Thursday, September 5, 2013
“U.S. warships are heading toward Syria. It’s going to be kind of an enjoyable switch for Obama. Now he can start a war that the next president will be stuck with.” – David Letterman
“Vice President Joe Biden said today that ‘Syria must be held accountable.’ Unfortunately, the Obama administration has never employed an accountant, so they have no idea how to do that.” – Jay Leno
“They’re saying now that the war against Syria will last no more than two days. It’s going to be a two-day war. You know what that means? We’ll be there for another 10 years.” – David Letterman
“The secretary of the treasury told Congress that we will be out of money by October. And of course a lot of Americans are shocked by this. Didn’t you think we were already out of money?” – Jay Leno
“The treasury secretary said we will be out of money by October. Here’s my question. What happened to all that money we gave them last April 15, huh?” – Jay Leno
“Before we give the government any more money, show us some receipts.” – Jay Leno
“The attorney general of New York is saying that the Trump University is a fake. They say that it’s fraudulent. If you’re thinking of going to Trump University, it’s easy to get into. All you have to have is a birth certificate and you get right in.” – David Letterman
“A Senate Intelligence Committee reports that NSA employees used their surveillance equipment to check up on friends, family and lovers. They were using the surveillance equipment for their own personal use. The name of the surveillance system they used: Facebook.” – Jay Leno
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Satirist Andy Borowitz is on a roll lately. I won’t even include any quotes — just go read them:
REPUBLICANS OFFER SYRIA STRATEGY: “WE MUST DEFUND OBAMACARE”
OBAMA SHAKEN BY BOEHNER’S SUPPORT
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
It is too bad that I don’t have a category for “sanity in an insane world”. This story definitely qualifies.
Los Angeles County Sheriff oversees the largest jail system in the nation, and yet he travelled to Washington to lobby the government to give him less money, and instead spend the money on preschools, saying:
Either you have to pay now (for preschool), or you’re going to have to pay a guy like me later.
He has a point. One year in prison costs the government more than it costs a student to attend an Ivy League school for a year. And yet we throw money at building prisons, increase mandatory prison sentences, and cut back on education. We are insane.
Luckily, Obama is pushing hard for a sweeping expansion of preschool education, with a goal of providing universal preschool for 4-year-old children. Currently, just under half of all 4-year-old children attend preschool. According to a cost-benefit analysis by the National Institutes of Health, every dollar spent on early childhood education for low-income students generates $4 to $11 in benefits. It is a win-win!
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Washington Post published an editorial “Republicans should get out of the way of Obamacare“. Their argument is summed up by the last paragraph:
Congress enacted the Affordable Care Act. The Supreme Court found most of its provisions to be constitutional. Republicans, having opposed the bill and supported the legal challenge to it, are entitled to be unhappy about the outcome, though in our view they are wrong on the merits. They are not entitled to obstruct and flout the laws of the United States. On the contrary, they have an obligation to cooperate in good faith with wholly legitimate laws duly passed and reviewed by all three branches of government.
But I think they could make a much better argument.
The editorial points out that as a result of 21 states blocking implementation of Obamacare, an estimated 5 million people won’t get health care coverage. The state insurance commissioner even boasted that Georgia is doing “everything in our power to be an obstructionist“. Of course they are, because the health insurance industry has secretly thrown more than half a million dollars at them to be obstructionists.
Just imagine if states tried to do the same thing with Medicare. If 5 million people suddenly lost their Medicare coverage because Republican-controlled states decided they didn’t like the law, the Democrats would enjoy a landslide election next year.
Monday, September 2, 2013
© David Horsey
[Notes about the comic by David Horsey]
When are America’s leaders going to step up and protect us from the most threatening terrorists, hedge fund managers?
Sure, some Islamist nutcase might be able to set off a bomb on a bus or in a building, but, horrific as that may be, the damage to our society is not nearly as great as the wrecking ball that can hit us all when one of the greedy schemes of aggressive and unscrupulous financiers goes awry. Yes, Islamic terrorists took down the World Trade Center in 2001, but the financial terrorists took down the world economy in 2008.
Vast new wealth is being manufactured from thin air by the financial sector, and almost all of that wealth goes to the very few hedge fund managers, derivatives traders and other money manipulators who operate in a world of their own creation with scant regulation and no sense of obligation to society. The rest of us only get hooked into this bigger game when the guys in high finance screw up, drive the economy over a cliff and drag everyone down with them.
