Political Irony

© Dan Wasserman

Republicans are on the job finding solutions to problems that don’t even exist. Don’t you feel protected?

[Jokes from May 3, 2016]

“Today was the Indiana primary, and the results are in. Donald Trump saw his shadow, so there are six more months of the election!” – Jimmy Fallon

“Trump had a big win. Indiana is a basketball state. He’s worried that if he spent too much time there, people might try to grab his orange head and try to dribble it.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Earlier in his campaign, Trump was calling Carly Fiorina ugly. Now he’s saying he might pick her up if she falls down. Guys, that’s growth. He’s getting more presidential every day.” – James Corden

“The Indiana primary was today and we’re this much closer to having a president who starts Twitter fights with Cher.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Today was the Indiana primary and the winner was, of course, Donald Trump. But the big news was that Ted Cruz ended his presidential campaign. I can’t believe Cruz is quitting the race. I mean, who quits just because they’ve lost?” – James Corden

“Cruz said he’s looking forward to being able to spend more time with his family. In response, his family said, ‘Are you sure you want to quit?'” – James Corden

“Just before Cruz exited the race, Donald Trump implied that Ted Cruz’s dad may have been involved in the Kennedy assassination. This is very unlike Trump. Usually, he thoroughly investigates a story before repeating it to millions of people.” – James Corden

“Trump is trying to spread the tabloid story that Ted Cruz’s dad is somehow involved in the assassination of JFK. While I’m pretty sure Rafael Cruz didn’t have anything to do with the assassination of JFK, he does look like a James Bond villain from the Sean Connery era.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Donald Trump is implying that Ted Cruz’s father had something to do with the Kennedy assassination. Even worse, Ted Cruz’s father had something to do with Ted Cruz.” – Conan O’Brien

“Yesterday, Heidi Cruz was asked about rumors that her husband is the Zodiac Killer, and she said, ‘I’ve been married to him for 15 years, and I know pretty well who he is.’ That story again: Heidi Cruz didn’t actually deny that her husband was the Zodiac Killer.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Today in Indiana, Ted Cruz called Donald Trump ‘a pathological liar’, ‘a narcissist’, ‘utterly immoral’, and ‘a serial philanderer’. Then Cruz turned to Trump and said, ‘Teach me, Master!'” – Conan O’Brien

“Ted Cruz suspending his campaign is great news for the only other candidate, John Kasich, who is now just waiting for Donald Trump to drop out.” – James Corden

“Trump now leads Ted Cruz by 42 points, which is too many points. Is anybody else starting to feel bad for Ted Cruz? Poor guy probably wants to lock himself up in a transgender bathroom and never come out.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“Today is Teacher Appreciation Day, and President Obama thanked his fifth-grade teacher, Ms. Mabel Hefty. Then Bernie Sanders thanked his fifth-grade teacher, Aristotle.” – Conan O’Brien

“A high school girl brought a cardboard cut-out of Bernie Sanders as her prom date. Meanwhile, another girl brought a cardboard cut-out of John Kasich that turned out to be John Kasich.” – Conan O’Brien

[Jokes from May 2, 2016]

“The White House Correspondents’ Dinner was on Saturday, and President Obama ended his speech by saying ‘Obama out’ and literally dropping the mic. Then Hillary Clinton caught the mic mid-air and said, ‘LET’S DO THIS!'” – Jimmy Fallon

“The White House Correspondents’ Dinner was this weekend. President Obama said it was fun. Larry Wilmore said he was honored. And Bernie Sanders said the portions were too small.” – Seth Meyers

“During an after-party following the Correspondents’ Dinner, a fight broke out between reporters at Fox News and The Huffington Post. But no major details came out about the fight – ‘cuz it was only witnessed by CNN reporters.” – Jimmy Fallon

“The White House announced yesterday that Malia Obama will attend Harvard University, but that she plans to take a year off before starting. Malia got the idea after seeing how much fun her dad is having with HIS year off.” – Jimmy Fallon

“As Bernie Sanders’ campaign is winding down, he had to fire hundreds of staff members. Now Bernie is down to a campaign director, a speechwriter, and a 22-year-old whose job is to keep explaining to him what Snapchat is.” – Conan O’Brien

“Donald Trump criticized Hillary Clinton today for making a remark he says is offensive to Native Americans. Trump’s exact words were ‘you stole my speech.'” – Conan O’Brien

“Indiana is holding its primary tomorrow, and Donald Trump is currently leading Ted Cruz by 15 points. While John Kasich still holds a narrow lead over ‘Not Sure’.” – Seth Meyers

“At a Ted Cruz rally, Carly Fiorina fell off the stage and Cruz didn’t help her up. The entire crowd immediately began chanting, ‘Metaphor! Metaphor!'” – Conan O’Brien

“At a Ted Cruz rally, a young boy yelled ‘you suck’ at Ted Cruz. In other words, there is hope for America’s future after all.” – Conan O’Brien

[Jokes from April 28-29, 2016]

“The White House Correspondents’ Dinner is tomorrow, and Bernie Sanders will be attending. You could tell Bernie Sanders was a guest at the dinner when they had to schedule it at 3 p.m. Bernie was like, ‘I’m going to start a revolution — at the dessert table!'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Vice president Joe Biden made a surprise trip to Iraq this morning, and no one was more surprised than him. ‘Last time I use Expedia!'” – Seth Meyers

“During Donald Trump’s foreign policy speech yesterday, he said when it comes to military action, we have to be unpredictable. Scary news for Iran, but terrifying news for Canada.” – Seth Meyers

“During his foreign policy speech yesterday, Donald Trump mispronounced Tanzania and called it ‘Tanzainia’. Then Melania was like, ‘That’s nothing. My name is actually Kathryn.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Donald Trump yesterday gave his first foreign policy speech and accused President Obama of handling Iran with tender lovin’ care. Eric and Donald Jr. were like, ‘Sometimes that works, Dad.'” – Seth Meyers

“Last night Donald Trump tweeted from Indiana that he was staying at a Holiday Inn Express, and said it was ‘not bad’. Which, I believe, is just one of their ads: ‘Holiday inn Express: Not bad.'” – Jimmy Fallon

“Exit polls from Tuesday’s primary showed Donald Trump won about 50 percent of Republican voters with college degrees. Well, technically they have college degrees. Their diploma was a steak.” – Seth Meyers

“Yesterday Ted Cruz, the man mathematically eliminated from becoming president, picked his vice president. Cruz chose Carly Fiorina as his running mate: The first woman ever to lose the Republican nomination twice in three months.” – James Corden

“Just to be clear, there is no way Ted Cruz could even get the nomination. He’s now like a 6 year old, pretending to be president.” – James Corden

“I’m pretty sure we’re going to see Ted Cruz drive around in a minivan with ‘Air Force One’ spray painted on the sides. He’ll be dressing up all of his daughters’ dolls like advisers going, ‘Yes, that is a good point about healthcare. Thank you, Malibu Barbie!'” – James Corden

“We are basically one month away from Cruz holding his own Republican National Convention at the Hooters in Texas.” – James Corden

© Michael Ramirez

I’m not really sure what the cartoonist meant by this one, but for some reason I can’t stop laughing. What does this cartoon mean to you?