Political Irony

Seth Meyers worries about the consequences of Obama doing what the Republicans ask and deferring the Supreme Court nomination to the next president. For example, if Trump is elected, will he name Gary Busey to the Supreme Court? Ted Cruz has already announced that he thinks “Duck Dynasty” star Phil Robertson would make an excellent ambassador to the UN. Would Bernie Sanders nominate Ben and Jerry? Or would it totally backfire on the GOP when president Hillary Clinton nominates Barack Obama to the Supreme Court? Meyers thinks that would be worth it! Watch this hilarious clip:

Considering how many times Republicans have accused Obama of politicizing things, it is unbelievable that they didn’t even wait for Scalia’s death to be officially announced before they started to politicize the selection of his replacement.

“Today was the New Hampshire primary. This is a big deal. All the candidates spent the day with their supporters, except for Ben Carson who’s still waiting in the hallway.” – Jimmy Fallon

“After a disappointing result in Iowa, Ben Carson is polling 8th in New Hampshire. Carson said he’s looking forward to eventually campaigning in a state that has some black people.” – Conan O’Brien

“The New Hampshire primary was today and in Dixville Notch, the first town to complete voting, Republican candidate John Kasich won, beating Donald Trump by just one vote. Honestly, I’m kinda surprised Trump didn’t win in a place called ‘Dixville’.” – Seth Meyers

“Not only was today the New Hampshire primary, it was also National Pizza Day. So, one way or the other, Chris Christie will be giving a victory speech.” – Jimmy Fallon

“When asked about legalizing marijuana, Chris Christie said, ‘Get high now, because when I’m president it’s over.’ If Chis Christie thinks he’s going to be president — he may be high.” – Conan O’Brien

“At an event yesterday, Chris Christie was endorsed by the Cake Boss. The Cake Boss introduced Christie as ‘the guy who put all my kids through college’.” – Conan O’Brien

“During a campaign stop, a New Hampshire bar offered Marco Rubio what they called a ‘Marco Rubio burger.’ It’s called the Marco Rubio burger because Chris Christie eats it for lunch.” – Seth Meyers

“Following accusations that he has an overly rehearsed speaking style, Marco Rubio was chased to his campaign bus by a group of protesters dressed as robots and calling themselves ‘Marco Roboto’ and the ‘Rubio Talking Point 3000.’ So one thing’s for sure: Unemployment is still a major problem.” – Seth Meyers

“Going into New Hampshire, Jeb Bush was polling at 5th place. Not among the candidates, among the members of the Bush family.” – Conan O’Brien

“Jeb pulled out the big gun. He had his mother, Barbara, out campaigning for him this week and they did a bunch of interviews together. It was really funny to see Jeb sitting there being interviewed next to his mom — it looked like a parent-teacher conference.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Jeb Bush was caught on video yesterday throwing a snowball at an NBC reporter in New Hampshire. Though Jeb says the snowball was just meant to represent his chances of winning.” – Seth Meyers

“This is the 100th anniversary of the New Hampshire primary. They’ve been doing this primary in New Hampshire since Bernie Sanders was 5 years old.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Bernie is very popular in New Hampshire. Hillary Clinton today spent the whole day quietly googling the words ‘life expectancy for old man in snowy weather.'” – Jimmy Kimmel

“I saw that the unemployment rate in the U.S. just fell below 5 percent, which is the lowest it’s been in eight years. When asked for comment on the number of unemployed Americans, Obama said, ‘Uh … I can’t wait to be one of them!'” – Jimmy Fallon

“In a recent interview, the Obamas complained that the Wi-Fi in the White House is weak. That’s why, as of this morning, President Obama and his family have moved into a Starbucks.” – Conan O’Brien

“On Saturday ABC News hosted the eighth Republican debate and the big moment was in the beginning, when Ben Carson didn’t come out because he couldn’t hear his name when he was introduced. It’s OK, Ben, we know you’re not supposed to wake a sleepwalker.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“A Republican insider compared Marco Rubio’s debate performance to ‘looking at your iPhone and the video freezes and says it’s buffering.’ After hearing this, Bernie Sanders said, ‘A what doing what?'” – Conan O’Brien

“Chris Christie, in a new interview, continued to criticize Marco Rubio for his performance in this weekend’s debate and said Rubio is scripted and not spontaneous. To which Marco Rubio replied, ‘That’s not true, comma. I speak from the heart, exclamation point.'” – Seth Meyers

“While campaigning in New Hampshire, Jeb Bush said that Marco Rubio has never been challenged in his life. Then Jeb told the shocking story about the time his father put him in charge of his own trust fund.” – Conan O’Brien

