveillance. So if you see a bird outside your window tweeting with a BlackBerry, it’s spying on you.” – Jay Leno

“In the middle of all these scandals, President Obama got some good news today. The IRS ruled that he can write off the first half of his second term as a total loss.” – Jay Leno

“President Obama gave a big speech on climate change. He believes global warming is getting worse because apparently he’s sweating a lot more during his second term.” – Jay Leno

“In an interview, Pat Buchanan predicted that the inflow of Hispanics from the immigration bill will break the U.S. into two countries with different cultures and different languages. Of course, as a resident of Los Angeles, I can’t imagine what that would be like.” – Jay Leno

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