I had this very weird dream the other night. I dreamed that Donald Trump’s entire campaign was an elaborate ploy to throw the Republican party into total chaos. Unfortunately, not included in the dream was whether this was for the benefit of the GOP (under the theory that the Republican party has to hit bottom […]
“Hillary Clinton has a $350 billion plan that she says will make college more affordable. Which has to be better than my parents’ plan to make college affordable: ‘Be good at sports’.” – Jimmy Fallon “A PAC supporting Hillary Clinton just received an anonymous donation of $1 million. Which means that if she wins any […]
“After being accused of making sexist comments about Republican debate moderator Megyn Kelly, Donald Trump went on CNN yesterday and said, ‘I cherish women. I want to help women.’ Then Hillary said, ‘Well, you’re really helping THIS woman.’” – Jimmy Fallon “Donald Trump insisted he’s always had a great relationship with women. He said, ‘I […]
“One of the candidates at the early GOP debate, George Pataki, said his routine before every debate is to drink a diet lemon Snapple iced tea and pray. Which is also the advice Chris Christie gets from his doctor.” – Jimmy Fallon “A clothing company is making T-shirts inspired by Bernie Sanders with messages like […]
There’s a funny article in the Daily Kos entitled “You Cannot Be a Republican and a Christian“. Here’s one particularly funny paragraph to entice you to go read the whole thing: I know that many of Christ’s teachings are open to interpretation, but so many of the people who make a point of asking “What […]
“Tonight is the first Republican debate over on Fox News. The moderator, Chris Wallace, said there’s ‘so doggone many’ candidates, and that he planned on asking them some ‘doozies’. He would’ve said more but he had to go back to the soda shop he works at in 1954.” – Jimmy Fallon “Tonight was the first […]
© aattp.org This is no election fraud. Honest! Would I lie to you, Tea Party? You’re my best-est friend.
“Tomorrow night is the first Republican debate. Which means Donald Trump’s hair and makeup team should be getting started right about now.” – Jimmy Fallon “The debate rules state that the highest-polling candidate is given the middle podium, which means Donald Trump will be center stage tomorrow night. Well, that and the fact that he […]
“We have the great Don Rickles on the show tonight. He’s a guy known for brilliantly insulting everyone in the room — or as Donald Trump calls him, ‘the original me.’” – Jimmy Fallon “Thursday night is the first Republican presidential candidates’ debate. Just like ‘Celebrity Apprentice’, you’ll see Donald Trump on TV yelling at […]
“It seems like everybody’s weighing in on Trump’s campaign – even Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban. He said that Trump is ‘probably the best thing to happen to politics in a long, long time.’ Then Trump was like, ‘Well, at least one Cuban loves me.’” – Jimmy Fallon “Donald Trump has fired a campaign adviser […]
“We’re in the middle of a heat wave here in New York City, and temperatures are supposed to be in the 90s for the next several days. In fact Donald Trump was so mad about the weather, he actually gave away Al Roker’s personal phone number.” – Jimmy Fallon “Donald Trump is still leading all […]
“It seems like every day, another candidate comes out of the woodwork. In fact this week, a man from Iowa whose actual legal name is Deez Nuts, announced that he is running for president. Then Americans looked at the other candidates and said, ‘He can’t be worse than DOZE nuts.’” – Jimmy Fallon “Donald Trump […]
“I saw that Donald Trump is selling his penthouse suite at the Trump Park Avenue building here in New York City for $21 million. When asked why he’s selling it now, Trump said ‘Hey, Americans seem to be buying everything else I’m selling, so why not strike while the iron’s hot.’” – Jimmy Fallon “Three […]
“Tom Cruise is here to promote the new ‘Mission: Impossible’ movie, which I believe is all about Donald Trump’s PR team.” – Jimmy Fallon “Donald Trump said this weekend that he is self-financing his campaign and is not beholden to donors and special interests. Or other nations. Or his party. Or the wealthy, or middle […]
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