I have a new rule. If someone complains about something wrong with Obamacare, I officially don’t care unless they suggest how to fix the problem (other than repealing Obamacare). Problems with the web site? Fix them. Employers reducing the number of full time employees? Change the rule. As long as people are just trying to find anything wrong with the ACA (no matter how trivial) in order to justify getting rid of it, then they do not deserve to be taken seriously.
Seriously.
“Anybody try to sign up for the Obamacare? It’s impossible, and everybody’s furious. The Republicans are upset about Obamacare because something they tried to stop now won’t get started.” – David Letterman
“It’s really trick-or-treat time at the White House. President Obama tricked us into thinking we’d be able to afford treatment.” – Jay Leno
“Con artists are using Obamacare confusion to sign people up for fake health insurance. The scammers lure victims with false promises like, ‘If you like your healthcare plan, you can keep your healthcare plan.’ The scammers will tell you that, so you have to be careful.” – Jay Leno
“A lot of people are accusing the president of being less than truthful. In fact, a couple of weeks ago President Obama called me and told me personally that if I like my current job, I can keep my current job. And I believed him!” – Jay Leno
“The president said he didn’t know that we were spying on our allies. He didn’t know about the problems with the healthcare website. Have you heard the latest? Now the president claims he doesn’t know how ‘Breaking Bad’ ended.” – Jay Leno
“A new study found that 30 percent of Americans admit to getting most of their news on Facebook. You can tell news anchors are trying to compete with Facebook because tonight Brian Williams’ top story was just a picture of his cat.” – Jimmy Fallon
I’m going to be tied up for a week or so, so posts might be a bit sporadic.
Will try to post when I can. Hopefully the news will remain quiet for that time.
And while I have your attention, I will be moving Political Irony to a new server sometime in the next month. I’ll warn you, but Political Irony will probably be down for a day or two when that happens. The good news is that the new server should be faster and more reliable.
To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
In light of closing down of the Government in the USA and thus the inability to govern yourselves, We hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up ‘revocation’ in the Oxford English Dictionary.) Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy). Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress, including the Senate, will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
“President Obama’s Facebook account was hacked. It was hacked by the Syrian Electronic Army. When Obama found out about this, he said, ‘Can you guys fix the Obamacare website?'” – David Letterman
“There was some good news today for embattled Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius. Obamacare will cover all her injuries after the White House throws her under the bus. She is totally covered.” – Jay Leno
“Obama is also being criticized for the Obamacare website. You know what’s wrong with that website? A lot of the people trying to sign up for Obamacare are elderly. So you’ve already lost them at ‘website’.” – Craig Ferguson
“Have you tried to get on the Obamacare website? Oh, it is slow! It is so slow that by the time you sign up for Obamacare you’ll be eligible for Medicare. It’s slower than a ticket scalper at a Jacksonville Jaguars game.” – Jay Leno
“We are posting online many of our rare or never-before-seen clips from the show’s past 20 years. You can see them online but if you really want a laugh, go to HealthCare.gov. That’s where the good chuckles are.” – Conan O’Brien
“For years President Obama has been saying that no one would lose their healthcare plan. Now the White House has admitted that in fact many people will lose their plans. But there is a way to keep the great coverage you have. Just become a member of Congress. Then the taxpayers pay for the whole thing.” – Jay Leno
“President Obama is still in trouble for this spying stuff. You can tell he is getting tired of talking about this scandal. Today he said, ‘Anyone want to talk about my birth certificate?'” – Craig Ferguson
Who better to fix the problems with the healthcare.gov website?
It has often been noted that people seem more than happy to throw their private information at websites like Facebook and Twitter, if they get back something in return. Maybe the NSA should change their tactics?
