Political Irony

“Doctors say Dick Cheney may need a heart transplant, but Cheney isn’t worried. He’s already picked out a hunting buddy.” – David Letterman

“Dick Cheney says he may need a heart transplant. I understand Halliburton has a no-bid contract to do the installation on it.” – Jay Leno

“Dick Cheney may need a new heart. I say we waterboard the Wizard of Oz.” – Stephen Colbert

“Dick Cheney had to consult his physician today. Not for his heart. Every time the price of oil goes up more than $1 a barrel, Cheney gets an erection that lasts more than 4 hours.” – Jay Leno

“Dick Cheney predicts that President Obama will only last one term. This is coming from the same guy that predicted weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.” – David Letterman

“Chinese President Hu Jintao visited the White House. Fox News said it was a gathering of the world’s most powerful communist — and the president of China.” – Craig Ferguson

“President Hu Jintao from China is visiting the United States. Ahead of the big state dinner, President Obama went to Hu’s hotel and slipped a menu under the door.” – David Letterman

“There was a really awkward moment when the Chinese president met President Obama’s daughters and asked them, ‘So what factories do you kids work at?'” – Jay Leno

“Chinese President Hu Jintao made his first official state visit to the Unites States. Vice President Joe Biden has been asked not to do his ‘Hu’s on first’ routine.” – Jimmy Kimmel

“After surprise visits to Afghanistan and Pakistan, Vice President Joe Biden made a surprise visit to Iraq yesterday. Is it me, or is he just lost in that area?” – Jimmy Fallon

“Good news tonight. The chief victim of that shooting in Tucson is sitting upright and talking. [On screen: Sarah Palin on Fox News]” – Jon Stewart

“The debate over repealing healthcare began in the House today. The republicans have their own plan: ‘Don’t ask, don’t get sick.'” – Jay Leno