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Late Night Political Humor

“Toronto Mayor Rob Ford is an entertaining fellow, the gift that keeps on giving. According to police reports, Ford once did heroin with gang members. In his defense, Ford said, ‘We had to, they were completely out of crack’.” – Conan O’Brien

“Toronto Mayor Rob Ford reiterated that he should be re-elected mayor of Toronto because he saves taxpayers money. I think he should be re-elected because he’s hilarious and because I don’t live in Toronto.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“The NSA collects almost 5 billion records a day that can pinpoint a cellphone anywhere in the world, track its movements, and map the personal relationships of the person using it. I’ll tell you what this means. You know the crazy people that wear the tinfoil hats because they think the government is tracking them? Turns out they were right.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“How is it possible that they can track every cellphone in the world but can’t build a healthcare website? Maybe they should put the NSA in charge of Obamacare.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“At a White House holiday party, the Obama’s dog, Sonny, reportedly knocked over a small child. So although President Obama’s approval rating is down to 40 percent, he’s now number one on YouTube.” – Conan O’Brien

“Earlier today, Vice President Joe Biden arrived in South Korea to talk to the people there. Yeah, first time ever people from South Korea have tried to sneak into North Korea.” – Conan O’Brien

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The Free Market to the Rescue

Despite the fact that the vast majority of climate scientists agree that climate change is real and is caused by man-made emissionsand a strong majority of Americans agree — the GOP is still deep in denial. Why? Probably because their corporate benefactors tell them to be.

But ironically, it may not matter. Because while the cost of fossil fuels — the main cause of greenhouse gases that cause climate change — continues to go up, the cost of renewable energy is plummeting. For example, the cost of solar panels has dropped 99% since 1977, and has accelerated (over 60% of that drop has occurred in the last 3 years).

Even just considering the individual market, solar is a good investment. A homeowner purchasing a solar power system for their own home now sees a return on investment (savings in energy costs versus the total installation price of the system) in all but one state. In fact, in 86% of states, the ROI is better than you would get from a 5-year CD (Certificate of Deposit). In 67%, the ROI of solar is better than 30-year treasure bonds. And in 25% of states (today, and the number is growing), the ROI is better than the S&P 500 stock index. Here’s a link to a chart showing the ROI for each state.

That’s right, millions of people can make more money by installing solar than by investing in the stock market. In Hawaii, the average savings by installing solar is above $60,000. And in 3 out of the 4 most populated states, the average savings is above $30,000.

Not only that, but there are important added benefits. Installing solar means you are reducing pollution, including greenhouse gases (and thus climate change). It also helps our country become more energy independent, and so less reliant on oil coming from foreign countries (cough, Middle East). How much money and lives would we save by avoiding just one war for oil? Not only is solar energy local energy, it creates local jobs and so doubly helps our economy.

And if our government would stop subsidizing big oil the numbers would look even better for renewable energy.

All of this doesn’t take into account the fact that carbon pollution is the greatest unpriced externality in history. If fossil fuels had to pay for the damage they are doing to our economy, they would be even more expensive.

I say, let the free market work. Eliminate subsidies for oil and coal. Sure energy prices would rise, but then they would go back down as renewable energy (solar, wind, hydro, tidal, geothermal etc.) becomes more popular. We’d not only be doing the earth and ourselves a big favor, we’d be making money. Lots of it.

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Late Night Political Humor

“Obamacare is still struggling to get off the ground. Experts now say the success or failure of Obamacare will depend on whether young people sign up. Which is why as of today it covers medical marijuana.” – Conan O’Brien

“Today gang members were caught on wiretaps saying they have photos of Mayor Rob Ford doing heroin, which is weird because I thought he had an exclusive deal with crack.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“There is information that Mayor Ford tried to buy the infamous video of him smoking crack. And the gang members wanted $500,000 and a car. Sounds like Ford would make a good game-show host.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“This is a crazy story. For two decades, the secret launch code for America’s nuclear missiles was 0000000000. Even more amazing, George W. Bush forgot it twice.” – Conan O’Brien

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The True Meaning of Christmas

Tom Tomorrow
© Tom Tomorrow

Where have all the compassionate conservatives gone?

