[Jokes from Mar. 30, 2017] The White House says President Trump will not throw out the first pitch at the Washington Nationals game. Apparently Trump was afraid of hurting his tweeting arm. – Jimmy Fallon Actually, they said Trump had to cancel because of a scheduling conflict. When asked if they could change the date […]
[Jokes from Mar. 29, 2017] Today we learned that Trump is violating another norm because he won’t throw out the first pitch at the Washington Nationals’ opening day. I don’t know why. Maybe he’s worried his hands are too small to palm a baseball. – Stephen Colbert President Trump turned down a chance to throw […]
[Jokes from Mar. 28, 2017] Today, coal miners attended a ceremony where President Trump signed an executive order undoing most of Barack Obama’s climate change initiatives. The miners said they were really impressed with Trump. They said that in just two months, he’d dug himself into the biggest hole they’ve ever seen. And they literally […]
[Jokes from Mar. 27, 2017] It was a tough weekend at the White House. After seven years of saying they were going to replace Obamacare, the Republican healthcare bill failed on Friday. It’s sad, isn’t it? Seven years. The Republicans couldn’t come up with a replacement for Obamacare in seven years. They made four “Fast […]
Trevor Noah of the Daily Show: Stephen Colbert of the Late Show: Jimmy Kimmel: James Corden of the Late Late Show:
[Jokes from Mar. 23, 2017] The vote on the Republican healthcare bill was delayed today because they didn’t have enough votes to pass it. When he heard that, Obama called Trump and said, “Don’t worry, Obamacare covers depression. So don’t worry about it.” – Jimmy Fallon The House did not vote on the Republicans’ Obamacare […]
[Jokes from Mar. 22, 2017] A big story today came out that Trump’s former campaign manager, Paul Manafort, worked for a Russian billionaire and helped promote Vladimir Putin’s agenda. Manafort quit when he realized he could just work for an American billionaire and achieve the same thing. – Jimmy Fallon It turns out Manafort was […]
[Jokes from Mar. 21, 2017] FBI Director James Comey confirmed that the agency is examining possible ties between Russia and President Trump’s campaign. When asked if they’d found anything yet, Comey said [NODDING YES], “I can’t comment on an ongoing investigation.” – Jimmy Fallon However, Comey refused to say whether Trump himself was being investigated. […]
[jokes from Mar. 20, 2017] Today is the first day of spring! Yep, it’s that day when millions of Americans look at their bodies in the mirror and ask, “Can we get, like, two more months of winter?” – Jimmy Fallon It’s the first day of spring. Spring has sprung, so congratulations to the people […]
[Jokes from Mar. 16, 2017] President Trump released his proposed budget today. The title of the budget is “America First: A Budget Blueprint to Make America Great Again.” Seems like maybe while they were cutting things, they could have cut a few words out of the title. – Jimmy Kimmel President Trump’s proposed budget would […]
Stephen Colbert gives the interview with Donald Trump that we would all love to hear.
[Jokes from Mar. 15, 2017] Last night at around 7:30, our friend Rachel Maddow unleashed a Force 5 tweeticon with: “We’ve got Trump tax returns. Tonight, 9 p.m., MSNBC. Seriously.” So important for news networks to add “seriously” to any announcement, so the audience knows you’re not pranking them. – Stephen Colbert On Twitter yesterday […]
[Jokes from Mar. 14, 2017] President Trump yesterday described the discussions over the Republican health plan as a, quote, “big, fat, beautiful negotiation.” Well, he’s making progress. It’s the first time he’s ever described anything as fat AND beautiful. – Seth Meyers The entire Northeast is being hit by Winter Storm Stella, the first blizzard […]
[Jokes from Mar. 13, 2017] The GOP’s healthcare plan came out last week and, so far, it’s popular with everyone . . . except doctors, hospitals, the insurance industry, patients, the elderly, Democrats, Republicans, and — what’s the word? — mortals. Yeah. These mortals, they need so much care. – Stephen Colbert This afternoon, the […]
The White House announced a new hotline to help victims or witnesses report crimes committed by undocumented immigrants. You know, because 911 wasn’t enough. Well, unless if your goal was to foster racism and xenophobia. After all, studies have shown that illegal immigrants are far less likely to commit crimes than native-born Americans (other than […]
Abortion Bush Campaign Finance Cheney Climate Clinton Congress Conservatives Corporations Corruption Deficits Democrats Drugs Economy Education Election Elections Energy Environment Fox News Gays Guns Health Immigration Lies McCain Media Middle East Obama Palin Protests Racism Religion Republicans Romney Spying Supreme Court Taxes Tea Party Terrorism Terrorists Torture Trump Unemployment War
