Political Irony

The Man Card?

Saturday, April 30, 2016

If it is all he’s got, I’m guessing that he is hoping that the man card is the trump card.

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The general election has begun! Barring any unforeseen events, Hillary Clinton will definitely be the Democratic nominee. And while there are a few “foreseen” events that could stop Trump, they are becoming very unlikely, and most Republicans are resigned to the idea of him as their nominee.

What does this mean? For his part, Trump came out swinging against Clinton on Tuesday. He accused her of playing the “woman card”, saying:

Frankly, if Hillary Clinton were a man, I don’t think she’d get 5 percent of the vote. The only thing she’s got going is the woman’s card. And the beautiful thing is, women don’t like her.

To her credit, Clinton didn’t attack back, even though Trump’s statement is a big mistake for him. Instead, she offered to send her supporters a literal “Woman Card“:

As the creator of a political humor blog, I gotta love it when someone fights back against an attack with humor.

One thing is sure, with shots being fired already — months before the conventions — this election will not only be long, it will be nasty. Of course, some people may be looking forward to that!

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Electability!

Friday, April 29, 2016

I keep hearing people arguing about “electability”. Specifically, who would have a better chance of defeating Donald Trump (or Ted Cruz) in the general election.

Personally, I think this debate is pointless. The more important issue is, whoever the Democratic candidate happens to be, how are we going to defeat Donald Trump. Trump seems to be a difficult person to attack – the Republican primary seems to be (figuratively) littered with the corpses of candidates who tried to attack him.

Nevertheless, Vox recently published a very good article by Matthew Yglesias comparing the electability of Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders, and what the issues are. I like that he isn’t trying to convince you one way or the other, he’s simply reviewing all the arguments over a question that can never really be answered. There aren’t any pithy conclusions for me to quote, so I recommend that you go read it.

Meanwhile, an article published Thursday actually hits the nail on the head about the whole problem of electability.

The issue isn’t really about whether Sanders or Clinton is more electable. In fact, the issue is, the issues! For example, in the Vox article they point out that both Clinton and Sanders want to do something about climate change. A strong majority of Americans say that human-caused climate change is real and the government should do something about it, which is good. Sanders has come out strongly in favor of a carbon tax. Personally, I agree with him. However, Vox points out that in survey after survey, Americans rate a carbon tax as their least popular climate fix: 75 to 80 percent of Americans favor EPA regulation of greenhouse gas emissions, only 25 to 45 percent favor a carbon tax. (Why? Probably propaganda from the right, like Fox News.)

So the next president can either spend a bunch of political capital trying to enact a carbon tax (which would likely fail), or they can get the EPA to cap emissions of greenhouse gasses, which has a much better chance of being enacted. But there is another solution – change the game. Get more progressives elected and turn the political tide. This is nothing new – the Republicans did it with their “Southern Strategy” – the progressives just need to do the same thing. They need to get progressives elected at all levels of government.

Why? Because while Democrats seem completely focused on national politics (and on the presidency in particular), it doesn’t do any good to have a progressive president if they don’t have a progressive Congress passing the laws we need. And Congress is elected state by state. It is ridiculous that even though Democrats outnumber Republicans that at the state level Republicans control both the legislature and governor’s office of 23 states, while the Democrats have similar control over only 7 states. This has significant consequences, not the least of which is that the states control redistricting, which is one of the big reasons Republicans also control the House of Representatives.

The good news is that a group of former Sanders staffers are launching a new political action committee (PAC) whose goal is to get more progressives elected to Congress. Their name “Brand New Congress” reflects their goal of taking the things that worked in Sanders’s campaign and turn them to the task of electing a new Congress that will enact progressive laws.

I think this is a fantastic idea, regardless of who becomes the next president. Sanders showed that he could raise lots of money, and that kind of money will be a potent weapon against the money being poured into congressional elections by people like Sheldon Adelson and the Koch brothers.

Meanwhile, the timing is right. A new poll shows that 62% of Americans have an unfavorable impression of the Republican party, compared to 33% who view the party favorably. This is the worst unfavorability ratings for the GOP in decades, and the trend is getting worse.

