“We now have wars in Iraq, Afghanistan, and Libya. They call it a ‘theater’ of war but this is a multiplex.” – David Letterman
“A problem for our military in Libya is that they can’t tell the rebels from Gadhafi’s military. The U.N. has now declared that the war be fought as ‘shirts vs. skins.'” – Conan O’Brien
“Moammar Gadhafi is said to be hanging out in a series of underground tunnels. That’s basically admitting you’re evil.” – Jimmy Fallon
“According to Newsweek, 73 percent of Americans can’t say why we fought the Cold War. This sounds bad until you consider that no one in the White House can tell us why we’re fighting the Libya war.” – Jay Leno
“We know more about President Obama’s basketball picks than his plans for Libya.” – Jay Leno
“Everyone is focused on March Madness but there haven’t been any games in a few days. It’s been so boring that President Obama has decided to focus on the situations in Libya and Japan.” – Jimmy Fallon
“President Obama is doing business in Latin America this week. I guess regular America isn’t good enough for him anymore.” – Jimmy Kimmel
‘President Obama is in Chile. The President of Chile said Michelle Obama is very good looking, and Obama said the same thing about the Chilean President’s wife. I’m not sure this is the kind of trade agreement he went there to negotiate.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, ‘I’m running for president.'” – Lewis Black
”Stupid presidents, smart presidents, white presidents, black presidents — doesn’t work! What this country needs is a crazy Third World dictator. And Donald Trump has what it takes to be that. He’s already got a plane with his name on it, solid gold buildings, a harem…” – Lewis Black
“This is what I’ve been waiting for my whole life. A President who’s not afraid to tell the truth about being a lying asshole.” – Lewis Black
“Sarah Palin visited Israel. As if the Jews have not suffered enough.” – Jay Leno
“California Marijuana farmers are worried that radiation from Japan could affect their crops. Or maybe for some strange reason they’re just being paranoid.” – Conan O’Brien
“A South Carolina legislator introduced a bill to make it illegal for prisoners to use Facebook. They’re supposed to be doing time, not wasting it.” – Jay Leno
