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As the News Drones On

Amazon Delivery Drone

If you have no idea what this is about, see “The Real Reason Amazon Announced Delivery Drones Last Night: $3 Million In Free Advertising On Cyber Monday“.

But the real story here isn’t how Jeff Bezos took advantage of CBS in order to get free advertising. If you actually watch the segment, it shows how mainstream news programs like “60 Minutes” have turned into sycophant kiss-asses for the rich and powerful. Charlie Rose asks Bezos hard hitting questions like “Are you working on a set top box that will allow people to watch streaming video and not need to have cable television?” And Bezos of course answers “I can’t answer that question” and they both laugh.

What a joke.

tt131204
© Tom Toles

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Gimme that Old Time Religion

Lee Judge
© Lee Judge

I know some people think that Pope Francis talks better than he acts, but somehow I can’t help but admire him for his talk. Besides, making any changes to a stagnant behemoth like the Catholic Church is going to take time. Besides, isn’t this what Jesus would do?

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The Root of all Evil

A report by the Economist magazine on the financial services industry finds that 53% of executives in that industry say that employees who try to adhere to strict ethical standards hurt their own careers. In other words, in banks and stockbrokers, unethical behavior is routinely rewarded.

I don’t know what scares me more: the 53% who are willing to admit that what they are doing is unethical, or the rest of them who are not.

And in the Guardian, a former Wall Street trader explains why. The problem is that you can make a lot of money by cheating people, and the risks are minimal:

After a few years on Wall Street it was clear to me: you could make money by gaming anyone and everything. The more clever you were, the more ingenious your ability to exploit a flaw in a law or regulation, the more lauded and celebrated you became.

Nobody seemed to be getting called out. No move was too audacious. It was like driving past the speed limit at 79 MPH, and watching others pass by at 100, or 110, and never seeing anyone pulled over.

As Wall Street grew, fueled by that unchecked culture of risk taking, traders got more and more audacious, and corruption became more and more diffused through the system. By 2006 you could open up almost any major business, look at its inside workings, and find some wrongdoing.

After the crash of 2008, regulators finally did exactly that. What has resulted is a wave of scandals with odd names; LIBOR fixing, FX collusion, ISDA Fix.

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The Wringer

Matt Wuerker
© Matt Wuerker

No wonder nothing ever gets done in Congress. Raising money is their full-time job. And the cost of winning an election (yes, of course you can buy an election) has been skyrocketing:

CNN

And that does not include spending by “outside independent groups” (PACs and SuperPACs). That spending now dwarfs actual campaign spending, especially since the Supreme Court opened the corporate spending floodgates in 2010.

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Late Night Political Humor

“Here we go again. Freshman Congressman Trey Radel of Florida has been arrested for possession of cocaine in Washington, D.C. He admitted he is an alcoholic and pled guilty to possession of cocaine. The judge sentenced him to four years as mayor of Toronto.” – Jay Leno

“Toronto’s city council has voted to drastically reduce Mayor Rob Ford’s powers. They say this reduces him to a ‘mere figurehead’ – which still sounds better than ‘crackhead’.” – Jay Leno

“Everyone is talking about Toronto’s crack-smoking mayor. His reality show has been canceled after one episode. That is the difference between the U.S. and Canada. In America, when somebody goes off the rails we RENEW their reality show.” – Conan O’Brien

“To make matters worse for Mayor Ford, his reality show was canceled after one airing. They are calling this guy the most embarrassing Ford since the Pinto.” – Jay Leno

“Obama and other Democrats have even stopped using the term ‘Obamacare,’ when referring to the new healthcare law. Yeah, now they’re calling it ‘The Affordable Care Act’. Americans were like, ‘Just let us know when you can call it fixed’.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Members of the tea party gathered outside the White House to demand President Obama’s impeachment. The president said he appreciated their views and he is setting up a new website where they can voice their opinion.” – Conan O’Brien

“It’s been a rough couple of weeks for President Obama. It’s so bad that a new poll found that Mitt Romney would beat Obama if Americans could vote for president again today. He even asked if there’s any way we can have a do-over. Not Romney, Obama.” – Jimmy Fallon

“The ratings for Al Jazeera America has now dipped even lower than Al Gore’s Current TV, which it replaced. That’s how you know you’re boring, OK? When Al Gore is considered more entertaining to people than what you have.” – Jay Leno

