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The Three Ts

Jack Ohman
© Jack Ohman

The only thing all three seem to have in common is that they are all about the rich. The “Tee” party is the Republican establishment, epitomized by Mitt Romney – the people that Trump and Cruz are supposedly rebelling against. The “Tea” party was taken over by the rich. Cruz pretends to be anti-establishment, but as The Week puts it, “Ted Cruz is no rebel. He just plays one on TV”. In fact, Cruz’s main beef with the Republican party seems to be that they aren’t pandering to the rich enough. And he’s married to an executive of Goldman Sachs. Finally, Trump is all about himself, and he is rich. The policy positions that he has bothered to articulate favor the rich, or at least him. He’ll do anything to get what he wants.

For now, the only question is which branch of the Republican party will survive? And you know, it may not actually matter.

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Late Night Political Humor

“The big story is President Obama’s historic visit to Cuba. After landing yesterday, Obama immediately tweeted out, ‘What’s up, Cuba?’ And Cubans opened up a window and yelled, ‘We don’t have the Internet! It’s like 1955 here!'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Yesterday, President Obama arrived in Cuba, a formerly hostile territory. Tomorrow, he returns to Washington, a currently hostile territory.” – Conan O’Brien

“When President Obama arrived in Cuba, a band played both the American and Cuban national anthems. Then just because it felt right, a baseball game broke out.” – Conan O’Brien

“Today, Cuban President Raul Castro asked President Obama to return ownership of Guantanamo Bay to Cuba. They want it back. Obama agreed, but only if Cuba takes Florida. Let’s make that happen right away.” – Conan O’Brien

“Meanwhile, Donald Trump tweeted that Raul Castro disrespected the president by not greeting him at the airport. Seriously? Our countries have been enemies for 60 years. I can’t even get my best friend to pick me up at the airport.” – Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump continues to baffle and astound. A new study found that Donald Trump’s speeches are at a fifth grade level. In other words, he’s speaking two grades above his supporters right now.” – Conan O’Brien

“A new study has found Donald Trump speaks with the poorest grammar of any presidential candidate. Said Trump, ‘It’s actually the poorliest.'” – Seth Meyers

“Good news for Donald Trump. Donald Trump just got the official endorsement of Scott Baio. After hearing about it, Donald Trump said, ‘See, I’ve got the unemployed vote.'” – Conan O’Brien

“The New York Times published a quote calling millennials lazy, narcissistic, and obsessed with social media. Meanwhile, millennials have called The New York Times, ‘What’s a ‘New York Times?”” – Conan O’Brien

“John Kasich has actually been pretty vocal in his criticism of Trump’s antics. He also said Trump should remember that he’s not ‘Running for the presidency of the WWE.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Democratic National Committee head Debbie Wasserman Schultz today denied accusations that she is taking sides in the primary election season, and said, ‘There is no shred of evidence to suggest that I’m favoring Hillary Clinton over Bernie Socialist — I mean Bernie Sanders.'” – Seth Meyers

“Bernie Sanders this weekend gave a speech at the Mexican border. Actually he was in Vermont, but they could hear him at the Mexican border.” – Seth Meyers

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Turnabout

Jim Morin
© Jim Morin

We’ve already discussed the idea of Hillary Clinton nominating Barack Obama to the Supreme Court. I love it.

Speaking of revenge, Politico makes the case that Hillary Clinton should pick Al Franken as her Vice President. They have lots of good reasons, but the best one to me is that it would drive conservative pundits absolutely crazy. After all, Franken has authored books like “Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot” and “Lies, and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them” (which featured a photo of Bill O’Reilly on the cover).

Franken could be the person best equipped to stand up to Trump … with humor. After all, Franken is a former comedian, and Trump seems to have no sense of humor at all. And Franken may be the best person to attract even die-hard Bernie Sanders supporters to vote for Clinton. Besides, he has been in the Senate for seven years; longer than either Obama or Clinton. And I like him because he seems to be the only senator who actually understands the internet, and is (as The Nation once said) “one of the Senate’s most impassioned champions of net neutrality”.

Does anyone else love the idea of Clinton as president, Franken as Veep, Sanders and Warren still fighting the good fight in the Senate, and Obama on the Supreme Court? For me, it would be a dream come true.

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Trump?

I’m seeing quite a few articles around the web trying to answer the vexing question of how Donald Trump became popular enough to be a serious contender for the presidency. After all, he is supremely unqualified for the job and he not only lies consistently, but isn’t even consistent in his lies (often contradicting himself within hours).

