“After weeks of back and forth, Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton have finally agreed to hold a debate in Brooklyn next Thursday. You know you’re in New York when you have to argue over the date of when you’re going to argue.” – Jimmy Fallon “Next Thursday’s debate will be at the Brooklyn Navy Yard. […]
“Tomorrow is the Wisconsin presidential primary, which could actually be pivotal for the Republican race for president. While Milwaukee has already played a major role by making all the beer that’s helped us through it.” – Jimmy Fallon “House Speaker Paul Ryan today continued to shoot down rumors that he could be a surprise candidate […]
[This was written by reader Stephen Statler, who asked me to post it. Yeah, we are all suffering from Trump burnout, but this is pretty funny. Reading this, I could just imagine Trump saying these things. –iron] ABRAHAM LINCOLN: GETTYSBURG ADDRESS Some time ago, I’m not sure how long, and frankly it doesn’t matter, our […]
“We have New Jersey governor Chris Christie on the show tonight, which means right now, Donald Trump is unlocking his basement going, ‘Oh, no, he escaped.’” – Jimmy Fallon “I saw that Jeb Bush is going back to giving speeches after his failed run for the Republican nomination. He’s actually a very talented motivational speaker, […]
“Tomorrow is April Fools’ Day, which means everyone will be waiting for Donald Trump to finally say, ‘Gotcha! I never wanted to be president! I can’t believe you dummies let it go on this long!’” – Jimmy Fallon “After saying in an interview that there should be punishment for women who undergo illegal abortions, Donald […]
“We have New Jersey governor Chris Christie on the show tonight, which means right now, Donald Trump is unlocking his basement going, ‘Oh, no, he escaped.’” – Jimmy Fallon “I saw that Jeb Bush is going back to giving speeches after his failed run for the Republican nomination. He’s actually a very talented motivational speaker, […]
“Donald Trump says that if he is president, he will punish women who have abortions, although he doesn’t yet know what that punishment would be. You know, aside from Donald Trump being the president.” – Conan O’Brien “Trump’s campaign manager Corey Lewandowski was recently arrested and charged with battery of a female reporter after he […]
“It’s the second week of spring, but New York City was under a high wind advisory all day, with wind gusts up to 50 mph. Most New Workers went about their daily routines, while Donald Trump went into his panic room.” – Jimmy Fallon “According to the State Department, virtually every foreign leader who meets […]
Trevor Noah plumbs the depths of righteous disgust about … guess who.
“Today, President Obama hosted the annual Easter Egg Roll at the White House, and the theme was ‘Let’s Celebrate’. Obama came up with the theme ‘Let’s Celebrate’ when he realized it’s the last year he would ever have to do this. ‘I’ve pardoned my last turkey, rolled my last egg. God bless America.’” – Jimmy […]
“We have Amy Adams from ‘Batman vs. Superman’ on the show tonight! In the movie, she plays the luckiest reporter in the world. Not because she gets to date Superman, because she doesn’t have to cover this election.” – Jimmy Fallon “Bernie Sanders was here on Tuesday and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is […]
“Three more states went to the polls yesterday, and a lot of places wound up having record turnout. I guess people really want to be able to tell their grandkids, ‘There used to be a country called America and I voted in its last election.’” – Jimmy Fallon “Donald Trump won yesterday’s Arizona Republican primary […]
“Here’s the latest on President Obama’s trip to Cuba. I saw that over the weekend he and his family were photographed on a walking tour of Havana in the pouring rain. Which means the president is like everyone’s dad on vacation: If he paid for the non-refundable tour, you’re going on that non-refundable tour.” – […]
© Tom Tomorrow Ironically, Donald Trump’s popularity has nosedived recently, for no particular reason. Maybe our flash in the pan has finally finished flashing? Who knows. It is true that finally the Republicans have woken up to the disaster that a Trump presidency would be, both for the country and (probably more importantly to them) […]
“The big story is President Obama’s historic visit to Cuba. After landing yesterday, Obama immediately tweeted out, ‘What’s up, Cuba?’ And Cubans opened up a window and yelled, ‘We don’t have the Internet! It’s like 1955 here!’” – Jimmy Fallon “Yesterday, President Obama arrived in Cuba, a formerly hostile territory. Tomorrow, he returns to Washington, […]
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