“I want to just take a moment to thank the Teabaggers. Thank you so much for helping us pass health care, for resurrecting the Obama presidency. I know they’re saying, ‘Why are you thanking me? I was so against it, I marched on Washington with tea bags hanging off my Founding Fathers costume, with a gun on my hip and a picture of Obama dressed as Hitler, screaming about his birth certificate.’ And America saw that and said, ‘I think I’ll go with the calm black man.'” – Bill Maher
“As you can imagine, the Republicans are taking the defeat well. About as well as Tiger Woods took to marriage … This week was one giant-kid-screaming-in-the-cereal-aisle tantrum. From the right, there were death threats, there were obscene phone messages, breaking windows, cutting gas lines. One congressman walked outside his house this morning and there was a Toyota in his driveway.” – Bill Maher
“There’s a Democratic congressman, Russ Carnahan. He walked out on his lawn this morning and there was a coffin there. I am not kidding. And if you think that’s creepy, when the lid opened, it was Dick Cheney.” – Bill Maher
“Democrats in America were put on earth to do one thing: drag the ignorant hillbilly half of this country into the next century, which in their case is the 19th — and by passing health care, the Democrats saved their brand. A few months ago, Sarah Palin mockingly asked them, ‘How’s that hopey-changey thing working out for ya?’ Great, actually. Thanks for asking. And how’s that whole Hooked on Phonics thing working out for you?’ – Bill Maher
“Today in Arizona, John McCain and Sarah Palin appeared together at a campaign rally. Palin gave her standard stump speech, which means you ask a question, and she’s stumped.” – Jay Leno
“President Obama was at a bookstore in Iowa yesterday and he bought a $37 pop-up book for Press Secretary Robert Gibbs’ son. Gibbs said, ‘It’s a little expensive, sir’ and Obama said, ‘I can handle it.’ Then he called the president of China and said, ‘Can I borrow 37 bucks?'” – Jimmy Fallon
