“Yesterday, President Obama appeared on Fox News to pitch his health care. Obama was on Fox. That’s like George W. Bush being on The Learning Channel.” – Jay Leno
“You guys excited for March Madness? Had some great matchups so far. B.Y.U. versus Florida. Old Dominion versus Notre Dame. Obama versus Fox News.” – Jimmy Fallon
“This is pretty cool. One of President Obama’s childhood friends just found a photo of Obama as a schoolboy, taken more than 40 years ago. It’s just him and some kids playing little Barack’s favorite school game, ‘give the speech.'” – Jimmy Fallon
“Obama was a great ballplayer when he was a kid, but naturally, the other team never let him pass anything.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Yesterday was St. Patrick’s Day. Republicans are now working on declaring March 18 as St. Obama Day. They want to honor the president for driving all the Democrats out of Washington.” – Jay Leno
“Ohio Congressman Dennis Kucinich announced he will change his no vote and he will vote yes on health care. Now, I don’t want to imply he made a deal, but he announced it at Cleveland’s new Airport, which is right next to the Dennis Kucinich Highway and the new Dennis Kucinich Middle School.” – Jay Leno
“And 80-year-old Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens said he’s considering retirement, either that or playing for the Minnesota Vikings next season.” – Jay Leno
“PepsiCo announced it will voluntarily remove all high-calorie sweetened drinks from schools — no more sugary drinks in schools. This is part of their new program, ‘Leave No Child With a Bigger Behind.'” – Jay Leno
