[Jokes from June 23, 2016]
“Democrats held a big sit-in on the House floor to protest Congress’ refusal to vote on gun control. Or in other words, Democrats were tired of Congress not getting anything done, so they refused to get anything done until someone got something done.” – Jimmy Fallon
“House Democrats staged a dramatic 26-hour sit-in on the floor of the House to force a vote on background check provisions. The Democrats decided to get the Republicans’ attention by doing something they can relate to: sitting on their butts and getting nothing done.” – James Corden
“Democrats staged a 26-hour sit-in on the floor of the House to try to force a vote on new gun control legislation. You know the state of our Congress is terrible when you see a bunch of politicians sitting on their asses and you think to yourself, ‘Wow, they’re finally doing something!'” – Seth Meyers
“The sit-in in the House of Representatives is pretty dramatic. It is so rare that Congress does anything interesting. So I want to take a moment to say something I never thought I would: ‘Thank you Congress for sitting on your ass.'” – Stephen Colbert
“Yesterday House Speaker Paul Ryan referred to the Democratic-led sit-in for gun control as ‘nothing more than a publicity stunt’. He then added, ‘Now if you’ll excuse me, my party’s nominee has a WWE match to fight.'” – Seth Meyers
“After the protest began, Paul Ryan declared a recess and cut off C-SPAN’s live feed. Now, personally, I don’t want to live in a world where Paul Ryan decides what’s on TV. I’m guessing it would just be P90X infomercials and ‘Top Gun’ 24 hours a day.” – Stephen Colbert
“Last night’s sit-in by Congressional Democrats was live-streamed and got over 3 million views. Which is why today, Congress got picked up for two seasons on Netflix.” – Conan O’Brien
“After ending their 26-hour sit-in, House Democrats vowed to continue fighting for gun control when Congress resumes in July. Because it’s going to take that long for some of these guys to get up off the floor.” – Seth Meyers
“The truth is the sit-in failed to force a vote, but it was a huge success in at least one way: It finally bumped Donald Trump out of the news for 24 hours — which, seriously, thank you Democrats.” – James Corden
“Donald Trump is actually taking a break from the campaign to go visit his golf resort in Scotland tomorrow. Right after he leaves the U.S., Republicans will say, ‘Quick! Build the wall!'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Trump’s campaign isn’t doing so well financially. A recent report said his campaign even spent over $100,000 for meals just last month. Trump was like, ‘Well, that’s the price you pay for hiring Chris Christie.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“In response to Hillary Clinton’s slogan ‘I’m with her’, Donald Trump debuted his new slogan, ‘I’m with you’. Then Bernie Sanders debuted his new slogan, ‘I’m still here, dammit!'” – Conan O’Brien
“Bernie Sanders still hasn’t officially dropped out of the race for president, but earlier today, he gave a speech with the theme ‘Where do we go from here?’ I think he was basically asking the crowd for directions back to Vermont.” – Jimmy Fallon
“House Speaker Paul Ryan has unveiled a Republican alternative to Obamacare. It’s called ‘Dying at 50’.” – Conan O’Brien
“It’s been reported that after leaving office, President Obama is considering owning an NBA team. They say Obama wants to be an NBA owner because it’s his only chance to get someone on the court.” – Conan O’Brien
“In its last few days before break, the Supreme Court has been arguing about race, immigration, and abortion. So basically, the Supreme Court has become most people’s families at Thanksgiving.” – Conan O’Brien