“Happy Birthday to Vice President Joe Biden, who turned 71 years old today. Biden wore a party hat, carried balloons, and ate cake for lunch. So he was especially happy when they told him it was also his birthday.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Happy birthday to Joe Biden. He’s 71 years old. President Obama called Biden into the Oval Office and instructed Joe to go to his birthday party for Obama.” – David Letterman

“The U.S. may be close to a deal with Iran. Here’s how the deal would break down. They shut down their nuclear arsenal and in return the United States will shut down George Zimmerman.” – David Letterman

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The Right to Stupidity

The Supreme Court is considering two cases that question whether Obamacare can set requirements for health insurance, even if the companies providing that insurance object to those requirements on religious grounds.

In particular, the Affordable Care Act requires large employers to provide preventative care at no cost, which includes contraceptive services. Note that religious non-profits are already exempt from this requirement, but not for-profit corporations. Hobby Lobby, the plaintiff in one of the cases and run by conservative Christians, claims that this violates their religious rights.

On it’s face this is bizarre, because it extends the already controversial decision in Citizen’s United that corporations are people and thus eligible for free speech rights, to now make them eligible for religious rights. That’s right, corporations would be able to have religious rights.

The implications of this are staggering. Could a corporation refuse to pay taxes because of religious objections to how the money is spent? Could they avoid civil rights laws or child labor laws based on religious views?

Even worse, does this mean that corporations would be allowed to dictate the behavior of their employees, including employees who do not share their religious views? Can a corporation tell an employee that they may not use any money from their paycheck to purchase liquor, for example? Can a company run by Christian Scientists, who believe that illness should be cured by prayer, refuse to provide any medical insurance at all? Some religions even claim that AIDS is God’s punishment for promiscuity and homosexuality. If corporations can refuse to cover contraception on religious grounds, shouldn’t they be allowed to refuse to cover treatment for STDs?

What’s ironic about this is that these cases claim to be about religious freedom, but they would end up making the (new) religious freedom of corporations trump the religious freedom of real people. After all, a corporation’s religious beliefs would be allowed to dictate what kind of health care coverage is received by their employees.

What makes this hypocritical is that until a few years ago, Hobby Lobby did cover contraceptives in their health insurance plans. It wasn’t until the introduction of Obamacare, and the resulting publicity, that they dropped coverage of contraception from their health plan. This is obviously a very deeply held religious belief.

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Late Night Political Humor

“Thanksgiving is right around the corner. As you know, the traditional Thanksgiving began in 1621 when Native Americans sat down with a bunch of undocumented pilgrims. They had dinner and the pilgrims never left.” – Jay Leno

“There’s a turkey shortage. Are you aware of that fact? There’s also a gravy shortage. It’s up to $4 a gallon. Governor Chris Christie wants to build a gravy pipeline.” – David Letterman

“Obama is wrestling with the healthcare rollout debacle. He urged Americans not to be put off by the Obamacare website and offered alternative ways to enroll, such as using the mail. Then the president got on his horse and rode off to spread the news to the next town.” – Conan O’Brien

“Former President George W. Bush is on the show tonight. We’re very excited about that. As you know, his nickname is 43 because he was the 43rd president. President Obama is nicknamed 44 because that’s how many people have signed up for Obamacare.” – Jay Leno

“According to insiders, the White House hired a consulting firm that told them the Obamacare website wasn’t ready. But the White House went ahead. The White House made this mistake because they don’t know how to open their email.” – David Letterman

“So now the White House has hired a consulting firm to teach them how to pay attention to consulting firms. It’s all paid by tax dollars.” – David Letterman

“Vice President Joe Biden said today, ‘Obamacare will eventually be a success, God willing’. Today God said, ‘Hey, keep me out of this. You’re on your own on this one.'” – Jay Leno

“Today’s the anniversary of the Gettysburg Address and it’s also Larry King’s birthday — two events that happened 150 years ago. Actually, Larry is older. He reported at that event. He said, ‘Didn’t talk as long as we thought but what are you going to do? And why the four score?'” – Conan O’Brien

“President Obama is being criticized for not attending today’s ceremony commemorating the Gettysburg Address. In fairness, though, Lincoln did not attend Obama’s ‘Sorry about this crappy website’ speech.” – Conan O’Brien

“Toronto Mayor Rob Ford says he’s not going anywhere, even after his recent crack scandal. He said he hopes to run for prime minister of Canada one day. When asked what party he’d choose, he said, ‘Why choose one? I usually hit, like, five parties a night.'” – Jimmy Fallon

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Why Walmart is open on Thanksgiving

Drew Sheneman
© Drew Sheneman

I hope everyone, even those poor souls who have to work today, has a good (or at least bearable) Thanksgiving, Hannukkah, or Turkey (Tofu?) Day.

