“I just got back from vacation. I went on vacation the same time as President Obama. We both had to get away from it all and not do anything of significance. And now we are back and still not doing anything of significance.” – Craig Ferguson
“President Obama was in New Orleans for the fifth anniversary of Hurricane Katrina. Halfway through his speech, FEMA finally showed up.” – Jay Leno
“President Obama said he can’t walk around with his birth certificate plastered on his forehead. Apparently he was reacting to new polls that show 1 in 5 Kenyans now believe he was born in Hawaii.” – Jay Leno
“Congress is very upset with Roger Clemens because they feel like they were lied to. Good! Now they know how we feel.” – Jay Leno