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Merry War on Christmas?

How can conservatives put up with their pundits, who are such self-righteous whiners?

Ironically, as Christians fight for the right to freely express their religion, they are opening up the door to free expression of other religions. After all, doesn’t the constitution guarantee the same rights to Muslims as it does for Christians?

Indeed, The Satanic Temple has requested that they be allowed to place a religious monument (which they promise will “be in good taste and consistent with community standards”) on the grounds of the Oklahoma statehouse, after the OK legislature OKed a Ten Commandments monument.

A spokesman for the Oklahoma Speaker of the House responded “Anything displayed at the Capitol should be a representation of the values of Oklahomans and this nation. The left-hand path philosophies of this organization do not align with the values of Oklahomans nor the ideals this country or its laws are founded upon.”

My question is, what does Oklahoma have against the left-handed?

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Late Night Political Humor

“Today the White House confirmed that Obama will be signing up for Obamacare. Yeah, which is good because his current health plan doesn’t cover headaches and depression caused by Obamacare.” – Conan O’Brien

“President Obama spoke today in defense of the Affordable Care Act. He said it’s a disaster and he’s sorry he tried.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Did you know the speeches he’s made about affordable health care is greater than the number of people who have signed up for it?” – Jimmy Kimmel

“The president said despite the initial problems, it’s working better now and going do continue to improve. A million people visited on Monday, mostly to see if they were covered from injuries suffered at Wal-Mart on Black Friday.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Only about 50,000 people can use the site at a time. Why can only 50,000 people use a government website without crashing it, but 4 million people can watch a kitten try to get its head out of a bag, no problem?” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Some people got through the Obamacare process only to discover they had inadvertently joined the Navy. They ship out next week.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“A list of the most corrupt countries in the world was put together by a group called Transparency International. There’s no real surprises. For coming in at No. 1, Kim Jong Un will receive economic sanctions from the U.N. and dinner for two at a great restaurant.” – Craig Ferguson

“North Korea should make this their new tourist slogan: ‘North Korea: Come for the corruption. Stay because we won’t let you leave.'” – Craig Ferguson

“Pope Francis revealed that he used to work as a nightclub bouncer. In the same interview he announced that on Tuesday night ladies get into heaven for free.” – Conan O’Brien

According to a new report, America’s teenagers are 30th in the world in math. Luckily, America’s teenagers will never understand the report because they’re 85th in reading.” – Conan O’Brien

“Amazon is testing the delivery of packages by drone. So today U.S. Forces began bombarding Afghanistan with ‘The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants’.” – Conan O’Brien

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Politics Trumps Math

Very interesting study done at Yale comes to some surprising conclusions about how our politics can override rational thinking.

The study did this by giving people a math problem to solve. The problem presented the results of a fictional medical trial for a new skin cream designed to treat rashes. Half the participants in the study were shown the following results:

Rash got better Rash got worse
People who used the skin cream 223 75
People who did not use the skin cream 107 21

On first glance it looks like more people who used the skin cream got better, but the real answer is based on whether your chance of getting better goes up if you use the skin cream. The correct solution is to compare those people who got better to those people who got worse.

People who used the skin cream had a 223:75 (less than 3 to 1) chance of getting better. But people who did not use the skin cream had a 107:21 (better than 5 to 1) chance of getting better. Put another way, 75% of the people who used the skin cream got better, but 84% (even more) of the people who did not use it got better. So the result is that you are more likely to get better if you do not use the skin cream. The confusion comes from the fact that more people (298) used the skin cream than did not (128), resulting in the misleading number that more people got better from the skin cream (if you ignore the number of people who got worse).

To remove any bias, they gave the other half of the participants the same problem with the results reversed, so the skin cream increased the chances of getting better.

This is actually a tricky problem to solve — 59% of the participants got the answer wrong.

They also grouped the participants in the study based on how numerate (“numerically literate” or “scientifically trained”) they are. Not surprisingly, numerate people did better on the problem.

