“Congratulations to Chelsea Clinton, who gave birth to a baby girl named Charlotte on Friday. Or as Hillary described the baby, ‘Third in line to the throne’.” – Jimmy Fallon “Congratulations to Chelsea Clinton. Over the weekend, she gave birth to a baby girl. The baby girl will not confirm or deny whether she’s running […]
“The Department of Defense unveiled a new policy that will let undocumented immigrants serve in the military. Is it me, or does that just sound like a sneaky way to get rid of immigrants?” – Jimmy Fallon “Attorney General Eric Holder announced today that he is resigning after five years with the administration. Obama said, […]
“President Obama is facing criticism over an incident yesterday where he was holding a cup of coffee in his hand, and then used that same hand to salute a Marine. Though with all that’s going on in the world, I’m surprised he didn’t salute with a bottle of Jack Daniels in one hand and a […]
“The White House has been having big security issues lately, after an intruder actually managed to jump the fence and make it inside. The White House actually said they will start locking the doors. When asked if he wanted a key, Biden said, ‘I’m fine just using the doggie door’.” – Jimmy Fallon “It’s bad […]
“There were some major security issues at the White House over the weekend. On Friday, a guy got to the front doors of the White House, and on Saturday another guy jumped over the White House fence. Officials are wondering why it’s so easy to get in, while Obama is wondering why it’s so hard […]
Republicans have been passing laws to require drug testing of welfare recipients. Florida tested food stamp recipients for four months in 2012 (until it was halted by a court on constitutional grounds), they found that less than 3% tested positive. In Arizona they tested 87,000 – how many tested positive? One. So the approx $2.76 […]
[political jokes taken from episodes of “The Simpsons”, collected by Daniel Kurtzman] “Fox News: ‘Not Racist, But #1 With Racists’” – a new logo for Fox News “Fox News: ‘Unsuitable For Viewers Under 75′” – a new logo for Fox News Bart Simpson: “Didn’t you wonder why you were getting checks for doing absolutely nothing?” […]
“During President Obama’s visit to an elementary school yesterday, one little boy actually asked him if he ever fought in the Civil War. Obama told the boy he did not, but he re-enacts it with Congress all the time.” – Jimmy Fallon “Obama actually told the student, ‘No I was born in 1961.’ Then the […]
“President Obama hosted a picnic at the White House today for members of Congress. Obama said it was a great opportunity to gather every member of Congress in one place – so he could turn on the sprinklers. Payback!” – Jimmy Fallon “The White House picnic was actually held one year after it was canceled. […]
“Bill Clinton gave a speech this weekend. He criticized Republicans for spending all their time dissing President Obama. But people from Iowa missed the rest of the speech because they were busy looking up the word ‘dissing’.” – Jimmy Fallon “Hillary Clinton also gave a speech in Iowa. She fueled speculation that she’ll run for […]
Bill O’Reilly proposes creating a huge mercenary army to fight against ISIS. In character, Stephen Colbert wholeheartedly agrees with him, which manages to piss Bill O’Reilly off. O’Reilly then makes the stupid mistake of attacking Colbert, and Colbert responds hilariously: There is so much satire and irony in this exchange, even my head is spinning.
“In a recent interview, Texas Governor Rick Perry revealed that he has spent the last 20 months preparing to run for president. Then Hillary said, ‘Call me when you’ve spent 67 years.’” – Jimmy Fallon “Vice President Joe Biden will travel to Iowa this week, three days after Hillary Clinton’s high-profile return to the state. […]
“Mitt Romney we think is going run again. He says he has no plans to run, but he said if he did run, this time things would turn out differently. Yes they would. This time he would get his ass kicked by a woman.” – Bill Maher “It turns out that country singer Larry Gatlin […]
‘During a speech last night, President Obama announced that the U.S. will lead a huge multinational coalition to fight the terror groups in Iraq. Of course, most people just turned it off because they thought it was a rerun.’ – Jimmy Fallon “The National Organization for Women is calling for NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell to […]
“Tonight President Obama will make a prime-time speech about how we’re going to deal with violent extremists and their sickening behavior. And when he’s done talking about the NFL, he’ll talk about ISIS.” – Conan O’Brien “President Obama was on TV tonight. He gave a prime-time address to detail his plan to stop ISIS. And […]
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