“According to a new poll, nearly six out of 10 Republicans want Mitt Romney to run for president. So do 10 out of 10 Democrats.” – Conan O’Brien “Senator Rand Paul reflected on Mitt Romney’s potential 2016 campaign and said, ‘It’s sort of what Einstein said, that the definition of insanity is to do the […]
“New Jersey Governor Chris Christie will begin fundraising for a potential 2016 presidential campaign by the end of January. No word on what his platform will be, but if I know Christie it’ll be really strong, maybe double reinforced steel.” – Jimmy Fallon “Mitt Romney will reportedly address the Republican National Committee on Friday to […]
“A new Republican Congress is taking over. Sen. Ted Cruz has been appointed to overseeing NASA in Congress. He says he wants NASA to focus on finding aliens so he can deport them.” – Conan O’Brien “Mitt Romney is reportedly putting his 2012 election team back together. And somehow, miraculously, none of them were busy […]
“Mitt Romney said he is considering a third presidential bid. Romney said he got the idea from watching his dog repeatedly run into an electric fence.” – Seth Meyers “Mitt Romney says he is considering a third campaign for the presidency. He made the announcement during a private meeting with donors. It’s pretty shocking, you […]
“President Obama posted a video on Facebook yesterday announcing his plan to make the first two years of community college free. Unfortunately he was interrupted when Biden got confused and threw a bucket of ice water on his head.” – Jimmy Fallon “President Obama has issued three veto threats in just two days. Meanwhile, Chris […]
“The newly elected congressmen and women from the midterm elections were sworn in today. This Congress will be the most diverse ever, with 104 women, 46 blacks, 12 Asian-Americans, and two Native Americans. Even the dolls on the ‘It’s a Small World’ Disney ride said, ‘Not bad’.” – Jimmy Fallon “That’s right, 104 female lawmakers. […]
“Joe Biden went to Brazil in an effort to try and repair America’s relationship with their government. Biden said, ‘It’s great to be here in the Amazon. I’ve always wanted to see where all the books come from.’” – Jimmy Fallon “Kim Jong Un’s sister got married. That sounds like another Seth Rogen movie, doesn’t […]
“During a recent Q & A with children, first lady Michelle Obama said that what she wants for Christmas is to sleep in late. Which is why this year Biden promised not to jump on her bed when it’s time to open presents.” – Jimmy Fallon “The White House hosted its annual Hanukkah party and […]
“Sony Pictures has canceled the release of ‘The Interview’ due to continued threats from hackers. This means the hackers have accomplished their goal of making everyone in the world want to see ‘The Interview’.” – Jimmy Fallon “Sony has canceled the big Seth Rogen movie, ‘The Interview’. North Koreans hacked their email so Sony said, […]
Jeb Bush Resigns as George W. Bush’s Brother WASHINGTON (Satire from The Borowitz Report)—In the strongest sign to date that he intends to seek the 2016 Republican Presidential nomination, former Florida Governor Jeb Bush has officially resigned his position as George W. Bush’s brother. “No longer being related to his brother is a key step […]
“Today President Obama announced that the U.S. is working to improve its relationship with Cuba in an effort to normalize full diplomatic relations. For instance, today they released one of our prisoners and in return we sent back one of their shortstops.” – Jimmy Fallon “The White House announced plans to begin normalizing relations with […]
“President Obama recently said that his day is all about politics, so in the mornings he likes to watch ESPN. So if you get the feeling he’s repeating himself every half hour, that’s where he learned it from.” – Jimmy Fallon “The Danes are causing a bit of trouble. The kingdom of Denmark claimed the […]
“Sony was the victim of a massive cyber attack from hackers presumed to be based in North Korea. In an embarrassing email, a producer called Angelina Jolie a minimally talented spoiled brat. Which makes this all seem like a high school drama more than an international act of cyber terrorism.” – Jimmy Kimmel “Producers at […]
© Steve Breen © Scott Bateman I’ve been seeing a number of comics like these lately, expressing the opinion that 2014 just totally sucked. Really? Personally, as far as I can tell most of the really bad news was completely overhyped by the media with the express purpose of scaring you into reading their websites […]
“Joe Biden will assist in the 35th annual lighting of the National Menorah at the White House. When he heard that, Smokey Bear said, ‘Hold my calls. This is not gonna end well.’” – Jimmy Fallon “This week Biden said that he will decide on a potential 2016 presidential campaign by the spring or the […]
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