© Jeff Stahler What? He didn’t blame it on Obama?
“Joe Biden announced that he will not be running for president. He made the announcement with President Obama right by his side, and you could tell it was an emotional moment because at one point, Obama actually gave Biden a shoulder rub.” – Jimmy Fallon “Following Joe Biden’s announcement that he will not run for […]
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Saturday, October 31, 2015
“Bernie Sanders praised Joe Biden’s decision not to run. Sanders said, ‘There’s only room for one goofy old dude.’” – Conan O’Brien “After a lot of speculation, Vice President Joe Biden today announced that he is not running for president of the United States. He made the announcement this afternoon from the Rose Garden at […]
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© Matt Wuerker Are voters finally getting tired of Donald Trump? It was fun while it lasted, but it might have just been a summer fling. UPDATE: During Trump’s presidential announcement speech, he attacked the performance of the US economy under president Obama, saying, “The last quarter, it was just announced, our gross domestic product […]
“Donald Trump is now trying to appeal to Southerners. Yeah, he’s been touring the South and pointing to his hair, saying ‘How y’all like my critter?’” – Conan O’Brien “Donald Trump was supposed to be here tonight. Last night his people called, and canceled on us and were cryptic as to why he canceled. They […]
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Thursday, October 29, 2015
‘Donald Trump went on a rant about how horrible socialism is. But you know what, isn’t Trump’s hair socialism? It’s the richer hair covering the poorer hair for the good of the head.’ – Bill Maher “Donald Trump is now saying that his immigration policies would have prevented 9/11. Trump is also claiming his hair […]
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Wednesday, October 28, 2015
© Tom Tomorrow And just remember, the actual election is over a year away. We’re just getting started! The horror! the horror!
Wednesday, October 28, 2015
“A study found that one of the most popular searches during the debate was, ‘Is Bernie Sanders Jewish?’ While the most popular response on Google was, ‘Come on’.” – Jimmy Fallon “Democratic presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders was on ‘Ellen’ today. A lot of people, myself included, said Bernie Sanders doesn’t have the style or the […]
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Tuesday, October 27, 2015
“After speculation that he may enter the Democratic debate at the last minute, Joe Biden ended up not coming. Biden said he thought about showing up, but at the end of the day, his head was stuck in a banister.” – Jimmy Fallon “Sheryl Crow performed the National Anthem before last night’s debate, but many […]
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“Tonight was the first Democratic debate on CNN. And get this, they actually had an extra podium ready in case Joe Biden decided he’d join the race. Which backfired when before the debate even started people were like, ‘Could we just vote for the empty podium?’” – Jimmy Fallon “They were keeping a spare podium […]
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Saturday, October 24, 2015
“Dr. Ben Carson made news last week by saying that the holocaust could have been averted if European Jews had had guns. Though I’m pretty sure what he meant to say was, ‘I don’t want to be president.’” – Seth Meyers “Mayor Bill de Blasio signed a bill last week that requires stores here in […]
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“The race for president is really starting to get competitive, and Donald Trump recently said that he’s actually getting ready to air his first campaign ads. Even the Geico lizard was like, ‘I think we already see enough of you on TV, mate.’” – Jimmy Fallon “They’re saying that Republican candidate Ben Carson made a […]
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Thursday, October 22, 2015
“Hillary Clinton’s 68th birthday is coming up this month, and to celebrate, Hillary is planning to hold a big fundraiser here in New York City. You gotta give it to Hillary — she’s the only grandmother who hears about a birthday and expects the checks to come to HER.” – Jimmy Fallon “Former President Bill […]
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Wednesday, October 21, 2015
© Tom Tomorrow I really think people in the future are going to look back at the present and slowly shake their heads in disbelief. Well, I gotta look on the bright side – there is plenty of good material for comedians, and bloggers like me.
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Tuesday, October 20, 2015
“Congrats to Barack and Michelle Obama, who just celebrated their 23rd wedding anniversary. I guess that explains why this morning, Barack was seen running toward the Rose Garden with a vase and a pair of scissors. ‘Of course I remembered!’” – Jimmy Fallon “Martin O’Malley, ex-governor of Maryland, is running for president. He’s at 2 […]
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