“Donald Trump said this weekend that he feels the Iowa caucus results were ‘very unfair’ to himself and Dr. Ben Carson. Other things Trump considers unfair to him include Google, sidewalks, shoelaces, oxygen, and Dame Judi Dench.” – Seth Meyers

“At the debate, Hillary Clinton addressed the controversy of her personal email server and said she has ‘no concerns about it whatsoever’. Democrats were like, ‘yeah, that’s what concerns us’.” – Jimmy Fallon

“According to a new report, the number of babies named ‘Hillary’ has decreased 90 percent since Bill Clinton was president. And, this is interesting, there has never been a baby named Bernie.” – Seth Meyers

“Hillary also told Bernie Sanders that it’s time for his campaign to ‘end the very artful smear’ against her. Incidentally, ‘very artful smear’ is also how Bernie orders a bagel. ‘Gimme a whole wheat with a very artful schmear of veggie cream cheese!'” – Jimmy Fallon

“A tattoo artist in Vermont is offering free Bernie Sanders tattoos. Yeah, they’re actually the first tattoos that start to look better as you develop wrinkles.” – Jimmy Fallon

“On the Republican side, Donald Trump shot an interview with Fox News, and said he has never smoked marijuana. Trump said, ‘I don’t want get paranoid and start thinking people are sneaking into our country and stealing our jobs.” – Jimmy Fallon

“I saw that George W. Bush is now appearing in a campaign ad supporting his brother’s presidential campaign. Jeb says he hopes it will help him win over a very specific group of undecided voters: his parents.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Jeb Bush’s mother, former First Lady Barbara Bush, joined him on the campaign trail yesterday for the first time. Though she did emphasize that she still hasn’t decided who she’s voting for.” – Seth Meyers

“Donald Trump’s plane made an emergency landing in Nashville yesterday after reporting engine problems. When asked what the issue was, the pilot said, ‘Nothing, I just couldn’t take it anymore.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Donald Trump somehow made the list of nominees for the Nobel Peace Prize. He’s on the list, right next to Pope Francis, which might seem ludicrous because it IS ludicrous. But Trump is excited about it. He might be the first person ever to campaign for Nobel Prize consideration.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Donald Trump said in a new interview that President Obama visited a mosque yesterday because ‘he feels comfortable there.’ Or maybe it’s just because it’s the one place Obama knew he’d never run into Donald Trump.” – Seth Meyers

“Ted Cruz’s wife revealed that the way he alleviates stress is by singing show tunes. Whenever he’s feeling anxious or overwhelmed, like right before a debate, he calls her and sings Broadway show tunes into the telephone. Make no mistake, he still believes that marriage is a sacred union between one guy and one doll.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“The Marco Rubio campaign is now selling a T-shirt that calls Marco Rubio ‘bae’. Hillary Clinton called it ‘such a desperate attempt to appeal to young people, I can’t believe I didn’t think of it first.'” – Conan O’Brien

“At last night’s CNN town hall debate for the Democrats, Hillary Clinton said that during her time in the White House, she would actually put on a baseball cap and sunglasses so she could walk around Washington, D.C., unnoticed. The only time it went wrong was when Bill pulled up and said, ‘Hey baby, do you — oh, never mind.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“During last night’s Democratic town hall Hillary Clinton told voters, ‘I never thought I’d be standing on a stage here asking for people to vote for me for president.’ Because she thought she’d already be done being president by now.” – Seth Meyers

“There was another debate between Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders in New Hampshire. They’ve already had so many debates they’re starting to run out of things to fight about. Tonight they sat there quietly like an old married couple at a restaurant.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“At last night’s town hall, Bernie Sanders said, ‘I’ve had good endurance my whole life.’ Then there was an awkward rebuttal by Mrs. Bernie Sanders.” – Conan O’Brien

“Bernie Sanders yesterday interrupted his own speech to rush to the aid of a man who fainted in the audience. Luckily, Bernie was able to shout him back to consciousness: ‘ARE YOU OK? WAKE UP, THE MIDDLE CLASS IS DISAPPEARING!'” – Seth Meyers

“A tattoo shop in Vermont is currently offering a free tattoo of the outline of Bernie Sanders’ head. Or as they’re calling it, a ‘gramp stamp’.” – Seth Meyers

“On Monday, Hillary Clinton narrowly won in Iowa, with the final results showing that she beat Bernie Sanders by less than 1 percent. And you thought Bernie was mad at the 1 percent BEFORE.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Ted Cruz and Hillary Clinton were named the winners of Monday’s Iowa caucuses. Cruz celebrated by giving a speech to his supporters, and Hillary celebrated by moving her stuff into the White House.” – Seth Meyers

“Hillary is facing criticism for declaring victory in Iowa prematurely. The final results weren’t actually announced till around 1 p.m. on Tuesday, but she declared victory back in April of last year.” – Jimmy Fallon