Finally, they grouped the participants based on whether they are liberal democrats or conservative republicans. In this regard, there was no difference. Regardless of your politics, the more numerate you are the better you are at answering this question.

So far so good, but now we get to the interesting part of the study. They changed the problem, but only how they described it. Instead of a medical study, they presented it as the results of cities that had banned the concealed carrying of guns, and whether crime in these cities had gone up or down afterward.

Participants performed much differently on this version of the problem, even though all the numbers were the same. As in the previous version, they had two variants of the problem: one where the correct answer was that crime went down; and the other where crime went up.

Now here’s the ironic part. Here are two graphs plotting correct answers versus participant numeracy. The top one is for the skin cream / rash version, the bottom one is for the gun control / crime version:

study-image-2_0

Note how for the rash (top graph), the curves are pretty close, regardless of whether the participant is CR (conservative republican) or LD (liberal democrat), and also regardless of whether they solved the problem where the correct answer was that the cream decreased or increased the chances of the rash getting better.

But for crime (bottom graph) the participant’s answers strongly depended on their politics. Liberal democrats did best when the answer was that gun control made crime go down, while conservative republicans did best when the answer was that gun control made crime go up. So they did better if the answer agreed with their politics. But for people where the correct answer disagreed with their politics, the curves are mostly flat.

Ironically, the more numerate a participant is the more they are influenced by their politics. Numerate participants did 18% worse on the political problem. In fact the curves in the second graph are all over the place, sometimes even going down as numeracy goes up. It is difficult to guess what caused these crazy curves. If you are more scientifically literate, does it make you more sure of your answers, even when you are wrong? Are numerate people more likely to accept the incorrect answer on first glance, if it agrees with their politics? Or are they more willing to question an answer when it conflicts with their political beliefs?

At the very least it blows away the common idea that the smarter and more scientifically literate you are, the better you are at making correct decisions even when the right answer disagrees with your political beliefs. And this is true whether you are liberal or conservative.

This also helps explain why our country is so divided on the subject of climate change, regardless of the scientific research.

tl;dr — if this is too difficult to read and understand, here’s an infographic for you.

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Late Night Political Humor

“One of the biggest movies to come out this weekend was the Disney movie, ‘Frozen,’ which is an animated film about the Obamacare website. Kids hate this movie. An hour and a half of characters trying to fix the website.” – Conan O’Brien

“In Nevada, where prostitution is legal – true story – prostitutes are signing up for Obamacare. Which explains why the most popular pick-up line in Nevada is, ‘Let me help you with your co-pay’.” – Conan O’Brien

“Amazon announced plans for an amazing service called Amazon Prime Air. When you order something from Amazon that weighs five pounds or less, a robot will drop your package on your doorstep. It’s all part of Amazon’s pledge to drive your dog insane.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“You know in some countries seeing an unmanned drone means your village is about to be destroyed. In America it means you ordered Mad Men on Blu-ray.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“The drones will allow Amazon to make deliveries in 30 minutes or less, or we will be on the phone with a customer service rep saying, ‘Where is the drone? I ordered this thing an hour ago!’ Hopefully they can attach pizzas to this.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“This week, fast-food workers in 100 American cities are going on strike, a true story. The workers behind the counter want higher wages and better conditions. The drive-thru workers? No one can understand what they want. What? What did you say?” – Conan O’Brien

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Big Banks Control Congress

Big banks have gotten two new bills passed in the House of Representatives that roll back regulations that were put in place after the last financial meltdown to keep it from happening again. Yes, that’s right. After the banks nearly destroyed our economy in 2008 (forcing us taxpayers to bail them out to the tune of close to $100 billion) Congress passed Dodd-Frank, which even in its watered-down state on passing was a good step toward reining in some of the most dangerous forms of risk taking on Wall Street. Well, the Republican controlled House (with some help from Democrats too) is doing everything it can to get rid of Dodd-Frank. Why wouldn’t they? They need the money for their campaigns, and Wall Street is only too willing to oblige since keeping down regulations is what lets them take insane risks in the first place and make tons of money. And as long as we keep bailing them out when the risks go sour, there is no incentive for them to be responsible.

