“The heroic New York doctor who caught Ebola has been declared Ebola free. President Obama called the doctor to thank him for his selflessness and compassion. Then to be safe, Obama threw his phone in a trash can and lit it on fire.” – Jimmy Fallon “Once you’re president, you can’t go anywhere without causing […]
“President Obama is in China now for an economic summit in Beijing. The president wore a traditional purple silk shirt along with Chinese President Xi Jinping and Vladimir Putin. That’s after they taught Putin how to put a shirt ON.” – Jimmy Fallon “President Obama is in China. Also in China is evil Russian dictator […]
“Both President Obama and former President George W. Bush were interviewed on ‘Face the Nation’ over the weekend. President Bush said there’s a 50 percent chance his brother Jeb will run for president in 2016. Then he said, ‘But there’s an 80 percent chance he won’t.’” – Jimmy Fallon “This weekend George W. Bush said […]
“The Democrats were crushed in the midterm elections. The Republican juggernaut pounded the Democrats, and the pundits say they will not really know what happened to the Democrats until they find the black box.” – David Letterman “It is a great day for the great state of Texas. The last person being tested for Ebola […]
“Now that the midterm elections are over, President Obama has invited congressional leaders from both parties to a meeting at the White House tomorrow. When asked if he’s nervous, Obama said, ‘Oh, I’m not going to be there. I just invited them over. They can figure it out themselves.’” – Jimmy Fallon “How about that […]
“The big news is the midterm elections. Last night Republicans picked up a dozen seats in the House to give them their biggest majority since World War II. Or as they put it, ‘Time to party like it’s 1939!’” – Jimmy Fallon “Yesterday was Election Day. If we have any Democrats in the audience, I’m […]
There is some educating going on in Florida, but it looks like the main group being educated is the local school board. The whole thing started in January 2013 when the Orange County school board decided to allow a religious group to distribute free bibles in their public high schools. The Orange County school district […]
“Today is the midterm elections. The Washington Post is predicting that there’s a 98 percent chance of the Republicans taking the Senate and The New York Times says there’s a 75 percent chance. And CNN said, ‘Wait, that’s today?’” – Jimmy Fallon “In the midterm elections, a 102-year-old woman voted for the first time in […]
“Take a look at this: gas under $3 a gallon – under $3 a gallon. Unemployment under 6%, whoever thought? Stock market breaking records every day. No wonder the guy is so unpopular.” – David Letterman (on Obama) “Yesterday was the New York City Marathon. The marathon was won in record time by a Democrat […]
© Tom Tomorrow Will Obama open a can of veto whoop-ass? Will anyone do anything about immigration? Will Republicans ever stop talking about Benghazi and start trying to take credit for Obamacare? Will we survive? Or was this just the warm-up for the next presidential election?
“Health officials in countries affected by Ebola are encouraging people to stop shaking hands, and instead give an “Ebola handshake,” which is when you bump elbows with someone. That would be a great idea if they hadn’t spent the past five years telling us to sneeze into our elbows.” – Jimmy Fallon “Sunday is the […]
“The man in charge of investigating the 2012 Secret Service prostitution scandal has quit after he himself was caught with a prostitute – which explains why President Obama just appointed an irony czar.” – Jimmy Fallon “The investigator who led the probe in the Secret Service prostitution scandal was caught with a prostitute. When cops […]
“During a campaign event, former presidential nominee Bob Dole told the crowd that Mitt Romney should run for president in 2016. If there’s anyone who knows that the third time is a charm, it’s a guy who lost three times.” – Jimmy Fallon “While Mitt Romney was in Nebraska at a campaign rally to support […]
“Halloween is just a few days away and the Obamas have invited children to go trick-or-treating at the White House on Friday. It will be fun until the Secret Service tackles a kid and says, ‘We finally got one. He’s dressed like a ninja turtle and tried to get in here.’” – Jimmy Fallon “Over […]
“Yesterday yet another person jumped the White House fence. It happened again. On the bright side, at least Michelle Obama is finally getting more Americans to exercise.” – Conan O’Brien “Maybe people would stop trying to jump the fence if the first lady weren’t taunting us by growing gardens full of that sweet, sweet kale.” […]
Abortion Bush Campaign Finance Cheney Climate Clinton Congress Conservatives Corporations Corruption Deficits Democrats Drugs Economy Education Election Elections Energy Environment Fox News Gays Guns Health Immigration Lies McCain Media Middle East Obama Palin Protests Racism Religion Republicans Romney Spying Supreme Court Taxes Tea Party Terrorism Terrorists Torture Trump Unemployment War