For example, the recent article “Why Donald Trump?” in fivethirtyeight.com is a good read, but it pretty much fails to answer its own question. Yes, it points to the “frustration and anger” at our current elected politicians, and of course Trump “is not that”. But there are lots of people who are not that. Why is Donald Trump the one? Especially when he is so obviously and transparently a charlatan (“a person falsely claiming to have a special knowledge or skill; a fraud”) and a huckster (“a mercenary person eager to make a profit out of anything”)?

A slightly better answer comes from Paul Krugman in an article that points out the hypocrisy of the GOP establishment who denounce Donald Trump, asking:

In fact, you have to wonder why, exactly, the Republican establishment is really so horrified by Mr. Trump. Yes, he’s a con man, but they all are. So why is this con job different from any other?

Yes, Trump “talks complete nonsense on domestic policy”, but how is this different from the rest of the GOP who still propose budgets full of voodoo economics and tax cuts, while throwing even more money at our bloated military? Yes, Trump “believes that foreign policy can be conducted via bullying and belligerence”, but it was Cruz who wanted to “carpet bomb” the Middle Rast. Yes, Trump is racist, but the rest of the GOP is the party of Nixon’s “Southern strategy“, of “Reagan’s invocations of welfare queens” and ginning up fear of “Willie Horton“.

Can anyone ever solve this important mystery?

So I was overjoyed when I found a real answer. Indeed, it is science that came to the rescue! Here is a fascinating and must-read article that provides the best answer I’ve seen to our questions about Trump. If you are at all interested in this, I recommend you read the whole thing. But here’s a shorter version.

The answer comes from the study of people who, under the right conditions (such as destabilizing social change, stress, or danger), look for an authority figure to solve their problems. In a reverse case of Godwin’s law, this field originally tried to answer the question of how someone like Hitler came to power with such an extreme and hateful ideology. What they found was that a large number of people, when they are faced with physical threats or dramatic changes to the status quo, flock to authority figures who, through decisive action, seem to offer protection from their fears.

A big problem was that it is difficult to measure whether people seek strong authority figures in times of stress. After all, you can’t just ask people if they are like sheep ready to follow anyone who decisively promises to solve all their problems, even if that person is a racist demagog. The big breakthroughs came in the early 1990s, when the study of authoritarian tendencies was decoupled from the study of fascism. In other words, they eliminated Godwin’s law from their studies. This allowed them to measure authoritarian tendencies by asking people non-political, non-controversial questions. They came up with four seemingly straightforward questions about childrearing, in order to measure how much the person values hierarchy, order, and conformity. These questions ask if the person thinks it is more important for a child to:

  1. Have independence or respect for elders?
  2. Be obedient or self-reliant?
  3. Be considerate or well-behaved?
  4. Have curiosity or good manners?

This simple test turned out to be highly reliable. Just after Donald Trump won the New Hampshire primary, a large poll was taken to measure the effect of authoritarian tendencies on the current election. What they found was dramatic. Authoritarianism was the single best predictor of support for Trump. They also found that the more someone was scared by foreign threats like ISIS, Iran, or Russia (as opposed to much more dangerous threats, like car accidents and gun violence), the more authoritarian they became and consequently the more likely they were to support Trump.

Why would the public become so scared of ISIS, Iran, or Russia? Because conservative politicians (like Trump) and media (like Fox News) have been beating into their heads that the US is under attack from these dangerous outside forces.

It seems that humans are still herd animals, and a herd wants a strong leader who promises (however vaguely) to protect the herd from outsiders. And make us great … again.

UPDATE: The NY Times just published an article that provides yet another reason for the popularity of Trump – the fact that the Republican party abandoned blue-collar workers and become completely dominated by the “donor class” (epitomized by Mitt Romney, who made his money buying struggling companies, stripping their assets and firing their workers). Their conclusion? The GOP is collapsing and if Trump hadn’t come along, someone else like him would have. It was just a matter of time.