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Late Night Political Humor

“President Obama and his top aides met with insurance company CEOs at the White House on Friday. So we’ve got politicians meeting with insurance salesmen. You know, if you throw in a couple of used car dealers, you have the trifecta of professional lying right there.” – Jay Leno

“How about that Obamacare? They bungled it. They rolled it out and it wasn’t ready. The only good news out of Obamacare is that it’s nice to know somebody knows less about computers than I do.” – David Letterman

“Ever since he admitted to smoking crack in office, Toronto Mayor Rob Ford has been under siege. The city council has been stripping the mayor of his powers because no one has a sense of humor any more.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Toronto’s city council is trying to strip Mayor Rob Ford of his powers. But the mayor is pretty defiant. He told the city council, ‘I am definitely not leaving this job’. Hey Mr. Mayor, that’s what I used to say!” – Jay Leno

“Today they took Rob Ford’s office budget and his staff away. He has been removed from his position on committees and lost his power to fill vacancies. The only power he has left is to represent the city at official functions. That’s actually the one I would be worried about.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Every time he’s in public, Rob Ford does something great. He’s my favorite new reality show. If he lived in America, we would be renewing him for a second season. ” – Jimmy Kimmel

“I would love to sit down with Rob Ford. The media make people out to look like they’re nuts. But I would like to get a sense of this man. Maybe we could do a buddy cop movie together.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“The Dow Jones average hit 16,000 for the first time. How about that? The bad news? It took us going $17 trillion in debt to get there.” – Jay Leno

“The U.S. Postal Service just announced that it lost only $5 billion this year, as opposed to $16 billion in 2012. Yeah, they lost ‘only’ $5 billion. Even Blockbuster was like, ‘You guys stink at running a business.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Tomorrow will be the 150th anniversary of the Gettysburg Address. It’s one of the better-known speeches of all mankind but at 272 words it was pretty short. It was supposed to be longer but what happened was Lincoln kept thanking people and the band played him off.” – David Letterman

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Republican Mindless Opposition

The “Party of No” is at it again. Republicans loudly denounced the deal that the Obama administration had negotiated with Iran, even before they had any idea of what was in it.

The first denunciation came around five minutes after it was first leaked that a deal had been been struck, and hours before there were any details about it. Ironically, this denunciation came from Ari Fleischer, who was press secretary for the president who got us into the (absolutely stupid) Iraq war simultaneously with another (only slightly less stupid) war in Afghanistan. So I guess he should know.

Three minutes later, another veteran of Dubya’s administration agreed, calling it “a disgraceful deal” even though he had absolutely no idea what the deal contained.

Then it became even more bizarre. John Cornyn (R-TX, the second most powerful Republican in the Senate) tweeted “Amazing what WH will do to distract attention from O-care”. That’s right. Even though the deal was negotiated over many months, the Obama administration was somehow clever enough to know back then that they were going to need some distraction from Obamacare. Yeah, that’s the only reason they decided it would be a good idea to try to save us from nuclear armageddon. Remember the song “Bomb, bomb, bomb… bomb bomb Iran”?

After that, we got the normal list of anti-Obama loonies, who seem to want to go to war with Iran before we try any diplomacy at all. You know, people like Michele Bachmann (who called it a “total surrender by Obama administration”. Then John Culberson (R-TX) confirmed Godwin’s law by releasing an image showing John Kerry and his Iranian counterpart juxtaposed with Hitler and Chamberlain.

So, aren’t the hawks who are condemning the Iran agreement the same people who supported the war in Iraq? How did that work out?

Darrin Bell
© Darrin Bell

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Thanksgiving?

Jen Sorensen
© Jen Sorensen

That’s right, not satisfied with waiting until (Black) Friday, several big box retailers are opening their doors on Thanksgiving day. Not just Walmart and Kmart, but also Target, Best Buy, JC Penny, Kohls, Staples, and (of course) Toys R Us. Even venerable Macy’s will be open on Thanksgiving Day, for the first time in its 155-year history.

