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Gender, on Balance

Jon Stewart points out the underlying hypocrisy of the media reaction to Bruce Jenner becoming Caitlyn Jenner:

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Late Night Political Humor

“We are now 11 weeks away from the first Republican presidential debate. The debate will be held in a 300-seat theater, so there’ll be almost enough seats for all the candidates.” – Seth Meyers

“President Obama broke a world record after he reached a million followers on Twitter in just five hours. The only guys not following Obama? His Secret Service agents. They lost track months ago.” – Jimmy Fallon

“In about 34 minutes David Letterman is going to air his last episode. In 1993, I took over his iconic late-night show. I was a complete unknown with no experience performing on TV. I was totally unprepared for that enormous job. I don’t think that could happen today. I don’t think the government would allow it.” – Conan O’Brien

“I was in way over my head, and with my hair that’s saying something.” – Conan O’Brien

“After four dreary months, out of the blue we got a message that David Letterman wanted to come on as a guest. Dave was the biggest thing on TV. He didn’t go on other people’s shows. It was like The Beatles asking Maury Povich if they could stop by and sing a couple of tunes.” – Conan O’Brien

“I’ll be honest with you. It’s beginning to look like I’m not going to get ‘The Tonight Show’.” – David Letterman

“I’m your host, Jimmy Fallon, and I want to thank you for watching this on your DVR after you watched Letterman.” – Jimmy Fallon

“This morning my dad called me up and said, ‘So, tonight’s your last show, huh.’ And I said, ‘No, Dad, that’s someone else.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Do you know what I’m going to do when I retire? I hope to become the new face of Scientology.” – David Letterman

“Earlier today, we got a call from Stephen Hawking. He’s a genius, and after 6,028 shows he ran the numbers and he said it works out to about eight minutes of laughter.” – David Letterman

“When we started the show, there were mixed responses. Half of the people said, ‘That show doesn’t have a chance.’ The other half said, ‘That show doesn’t have a prayer.'” – David Letterman

“Back when we started this show, the hottest program on television was ‘Keeping Up With the Gabors.'” – David Letterman

“My good friend Paul Shaffer and I are going to continue in show business. Next month Paul and I will debut our new act at Caesar’s Palace with our white tigers.” – David Letterman

“I have no illusions anyone is watching me this evening. But if there happen to be a few of you out there, I’m going to let you know the exact moment when Dave’s show is starting, and I’d like you to switch over. I may be talking to seven viewers at that time, but I really think you should do it.” – Conan O’Brien

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Facts! Reason! Logic!

Matt Bors
© Matt Bors

Why is it that many people who participate in discussions on the internet totally lose it? The same people likely would be much more reasonable if they were talking face-to-face. Some people think it is the lack of feedback, but there certainly is feedback on the internet. Others say that it is just people who need to get attention in an increasingly disconnected world. Or that you need to be shrill in order to be heard. I dunno. I think almost all of us, even the most reasonable, have said something on the internet that was a bit overboard.

I’m just happy that my readers have supported me in creating a little outpost where we can have reasonable discussions. Oh, and speaking of this blog, it recently turned seven years old!

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Late Night Political Humor

“President Obama finally has his own personal Twitter account. Even John McCain said, ‘Welcome to the Internet, grandpa.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Hillary Clinton is trying to get the young vote. She’s doing her best to win over millennials. Hillary’s telling millennials if all goes well, she too plans to move back into the home where she lived in the 1990s.” – Conan O’Brien

“A new poll found that almost 70 percent of voters say that whoever our next president is, they must have political experience. You know, because it would be rude to say ‘anyone but Donald Trump.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Former Texas Governor Rick Perry said yesterday that knowing what we know now, he would not have invaded Iraq. Mostly because ‘what we know now’ is that Rick Perry will never be president.” – Seth Meyers

“A new survey came out and Washington, D.C., has been named the fittest city in the country. And it makes sense. Just think of all of the exercise they get running for re-election, walking back statements, dodging questions, and jumping to conclusions. That’s all cardio.” – Seth Meyers

“Tomorrow is our final show. That is unless it rains, and then there will be a rain delay. We’ll probably make it up in a doubleheader around Labor Day.” – David Letterman

“A lot of people think I’m retiring, but I’ve been telling a fib. I’ve been forced to leave this job because I gave $75,000 to the Clinton Foundation. ” – David Letterman

“Bill Murray is on the show tonight. Next week I’ll be Goggling ‘foods that improve prostate health’.” – David Letterman

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A Supreme Court Primer

[This is a guest post from Marc S. Berman, who has written numerous articles and opinion pieces on politics, law, and current events.]

