“At the debate, Hillary Clinton addressed the controversy of her personal email server and said she has ‘no concerns about it whatsoever’. Democrats were like, ‘yeah, that’s what concerns us’.” – Jimmy Fallon “According to a new report, the number of babies named ‘Hillary’ has decreased 90 percent since Bill Clinton was president. And, this […]
“Donald Trump’s plane made an emergency landing in Nashville yesterday after reporting engine problems. When asked what the issue was, the pilot said, ‘Nothing, I just couldn’t take it anymore.’” – Jimmy Fallon “Donald Trump somehow made the list of nominees for the Nobel Peace Prize. He’s on the list, right next to Pope Francis, […]
“On Monday, Hillary Clinton narrowly won in Iowa, with the final results showing that she beat Bernie Sanders by less than 1 percent. And you thought Bernie was mad at the 1 percent BEFORE.” – Jimmy Fallon “Ted Cruz and Hillary Clinton were named the winners of Monday’s Iowa caucuses. Cruz celebrated by giving a […]
“The Bernie Sanders campaign is demanding proof that Hillary Clinton beat him in yesterday’s Iowa caucus. Today Hillary said, ‘Sure, let me check my server.’” – Conan O’Brien “Bernie Sanders lost the Iowa Caucus by .03%. In other words, Bernie would have won if six stoners had managed to get off the couch.” – Conan […]
“Today is the Iowa Caucus and tomorrow is Groundhog Day. That’s the day the groundhog peeks out of the hole, sees Trump has won Iowa, and burrows to Canada.” – Conan O’Brien “The Iowa caucuses are an important part of our election process. There are a few key differences between a caucus and a primary […]
“Nearly 70 percent of Americans said a Trump presidency would make them ‘anxious’. And 30 percent said a Trump presidency would make them ‘Canadian’.” – Conan O’Brien “Huge Republican debate tonight, and the big story is Donald Trump refuses to participate. He looked at the other candidates and said ‘these guys are crazy.’” – Conan […]
“Donald Trump announced that he’s not going to participate in the Fox News debate tomorrow night. The other candidates are really excited to present their views in a serious, yet respectful manner — which means they haven’t been told that nobody is going to watch this one.” – Jimmy Fallon I have to believe Jeb […]
Stephen Colbert’s previous fake persona was a parody of blowhard Bill O’Reilly. Who knew that the two of them could have one of the most sensible and entertaining discussions about current politics? Heck, I even agree with a couple of O’Reilly’s points.
“We’re one week away from the Iowa caucuses and all the candidates are doing whatever they can to appeal to voters. Donald Trump even went to a church service in Iowa over the weekend. You can tell he doesn’t go to church much because he was like, ‘I really like the part where they passed […]
© Jack Ohman With instant translations. Today is the New Hampshire primary. The first actual primary. Who is going to be voted off the island? Will Michael Bloomberg run for president after all? I’ve been predicting that Marco Rubio would win the GOP primary, but depending on what happens in New Hampshire (after Rubio did […]
“The latest CBS poll has Bernie Sanders beating Hillary Clinton by 1 percent in Iowa, though another poll has Hillary beating Bernie Sanders with a folding chair. – Seth Meyers Hillary Clinton said yesterday that she feels great about her chances to be the Democratic nominee and Bill Clinton said, ‘Hillary, it’s 3:30 in the […]
“We have Republican presidential candidate Marco Rubio on the show tonight! To make sure Marco feels comfortable during the interview, we have five other guys who’ll interrupt him every time he talks.” – Jimmy Fallon “At a Donald Trump rally in Oklahoma, Sarah Palin called President Obama a ‘weak-kneed capitulator in chief.’ When asked if […]
“Yesterday in Iowa, Sarah Palin gave a 20-minute speech to endorse Donald Trump for president, while Trump stood off to the side. Palin described Trump as a great leader, while Trump described being quiet for 20 minutes as the most painful experience of his life.” – Jimmy Fallon “Critics are calling Sarah Palin’s endorsement speech […]
“This morning, Twitter went down for almost three hours. It wasn’t good — in fact, I heard Donald Trump actually had to FAX his insults to people.” – Jimmy Fallon “Donald Trump continues to lead in the polls, but he recently said that if he loses the election, he’d go back to building skyscrapers. When […]
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