“This morning President Obama signed the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ into law. He would have signed it last night, but supporters of the bill didn’t want to miss last night’s episode of ‘Glee.'” – Conan O’Brien
“President Obama signed into law the repeal of ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.’ What does it say about us that we think gay men can handle armed combat, but can’t handle marriage?” – Jay Leno
“Sarah Palin is getting into the Christmas spirit. Today, she shot a partridge in a pear tree.” – David Letterman
“Sarah Palin’s Alaska’ has been such a big hit for TLC, they’re trying to get her to do another season. You know who doesn’t want Palin to have a second season? Elk.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Imagining Donald Trump flying on Jet Blue is like trying to imagine Sarah Palin flying on Air Force One.” – David Letterman
“The census shows there are more than 308 million people living in America. The amazing part is: More than half of those people are Americans.” – Jay Leno
“Security officials say that al-Qaida once considered spreading poison through salad bars across the U.S. But they abandoned the plan after Sizzler beat them to it.” – Jimmy Fallon
