“There’s a story today in the entertainment trade papers that Sarah Palin is shopping a reality show with the producer of ‘Survivor’, Mark Burnett. That’s why she quit being the governor of Alaska. I find it strange that Sarah Palin would be shopping a reality show considering the fact that she hasn’t shown much interest in reality.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“Sarah Palin has teamed up with the guy who created ‘The Apprentice’ and they’re going around trying to sell a reality show. And the first show, they’ve got the thing. They did a pilot already, and the first show, I don’t know how you feel about this, she goes crazy and shoots and stuffs that thing on Donald Trump’s head.” – David Letterman
“When I heard this, Sarah Palin, somebody said Sarah Palin is getting a reality show. I said ‘Reality show, jeez, what about a reality check?'” – David Letterman
“This is pretty wild, Sarah Palin has been shopping around her own reality show. Yeah. Of course, any reality show about Sarah Palin will have to compete with that other reality show about Sarah Palin: the news.” – Jimmy Fallon
“Former governor George W. Bush is writing a book — writing a book, how about that — about his eight years in the White House. It’s all part of his war on literacy.” – David Letterman
“Former president George W. Bush is busy hard at work writing his memoirs down there at his home in Texas, Rancho Inepto.” – David Letterman
“It’s a memoir by George W. Bush and because I’m telling you, if there is one thing you really want to do now, if you are like me, and God I pray you’re not like me, but if there’s one thing you want to do, is get a nice fire going and curl up with a big book and relive the Bush administration.” – David Letterman
“Friends have been saying ‘Jeez, congratulations, Mr. President, we didn’t know you had a book deal, we didn’t know you were going to write a book. We didn’t know you were writing your memoirs or any of this.’ And they said ‘Are you using a ghostwriter?’ And the former president said ‘No, the guy’s still alive.'” – David Letterman
“More problems for the auto industry. General Motors announced this week they’re recalling 1.3 million compact cars here in North America to address a power steering problem. Apparently, since President Obama took over the company, all the cars are veering to the left.” – Jay Leno
“More crazy news from the car industry. An executive at G.M. is blaming his company’s 1.3 million car recall on a parts supplier owned by Toyota. I’m just waiting for people to start blaming everything on Toyota. It’s like the unemployment rate, the Kennedy assassination, global warming.” – Jimmy Fallon
“In the Democratic gubernatorial primary, Texas voters overwhelmingly nominated former Houston Mayor Bill White over Pakistani-born businessman Farouk Shami. Who could have seen that coming? Imagine Texans choosing a white guy named white over a Pakistani born businessman named Farouk Shami. It’s like the world is upside down.” – Jay Leno
“President Obama had his annual physical last week. And while his colonoscopy revealed no polyps, they did find three MSNBC reporters and a New York Times columnist.” – Jay Leno
“This week, the government officially clarified exactly what the word organic means. It now means three times more expensive.” – Jay Leno
“Here’s a big story out of Washington. The Senate voted against a plan to send a $250 check to 57 million elderly people. In the end, senators decided not give the elderly money, because you know, they’re just going to spend it on drugs.” – Jimmy Fallon