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Late Night Political Humor

Friday, April 29, 2016

“The big New York primary, which happens next Tuesday, is looking pretty good for Hillary Clinton. In fact, website FiveThirtyEight says Hillary has a 99 percent chance of winning the primary for New York. When he heard, Bernie Sanders said, ‘My God, I’ve become part of the 1 percent!'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Bernie Sanders this morning joined the Verizon workers picket line here in New York. It’s a perfect match, because Bernie always talks like he’s getting bad reception.” – Seth Meyers

“Bernie Sanders today received his first senatorial endorsement from Oregon Sen. Jeff Merkley. Or as he’ll be known under President Hillary Clinton, ‘Ambassador to North Korea Jeff Merkley.'” – Seth Meyers

“Trump’s family was also at the town hall, and Trump’s daughter Ivanka was asked if the election is straining her friendship with Chelsea Clinton. Which means we have officially begun the presidential campaign of 2032, everybody!” – Jimmy Fallon

“Donald Trump’s son Eric said last night that his father is his ‘best friend in the entire world.’ Said Donald, ‘Right back at ya, Jeff.'” – Seth Meyers

“Last night, CNN hosted a town hall with Republican front-runner Donald Trump, and at one point he ‘complained that the rules of the election are stacked against him ‘by the establishment. You gotta give it to Trump. He’s the only man who could inherit millions of dollars, have his name on buildings, and still go, ‘Life is totally unfair!'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Some prominent Republican congressmen are saying they might not even go to the convention, which is in Cleveland this summer. Not because it might get crazy — they’re saying they can’t go because they have work to do. This summer. These are congressmen. All of a sudden they’ve got work to do?” – Jimmy Fallon

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Betrayal of Trust

Thursday, April 28, 2016

Dennis Hastert was the longest serving Republican Speaker of the House ever. He was second in line, after the Vice President, to assume the presidency in an emergency. But before he became a politician, he was a high school wrestling coach.

And during that time, he sexually abused at least four of his students, all males. The youngest was only 14 years old. That’s right, one of the most powerful men in the world was (as the judge put it) “a serial child molester”, who took advantage of his power as coach over children. During his time as coach, Hastert would even sit in a recliner chair in the locker room with a direct view of his students in the showers.

As recently as a year ago, Hastert lied to the FBI about the abuse, and accused one of his former students with extorting money with a bogus sex-abuse claim. Which only brings up the question that if Hastert was willing to pay millions of dollars in hush money, who else could have extorted one of the most powerful people in our government, and what would they have wanted from him?

The statute of limitations ran out on that crime a long time ago, but Hastert was caught trying to pay off millions of dollars to one of the students he abused in order to cover up his crime. On Wednesday, Hastert was sentenced to 15 months in prison, and is required to undergo sex-offender treatment.

It is worth noting that while he was Speaker of the House, Hastert pushed a constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage, and opposed hate-crime legislation that would include gays.

If this had been an isolated incident, it would be horrible enough. But the Republican Speaker of the House before him was Bob Livingston, who resigned after it was revealed that he had engaged in an extramarital affair. The GOP Speaker before that was Newt Gingrich, who also admitted that he was engaged in an affair with a Congressional aide.

And these three people: Newt Gingrich, Bob Livingston, and Dennis Hastert, were the main three people responsible for the impeachment of Bill Clinton for having an affair while he was president. Whatever you may think of what Bill Clinton did, the hypocrisy of these three men is staggering.

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Is the Primary Over Yet?

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Is there anyone out there who still doesn’t think that the two major candidates for president have now been picked?

Not that I want anyone to drop out. I’m more than happy to have Sanders remain in the race, if for no other reason than for the sake of the Democratic Party platform. As for the other side, I’m still hoping for a bit of a ruckus and mudslinging at the GOP convention.