America’s political divide now envelops the United States Supreme Court. For example, when the Court decides that the billionaire Koch brothers can buy elections, its ruling is perceived as conservative. Democrats stop smoking weed long enough to get furious. MSNBC’s ratings even crack the top 300 for a day.

But when the Court, say, rules that “required health insurance” is just another name for “tax”, and therefore Obamacare is legal, its decision is viewed as liberal. Republicans smash their martini glasses with five-irons. On the radio, Rush spends an entire show mocking the judiciary. (Interestingly, judge-bashing really sells the virility treatments advertised on Limbaugh’s program. Otherwise, that stuff only moves when Rush lambastes Hillary, which is the conventional way of arousing a dittohead.)

Some of the Supreme Court’s upcoming decisions will be controversial. Now’s a good time to remind ourselves that, in reality, judges are impartial. They decide cases solely based on the law. Their political views play no part in how they rule.

So what has caused Americans’ mistaken belief that Supreme Court decisions are political? It all comes down to vocabulary.

Unlike the decisions of Judge Milian on the People’s Court, high court rulings are written. And they are full of obscure legal verbiage.

Americans don’t understand judicial gobbledygook. Consequently, we don’t read Supreme Court decisions. Instead, we rely on experts to interpret the rulings for us. Because these “experts” have political agendas, they try to convince us that the Court takes sides in political controversies. In the trade, this is known as “freaking the freaking lazy base out so they’ll freaking show up at the freaking polls.”

Americans need to learn the truth about our judiciary. This means that we need to start reading Supreme Court decisions for ourselves. I am providing definitions for all key legal terms below. Know these words, and you’ll be able to understand any ruling:

  • Habeas Corpus: Latin for “why has this guy been in Baltimore city jail for 12 years on a parking ticket?”
  • Indictment: A formal charge against any Democratic senator who opposes Obama’s policy on Iran and Cuba.
  • Stop and Frisk: The security check that all Court spectators endure before being seated.
  • Hourly Rate: The amount a Supreme Court lawyer charges for 25 minutes of work.
  • Justice (of the Supreme Court): A judge on the Court. To get appointed, a justice must be a paid-up member of the Harvard, Yale, or Columbia Alumni Societies, be friends with a senator, and belong to an ethnic group that voted for the president in the last election.
  • Chief Justice: The justice who sits front-row-center for Court photographs.
  • Constitution: A Rorschach (ink blot) test the justices use to decide cases. Each justice sees what he or she wants to.
  • Law Clerk: An Ivy League law school graduate. Works for a justice. Must be expert in medieval punctuation patterns.
  • Opinion: A written discussion of a case. Credited to a justice. Ghost-written by law clerks.
  • Majority Opinion: An opinion by the justices who the winning party thinks are smart.
  • Minority Opinion: An opinion by the justices who the losing party thinks are smart.
  • Concurrence: An opinion by a justice who couldn’t make up their mind.
  • Dissent: An opinion by a justice who offended boss Justice Anthony Kennedy.
  • Recess: A 10 minute break during a court session. A recess is called when Justice Ginsberg, who just turned 82, wakes up from her siesta. The recess allows her to review the other justices’ notes.
  • Reverse: What the Court does to a ruling in favor of a litigant stupid enough to hire an attorney the justices never met at a D.C. cocktail party.
  • Affirm: A group of lawyers who share a conference room.
  • Solicitor General: The lawyer who represents the federal government before the Court. She defends all laws that the president likes.

Now that you know the lingo, find a Court ruling you hate, and read it. It will be obvious that politics played no part. And the next time you hear some party operative whining that the Court is too political, you’ll know who not to freaking vote for.

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Kansas Trickles Down

Under the “leadership” of conservative governor Sam “trickle down economics” Brownback – who instituted massive tax and spending cuts and promised “enormous prosperity” – Kansas has instead gone to hell in a handbasket.