Right now, we are in a period of recovery from the 2008 financial disaster. Finally, there are more jobs for more people. But, structurally, nothing much has changed. We still live at the mercy of the financiers, and it is hard to imagine that they will not blow everything up again, unless someone steps in to stop their kind of terrorism.
It is a good sign that a crew of hedge fund managers from SAC Capital Advisors has been indicted for insider trading. Finally, someone has taken a shot across the bow of their pirate ship. But it will take far more to scare off this gang of buccaneers. There is just too much money to be made.
As Ted Siedle wrote in a recent column for Forbes, “There have always been scammers in the money management industry but hedge funds, with outrageous fees and compensation structures, are money management on steroids. The abuses related to the staid world of traditional investing, a percent or two here and there, are chump-change compared to brazen hedge fund gouging.
“While mutual fund managers sip tea, hedgies pound flaming tequila shots.”
Sunday, September 1, 2013
© Matt Wuerker
“They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.” – Benjamin Franklin
“Freedom of speech is a principal pillar of a free government; when this support is taken away, the constitution of a free society is dissolved, and tyranny is erected on its ruins. Republics and limited monarchies derive their strength and vigor from a popular examination into the action of the magistrates.” – Benjamin Franklin
“We will bankrupt ourselves in the vain search for absolute security.” – Dwight D. Eisenhower
“If you want total security, go to prison. There you’re fed, clothed, given medical care and so on. The only thing lacking… is freedom.” – Dwight D. Eisenhower
“I am concerned for the security of our great Nation; not so much because of any threat from without, but because of the insidious forces working from within.” – Douglas MacArthur
“Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.” – Helen Keller
The Tarkin Doctrine: “The more you tighten your grip, Tarkin, the more star systems will slip through your fingers.”
― Princess Leia to Grand Moff Tarkin in Star Wars
Saturday, August 31, 2013
“The state attorney general of New York is suing Donald Trump for $40 million, claiming that Donald Trump University is not a real university. The state claims it’s not a real college because students get very little education and were unable to find jobs after they graduated. Sounds like a real college to me.” – Jay Leno
“I guess the attorney general got suspicious it wasn’t a real college when Donald took the senior class on a field trip to try and find President Obama’s birth certificate.” – Jay Leno
“Donald Trump had a university. Well, the state attorney general decided that the Donald Trump University was an unlicensed sham. And I thought, you know you’re at a bad university when your commencement speaker is Whitey Bulger.” – David Letterman
“Anthony Weiner was involved in a three-way car accident over the weekend. One embarrassing moment when someone took out their cell phone camera to take photos of the damage and out of force of habit, he unzipped his fly.” – Jay Leno
“You see Miley Sunday night on the VMA thing, the MTV show? The White House is considering military intervention.” – David Letterman
“The treasury secretary has now asked Congress to raise the debt limit for borrowing more money as soon as possible. The secretary of the treasury said if Congress doesn’t act soon, the government will have to work with only the money it has now. You know, like the rest of us do.” – Jay Leno
[You know, I usually try to pass on the late night humor without comment. But that last one from Jay Leno is just about least funny joke I’ve ever seen, which is saying a lot coming from him. Not only is it not particularly funny, but it isn’t even remotely true. Most people have a home mortgage, or borrow money to buy a car or go to college, and businesses borrow money to expand. It is so wrong it is almost an anti-joke. –iron]
This would make the news far more interesting!
Thursday, August 29, 2013
© Jeff Parker
First it was decided that Corporations are people and money is free speech. Then it was decided that the right to privacy only applied to the spies. I guess 1984 was just 30 years early.
What I find really ironic about this is the news that even though Snowden was a lowly system administrator at the NSA, it was easy for him to just impersonate people with more security clearance than himself, and even give himself the clearance to download top secret information onto thumb drives. Yes, that’s right, the NSA’s network security is so weak that a contractor had no problem circumventing it. And they still have no idea what all he downloaded. I think it is pretty darn likely that just about every one of our enemies has more access to this secret information than either the American people or Congress.
