“Rand Paul is officially running for president. He even revealed his campaign slogan, which is ‘Defeat the Washington machine. Unleash the American dream.’ It’s hard to tell if he’s running for president or doing an infomercial for Bowflex.” – Jimmy Fallon “Rand Paul announced he is running for president and bloggers pointed out that his […]
“President Obama just made his first presidential trip to the state of Utah. Obama spent his time in Utah just like you’d expect — telling people, ‘Uh, no, I don’t play for the Jazz.’” – Jimmy Fallon “While he was in Utah, Obama discussed immigration reform with leaders of the Mormon Church. Obama introduced the […]
“After months of negotiations, Iran has finally agreed to reduce its nuclear weapons program. Which was great until Putin showed up and said, ‘Hi, I’m here about Craigslist ad for nukes.’” – Jimmy Fallon “Iran said it will give up trying to make a nuclear weapon. But it got awkward when Iran said, ‘But just […]
© Tom Tomorrow Who could have predicted that the week when I went out of town could have produced so much irony in my absence! My only question is, should I go on vacation more often?
“President Obama has reduced the sentences of 22 federal prisoners who were arrested for drug-related crimes — eight of whom were serving life sentences. It marks the first time someone has said ‘Thanks Obama’ but actually meant it.” – Jimmy Fallon “President Obama and his wife are going to Kenya. Donald Trump said, ‘While you’re […]
“The White House announced that President Obama will attend a summit in Kenya this July. When asked if he’s ever been to Kenya, Obama said, ‘Of course. I was born — no, bored — over there. There’s nothing to do in Kenya.’” – Jimmy Fallon “As of this week, the only state that President Obama […]
“There are reports that President Obama and his family may move to New York City after his term is over. Unfortunately, the city is so expensive, he’s looking for another ex-president to be roommates with.” – Jimmy Fallon “Apparently, the Obamas chose New York City because they’ve gotten so used to people trying to break […]
“Yesterday, the White House confirmed that President Obama will meet with Pope Francis during his visit in September. Some experts are wondering if they’ll discuss their disagreement over contraception. Then Joe Biden said, ‘I didn’t even know they were dating.’” – Jimmy Fallon “Yeah, the president will meet with Pope Francis at the White House […]
I want to welcome John Fugelsang to my blogroll. Well, at least his twitter feed. Fugelsang got my attention recently with the quote “Ted Cruz is the Abraham Lincoln of Sarah Palins.” His motto is: “Jesus never called the poor ‘lazy’, fought for tax cuts for the wealthiest Nazarenes or asked a leper for a […]
“Yesterday presidential candidate Ted Cruz said that he will in fact be signing up for Obamacare despite saying earlier that he wants to repeal every word of it. It’s a good thing he’s signing up, because Cruz just went to the hospital in hypocritical condition.” – Jimmy Fallon “Ted Cruz is signing up for Obamacare. […]
There is a new “insult generator” that has an interesting twist. Insult generators are those websites that string together random words to insult someone or something. But the new one doesn’t do it randomly. It is the “Tea Party Insult Generator” and the twist is that it uses actual insults posted on John Boehner’s Facebook […]
“Texas Senator Ted Cruz officially announced that he’s running for president. Cruz said that after doing exhaustive research to see if he had a real chance to win, he said, ‘I’m gonna run anyway.’” – Jimmy Fallon “Texas senator and tea party favorite Ted Cruz announced he’s running for president. He pledged to lead America […]
“In an interview with Playboy magazine, Dick Cheney criticized President Obama and said he’s quote, ‘the worst president of my lifetime, without question.’ Then Cheney said, ‘But enough talk. When do I take my clothes off?’” – Jimmy Fallon “During an interview with Playboy — that’s right, Playboy — Dick Cheney said President Obama is […]
“Hillary Clinton was actually inducted into the Irish American Hall of Fame yesterday. Hillary said she’s very proud of her Irish heritage, or her Italian heritage, or her Asian heritage. Whatever it takes to seal the deal with you guys. I’ve got to get into that Oval Office.” – Jimmy Fallon “The prime minister of […]
“During his weekly address to the nation, President Obama discussed higher education and said, ‘The most important skill you can sell is your knowledge.’ Or as English majors working at Starbucks put it, ‘No it’s not’.” – Jimmy Fallon “This weekend President Obama attended the annual Gridiron Club Dinner, and during his speech he joked […]
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