“This Sunday is Super Bowl 50, between the Denver Broncos and the Carolina Panthers. Of course it’ll be weird when they do the coin toss before the big game, and the winner is still somehow Hillary Clinton.” – Jimmy Fallon

“On the Republican side, Ted Cruz made history by becoming the first Hispanic to win the Iowa caucus. Then Cruz said, ‘And the first Canadian! — I mean, nothing!'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Sarah Palin accused Ted Cruz of lying about Ben Carson and stealing the Iowa caucus. This is my favorite thing in politics, when people lie and cheat to get the evangelical Christian vote.” – Conan O’Brien

“This morning, Donald Trump tweeted that Ted Cruz ‘illegally stole’ the election. Trump said, ‘Everyone knows you’re supposed to illegally BUY the election.'” – Conan O’Brien

“After the caucus in Iowa, the candidates who had no chance to win are finally starting to realize that and drop out. Rick Santorum announced he’s suspending his campaign after he finished 11th in Iowa and Rand Paul is suspending his campaign after finishing fifth. I like that they call it suspending, as if their campaigns got caught having sex under the bleachers and will be back in a couple of weeks.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“This week, Mike Huckabee, Martin O’Malley, Rand Paul, and Rick Santorum have all decided to drop out of the race. Which explains Jeb Bush’s new campaign slogan, ‘I can’t take a hint.'” – Conan O’Brien

“Jeb Bush finished sixth behind Rand Paul who dropped out, but Jeb Bush is still running. He doesn’t know what to do — if he loses he can’t go home because his father and brother will laugh at him.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Rand Paul deserves a lot of credit. He said time and time again he believes in smaller government. Now that he’s out of the race the government is indeed one person smaller. That’s called practicing what you preach.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“After receiving less than 1 percent support in the Iowa caucuses, Martin O’Malley suspended his presidential campaign. In a related story, the New York Jets have announced that they’ve decided to not play in the Super Bowl this weekend.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Recently released documents show that former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer donated $50,000 to Martin O’Malley’s presidential campaign. It’s not the first time Spitzer spent that much on something that only lasted an hour.” – Seth Meyers

“Bernie Sanders says his campaign is trying to appeal now to senior citizens. The problem is, every time Bernie says, ‘Feel the Bern’, the seniors think he’s talking about acid reflux.” – Conan O’Brien

“A Papa John’s customer is suing the restaurant over what he calls an improper 16-cent tax. He’s also suing them for ‘improper use of the word ‘pizza’.'” – Conan O’Brien

“President Obama today made his first visit to a mosque while in office. He visited a mosque! Which means he’s officially entered the phase of his presidency known as ‘come at me, bro’.” – Seth Meyers

“The Bernie Sanders campaign is demanding proof that Hillary Clinton beat him in yesterday’s Iowa caucus. Today Hillary said, ‘Sure, let me check my server.'” – Conan O’Brien

“Bernie Sanders lost the Iowa Caucus by .03%. In other words, Bernie would have won if six stoners had managed to get off the couch.” – Conan O’Brien

“In last night’s Iowa caucus, Ted Cruz won first place and gave a 32-minute speech. To be fair, 31 of those minutes were just people shouting ‘Really? Him?! This guy? We’re going with this guy? We’re kidding! I did it as a joke!'” – James Corden

“Ted Cruz’s victory last night raises a lot of questions, like one: ‘Can he keep this momentum going into New Hampshire?’ And two: ‘Just how much does it cost to move to Canada?'” – James Corden

“Last night was caucus night in Iowa and Ted Cruz was the winner on the Republican side with 28 percent of the vote. Donald Trump came in second with 24 percent, and Marco Rubio is right behind him with 23 percent. Third is pretty good considering the fact that most Iowa voters think that Marco Rubio is a game you play in the swimming pool.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“A member of Marco Rubio’s inner circle said his boss benefitted from the Trump-Cruz fight because, ‘Marco is everyone’s second choice.’ That explains Rubio’s new campaign slogan, ‘I’m the Least Worst.'” – Conan O’Brien

“Donald Trump lost the Iowa Caucus. Trump blamed the media, bad weather, and Iowa’s three Muslims.” – Conan O’Brien

“People have unearthed a tweet from 2013 where Donald Trump tweeted: ‘Nobody remembers who came in second.’ Famously said by Walter Hagen. And if anyone can tell you who won’t be remembered, it’s Walter Hagen. Donald Trump really has egg on his face now which pairs nicely with the hash browns on the top of his head.” – James Corden

“After his disappointing showing among Evangelicals, Mike Huckabee dropped out of the race. Huckabee said, ‘On the bright side, now I can stop going to church.'” – Conan O’Brien