Here’s a great rant about it:

What he doesn’t mention is that this bill has passed only the House. The only things keeping it from becoming law is opposition in the Democratically controlled Senate (and even that opposition is not particularly strong, since Democrats depend on campaign contributions from Wall Street too), and from Obama’s veto power (ditto).

How the House voted, by party and by ideology.Yes, as I am going to great pains to point out, this is definitely a “lesser of two evils” scenario. We absolutely need to reduce the influence of money in politics, and especially to reverse the Citizens United decision. But until we do, the Democrats are the only thing keeping us from heading down the same road to financial melt-down and government bailouts that has repeatedly happened since we deregulated the banks. The diagram to the right shows out the House voted. Republicans are shown in red, Democrats in blue. The position in the diagram is based on an assessment of their ideology. Note that all but three Republicans voted for the bill, and it was mainly conservative Democrats who joined them.

Here’s a website that lets you find out how your representative voted.

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Late Night Political Irony

“In 1941, Congress ruled that the fourth Thursday in November would officially be observed as Thanksgiving Day – thus making it the last time Congress accomplished anything.” – Jay Leno

“You can tell Thanksgiving is getting closer. In fact, today, five turkeys from the United States showed up at the Moscow airport seeking asylum.” – Jay Leno

“The traditional Thanksgiving began in what year? 1621. And soon afterward, the Indians realized they had a failed immigration policy.” – Jay Leno

“President Obama just can’t catch a break. He gave an immigration speech yesterday in San Francisco and got heckled by a guy yelling something about stopping deportations. Obama was cool, he said the man was entitled to free speech, and then he turned to his security and said, ‘Deport that guy’.” – Jimmy Fallon

“When President Obama was in Los Angeles, he visited the DreamWorks Studios. Now don’t confuse DreamWorks with Obamacare – that was a dream that didn’t work.” – Jay Leno

“The big news this week is that the U.S. finally got Iran to agree to stop making nuclear weapons. In exchange, the U.S. has freed up $8 billion of Iran’s assets. When asked how it plans to spend the money, Iran said, ‘We’re going to buy nuclear weapons’.” – Jimmy Fallon

“I heard that New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie is very excited about the movie ‘Hunger Games.’ He’s apparently under the impression it’s about competitive eating.” – David Letterman

“A new study found that parents who only have daughters are more likely to be Republican, which I guess explains why my Dad registered as Republican when he saw me throw a football.” – Jimmy Fallon

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A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Tea Party

Yesterday, Senator Ted Cruz posted some nice words about Nelson Mandela on his website. He also reposted them to his Facebook page. Here’s what he said:

Nelson Mandela will live in history as an inspiration for defenders of liberty around the globe. He stood firm for decades on the principle that until all South Africans enjoyed equal liberties he would not leave prison himself, declaring in his autobiography, ‘Freedom is indivisible; the chains on any one of my people were the chains on all of them, the chains on all of my people were the chains on me.’ Because of his epic fight against injustice, an entire nation is now free.

We mourn his loss and offer our condolences to his family and the people of South Africa.

Unfortunately, some of Cruz’s followers on Facebook didn’t agree with him and responded with hateful vitriol. Here are a few comments, picked at random:

  • Stalin, Hitler, Pol Pot, Mao, and FDR are also dead. They don’t deserve a positive Eulogy either.
  • He was a no-good, murdering communist. No wonder obummer likes him so much. He burned alive people who did not agree with him. No sadness here.
  • You’re eulogized the inventor of necklacing and the head of a KGB marxist, terrorist organization?
  • He was a murderer, plain and simple.
  • Mandela is ant-White. [sic]
  • This what you get when people are spoon fed lies from the American press. Mandela was a killer, history is a lie.
  • I’d like to take this moment to pay my respects to the fallen Boers, now is the time to fight back! Let’s restore South Africa as a Boer nation!
  • Ted im ashamed of you . Touting a known communist as a great person. I don’t know if I can vote for you now.