For now, my biggest fear is that the Democrats will not take Trump seriously enough, or that they will overplay their hand. Either would be disastrous. Even if Trump doesn’t become president, he will have changed our politics dramatically for the worse unless his campaign is completely repudiated at the polls. Otherwise, expect more anger, racism, intolerance, lies, bullying, and penis references in the future.

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What is a Conservative?

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Most people think of the Republican party as being made up of evangelicals and fiscal conservatives, held together by AM radio and Fox News. Never mind that when Republicans were in power they spent money like drunken sailors while not accomplishing much in their social agenda (and even going backwards on gay rights). But at least they pretended to be social and fiscal conservatives.

But a strange thing happened on the way to this election. If you’re like me, you’ve noticed that Trump is winning more evangelical votes than Cruz (even though he has obviously never even glanced at the bible), and he wants to run up even more deficits building big walls and starting even more wars in the middle east.

So what do Republicans stand for anymore? And what does it mean to be a conservative? An interesting opinion piece by Leonard Pitts Jr. asks that question, and concludes that conservatives don’t really stand for anything other than a mood. And that mood is “surly, nasty and put-upon”.

Conservatives were always happy to attack liberals, but Reagan’s 11th commandment required “Thou shalt not speak ill of any fellow Republican”. Even that seems to have gone down the toilet, as Republicans seem to be “feuding with a bitterness and constancy that would make even the Hatfields and McCoys tell them to tone it down.”

And the party that used to complain about the “culture of victimization” now whines incessantly “about how they are victims of biased media, bullying gays and political correctness.”

Remember when George H. W. Bush chastized “The Simpsons” for violating decency and “family values”? Now they have candidates who make penis jokes.

After badly losing the last presidential election, the Republicans briefly did some introspection and decided that they needed a gentler tone and more inclusiveness toward minorities. Does that include calling Mexicans criminals, drug dealers, and rapists, and passing laws whose purpose is to disenfranchise blacks?

They should not have ignored their own advice. “On the other hand, when your base is the Ku Klux Klan, Ted Nugent and people sucker-punching strangers at rallies, it’s a sign that a little self-reflection is overdue.”

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Al Franken Entertains

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Every since Al Franken was elected to the Senate, he has tried to distance himself from his past job as a comedian. Until about a week ago, when he spoke at a Roast and got some of his chops back, mostly at the expense of Ted Cruz (whom Franken described as “the lovechild of Joe McCarthy and Dracula”).

But the line that brought the house down was: “Cruz can be really hard to get along with, but I understand that in a couple weeks he’s planning to launch a charm offensive. He’s having a little trouble with the charm part but he’s got the offensive part down cold.”

There are lots of other good lines, especially near the end. You can watch an edited version of the Roast, with jokes intact, here:

Speaking of making fun of Ted Cruz, after repeatedly saying rude things about “New York values”, New York paid him back in kind. Cruz finished fourth in the state, behind Ben Carson, who dropped over a month ago. Cruz received no delegates in the primary.

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Late Night Political Humor

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

“I saw that Bill Clinton was in the Bronx campaigning for Hillary yesterday, and visited the ‘Hebrew Home for the Aging’. While Hillary actually went there to drop off Bernie Sanders.” – Jimmy Fallon

“A new poll has found that Bernie Sanders is the most likable of all the presidential candidates. Which, let’s face it, is kind of like being the best-dressed person at Wal-Mart.” – Seth Meyers

“The cast of ABC’s ‘Scandal’ is set to appear at a fundraiser for Hillary Clinton later this month. Unless she loses in New York, in which case she’d like to speak with the folks at ‘How to Get Away With Murder’.” – Seth Meyers

“It’s come out that President Obama has been allowed to see special advance episodes of the new season of ‘Game of Thrones’. Obama says he watches ‘Game of Thrones’ to remember what it’s like to have reasonably sane people compete for leadership.” – Conan O’Brien

“House Speaker Paul Ryan this afternoon issued a formal statement ruling himself out as a potential replacement candidate if there is a contested Republican convention. And you know things are bad in the Republican Party when people who aren’t even running are dropping out of the race.” – Seth Meyers

