“Hillary Clinton said that Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi is engaged in ‘theater.’ Which explains the new strategy to defeat him: casting him as the lead in ‘Spider-Man: the Musical.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“No one can agree on how to spell Gadhafi’s name. He’s like the Hanukkah of dictators.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“According to reports, Khadafy is surrounded by an elite corps of female bodyguards, all of whom are virgins. In a related story, today Charlie Sheen invaded Libya.” – Conan O’Brien
“Charlie Sheen is still a big story because, honestly, none of us know where Libya is.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“It’s one humiliation after another for Moammar Gadhafi. First his own people started rising up against him, then his compound was bombed, and now he’s getting beaten up by the French.” – Jay Leno
“Did you see the footage of French planes bombing Libya? The planes look brand new, like they’ve never been used before.” – Jay Leno
“Germany has pulled its forces out of NATO over Libya. When the Germans don’t want to fight and the French do, the whole world is upside down.” – Jay Leno
“The Pentagon says that U.S. operations in Libya are limited and have a definite end date. I don’t believe that. We still have troops in Germany.” – Jay Leno
“We’re fighting three wars now. Imagine how many we’d be fighting if President Obama hadn’t won the Nobel Peace Prize.” – Jay Leno
“President Obama has to cut his trip to Latin America short because of the situation in Libya — and to check on his NCAA brackets.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“President Obama is cutting his trip to Latin America short by a few hours because of the situation in Libya. So to everyone who said Obama didn’t care about Libya, you’re wrong. He cares three hours worth.” – Jimmy Fallon
“The name of the U.S. operation in Libya is ‘Odyssey Dawn.’ It’s the first military action to be named by Crabtree & Evelyn.” – Conan O’Brien
“When the Obamas were in Chile their President said, ‘I think the First Lady of the United States is very good-looking.’ So now we’re at war with Chile. Operation Lavender Mist.” – Conan O’Brien
“Donald Trump says he will run for president. He’ll have to find a cabinet position for that thing on his head.” – David Letterman
“Trump says that if he’s elected, he won’t let the presidency interfere with the Miss Universe pageant.” – David Letterman
“How would Trump travel as president? Obviously, he’d use Hair Force One.” – David Letterman
“On a trip to Israel, Sarah Palin asked the Israelis why they’re apologizing all the time. They responded saying, ‘Because we told everyone Tina Fey was coming.'” – Conan O’Brien
“A man in Texas used his obituary to ask for donations to anyone running against Obama in 2012. And then his ghost was offered a nightly show on Fox News.” – Jimmy Fallon
“The NAACP is taking a greater interest in attracting leaders from the gay community. This explains their new name, the ‘National Association for the Advancement of Color-Coordinated People.'” – Conan O’Brien