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Late Night Political Humor

“Trump Tower in Chicago was struck by lightning during the Illinois primary, which Donald Trump went on to win. Nobody was hurt, but God was like, ‘Crap, I missed’.” – Jimmy Fallon

“There were no injuries, but long story short, Donald Trump has switched bodies with an 11-year-old boy.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Speaking of Trump, he recently said that if he becomes president he’ll force Apple to start making its products in the United States. It’s great news for anyone who wants to pay $20,000 for an iPhone.” – Jimmy Fallon

“The hacking group ‘Anonymous’ has apparently declared war against Donald Trump. Of course, hacking him shouldn’t be hard, because if there’s anyone who just uses their name as their password, it’s Donald Trump.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Ted Cruz was just featured in Us Weekly’s ’25 Things You Didn’t Know About Me’ column. And on the list he revealed that he was once bitten by an octopus at the beach and got ‘terribly ill’. Then the octopus said, ‘Yeah, it took me a while to recover, too.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“It was reported yesterday that an op-ed written by Donald Trump seems to have been blatantly plagiarized from an article written by Dr. Ben Carson days before. People first became suspicious when Trump’s op-ed began, ‘As a black doctor…'” – Seth Meyers

“John Kasich, fresh off his win in the Ohio primary, said that if you can’t win Ohio, you can’t be president. Then George Washington said, ‘What the hell is Ohio?'” – Jimmy Fallon

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Vote Trump, Get Dumped

Vote Trump, Get DumpedThe website is votetrumpgetdumped.com, and they also have a hashtag #votetrumpgetdumped. I’ll let their straightforward description on their website explain:

Those Who Vote Trump Should Understand This: No Sex. No Dates. No Chance.

To cast a vote for Trump is to agree with his sexist, perverted, demeaning, backwards, offensive treatment of women. Learn what’s at stake.

Join us by wielding your influence. Until Trump is defeated, we don’t date, sleep with, or canoodle with Trump supporters.

The Greeks did it. Women during the temperance movement did it. This is a tried and true method of getting men’s attention when they’re being dumb.

The also have a page with photos you can distribute, like this one:

Vote Trump, Get Dumped

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Late Night Political Humor

“Donald Trump won yesterday’s Republican primaries in Florida, Illinois, and North Carolina. Trump did especially well with white males, Caucasian men, and non-women of no color.” – Seth Meyers

“The big win for Trump was in Marco Rubio’s home state of Florida. Rubio won one county in his home state, Miami. That was thanks to a last-minute endorsement from the sound machine.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Donald Trump won every Republican state primary last night except for Ohio, which went to John Kasich. Trump didn’t seem to mind, since, as he put it, ‘The word Ohio is full of zeros.’ (It’s 50 percent zeros!)” – Jimmy Fallon

“Of course, the numbers are subject to change when President Trump takes office and makes us great again.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Marco Rubio pulled out of the race after losing the Florida primary to Trump by almost 20 points. But he still has a great story. I mean nothing symbolizes America more than the son of poor immigrants growing up to run for president and being crushed by a billionaire.” – Jimmy Fallon

“A disappointing finish for Marco Rubio. A man who fueled his campaign with all the fire and spontaneity of Vicki the robot from ‘Small Wonder’.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“While announcing last night that he is dropping out, Marco Rubio told supporters, ‘We should have seen this coming.’ If it makes you feel any better, Marco, we did.” – Seth Meyers

“After the announcement, Rubio dropped out of the race. He went back to Washington and locked his office door to make sure no Supreme Court nominees get in. So good luck to him.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Trump won four of the five primaries last night. Assuming she wins Missouri, Hillary Clinton went five for five in the primaries. Disappointing night for Bernie Sanders, which was a surprise; he was polling well among everyone’s most annoying Facebook friends.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“The bad news for the leaders of both parties, both Clinton and Trump have a very high unfavorability rating. Hillary is 53 percent unfavorable, Trump clocks in at an extraordinary 63 percent unfavorable. Which, I think, like only Jared from Subway has higher than that.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“This election is going to be the political equivalent of having lunch at Panda Express — nobody wins.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“President Obama announced today that he is nominating Washington, D.C. Circuit Court Judge Merrick Garland to the Supreme Court. ‘I can’t win anything this week!’ screamed JoJo from The Bachelor.” – Seth Meyers

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Put a bird on it!

At a Bernie Sanders rally in Portland, Oregon, a small bird lands on the stage and then flies directly up to the podium in full view of the cheering crowd.

Hard to tell, but it is either a female sparrow or a goldfinch.

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The Soul of a Dying Party

Ruben Bolling
© Ruben Bolling

I think most of us are glued to this election the same way we are glued to horror movies.

Will there be a happy ending?

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Jimmy Kimmel Mansplains to Hillary Clinton

This is much funnier than I expected.