“In a recent interview, Ted Cruz’s wife, Heidi, said Donald Trump’s nasty tweet about her looks did not impact her. Heidi Cruz said, ‘Part of my marriage vow to Ted was to give up all human feeling.'” – Conan O’Brien

“According to some analysts, Donald Trump’s support is deeper than it looks. Although others say Trump just took the support he has and combed it over to make it look better.” – Conan O’Brien

“John Kasich gave a 30-minute speech in New York City. Afterwards, the crowd applauded Kasich and then put $8.34 in his hat. “– Conan O’Brien

“Researchers in California found that 74 percent of mothers confessed that they like one child better than another. Then one mother said, ‘Don’t use my name, ‘cuz I don’t want Jeb to find out.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“The director of the CIA says that no matter who the next president is, the agency will not use waterboarding ever again. Instead, he’s come up with a new way to torture people: turn off the Wi-Fi when they visit their parents’ house.” – Jimmy Fallon

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Cutting out the Middlemen

Monday, April 25, 2016

Donald Trump’s popularity is largely based on one simple premise, that he is so rich he can’t be bought, so he will not be beholden to special interests and the lobbyists who run Washington. Trump has repeatedly claimed that he hates lobbyists and that they can’t influence him.

So why would anyone be surprised that Trump just hired a lobbyist to run his campaign? And of course, Trump hired one of the “best people” he is always talking about. He hired Paul Manafort. Manafort doesn’t lobby for just anyone. He specializes in being hired by corrupt dictators who want to gain influence in Washington.

Remember Ferdinand Marcos of the Philippines? His dictatorship was infamous for corruption, extravagance, and brutality, while ruling under martial law. His family plundered somewhere between 5 and 10 billion dollars (storing it in offshore bank accounts) by running up the Philippine national debt. His wife, Imelda Marcos, a former model and beauty queen, became famous for owning a collection of more than a thousand pairs of expensive shoes. And Marcos paid Manafort to keep the US government on his side.

Manafort also worked for a former dictator from the Ukraine, who was forced out of office. He also did work for Saudi Arabia, for a foreign president who was suspected of running a drug-smuggling operation, as well as an African rebel leader accused of torture. Anytime a corrupt foreign leader needs to buy off Washington politicians, Manafort is your go-to lobbyist.

As Bloomberg puts it “Trump just hired his next scandal“:

Trump has criticized both parties as selling out the U.S. to foreign interests. Now he is counting on a man who has represented many of them.

I guess if anyone is going to sell us out to foreign interests, Trump plans on doing it himself. I wonder what kind of shoes Melania likes?

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Who’s Gaming the System?

Monday, April 25, 2016

After gaming the political “game” any way he could for the last year, Donald Trump is complaining that the game is being rigged against him. Is he nuts? The GOP delegate rules haven’t changed recently, and Trump was just too lazy or stupid to pay any attention to them.

But an article by Nate Silver points out that Trump’s complaints are working. Recent polling shows that even though only 40% of Republicans want Trump to be the nominee, 62% agree with him that the candidate who gets the most pledged delegates should be the Republican nominee, even if that candidate doesn’t have a majority.

That’s right, a billionaire who has had his life handed to him on a silver platter has succeeded in painting himself as a victim and an underdog. The man who has lied and cheated throughout his whole life to get whatever he wanted is now calling the nomination rules “crooked”.

Should Trump be able to win with a plurality and not a majority? The GOP has required its nominees to receive a majority of delegate votes for 160 years, and during that time at least seven candidates have come into the Republican convention with a plurality of the delegates and yet failed to become the nominee.

Besides, given how polarizing Trump is, it is easy to surmise that a majority of voters do not want Trump to be the nominee. That’s why the rules are set up the way they are. If nobody gets a majority on the first vote, then candidates are supposed to drop out until someone gets a majority. And yet Trump claims that this would be tantamount to stealing the nomination from him.

