“Prominent people are coming forward to attest to President Obama’s American citizenship. The Governor of Hawaii just said he first met Obama just days after he was born. He knew it was Obama, because he kept pointing to his diaper and calling for change.” – Conan O’Brien
“It just came out that Donald Trump once called Ronald Reagan ‘a con man who couldn’t deliver the goods.’ Trump also called Abraham Lincoln ‘a bearded moron who couldn’t even sit through an hour of theater.'” – Conan O’Brien
“Donald Trump is apparently on top among Republican voters. People are responding to his straight-forward honesty, tough talk, and utter lunacy. If Trump does become president, I hope he puts a wig on his plane and calls it Hair Force One.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Sarah Palin has a 61 percent unfavorable rating in Alaska. That number jumps to 100 percent if you only ask the animals.” – Conan O’Brien
“The Obama administration plans to give the Libyan rebels $25 million in non-lethal aid. The rebels look forward to starting an offensive with Super Soakers and T-shirt canons.” – Conan O’Brien