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Late Night Political Humor

“According to a new report, Dr. Ben Carson was not planning to endorse any of the remaining candidates, but changed his mind after being offered a position in Trump’s White House. He would run the Department of No Energy.” – Seth Meyers

“A Donald Trump rally was delayed for nearly two hours yesterday due to fog. At one point the fog was so thick, Trump supporters couldn’t even see who they were punching.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Donald Trump has claimed that his candidacy is fueling more interest in voting. More people are signing up to vote. Just like herpes fuels more interest in Valtrex, for instance.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“A new poll found that the majority of millennials would vote for Hillary Clinton over Donald Trump. Then millennials found out you can’t vote by texting and said, ‘Never mind!'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Bernie Sanders admitted that he ran as a Democrat rather than an Independent to get more media coverage. And it worked, but if you really want to get some media coverage, try running as a fascist.” – Seth Meyers

“Hillary Clinton is going to appear in this week’s episode of the Comedy Central show ‘Broad City’. Meanwhile, Bernie Sanders will actually be appraised on ‘Antiques Roadshow’.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Marco Rubio was interrupted by a heckler at a Florida campaign rally who accused Rubio of stealing his girlfriend. When in reality, Rubio tried to steal his girlfriend but finished fourth.” – Seth Meyers

“Hillary Clinton beat Bernie Sanders in Florida. And I’ll say, that’s tough for Bernie because a 74-year-old Jewish man can’t win in Florida.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Over the weekend, Hillary was endorsed by a California leader of the KKK, Will Quigg, because he believes she will do the exact opposite of what she promises and that she’s an ‘undercover Hitler’. That makes me think three things. 1) She’s not. 2) She’s definitely not. And 3) ‘Undercover Hitler’ sounds like the worst spin-off of ‘Undercover Boss.'” – James Corden

“A lot of people voted today in primaries across five different states. Some people are even calling it ‘Super Tuesday 3.’ Although Marco Rubio is just calling it ‘Mission: Impossible 3.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“There were primaries in five states today. CNN dubbed today Super Tuesday 3 and we are now another Tuesday closer to finally having a president who has his own line of vodka named after himself.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Today is Super Tuesday. Again. Am I the only one who thinks there are starting to be more Super Tuesdays than normal Tuesdays? They’re even calling it Super Tuesday 3. If we’ve learned anything from Hollywood franchises, then today will be an expensive letdown.” – James Corden

“Most of the focus tonight was on Florida and Ohio. And if there’s one thing I know, it’s that you can always trust Florida to make the right decision.” – Jimmy Kimmel

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Double Standard

Matt Bors
© Matt Bors

After winning Iowa, Hillary Clinton was criticized for shouting too much. Even Bob Woodward, of Watergate fame, said “She shouts. There is something unrelaxed about the way she is communicating.

Are you kidding me?

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Late Night Political Humor

“At a rally over the weekend, Donald Trump was surrounded by Secret Service agents after a man tried to rush the stage. The Secret Service said the man was dangerous and disturbed, but they had to protect him anyway.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Chris Christie interviewed Donald Trump today at a rally in North Carolina. During the interview, Christie asked Trump to talk about what kind of father he’s been, to which Trump replied, ‘A creepy one’.” – Seth Meyers

“The NCAA College Basketball Championship bracket is set. Trump University did not make it this year. Apparently the NCAA has these really strict rules that say the college can’t be a made-up Ponzi scheme.” – James Corden

“Proving once and for all, the best way to keep everyone safe and sound is to build a wall around Donald Trump.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Mitt Romney hit the campaign trail today with Ohio Gov. John Kasich, who’s hoping to beat Donald Trump in his home state. Romney is stumping for Kasich in Ohio and Rubio in Florida with the idea that he will stop Donald Trump. He’s also got Holy Cross and Iona going into the finals in his NCAA bracket.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“The latest polls show Gov. John Kasich holds a small lead over Donald Trump in his home state of Ohio. Whereas everything Donald Trump holds looks huge because of his tiny baby hands.” –Seth Meyers

“Romney took the stage with Kasich at an air museum that’s halfway between Akron and Canton. I love the idea of Mitt Romney and John Kasich teaming up. It’s like a buddy cop movie, only they’re both the cop who plays by the rules.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Ted Cruz stopped Trump in Texas. Then the plan is if they get to the convention, they’re going to have Dr. Ben Carson sew all their bodies together to form one enormous super-candidate who just might have enough delegates to win.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“When endorsing Donald Trump for president last week, Dr. Ben Carson said that there are two different Trumps. I don’t know, Ben. That might just be a side effect of the NyQuil.” – Seth Meyers