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Late Night Political Humor

Sunday, April 24, 2016

“We’re just three days away from the big Democratic debate right here in New York. And both Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders have been busy campaigning throughout the city. Bernie even had some time to see the Broadway show ‘Hamilton’ with his wife. Though it got awkward when Bernie stood up and said, ‘I knew Alexander Hamilton! And you sir, are no Alexander Hamilton!'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Bernie Sanders and his wife, on Friday, saw the hit Broadway musical ‘Hamilton’. Sanders said afterwards, ‘That’s not how I remember it.'” – Seth Meyers

“Bernie Sanders visited Coney Island yesterday. And somehow, after he rode the roller coaster, his hair was neater.” – Seth Meyers

“Bernie Sanders said on Friday that his goal for financial reform is to ‘make banking boring again’. I think I speak for all Americans when I say, let’s just make elections boring again.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Bernie Sanders won this weekend’s Wyoming caucus, which was his seventh win in a row over Hillary Clinton. Clinton said she’s still not worried. But it was hard to understand her through the wallet she was biting.” – Seth Meyers

“We are now four days away from Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders’ Thursday night debate in Brooklyn, which means Hillary’s already tried 600 different ways to ask, ‘Is Brooklyn in the house?'” – Seth Meyers

“A car owned by Hillary Clinton is up for sale. Like Hillary, the car has been hit from all sides and lately has been starting to stall.” – Conan O’Brien

“Hotel and casino tycoon Steve Wynn is under fire after he said, ‘Rich people only like being around rich people. Nobody likes being around poor people, especially poor people.’ In related news, Donald Trump needs a new opening line for his inauguration speech.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Donald Trump’s very upset lately about the election, or lack of an election, in Colorado. In Colorado, they don’t have a primary or a caucus because they’re too high to vote.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Colorado has a month-long process of local meetings where they just meet and choose the delegates. Somehow Ted Cruz made a clean sweep, he got all of them. So Trump criticized the process. Trump says the Republican Party is trying to slow his momentum by using what he called crooked shenanigans, which are the worst kind of shenanigans.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Why do I have a feeling if Donald Trump doesn’t win he’s going to sue all of us?” – Jimmy Kimmel

“According to reports, two of Donald Trump’s children will not be able to vote at New York’s primary because they failed to register before the deadline. So I guess you just lost two votes, Ted Cruz.” – Seth Meyers

“Sen. Lindsey Graham said in an interview last week that if he can support Ted Cruz, anybody can do it. You know it’s bad when your best endorsement sounds like a bad diet plan.” – Jimmy Fallon

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Why I Love Obama

Saturday, April 23, 2016

Obama is in London, but that didn’t stop him from taking some time to remember Prince.

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Late Night Political Humor

Saturday, April 23, 2016

“Yesterday, former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani announced that he’s voting for Donald Trump in the upcoming New York primary. When asked why, Giuliani said, ‘Because if he wins, he’ll have to move to Washington.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Donald Trump announced he’s changing up his campaign staff and adding a convention manager. Which is the most creative way I’ve heard someone describe the word ‘Bouncer’.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Donald Trump’s daughter, Ivanka, just gave birth last week and she’s already back on the campaign trail for her dad. Ivanka’s friends were like, ‘Shouldn’t you be with the baby?’ And Ivanka was like, ‘Yeah, I’m campaigning for him.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Bernie Sanders said that he went to Boy Scout camp in New York. You can tell it was a while ago because Bernie Sanders didn’t learn how to make a fire at Boy Scout camp — he discovered fire.” – Jimmy Fallon

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The Only Good Reason to Not Care About Climate Change

Friday, April 22, 2016

Hey, we caused the problem, but you youngsters are going to have to deal with it. Ha!

Happy Earth Day!

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The Man Card?

General Election!

Electability!

Late Night Political Humor

Betrayal of Trust

Is the Primary Over Yet?

What is a Conservative?

Al Franken Entertains

Late Night Political Humor

Cutting out the Middlemen

Who’s Gaming the System?

Late Night Political Humor

Why I Love Obama

Late Night Political Humor

The Only Good Reason to Not Care About Climate Change

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