But this might be triggering a backlash. A petition asking Target to remain closed on Thanksgiving has around 100,000 signatures. Even the word “boycott” has been thrown around (in particular, on Twitter). Some groups are planning protests.

Other retailers are not joining the rush. Costco says “Our employees work especially hard during the holiday season, and we simply believe that they deserve opportunity to spend Thanksgiving with their families.” And Nordstrom’s says “We won’t be decking our halls until Friday, November 29. Why? We just like the idea of celebrating one holiday at a time. Our stores will be closed on Thursday for Thanksgiving festivities. On Friday, our doors will open to ring in the new season in style.”

Not only does opening early force employees to work on a traditional holiday when they should be spending time with their families, it also affects consumers, who might miss out on early deals if they don’t shop that day.

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Is WikiLeaks part of the Media?

The US Justice department is making noises that they may not be able to bring criminal charges against Julian Assange, the founder of WikiLeaks, for publishing classified documents. The problem is that if they prosecute WikiLeaks, how can they avoid also having to prosecute US news organizations and journalists (who have repeatedly published classified documents), like the New York Times, the Washington Post, or Glenn Greenwald?

As opposed of people who have actually leaked classified documents, like Edward Snowden and Bradley Manning, Assange only published these documents. He did not leak them.

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Late Night Political Humor

“This week we found out how many people have signed up for Obamacare on the federal website. Out of 15 million uninsured, they signed up 26,794. To give you an idea, Wilt Chamberlain had sex with more people than that.” – Bill Maher

“So far, only 106,000 people have signed up for Obamacare. Even more disappointing is that it turned out to be one man who accidentally signed up 106,000 times.” – David Letterman

“How fucking hard is it to get a website to work? People keep trying to sign up; four hours later they’re on the seventh level of Candy Crush.” – Bill Maher

“Your chances of winning the big lottery are 250 million to 1. It’s the same as your chance of getting on the Obamacare website. It’s virtually impossible.” – David Letterman

“New Rule: Republicans have to stop saying that if the Obamacare website doesn’t work, that must mean Obamacare itself doesn’t work. That’s like saying the ice cream’s no good because you can’t find a spoon.” – Bill Maher

“The New York Times is calling this Obama’s Katrina. Which of course is great for George Bush. He loves this. He called up Obama today and said, ‘You’re doing a heck of a job, Brownie.'” – Bill Maher

“That is the difference between Democrats and Republicans. When Republicans shut down the government, it’s on purpose.” – Bill Maher

“For most Americans, Obamacare is a lot of like sex. You do it online, it’s incredibly frustrating and the idea of anyone getting it makes Republicans insane.” – Bill Maher

“President Obama apologized for this whole healthcare debacle. He said today, ‘We fumbled’. Well, a fumble is a turnover. That can happen to anyone. This is more like, ‘We told everybody we were good at football, but we actually really stink at football.'” – Jay Leno

“This was kind of tough week for liberals. First the 60 Minutes thing – they were bullshitting – and then Obama had to eat crow on Obamacare. I just want you liberals to know, you still have NPR, Whole Foods, and gay sex, so everything is not lost.” – Bill Maher

“According to a report released yesterday, over a million people in California are losing their health insurance due to Obamacare. I can’t believe that. There’s not a million people in California who have CAR insurance.” – Jay Leno

“Michele Bachmann claims that she has lost her healthcare plan. She said, ‘I have a husband with very significant health issues’. She said, ‘At some points we’re going to have to figure it out’. Girlfriend, there’s a lot about your husband you’re going to have to figure out. Healthcare is the last of your worries.” – Bill Maher

“Oamacare was trying to protect these people who are being ripped off by insurance companies. But, yesterday, Obama said, ‘Okay, you know what? You want your shitty, crummy plans? You can have them!’ You want your policy where you go in for an operation and you’re covered for when they cut you open, but not when they sew you up? Fine, children, have your broken piece of glass that you want to play with!'” – Bill Maher

“And one reason he had to do this was that Bill Clinton opened his big fat vegan mouth, and said Obama should let people keep their crappy insurance, even if screwed up the whole system. You know what? If you’re a Democrat, the Clintons are a pre-existing condition.” – Bill Maher