Now, things are getting even worse there. The state is completely controlled by Republicans, but they don’t seem to be able to govern themselves out of a paper bag (even one filled with money supplied by the billionaire Koch brothers, whose headquarters is in Topeka).

Facing a huge $400 million budget deficit that they have to fix (states cannot run a deficit as they don’t print money), the legislature is in their ninth day of overtime trying to fix the problem without raising taxes. For his part, Brownback announced he would unveil a tax plan that does the unthinkable and raises taxes, but a half hour later canceled those plans amid chaos and infighting in the legislature. After that, the best the legislature could do was a band-aid; a bill that raises a paltry $30 million in revenue by granting amnesty to people who owe back taxes (was their slogan “amnesty for tax scofflaws, but none for illegal immigrants”?).

After that, the Republican chairman of the Senate taxation committee offered to resign, saying “Nobody has an idea of what the heck they want to do this year.”

This is what happens when ideologues come up against the real world. Trickle-down economics (now called “austerity”) doesn’t work and never will. At the other end of the spectrum, pure socialism didn’t work either and has largely collapsed. When will we figure out how to travel in the middle of the road, without wild swings to the right or left?

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Late Night Political Humor

“George W. Bush gave a commencement speech at Southern Methodist University this weekend. It was pretty inspirational. He said, ‘As I like to tell the ‘C’ students, you too can be president.’ Even George W. Bush has George W. Bush comedy material in his act.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Lindsey Graham is now the seventh Republican running for president. If you’re keeping score, that’s basically one Republican candidate for every two Republican voters.” – Conan O’Brien

“Jeb Bush said recently that he believes apps on the Apple Watch could help Americans better manage their healthcare than Obamacare. So there you go. If you can’t afford healthcare, just buy yourself an Apple Watch.” – Seth Meyers

“I can’t wait for the Republican debates to start and there’s literally 65 guys on one stage.” – Conan O’Brien

“Mitt Romney, two-time Republican presidential hopeful, boxed former heavyweight champion of the world Evander Holyfield for charity. It was a horrible moment when Romney bit off Holyfield’s other ear. ” – David Letterman

“During a charity boxing match on Friday, Mitt Romney lasted two rounds against Evander Holyfield and raised a million dollars. It was just like Holyfield’s fight with Mike Tyson, except Romney chewed off his other ear talking about his 18 grandchildren.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Holyfield won the fight. It’s not the first time Romney has been knocked out by a black guy.” – David Letterman

“That’s right, Mitt Romney took on Evander Holyfield in a boxing match for charity, and it was a pretty one-sided fight. But it was still not the worst boxing match we’ve seen this month. … This weekend Vladimir Putin played in an exhibition hockey game with some former NHL players and scored eight goals. Even Evander Holyfield and Mitt Romney said, ‘That looks fake.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Vladimir Putin reportedly scored eight goals during a hockey game in Sochi this weekend. And the goalie only had one save: his own life.” – Seth Meyers

“Over the weekend, Vladimir Putin scored eight goals during a hockey game. It happened just after he had the goalie executed.” – Conan O’Brien

“President Obama joined Twitter today with a tweet that began ‘Hello, Twitter!’ His bio says, ‘Dad, husband, and president of the United States.’ He didn’t have to say ‘Dad’. We got that when he tweeted ‘Hello, Twitter!'” – Seth Meyers

“Unusual weather for New York City. Today it was 68 and foggy. No, wait a minute, that’s me. I’m sorry, that’s me.” – David Letterman

“Tonight I will be talking with Tom Hanks. Next week I’ll be at the post office talking with the clerk.” – David Letterman

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Conservative Estimates are Down

Do Republicans not believe in evolution because they don’t know how to evolve along with American attitudes?

Since 1999, Gallup has been tracking the ideology of Americans, asking them whether they consider themselves socially conservative or socially liberal. This year, for the very first time, the same number of people identified as socially liberal as socially conservative.

The same poll also asks people whether they consider themselves fiscal conservatives or fiscal liberals, and while there are still more fiscal conservatives, the gap has been slowly shrinking and is the smallest since the poll began.

Meanwhile, there are no Republican presidential candidates who would (or could) describe themselves as liberal. In fact, there aren’t any who could call themselves social moderates, which is ironic since the country is exactly split between social conservatives and social liberals. But Republicans are still fighting tooth and nail for the right of social conservatives to discriminate against gays. Get over it!