“President Obama seems like he’s enjoying this whole thing. He spoke at a fundraiser in Dallas where he took a moment to ruminate about Donald Trump-brand wine. I think Obama’s in his ‘I only have 10 months left so to hell with it’ phase. Maybe he’ll host the Oscars next year.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“On Friday, a 112-year-old man was given the Guinness World Record for being the world’s oldest living man. When asked how he plans to celebrate, he said, ‘By defeating Hillary Clinton to be the Democratic nominee.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“North Korea claimed yesterday that they could wipe out Manhattan with one of their hydrogen bombs. Though I find it hard to believe that this guy would willingly destroy that many restaurants.” – Seth Meyers

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Trump and Terrorism

Every year, The Economist magazine produces a list of the biggest potential global threats.

Some of these threats are what you might expect. For example, number one is “China’s economy collapses”. Indeed, considering how intertwined our economy is with China’s, and how we are dependent on them for manufacturing, well, almost everything, their economy collapsing would be a huge threat to the world.

Number seven is “The rising threat of Jihadi terrorism destabilizes the global economy”. Most people would agree that the rise of Islamic terrorism is a global threat.

But it is number six that is full of irony. According to The Economist, “Donald Trump wins the US presidential election” is a bigger threat to the world economy than Islamic terrorism.

So much for Trump’s claims that his strong suit is business and he will improve the economy. Or maybe, when Trump talks about “winning”, he is only talking about himself.

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The Hillary Voter?

It’s ironic. The media has been talking non-stop about who is voting for Bernie Sanders (anti-establishment young people) or who is voting for Donald Trump (anti-establishment white working-class men). Or as the New Republic puts it “The media has saturated us with profiles of the voters who are turning out for these anti-establishment candidates.”

On the other hand, all we hear about Hillary Clinton is that she is favored in states with large numbers of black people. But how can they be her main supporters? Clinton has won more votes in the primaries than any other candidate: 2.5 million more than Sanders and 1.1 million more than Trump. And yet, the media can’t seem to figure out who these voters are, and why they are voting for her.

Why? Because it disturbs their conventional wisdom that people don’t like Clinton. According to the media, Clinton is phony and can’t be trusted. As a recent article in the NY Times put it, Clinton is winning “votes, not hearts”. The media doesn’t say she has “momentum”, instead they say she has a “sizable delegate lead”. Is there a difference?

The media also likes to remind us that Obama came from behind and upset a seemingly invincible Clinton in 2008. But what they don’t point out is that Clinton holds a lead in both popular votes and delegates over Sanders that far surpasses Obama’s lead over her at this point in the race in 2008. The media loves a horse race, and so ironically turns Clinton’s popularity with actual voters into a liability.

Even more ironically, the media narrative unintentionally turns Clinton into the underdog, which may be what is getting her supporters to the voting booth.

Clinton also upsets the media narrative that voters are angry. I suspect there are more voters out there who believe that Obama has been a damn good president, especially considering the shit that the Republicans have been throwing at him since even before he was elected. It’s the same crap that they have been throwing at Hillary Clinton for even longer. Sure some people are manipulated into fear and hatred, but I think that the majority of Americans realize that Clinton is the best bet we have for continuing and expanding the gains made by the Obama presidency.

And what gains! Progressive victories include the Affordable Care Act, gay marriage, the beginning of legalization of marijuana, the Fair Pay Act for women, the Paris environmental accords, ending two Republican wars, the nuclear deal with Iran, and normalizing relations with Cuba. All while pulling us out of the Great Recession.

Meanwhile, even with a majority in both the House and Senate, Republicans have failed to pass any meaningful pieces of legislation at all. According to Salon, that’s what happens when compromise becomes a heresy in your party.

One argument used repeatedly by the media to support the idea that voters are angry is that Republican turnout during the primary has been higher than normal, while Democratic turnout is lower. But as Five Thirty Eight points out, primary turnout has no relationship with turnout in the general election. Turnout is more of a function of the competitiveness of the running politicians, and Republicans have certainly gotten more attention in that area. However, in four of the last five presidential elections, the party that had a higher increase in turnout in the primary actually lost the general election.

If I were Republicans, I would be afraid, very afraid.

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