“I don’t blame Obama for being fed up. Today he said I’m taking a page out of Toronto Mayor Rob Ford’s playbook. He said, ‘This is not my fault. I was in one of my drunken stupors’.” – Bill Maher

“Toronto City Council yesterday stripped [Mayor Rob Ford] of his powers – whatever they are besides staying fat while smoking crack – because they found out that he was at a party recently where he did cocaine, vodka, OxyContin and apparently was cavorting with a prostitute. Rob Ford, always defiant said ‘Stop attacking my integrity! Anybody who knows me will tell you I am too shitfaced to get it up.'” – Bill Maher

“It’s another bad week for Rob Ford, the troubled mayor of Toronto. This week he said there may be more skeletons in his closet. More skeletons? I hope they’re just old chicken wings he threw in there.” – Craig Ferguson

“Toronto Mayor Rob Ford admitted he smoked crack while he was in office, but he’s refusing to step down. Despite all this, he’s announced that he’ll be hosting a TV show with his brother in Canada. It raises a lot of questions, starting with, ‘How can I get Canadian TV?'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Toronto’s city council voted 39-3 to strip Mayor Rob Ford of some of his powers. Here’s the amazing part. The mayor and his brother are being given their own reality show. That’s depressing, isn’t it? This maniac will have a TV show and I won’t.” – Jay Leno

“Rob Ford says he doesn’t really know if he’ll be a good TV host, but he’s willing to take a crack at it.” – Jimmy Fallon

“America Recycles Day is a special day. It’s the day that Al Gore lands on roofs with a reusable bag of kale for all the good boys and girls. He usually gets stuck in the chimney.” – Craig Ferguson

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Historic Agreement with Iran!

Months of intense negotiations have resulted in an historic agreement with Iran that signals a “game-changing rapprochement that would reduce the risk of a wider Middle East war“. Iran has agreed to place strict limits on their nuclear activities and submit to increased inspections. In return, the US — along with France, Germany, Britain, China, and Russia — have agreed to reduce sanctions on Iran that have isolated the country.

It is interesting to see the response to this agreement, which seems to be largely published on twitter of all places.

So, did Obama finally earn his Nobel Peace Prize?

UPDATE: Whatever you may think of this agreement, it has caused oil prices to fall. And the market likes it — companies dependent on fuel prices (airlines and other travel firms) saw their stock prices rise as a result.

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Late Night Political Humor

“The Department of Homeland Security revealed that hackers have attempted more than a dozen cyber-attacks on the Obamacare website, but couldn’t get in. Then Obama said, ‘But when you do, let us know how you did it!'” – Jimmy Fallon

“At a press conference President Obama talked about Healthcare.gov and he said buying health insurance is never going to be as easy as buying a song on iTunes. The answer is simple. Fire the website people and hire the people at iTunes. There you go. Couldn’t be easier.” – Jay Leno

“House Speaker John Boehner said the Senate’s immigration bill is so long that nobody has even read it. It’s always good to hear the Senate is taking the same approach on legislation that I take with the iTunes user agreement.” – Jimmy Fallon

“They caught a guy in the Secret Service sending out suggestive and graphic emails to women. On the bright side, it’s nice to know somebody in the White House knows how to operate the computer.” – David Letterman

“According to a new poll, 52 percent of Americans describe President Obama as ‘not honest’. That makes him by far the most honest politician in American history.” – Jay Leno

“A growing number of women are joining the CIA. The CIA is now 46 percent women. Which explains that new method of torture: the silent treatment.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Here in New York City we have a new mayor, Bill de Blasio. He’s 6 feet, 7 inches tall and his wife is a former lesbian. She’s a former lesbian although she can be called back to active duty on a moment’s notice.” – David Letterman

“The new mayor is not to be confused with current Mayor Bloomberg, the outgoing mayor. He’s a former leprechaun.” – David Letterman

“Toronto Mayor Rob Ford has provided me with so much entertainment this week that I feel like I should pay him a subscription fee. He’s like your drunk uncle who is fun but you’re just getting old enough to realize why your parents never let him take you anywhere by himself.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“According to new statistics, Pope Francis is the most talked about person on the Internet. And not only that, he has the most viewed profile on Christian Mingle.” – Conan O’Brien

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