“Have you tried to log on to the Obamacare website? It’s slow. It is slower than my watch during an interview with Paris Hilton.” – Jay Leno
“Obama said they’ve had some glitches with the Affordable Care website. I’ll tell you something. If you order a pair of pants online and they send you the wrong color, that’s a glitch. This is like a Carnival cruise, for God’s sake!” – David Letterman
“The White House said today that one of the reasons the Obamacare website has had so many problems is because it’s so popular that it was overwhelmed. Really? How come Psy’s ‘Gangnam Style’ video never had any problems? He got 2.5 billion hits!” – Jay Leno
“Today Obama was in so much trouble he called Hillary Clinton and he said, ‘Could you start early?'” – David Letterman
“According to a new report, more than 700 fake Obamacare websites have been created. Security experts say it’s simple to identify the phony sites because they are easy to log on to.” – Jay Leno
“They ought to take all of the guys who are so good at hacking into phone calls and put them to work fixing HealthCare.gov. We need to reallocate our nerds.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“The Obamacare website is not the only one crashing. The NSA website went offline Friday after suspected hackers broke into it. Hey, NSA: It’s not so much fun when people are sneaking into YOUR computer, is it?” – Jay Leno
“Over the weekend it came out that the U.S. has been listening in on German Chancellor Angela Merkel’s cellphone since 2002. At this point, I feel like the only world leader our government DOESN’T listen to is President Obama.” – Jimmy Fallon
“There are new reports that the NSA has been monitoring communications of 35 leaders. Germany’s Angela Merkel is one of our closest allies and she is not happy about this. She called President Obama to give him an earful — and it takes a lot to get those ears full.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“The U.S. has been spying on German Chancellor Angela Merkel for more than 10 years. Merkel actually called Obama to say that eavesdropping on allies ‘is not acceptable’. Then Obama said, ‘Yeah, well that’s not what you said to England.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“If the NSA agents are like most men they were probably only pretending to listen to what she was saying anyway.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“NASA has successfully tested a broadband communications system that’s built into the lunar atmosphere explorer probe. It sends data to and from the moon at the rate of 622 megabits per second. To the moon and back in a second. In a related story, the Obamacare website is still down.” – Jay Leno
“I tried to log on to the Obamacare website today. I don’t think I’m doing it right. I lost 300 bucks playing Texas Hold ‘Em.” – Jay Leno
“The White House now says the Obamacare website will be fixed by the end of November. So if your doctor has only given you three weeks to live, sorry pal.” – Jay Leno
“Another scandal with the National Security Agency, the NSA. You know how they’ve been accused of spying on Americans? Well, it just came out that they actually spied on 35 world leaders. Yeah, it was 34 prime ministers and Oprah.” – Jimmy Fallon
“A new report found that 700 IRS employees owe a combined $5.4 million in back taxes. When IRS workers got the news, they said, ‘Oh man, I hope I don’t find out about this!'” – Jimmy Fallon
“A man in Oregon was arrested for growing marijuana after police used Google Earth to track him down. So if you’re one of those crazy conspiracy theorists who thinks the government is watching you with satellites from space, you were right.” – Jimmy Fallon
Several surveys have shown that more Americans have an unfavorable view of Obamacare (44%) than a favorable view (38%). Republicans have taken this statistic and twisted it to claim that Americans want them to get rid of Obama’s signature health care reform. Heck, the GOP believes this so strongly they even shut down the government over it.
Of course, just because someone has an unfavorable view of a law, doesn’t mean they want it repealed. Indeed, some people may dislike a law because it doesn’t go far enough.
And finally, a new poll shows that this is the case:
The Kaiser Family Foundation found that 47 percent of Americans want to expand (22 percent) or keep the law (25 percent). Conversely, 37 percent said they wanted to either repeal the law and replace it with some Republican alternative (13 percent) or repeal it without replacing it (24 percent).
My favorite part of this is the 13% who want to repeal the law and replace it with some Republican alternative. Don’t they realize that Obamacare IS the Republican alternative?
Next, I would like to see a survey taken by those people who want to repeal Obamacare without replacing it, listing the major features of Obamacare and seeing which ones they want to get rid of. Should be almost as much fun as when Jimmy Kimmel asked people whether they preferred Obamacare or the ACA.
The Daily Show attempts to determine what state is the most homophobic, with hilarious results:
Anecdotally, I’ve lived in both the south and the north, and I’ve found the same thing. Maybe the problem is that socially we are ahead of where we are politically.
Is it a coincidence that Hallowe’en is the holiday closest to election day?
Or that Congresspeople are increasingly acting like zombies?
Or that Hallowe’en has become “one of the most beloved and anticipated consumer holidays“.
In 2012 the election caused a spike in costumes related to current events, but 2013 is seeing a return to more traditional costumes. The most popular adult costumes this year (in order) are Witch, Batman, Vampire, Zombie, and Pirate.
And for those of you who are sweet on Hallowe’en, there is even a list of the best cities for collecting trick-or-treat candy.
I’ll be a zombie this year. I hope to see some of you at my party tonight!
In the beginning there were “death panels“, followed by a long string of other “Pants on Fire” lies.
So it is no surprise at all that there are still new lies going around the media about Obamacare.
For example, the media is reporting that Obama lied (and knew he was lying) when he said that most people would be able to keep their old health insurance plans if they wanted to. People are upset that their health insurance company is canceling their old insurance plans, but that has been going on for years. Heck, my health insurance policy was canceled last year, and my company switched to a new plan, and now I just found out that the new one is being canceled this year. It has little to do with Obamacare, other than the fact that there are now standards for health insurance.