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The Low Cost of Obamacare

Forget about “Death Panels” (even though it was PolitiFact’s Lie of the Year). The most pervasive lie about Obamacare is that the ACA costs more than what was estimated.

How pervasive? A recent poll shows that a plurality of Americans (42%) believe that Obamacare has cost “more than expected”. Only 10% think it cost “about what was expected” and half that (5%) think it cost “less than what was expected”. That’s right, only 5% knew the right answer. In fact, the cost of the ACA has dropped five times in five years. Twice in the past year alone, the Congressional Budget Office has revised its estimated spending on the Affordable Care Act downward.

How can that be? After all the ACA provides generous subsidies for individuals purchasing health insurance and expanded Medicaid dramatically. Shouldn’t that cost a lot of money?

There are two reasons why Obamacare is costing far less than expected. First the good news — health care costs are growing at a far lower rate than they were before the ACA passed in 2009.

Second (and not as good news), fewer people are participating in Medicaid expansion than expected. This was mostly caused by the Supreme Court ruling that made it possible for states to opt out of Medicaid expansion. And 22 states did opt out (not surprisingly, all of them controlled by Republicans). This saved the federal government money.

To give you an idea of how much the feds are saving on health care costs, the government is spending less on health care now than it predicted in early 2010, and those predictions did not include any spending for Obamacare! And the reduction in health care costs are also reducing what the government is spending on Medicare. So it is fantastic that the ACA’s massive expansion in the number of people receiving health insurance can also result in a massive saving of money.

The only problem is that almost nobody knows the truth. Must be that damn Liberal media!

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Late Night Political Humor

“It’s Friday. That’s one reason to celebrate. Also, it’s the first day in a long time when no one declared they’re running for president.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Former New York Governor George Pataki may enter the race for president. It’s not definite, but he tweeted that he’ll announce his 2016 plans on May 28 in New Hampshire. Well, what’s he gonna do, go to New Hampshire to say he’s NOT running? That’s like getting down on one knee and saying, ‘I think it’s time to see other people.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“During a recent event at a restaurant called Tommy’s Country Ham House in South Carolina, presidential candidate Ben Carson delivered a speech right after he lost his front tooth. Which still left him with more teeth than everyone combined at Tommy’s Country Ham House.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Ben Carson actually lost a tooth. Which explains why he said that under his leadership, Americans would be entitled to ‘life, liberty, and the purthuit of happineth.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“The new ‘Mad Max’ movie takes place in a post-apocalyptic world. I have a small part in ‘Mad Max.’ I play the old geezer who remembers what steak tasted like.” – David Letterman

“I already have an idea. I’m going to start a line of salad dressing, and it will be just like Paul Newman’s salad dressing but instead of the profits going to charity the way Paul Newman’s profits go to charity, my profits won’t.” – David Letterman

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The High Cost of Fossil Fuels

The International Monetary Fund (IMF) has released a working paper that attempts to quantify the total cost of subsidies we pay for fossil fuels. This includes not just direct payments and tax breaks for energy companies, but also the cost of “externalities” like cleaning up after oil spills and health costs directly attributable to the use of fossil fuels (costs that are borne by us all).

The number they came up with is an astonishing annual cost of $5.6 trillion. Which is more than 7% of the Gross World Product. That is a lot of money.

Republicans like to complain about the high costs of switching away from fossil fuels, but they ignore the even higher costs of continuing to use them. And of course there are other benefits to reducing our subsidies to energy companies. According to the research:

Eliminating post-tax subsidies in 2015 could raise government revenue by $2.9 trillion (3.6 percent of global GDP), cut global CO₂ emissions by more than 20 percent, and cut pre-mature air pollution deaths by more than half. After allowing for the higher energy costs faced by consumers, this action would raise global economic welfare by $1.8 trillion (2.2 percent of global GDP).

That’s right, eliminating the use of fossil fuels would save us a bunch of money, and also save 3.2 million lives every year. Indeed, it seems like the only losers would be the politicians who would stop receiving huge campaign contributions from the corporations that benefit from energy subsidies.