Thursday, August 29, 2013
“But it’s not all bad news for the former San Diego mayor. Today Bob Filner was offered a new job as a TSA agent at the airport. So, you fly often, do you?” – Jay Leno
“Eighteen women are accusing Bob Filner of sexual assault. He even groped a great grandmother. Isn’t that awful? Even great grandfathers don’t do that.” – Jay Leno
“New York mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner got in a car wreck over the weekend – not to be confused with his campaign. That’s a train wreck. And today he tweeted the insurance company the wrong photo.” – David Letterman
“So New York City comptroller candidate Eliot Spitzer says if he wins, he will work for only $1 a year. Which is pretty smart, because at that rate, he won’t be able to afford another $5,000 an hour hooker until the year 7013.” – Jay Leno
“Donald Trump and Trump University have been sued by the New York attorney general for running an unlicensed university. They said ‘It’s illegal. Your university is just like that thing on your head. They’re both unlicensed.'” – David Letterman
“Do you think Donald Trump’s own kids went to Trump University? No! His kids went to that fly-by-night diploma mill, the Wharton School of Business.” – David Letterman
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
I am told that when I was just a toddler my mother took me and we marched with Dr Martin Luther King Jr.
Today is the 50-year anniversary of his famous “I have a dream” speech, so it is appropriate to take stock of how much has changed for the better in the last 50 years, and yet how much more needs to be done.
Obama is giving a speech today to commemorate King, and he has already made one thing clear:
Let me just say for the record right now, it won’t be as good as the speech 50 years ago. I just want to get that out there early.
UPDATE: Nine interesting and heartwarming things about MLK’s speech and the ’63 March on Washington.
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
© Joel Pett
I’ve been wondering when someone would point out the utter ludicrousness of right wingers claiming that Obamacare was going to force businesses to lay off employees and cut benefits. Like, did they think we wouldn’t notice that they’ve been doing that for years without Obamacare?
Not to mention that just threatening to not raise the debt ceiling probably will cost far more jobs than Obamacare, while actually following through on their stupid threat will cost even more jobs. Why would we ever believe they care about jobs?
UPDATE: Actually, there is no evidence that Obamacare is causing an increase in part-time jobs at the expense of full-time jobs. In fact, the number of “involuntary” part-time jobs is falling. Apparently, this is another propaganda myth cooked up by anti-Obamacare forces (cough, Karl Rove and Fox News).
Religious people often like to claim that without religion, people would abandon their morals and the world would descend into chaos. Or something like that. Of course, they don’t have to offer any proof of that because, well, they are religious, so they just take it on faith.
But now we are finally hearing from the opposition. A new series of studies indicates that just thinking about science triggers more moral behavior.
That’s right, just playing a word game that included scientific words, like “logical”, “hypothesis”, “laboratory” and “theory” made people act in a significantly more moral way after playing the game.
I love this. Science uses science to prove a connection between science and morality. With the unstated logical conclusion that people who think less about science are less moral.
Unfortunately, I guess people who are religious can dismiss these studies, since assuming they don’t believe in science.
Back to square one.
© Tom Tomorrow
The “journalist” in the last panel is David Gregory from “Meet the Press”. Who during a heated exchange did indeed ask Greenwald why he shouldn’t be charged with a felony. Gregory claimed that Greenwald “aided and abetted Snowden, even in his current movements”. Gregory seems to think it is the job of journalists to make accusations, even without any supporting evidence.
What’s really ironic about this is that in January, during an interview with NRA head Wayne LaPierre in Washington DC, Gregory displayed a large-capacity rifle magazine. Which is illegal in DC.
“So former President George W. Bush had to go into the hospital, had a little heart surgery and he’s OK, but he blames it all on the fatty foods served by White House butler Forest Whitaker.” – David Letterman
“Doctors told him to avoid any heavy exertion, so that means no reading. He had a little touch of coronary artery disease. One of his arteries was clogged with old Al Gore ballots.” – David Letterman
“So you have your regular Oreos and they have Double Stuf Oreos. Somebody measured the things, and it turns out there is not twice the amount of stuff as in the regular Oreos. No double ammonium bicarbonate, no double thiamine mononitrate, no double calcium phosphate. Now if you are at home measuring stuff in an Oreo, you should take a long, hard look at your life. I’ll tell you something else right now, we wouldn’t have to worry about stuff like this if New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie was president.” – David Letterman
“Last night Anthony Weiner was at a forum for all the candidates for mayor, and he actually got booed by the crowd. Which got even worse when Weiner was like, ‘Boobs, where?'” – Jimmy Fallon