In fact, CBS News just did a story about a Florida woman who says that her insurance is being canceled, and that the new policy will cost ten times more. Except that CBS ran this story without doing any checking. If they had, they would have learned that her old policy — for which the woman was paying $54 a month — doesn’t really qualify as health insurance as we know it.
The only hospitalization costs it covers are for complications from pregnancy. Like, if she got hit by a car or got very sick, it wouldn’t cover anything. Nor does it cover most outpatient care. What does it cover? Almost nothing. In other words, it is more of a sham than a real insurance policy. And the policy that costs $591 — ten times as much as her current policy? Well, that’s just one of the (real) health plans offered to her, but there are many others, some costing as little $209 per month, while actually, you know, covering her health care costs.
But here’s the ironic part. The story about Obama lying about Obamacare was refuted by conservative website Newsbusters. And the CBS News story? Refuted by Greta Van Susteren on Fox News.
Will wonders never cease?
“People have been speculating lately about what President Obama will do when he leaves office in 2016. The one thing I think we can safely rule out – website designer.” – Jay Leno
“There’s been a lot of speculation but now it’s clear that Joe Biden will run for president in 2016. In an effort to appear presidential, today Biden launched a website that doesn’t work.” – Conan O’Brien
“Some marketing experts are comparing the Obamacare website rollout to a Ford Edsel filled with New Coke. But they are making progress. They said today that if you find yourself getting too frustrated trying to log on, they’ve added a link to a suicide hot line.” – Jay Leno
“One of the contractors who built the Obamacare website testified before Congress today. You can tell he built the site because any time they would ask a question, he would freeze.” – Conan O’Brien
“What the president should do is put the NSA in charge of the website. That way there’s nothing to fill out. They already have all our information. You just put your name in.” – Jay Leno
“German Chancellor Angela Merkel said the U.S. would have to regain her trust after the NSA eavesdropped on her cellphone. You know things are bad when we’re being accused of having boundary issues by Germany.” – Conan O’Brien
“Saudi Arabia is now threatening to sever diplomatic ties with the United States over Syria. I hope that doesn’t cause them to do something drastic, you know, like overcharge us for oil.” – Jay Leno
“Yesterday Pakistan’s Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif was in the Oval Office to meet with Obama and Joe Biden. Obama said, ‘It’s an honor to have you here,’ while Biden said, ‘Hello, I’m not supposed to talk’.” – Jimmy Fallon
“A new survey found that 25 percent of Americans will spend less on Halloween this year because of the government shutdown’s effect on the economy. Which explains that new party game – ‘Bobbing for Ramen Noodles’.” – Jimmy Fallon
“The Obamacare website has all these glitches and now tech experts are saying that the only way to fix it is to completely start over and redesign the whole website from scratch. While the guys from the Geek Squad said, ‘Turn it off, wait five seconds, and then plug it back in.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Despite all of the website problems, the approval rating for Obamacare has gone up. Unfortunately, I can’t give you the exact number because it’s listed on the Obamacare website.” – Conan O’Brien
“Only 12 percent of Americans think the rollout of Obamacare is going well, while 100 percent of Republicans think the rollout of Obamacare is going GREAT.” – Jimmy Fallon
“With all the trouble with the Obamacare website, 12 percent of Americans actually think it’s going well. Then people waiting for healthcare said, ‘Can you share some of the drugs you’re on with the rest of us?'” – Jimmy Fallon
“The Obama administration has now asked Verizon to help fix the Obamacare website. Verizon wasn’t the president’s first choice. He initially reached out to T-Mobile, but they dropped the call.” – Jay Leno
“Consumer Reports is now recommending that people sit back and wait a few weeks until the government fixes the problems. Really, a few weeks? When was the last time the government fixed anything in a few weeks? We still have troops in Korea, OK?” – Jay Leno
“Here’s some more news out of Washington. The White House has fired one of its national security officials for setting up an anonymous Twitter account that was leaking internal information. President Obama called the invasion of privacy ‘unacceptable,’ while Americans called it ‘karma’.” – Jimmy Fallon
“A new book claims that John F. Kennedy’s brain was stolen by his brother Bobby. That seems almost unbelievable, doesn’t it? – that there was once a time in this country when politicians actually had brains worth stealing.” –Jay Leno
“Pope Francis suspended a bishop for spending too much on home renovations. The Pope caught the bishop filming an episode of ‘Flip This Church’.” – Conan O’Brien
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