Then people supporting Cruz’s comments about Mandela jumped into the fray. And things got even more bizarre. Right now, there are over 900 comments on the post.

The most common complaints against Mandela are that he was a communist (um, so why didn’t he nationalize anything or do anything else remotely communist when he became president?), and that he was a terrorist because he was involved with groups that killed people during the revolution in South Africa (by that measure, so were the founding fathers of our nation).

They don’t seem to understand that Mandela’s greatness is that he used his time in prison to overcome bitterness and hatred, and managed to largely unite South Africa, both white and black, at a time when both sides were calling for terrible violence and retribution against the other side. Mandela turned sworn enemies into lifelong friends and admirers, including his jailers and the white president he ousted from office.

So, if this is too much for you to read, The Onion has an interesting counterpoint: “Nelson Mandela Becomes First Politician To Be Missed”.

UPDATE: Rick Santorum invokes Mandela to compare Apartheid to Obamacare. Seriously:

Nelson Mandela stood up against a great injustice and was willing to pay a huge price for that. That’s the reason he’s mourned today, because of that struggle that he performed. But you’re right, I mean, what he was advocating for was not necessarily the right answer, but he was fighting against some great injustice, and I would make the argument that we have a great injustice going on right now in this country with an ever-increasing size of government that is taking over and controlling people’s lives, and Obamacare is front and center in that.

What’s doubly ironic about this is that he slips in his claim that what Mandela “was advocating for was not necessarily the right answer”. Was that a Freudian slip about the Republicans, who are advocating for the repeal of health care reform?

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The Daily Show is on a Roll

Corporations have definitely become the new aristocracy. They have more rights than actual, real people, but are amazingly exempt from many laws.

And yet they keep violating the law and largely getting away with it, with at most paying a fine that is often less than they amount of money they made from breaking the law.

Actually, all the clips from last night were awesome — here they are if you want to watch.

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A Lie that Won’t Fly

It has been a few years since I’ve posted stories about the Department of Homeland Security’s “No Fly” list. Remember, the list that prevented Senator Ted Kennedy from flying, and countless other innocent people, with no way for them to contest being on the list. Things did eventually ease up a bit for a while, but suddenly they are back in the news.

Why? The first legal challenge to the no-fly list to actually make it to trial has started, and things have already turned decidedly Orwellian.

The plaintiff in the case is Dr. Rahinah Ibrahim, a Malaysian citizen who was a PhD student at Stanford University. Ibrahim got married in the US, and her daughter, Raihan Mustafa Kamal, was born here and is hence a US citizen. Ibrahim, along with her daughter, were denied boarding on a flight from San Francisco to Kuala Lumpur in 2005.

Ironically, Ibrahim herself is not allowed to attend the trial. She applied for a visa specifically to attend the trial, but it was denied … by the DHS, the plaintiff in the case.

The trial was supposed to start Monday in San Francisco, despite DHS lawyers attempts to get the case dismissed several times by invoking “state secrets”. But on the first day of trial, one of the plaintiff’s main witnesses — the daughter Kamal — was also unable to attend the trial. She was denied boarding Sunday night on a flight from Kuala Lumpur to San Francisco because she is now on the government no-fly list! Not only is the daughter a witness to the original incident, she is an attorney licensed to practice law in Malaysia.

Interestingly, Kamal was told by the airline that she was on the no-fly list, and was even given a phone number for DHS in the US to call. Normally, airlines are prohibited from telling the passenger why they are being denied boarding, or giving them any other information, putting them in a very strange situation.

When hearing this, the trial judge ordered the government lawyers representing the DHS to investigate what happened. Later that day, the lawyers reported back that they had been told (and confirmed) by DHS that “the plaintiff’s daughter just missed her flight”, and that she was rebooked on a flight on Tuesday.

But the DHS response is a lie. Kamal did not miss her flight, and she was not rebooked on another flight. Kamal even sent a copy of the “no-board” instructions which DHS gave to Malaysia Airlines. Again, normally the airline is not allowed to disclose this information to the passenger, but for some reason they gave this information to Kamal to explain why they were not letting her fly. As far as anyone knows, this is the first time an actual no-fly order has been disclosed to the passenger.

