“Scientists have discovered a black hole that is 12 billion times the size of our sun. It’s full of Hillary Clinton emails.” – David Letterman “Some Secret Service guys crashed a car into the White House. And they had been drinking when it happened. Actually, they hit a barrier trying to get to the White […]
“President Obama’s trying to work out a nuclear deal with Iran, and the Republicans are steamed. They got together and sent Iran a letter about the nuclear deal. They said if this doesn’t work, by God, they’re going to send Seth Rogen and James Franco.” – David Letterman “Clearly the situational ethics of this country’s […]
“Yesterday was not only daylight saving time, but also International Women’s Day. What better way to address the issue of inequality for women than giving them a day that’s missing an hour.” – David Letterman “Hillary Clinton could use one of these Apple Watches. She could hook it up to her secret email account. If […]
“Another scandal for Hillary Clinton — they’re saying she used a private email address when she was secretary of state, which means the government couldn’t archive and preserve her emails. Then Obama said, ‘Don’t worry, we saw them. We see everyone’s emails.’” – Jimmy Fallon “Hillary Clinton used a private email account to conduct official […]
Jimmy Kimmel has President Obama read “Mean Tweets” about himself: If you think those were mean, check this out.
Tomorrow is an extra special, up-to-the-second Pi Day. How special? Once a century special! What is Pi Day? It is a day celebrating mathematics held on March 14 every year. In the US at least, we write this date as 3/14, corresponding to the first three digits of Pi (3.14). But once a century we […]
“This weekend the Conservative Political Action Conference, CPAC, featured several speakers including Sarah Palin and Phil Robertson from ‘Duck Dynasty’. It was a good weekend for conservatives — and a great weekend for wild animals.” – Jimmy Fallon “During the CPAC conference, Rand Paul told the crowd it was time for a new president and […]
Andy Borowitz has two hilarious satirical articles about the continued GOP attempts to sabotage Obama’s negotiations with Iran: “Kim Jong-Un Feels Snubbed By Absence of Letter from Republicans” has the North Korean dictator complaining that it was hurtful for Republicans to send a letter to Iran and ignore his country. After all, North Korea already […]
“Donald Trump says that he is more serious than ever about running for president in 2016. He hasn’t spelled out his platform yet. But he has spelled the out the word ‘Trump’ on his platform.” – Jimmy Kimmel “I’d vote for Donald Trump just to find out how he and Melania would redecorate the White […]
“Veterans Affairs Secretary Robert McDonald got in some hot water this week for saying that he served in the military’s Special Forces when he never did. It gets even worse when you find out the place he actually served was Old Navy.” – Jimmy Fallon “Some people are saying Bill O’Reilly exaggerated his war experience […]
“New Defense Secretary Ashton Carter said that he is open to letting transgender people serve in the military. He said there’s no reason to prevent people from being generals just because of their privates.” – Jimmy Fallon “Alaska today officially legalized marijuana for recreational use. I think they did this years ago. That’s how the […]
“How many of you watched the Oscars last night? And how many of you are still watching it?” – Seth Meyers “I don’t want to say the Oscars ran long but the kid from ‘Boyhood’ just moved into a senior living facility.” – Jimmy Kimmel “I don’t want to say the Oscars ran long, but […]
“Sunday is the 87th annual Academy Awards. It’s the time of year when all the biggest movie stars get together and try to piece together what happened after they blacked out at the Golden Globes.” – Jimmy Fallon “The Academy Awards are passed out on Sunday. It’s voted by members of the Academy of Motion […]
“Jeb Bush gave a speech yesterday. He had a pretty rough time. He accidentally said that ISIS has 200,000 men instead of 20,000, and then he mispronounced the name of the terrorist group Boko Haram. So if history has taught us anything, Jeb is well on his way to winning the White House.” – Jimmy […]
© Tom Tomorrow One of the things I love about doing a blog is that it gives me the luxury of waiting until the initial internet and 24-hour news hysteria dies down. That way I can do a bit of reading, investigating, and thinking. Of course, my job is to find the irony, hypocrisy, and […]
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