Republicans also claim that it doesn’t make sense for the US to take unilateral action until other countries get on board. But the paper specifically states that the local benefits from ending subsidies are high enough that they should be eliminated even in the absence of action in other countries. Again, according to the research:

An important point, therefore, is that most (over three-fourths) of the underpricing of energy is due to domestic distortions – pre-tax subsidies and domestic externalities – rather than to global distortions (climate change). The crucial implication of this is that energy pricing reform is largely in countries’ own domestic interest and therefore is beneficial even in the absence of globally coordinated action.

Ironically, the most subsidized fossil fuel is not oil, it is coal (both because of its high environmental damages and because unlike road fuels, no country imposes meaningful excise taxes on its consumption). Coal subsidies alone account for almost 4% of the Gross World Product (around $3.2 trillion annually).

So the next time conservatives say they are in favor of free markets, we should ask them when we are going to have a real free market for fossil fuels, rather than “the government picking winners and losers” through massive energy subsidies.

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Late Night Political Letterman

In honor of the retirement of David Letterman after more than three decades hosting his late night talk show, The Hill published a list of the “top 10” times that Letterman made a significant impact on politics. Here are the first three:

  1. When John McCain suspended his presidential campaign because of the financial crisis, he also cancelled a scheduled appearance on Letterman’s show, and instead gave a live interview with Katie Couric (just down the hall). Letterman blasted McCain for nine minutes, questioning his temperament in a time of crisis. McCain did appear on the show a month later and admitted “I screwed up”.
  2. After 9/11, Letterman was the first late night show to return to the air, poignantly saying “If you didn’t believe it before, you can absolutely believe it now. New York City is the greatest city in the world.”
  3. Letterman teased Dan Quayle mercilessly during the 1988 presidential election, even saying that Quayle might someday make a great president because he “would not seem like a brainy egghead when visiting the nation’s injured professional wrestlers”.

But my personal favorite is when he called Bill O’Reilly (to his face) a “goon” and accused the Fox News anchor of playing the part of a conservative and not actually believing the things he reported as news.

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The Rape of Logic

Jen Sorensen
© Jen Sorensen

Even many people who are “pro-life” carve out exceptions for rape and incest, not to mention if the health of the mother is threatened. But not the Helms Act, which makes no exceptions.

And that’s what leads to this incredibly stupid situation.

We condemn radical Islamists because some of them treat women badly, but what does this situation with Boko Haram say about us?

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Late Night Political Humor

“By accident Jeb Bush announced that he was running for president. And then he said, ‘No, not yet. OK, I made a mistake.’ And then later in the day, by accident, he called Hillary and congratulated her. ” – David Letterman

“Hillary Clinton’s younger brother Tony is facing criticism for using the Clintons’ political connections to help his career. So on the down side, she has a sketchy brother named Tony. On the up side, she just locked up every vote in New Jersey.” – Jimmy Fallon

“It turns out Hillary’s brother could damage her campaign. But then Jeb Bush said, ‘I think we all get a pass on who our brothers are.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Tomorrow, Mitt Romney will have a boxing match with Evander Holyfield for charity. And I suspect that’s what Romney will be yelling the whole time. ‘For charity, Evander!'” – Seth Meyers

“Mitt Romney will box Evander Holyfield tomorrow. So finally, someone can honestly say ‘Mitt, I think you should run.'” – Seth Meyers

“They’re making a movie about Barack and Michelle Obama’s first date, called ‘Southside With You,’ and the producers say they’ve already cast someone to play young Barack Obama. Now, I’m not saying the president has aged a lot but that young actor is Morgan Freeman.” – Jimmy Fallon

“George Clooney is on the program tonight. Next week at this time I will be in a hardware store watching them mix paint.” – David Letterman

“I got a call today from a guy I have never heard of before, and he said, ‘Hi, Dave, it’s Bob. I’m with CBS. Look, the day after you guys leave the theater we’re going to send a team in there to take care of the asbestos. – David Letterman

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The Only Thing That Matters

Ruben Bolling
© Ruben Bolling

I can’t fault Bolling’s somewhat cynical assertion that when a prominent Republican says or does something, they are pretty much only considering whether it will give them a political advantage. Whether or not it is a good idea or what kind of effect it will have on the country is largely immaterial. It is a big game, and they are playing to win. Unfortunately, we are often the losers.

And of course, it isn’t just Republican politicians who are susceptible to this disease…

Tom Tomorrow
© Tom Tomorrow

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