Ironically, the government is still trying to get the trial dismissed. Their reasoning? Because the evidence against them is secret, it is not allowed in court, so the plaintiffs cannot present evidence against the government. Initially, the government tried to claim that even evidence against the government that was public could not be used in the trial. For example, the government claimed that the 2005 SFO police report on the original incident (and which had always been publicly available) was inadmissible in court because the TSA “had subsequently determined that some of the information it contained was secret”.

That’s right, the government was claiming that they could retroactively declare public knowledge to be secret, and thus inadmissible in court. Luckily, the judge rejected this claim, saying:

That’s ridiculous. Are you saying that if the president makes a speech, TSA can retroactively make it a secret what he said? It cannot be the law that something that is publicly known later becomes hidden…

There are lots of interesting notes on this trial, which you can read on The Identity Project website.

But I warn you. If you start reading them, you might think you had fallen down a rabbit hole.

UPDATE: Coincidentally, Nelson Mandela was on the US no-fly list, and was not allowed to fly to the US, nor even fly on a US airline outside the US.

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Late Night Political Humor

“President Obama’s approval rating is at 37 percent, the lowest point of his presidency. Here’s how bad it is. You know the Thanksgiving turkey he’s pardoning this week? The turkey said: ‘No pictures’. It didn’t want to be seen.” – Jay Leno

“Are you aware of the turkey shortage? Now the White House has stepped in so people won’t panic. They said yes, there’s a turkey shortage, but don’t worry, it’s only a web site problem. They said if you like the turkey you had last year, you can keep the turkey you had last year.” – David Letterman

“PETA says that today’s turkeys are being bred to have such large breasts, they’re dying of heart attacks. I don’t want to be insensitive, but that’s still better than getting your head chopped off.” – Jay Leno

“The FCC is reconsidering the ban on cellphone use on planes. So not only do you get to watch the lady eating a tuna fish sandwich she brought from home, you get to hear her yell at her husband while she does it.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“The FCC is considering lifting the ban on cellphone calls on planes. The good news is you’ll be able to make calls during your flight. The bad news? The person sitting next to you will be able to make cellphone calls during your flight.” – Jay Leno

“There are ways to make air travel much, much worse. I think it’s fine if people want to make calls from the plane, but I think they should have to step outside to do it.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Am I the only one who thinks the government should focus on something else? I would like to see the ban lifted on 4-ounce bottles of Pantene shampoo. First thing I’m going to do is order a large pepperoni pizza and have it delivered to the sky.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“President Obama announced that the U.S. and Iran have reached an important step in freezing Iran’s nuclear program. When asked how they’d finally reached the agreement, Iran said, ‘Patience, compromise, and oh, we lied. Not in that order, actually.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“People are talking about how Obama was finally able to get this deal with Iran. What happened was, Obama got tired of trying to fix healthcare and said, ‘Give me an easier problem. Iranian nukes! I’m on it. That’s much better than what I’ve been dealing with the past couple of weeks.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“The Patriots overcame six fumbles and a score of 24-0 to beat the Broncos in overtime. It was amazing. They came back from dropping the ball and being down 24 points. Or, as Obama put it, ‘What’s your secret?'” – Jimmy Fallon

“They got three feet of fresh powder back East. And that was just in freshman Florida Congressman Trey Radel’s office. Radel says he’s going into rehab and when he gets out, he wants to be named ambassador to Colombia.” – Jay Leno

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Private Sectors

We all know that only the government screws up building a website. Right? Because the private sector does everything perfectly!

While the media was fixated on the problems with the healthcare.gov website, meanwhile Obamacare scored a huge success in an even more significant area. It is dramatically slowing the cost of healthcare. Ironically, this is exactly what hundreds of health and labor economists predicted back in January 2011, but they were largely ignored.

The other good news is that now that the website is starting to work better, the Obama administration is (finally) going on the offensive against those who would repeal Obamacare and go back to the system we had before.

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